One bright, sunny morning in Konoha, the newspaper's front page was screaming with the headline, "DANZOU SHIMURA FOUND DEAD" along with a black-and-white photo of the man in question before his death. His scowling face was the talk of the city, and civilians and ninja alike were buzzing with talk about his mysterious death.

Many of the higher-ranking shinobi were panicking about the man's sudden death, as it meant more work to replace the void he'd left. New details were slowly coming about of everything he'd been doing out of the public eye, and details of Root were beginning to become known to the Lord Fourth and his advisors.

Hiruzen was horribly saddened to hear of his longtime friend/rival's passing, to say the least. He ordered the most top-notch of his investigators to, well, investigate his death. This included several nameless Uchiha, who weren't all that happy to be on the case.

No details were known yet of what - or who - Danzo had died of. Somehow someone had been able to bypass all of his measures of security and kill him without landing a single knife. Strange indeed.

"Huh, I wonder who everyone's talking about." Twelve-year-old Rin pondered aloud, looking around as she walked with Kakashi.

"... Shimura-sama has died," he said bluntly. "The Lord Third is devastated."

"Ehh? Really?" She gasped, clasping her hands together. "That's horrible!"

He shrugged.

"Oh, poor Lord Third..." She murmured with a sigh. "Having a good friend die like that..."

Kakashi wasn't paying attention to whatever she was saying now, instead deep in thought about it. A powerful man like Danzo didn't just drop dead or get assassinated - just how in the hell had someone managed to take him down? He had security tighter than Might Duy's jumpsuit and had probably protected something horrendously ugly - as details were getting leaked to higher-ranked ninja, the more said ninja were fretting about it.

Fugaku, the present head of the Uchiha, seemed to be growing more and more irritated the more he learned of the case. His son just seemed exhausted with the whole thing and had been reported to have said to his older cousin Shisui, "You know what, maybe we should've just moved to Yugakure and made a new life together as hot-spring staff." (Shisui tiredly agreed with this, but Itachi's mother firmly said no to the proposal.) Older shinobi just shrugged and said "Mood."

Even weirder, no one was talking about the cause of death. Massive blood loss, and not from any wounds, internal or external, but all from his nose. If he didn't know any better, it almost seemed too similar to whenever Obito got some perverted thought in his head.

Tch. Kakashi shook his head, his eyes narrowing. There's no way in hell that Danzo of all people would be done in with something like that. How had he really died?

THE NIGHT BEFORE...

A lone apartment in Konoha, light still flooding from the window. A figure could be seen inside, pacing about with hands on her face.

"-yes, yes, I know that wasn't the plan, but-"

"But you went against what we planned! I know you got the job done, but this could have serious consequences in the future!"

"I know! How was I supposed to know I'd bypass the guards, anyway?!"

A young woman of about sixteen tugged at her short coral hair while a younger one with a blonde ponytail sat nearby, poring over a teleportation scroll.

The older one sighed harshly in frustration, whirling around and pointing a finger at her friend. "In my defense, I had no idea that it was gonna drop me off in his freaking bedroom!"

"Always expect the unexpected, miss Billboard Brow!" The blonde retorted. "Isn't that what Kakashi-sensei always used to tell you?"

"Kakashi-sensei didn't really tell me shit, Ino," The pinkette flopped onto the couch and groaned loudly into a pillow. "Unless you count the whole 'breaking rules is bad, but leaving your friends is worse' spiel that we've all heard a thousand times."

Ino snorted, patting her back with a manicured hand. "I thought you had exceptional reflexes from dealing with Tsunade-sama."

"Me too." She shrugged her shoulders loosely and rose her head from the pillow, giving the blonde a wry grin. "But when you're face-to-face with a guy who should be a legit criminal because of his crimes against the village, not to mention when you're only wearing so much, you're bound to panic just a little bit, right?"

"Mm, true, true." The woman took another sip of iced tea and patted her back again. She handed the rosette a glass, to which she gulped half down before setting it on the coffee table. "Not to mention all of the blood. I should wring your neck for that, you know. That dress is gonna be a bitch to clean."

"Just throw the whole thing away," Sakura moaned into her glass as she took another swig of alcohol. "I never, ever wanna see that stupid costume again. My eyes are still itching like a motherfucker after those contact lenses, and my scalp is gonna need a deep shampooing tonight. Seriously, why'd you give me red lenses? Wouldn't black be better?"

"Any old simpleton could wear black lenses, dear Billboard Brow. Red is more eye-catching!"

"Yeah, talk about 'eye-catching..." she mumbled.

The two girls sat in silence for a moment before Ino gave her an impish smile.

"So how was it?" She asked mischievously. "Get a good look in before you did him in?"

"One, never say that again." Sakura shivered in revulsion. "Two, I really, really wanna get the mental image of Danzo with a shuriken-patterned eyemask and matching boxer shorts out of my head, forever."

"I didn't even think they made shuriken-pattern eyemasks," Ino laughed loudly. "Think we should get one for Kakashi-sensei? Or is that pushing it a bit?"

"FORGET," Sakura replied forcefully, standing from the couch and beginning to pace again, this time quicker, "FOREVER."

The blonde woman chuckled, taking another sip. "I never would have thought that the great Danzo Shimura had a closeted thing for Uch-"

"FORGET!"

A/N: Thanks for reading this silly little oneshot! I hope it at least made you chuckle. Please tell me what you thought.