yes the title is absolutely horrific but i like it and this is an april fools fic even though i'm writing this after april 1st in my time zone.

Mary Annabel Sioux hated the famed Devil of the Rhine.

Mary Annabel Sioux also hated the blonde child who had punted her into the ground with her father's rifle.

Mary Annabel Sioux was currently looking at a very annoyed Tanya von Degurechaff.

"So, let me get this straight."

Mary gulped.

"You were goaded on by your friends to get drunk."

Mary nodded.

"You then came back to your tent and prayed for forgiveness from God."

Sweat began to bead on Mary's forehead, another weak nod coming from her.

Tanya sighed. "Then, you took a computation orb, flight equipment, and while drunk just happened to accidentally beeline your way through the eastern front, at speeds faster than any standard mage group, towards the population centers of the Empire."

A dejected Mary slumped in her chair and screamed at herself. Damn it Vivi, you've made me stray from the path!

Tanya herself took her face into her hands.

This enemy, which had escaped her 6 months ago at the encirclement of Tiegenhof, was now sitting in front of her thanks to a wild drink, in a grey interrogation room tied to a chair.

Being X… what are you planning?!

The Legadonian continued to stew in the chair she was tied up in.

The 203rd had found her crashed into a river, a miracle that it hadn't detonated her orb or flight equipment. She was mumbling incoherent thoughts about a girl named Vivi, God and her father.

This enemy, one Mary Sioux, was the only mage who was a threat to her. She had exceptional mana, a cute face and a disturbing attachment to Being X.

She could only be-

Wait.

Cute face?!

Tanya and the salaryman within her panicked.

Dear god, what the hell do you mean cute face?! The salaryman screamed at her within the confines of their mind. SHE'S TRIED TO KILL US OVER AND OVER.

I don't know what I mean! Tanya wailed.

Meanwhile, Mary herself studied the blonde child in front of her. Devils like this one, dissmissive of the Lord's teachings, adamant in causing suffering and death, these devils deserve nothing more than the wrath of Him.

Oh thou in heaven, please lend thyself a hand in the removal of such evil in this world.

Though she couldn't clasp her hands; they were tied to the chair she was in, she could begin to form a spell in her hands.

She kept her eyes locked on the devil in front of her as she used as little mana as possible to form a tiny optical spell on her fingertips.

The math strained her mind.

I swear to god, I will defeat you, you terrible, cruel, beautiful devil. God will help me deli-

Wait.

Did I just say beautiful?

Immediately, Mary began to shut down.

Oh no, no no no no no no NO!

She would have slapped herself if she could.

Just because the Devil has a handsome, gorgeous, absolutely ado- HORRIFYING face, does not mean you can be infatuated with her!

She yelled out in her mind, overtaking the thought of a spell in her hands.

She clenched her teeth, and glared at the Devil. She wore an expression of indifference. She seemed to be in thought.

It was irresistibly se- TERRIBLE to see the devil plan out whatever schemes of evil she planned to commit next.

Damn you, how dare you make me feel this way! She yelled out in her mind.

Tanya herself was dealing with her own confusion.

SHE IS OUR ENEMY! She is a pawn of Being X and she cannot be allowed to continue to exist! The salaryman shouted.

But… she is quite cute, isn't she? Tanya said, a little whimper following as the salaryman's voice returned.

That is besides the point! The salaryman pinched the bridge of his nose.

Tanya herself pouted.

Glaring at each other, Tanya and Marry both shouted simultaneously.

"How dare you make me have a crush on you!"

Both paused.

Suddenly, one Visha burst into the room. "Colonel, a group of mages has advanced and-"

She looked at the prisoner. She was red as a tomato, blush extending to her whole body.

She looked at her superior. Her cheeks were dyed a rosy red, her expression akin to a deer caught in headlights.

With a wobbly voice, she took a step back and asked, "Am I interrupting something?"

later, tanya invents the tampon simply to ensure she doesn't have damp pants every time she sees mary.