Hi everyone comments and constructive criticism always appreciated especially since this is my first full story. Each chapter is named after the song I listened to for inspiration for each chapter so if a lot of the chapter names look like they came from Steven Universe or just Rebecca Sugar in general, that's why. The meaning of the song and the meaning of the chapter aren't always exactly one to one but it put thoughts in my mind that allowed me to write the chapter and make it what it is. Without further ado, I hope you enjoy.

Beastboy sat on his bed, his knee bent and his hands behind his head staring up at the top bunk of his bed. It was two o'clock in the morning. He would've been tired if he hadn't been up all night contemplating his decision in his head over and over again.

His room was clean for the first time since he had moved into it. He would've laughed at himself if it weren't so sad. Look at him cleaning contemplating serious decisions. The others wouldn't believe it! He could barely believe it, but that was part of the problem. Yeah. He definitely would've been laughing if he weren't already silently crying.

He had to do this. He didn't want to, but he had to. He didn't want to leave the tower, it was his home and the people in it were his family and he loved them all. The very thought of leaving, of what he was about to do hurt so much it made his heart convulse and turn and weave in knots and he wanted to cry out in the middle of the night and scream for help. "Help me! Don't let me do it! Don't let me go please don't let me leave I can't do it please make me stay! Please! Make me stay!"

He didn't say any of that. He stayed silent and continued to cry, looking up blankly at his top bunk. He didn't want to do this, but he knew he needed to. He couldn't stay like this, he just couldn't. It was time for him to grow up.

He had done quite a bit of growing physically since becoming a titan but in his mind, he was still a child. He still acted like a child and he still viewed the world as a child. Many people thought that would be impossible with the circumstances of his life. He was a superhero for crying out loud, didn't that force most people to grow up?

The answer of course was yes. It forced MOST people to grow up but Beastboy's superhero situation was a bit different. Beastboy had been a superhero since he was eight years old, he was done with growing up in the context of being a superhero. Besides the superhero side of him wasn't the problem. He was already mature as a superhero, he needed to learn how to mature as a person. With a sigh, he got up from his bed.

He looked at the letter he wrote to raven one last time and slipped it under her door before he could think about it anymore. There was a tear mark on it. He hadn't written anything to the others. He only had the energy for one emotional goodbye, and he knew if he had to pick one of them, it was going to be her. Besides, he didn't need to write everyone else that he was leaving. When they all woke up, she would give them the abridged version.

He trusted her to keep the more private details of the letter… private. He couldn't believe he had even said some of that stuff. He was sure that he would never admit to any of that to her and he was ok with that possibility. Afterall, why say a bunch of useless information? Why tell someone you're leaving if they would just try to stop him? Why tell someone you would miss them if it wasn't going to make you come back home?

Why tell someone you loved them when they didn't have the ability to love you in return? Beastboy shook his head. He wiped the last of the tears from his eyes. It was time. He placed his communicator on the table of the common room attached to a sticky note "keep it safe for me until I get back."

He wasn't oblivious, a deeper part of him know the way he was doing this was so incredibly cruel. He should've faced them like a man. He should've sat them down and explained what was going on and then insisted that it was for the best before hugging each of them closely and telling them that he loved them, and he would miss them. He chuckled to himself. If he had been mature enough to handle that, then this trip wouldn't have been necessary in the first place, classic catch twenty-two.

In about eight hours, Raven and Robin would be in the kitchen. It was Robin's day to cook it would probably be something healthy and protein packed. The boy wonder was always talking about keeping both your body and your mind in peak physical shape. Raven would silently drink her herbal tea and read her book. Recently, they had gotten her to start reading more contemporary books. She was on the fifth Harry Potter book now.

Starfire would wonder in and hug Robin. They had finally toned down the PDA after a hilarious presentation led by himself and Cyborg with pictures of the couple half-way towards making a child on the common room couch. By the time it was done both of them were the same color as Star's hair. He chuckled. Then Cyborg would wonder in starting a fake argument either about how healthy Robin's cooking was, or the sheer amounts of tofu BB would be eating. The sight had always been beautiful to him. They really were a family.

Beastboy walked towards the shore, suitcases in hand and put everything on the little boat he had managed to hide amongst the rocks. He couldn't fly and carry his stuff and if he had to come back to get it… well best case scenario he changed his mind and stayed and worst case scenario the others locked him up in the med lab and had Cyborg run multiple physical and mental examinations on him to see what was wrong and figure out a solution. Neither option was good for him so it would all have to come with him in one trip.

He had a lot of time to think as he rowed towards Jump City. The tower grew smaller and smaller while he rowed. Parts of him were still screaming at him to go back. Go back to bed and just resume life as it always has been! This hurt too much… Beastboy shook his head, terrified but determined. 'I will do this. I must do this.'

Once he reached Jump City, he grabbed his bags and began walking towards the apartment complex he had chosen months ago. He looked up at how beautiful the night sky was. It would be sunrise in a few hours, the city was always so beautiful at sunrise. No matter where he looked everywhere reminded him of them. When he passed the park he though about the beautiful sunny days where they would normally be playing catch or having a picnic. He walked past the pizzeria they frequented, the only place in town that served vegan pizza. He saw the remnants of the carnival from a few months ago where they had gone for a break day together. It was all familiar. There wasn't a place in town he hadn't been with them all at least once before but that wasn't a surprise. He didn't have many memories in his life that weren't of him in the context of some larger group.

The longer he walked and looked around the more Beastboy understood more and more why he needed to do this. All of his memories here were in the context of being a titan. Before that all of his memories were in the context of being part of the doom patrol and his memories before that were things he couldn't handle. There was nothing wrong with being part of a larger group, he knew but the problem was that, that's all he was. He didn't know what it meant to just be Garfield on his own. He didn't even know if he knew who Garfield was because he hadn't been Garfield in a long, long time. There was no need to be Garfield when being Beastboy was easier and much more familiar.

Before, when he had planned this, he had briefly considered going to Africa when he left. Afterall going back where his life began, both as a human and as a changeling, would be symbolic. Maybe that was what someone was supposed to do in circumstance like these, but that seemed even meaner. Besides, though he always thought of Africa as his first home and though he would always have love for the beautiful continent, there were still too many bad memories there. Memories he wished he didn't still have. He stopped walking for a second and closed his eyes tight. He took a deep breath, dismissing the thoughts. He wasn't ready for those yet. Leaving was bad enough leaving for another continent would just be salt in what he was sure would already be a deep painful and sad wound and it's not like the day he chose to do this would make any of this any better.

He sat down in his apartment, too emotionally drained and physically exhausted to even get furniture. He curled up on the cold floor, knees to his chest and arms wrapped around them, and violently cried himself to sleep. He would never know if he was making the right choice, but he had made it and he was going to make sure it was worth all of this pain. Today was the first and only day he would be able to even put this into action and if he didn't do it today, he wouldn't be able to handle doing it tomorrow. He had originally considered at least staying for the party he knew they were throwing for him today but like everything else, if he had…

It was officially the first day he would be able to support himself financially, to give himself the space on his own he needed to become an adult. Today he collected his inheritance from his parents after defending it from greedy legal guardians for years as a kid and now here he was, sobbing on the floor. He did it. Happy 18th birthday to him.

Back at the tower the remaining four titans sat in the common room solemnly. They each took the news in different ways. Robin was devising a strategy to get Beastboy back and to show him that he could learn to grow up at the tower with them. He didn't have to leave. Starfire looked utterly depressed, trying to figure out what she could've done differently in a situation she didn't entirely understand. Cyborg was the most practical of them all right now. He was sad his best friend was gone, but he understood why he left he just hoped it wouldn't actually be years before Beastboy came back like he said.

"Is it our fault? Did we prevent friend Beastboy from doing the growing up?"

"No Star I don't think that's quite it. Regardless, we'll get him back, we just need a plan of how to do it. He doesn't need to leave to grow up, he can do that right here there's nothing stopping him!"

Cyborg shrugged silently, still looking at the communicator. "Maybe he's stopping himself from growing up here."

"What are you talking about?"

"Think about it, Robin. Usually people grow up because certain circumstances or situations teach them to or make them grow up. Most people don't just sit in the same mental and physical place forever and then suddenly one day the lightbulb goes off telling them to mature."

"Well maybe we can provide the place or the situation for friend Beastboy! What place or situation do earthlings require for the growing up?"

Cyborg shook his head. "It's not quite that simple Star. It's not a specific place or set of circumstances per say that will make BB grow up. He needs to find it all for himself."

Robin shook his head exhausted, and sad. "Yeah but I don't see why he couldn't find that here with us. I don't know why he couldn't stay. Maaybe we're just not looking at this right if we found the right angle… What do you think Raven… Raven?"

"Friend Raven?"

"Raven!"

"Raven?"

Raven didn't respond. She didn't even hear them. She was gone mentally. She sat cross legged on the couch saying nothing and looking at nothing, not even blinking, like a statue. She didn't even look like she was breathing Her hood was up and her head was down. She had memorized that letter by the afternoon. That stupid honest heartfelt letter where Beastboy thought he had never made her happy. That letter that now had two tear marks on it.