Hi everyone! I know I've been gone a while but life happens. Anyways, I've been getting back into watching Chicago PD and I couldn't get this idea out of my head. I think I want this to be a multichapter sort of deal but I haven't decided yet. I wrote and published it on a whim so let me know what you think, also I apologize for grammar errors, this is unbetaed because I'm not sure if I like this story yet.

Note for Missing readers: I'm not abandoning that fic I just haven't found the inspiration for where I want to go next. There will be an update soon I promise.

Okay so this takes place around the middle of season 5 so Antonio and Hailey are on the team and Al is not dead. I'm also not looking to head in a Upstead or Linstead direction because I want this to be more focused on Jay and Voight's relationship and their individual development. Please review and let me know if you like this idea and where you think I'm going with it. Now onto Chapter 1:

"It really isn't that bad"

His words hung in the air as she took a deep breath in and tried, tried, to see it from his eyes.

"Jay, it doesn't matter how you quantify it, it's affecting you and it's affecting your job. Your PTSD-"

"Don't, Hailey"

"Don't what, Jay? Don't give a name, the proper name, to what is going on with you? Don't acknowledge that everything you saw and did is still hanging over your head just waiting to be triggered? Or do you mean don't talk about it?"

"I mean I can't do this right now." With that, he stood, grabbed his jacket, and moved towards the door. "Goodnight, Hailey." Jay disappeared into the dim Chicago night.

Taking the last sip of her whiskey, Hailey stood. Part of her wanted to chase him down, beg him to come inside and talk to her. The other part won out and she locked the door and headed to bed.

At seven-thirty her alarm began to beep and as she headed out the door Hailey was annoyed to still be thinking about him. She was annoyed by his refusal to accept that anything was wrong or that he needed help. Her annoyance took over her attention and suddenly she was sitting in her usual parking spot in front of the 21st district.

Looking into her mirror she though Alright, Hailey, now you have to act normal. You can be annoyed with him later, right now you need to work, especially if his head isn't in the game.

Once she felt collected enough she headed into the district. She arrived in the bullpen to see Adam and Jay. Neither of whom's presence was a surprise, Jay always tended to be in early and Hailey knew Adam was behind on paperwork. What surprised her was that Jay was in the same clothes he had left her house in. He even looked a little unkempt, like he hadn't thoroughly brushed his hair, and he certainly hadn't shaved in several hours.

"You look like shit" she commented as she placed her jacket over the back of her chair and headed into the break room for her first cup of coffee.

Jay's response was barely lifting his head to flash a quick smile and a quiet "Thanks."

Ruzek followed Hailey into the break room and shutting the door behind him he asked: "What happened to him?"

Hailey replied "He's working through some stuff. You know how it is"

"It seems like more than just stuff. I mean, I may not be an expert on Halstead but something's up."

"Yeah well, it's kinda up to him to figure it out."

Hailey's words hung in the air for a moment until her curiosity got the best of her. "Adam, what time did he come in this morning?"

"Beats me, I came in around six to do paperwork, didn't think anyone was here and then he scares me half to death."

"What did he come around the corner too fast?" Hailey ribbed

"No, he almost took a swing at me. I came in here to get some coffee and all of a sudden he's just passed out on the couch. Except he looked like he was in pain or something so I touched his arm and he jumped up ready to knock me on my ass. I'm telling you, Hailey, something is wrong with him." Adam's voice dropped a few decibels "I don't know what the last case did to him but he's not okay. Even Voight sees it."

"Then let him and Voight figure it out." Hailey's mood changed as she went back to her coffee and then silently headed back into the bullpen.

Jay's head was spinning. There were so many faces, names, and voices churning around behind his eyes. So many people that he couldn't save, so many people that he had killed. To him whether he had pulled the trigger or not was insignificant, he killed more people by being too late, following the wrong lead, or trusting the wrong CI than he ever had by pulling a trigger. Normally he would've noticed the unit trickling in or the stares directed his way. He should've heard the buzz of the lock opening at exactly 8:00 which indicated Voight's arrival. Halstead was so wrapped up in all of those faces in his mind that he didn't hear the first or second time that his sergeant called his name.

Antonio snapped him out of his reverie with a "Jay, man, are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good. Sorry I had a late night. Do we have a case?" Jay automatically responded.

Antonio began to explain the case that Homicide had just handed off to Intelligence. Everyone listened to the details of the murder of a young woman that exposed a heroin smuggling ring. After throwing out theories and suggesting plans of attack for a few minutes Voight made his move.

"Burgess, Antonio, go talk to the family. Ruzek, Atwater, find her friends, go to her school. There's something we're missing about this kid, no way that a seventeen-year-old from the Gold Coast gets this deep into drug trafficking without someone knowing. Al, Upton, talk to the ME lets get more specifics on the forensics beyond the two to the chest."

Everyone began to move, grabbing coats and discussing assignments when Voight tapped Jay on the shoulder. "My office, now."

A sense of dread built inside Jay with every step towards Voight's office. His sergeant didn't call people into his office for nothing. The last few times he had been here were to be questioned about his actions with Camila or to be informed that Morgan became the youngest victim of his failure. Jay had a feeling that this wouldn't be any better.

After shutting the door and taking a seat behind his desk Hank Voight motioned for his young detective to sit. Hank wasn't quite sure how to have this conversation but he knew that it was important, he had to save Jay before he lost another good cop.

"Jay, I'm not really sure where to start but we both know that you've been through a lot recently, and with your history and everything that is going on I want you to know that you can talk to me."

Internally, Jay was panicking, he didn't think that anyone but Hailey had noticed that he was off. He realized that it was wishful thinking: if Hailey knew something was wrong then obviously Voight was able to see it too. Suddenly he realized that he was taking too long to respond. He choked out his usual, stoic, response, "Sarge, all due respect, I'm good. I've got a handle on everything."

Hank expected that. But he also wasn't backing down. "Listen, Jay, you're a good cop. I'm lucky to have you in my unit, and I'd like you to stay in my unit which is why we're having this conversation here instead of with some shrink. But, your version of okay is not acceptable. I'm not going to order you to do anything right now because I know that you've been here before and you can handle yourself, but you need to figure this out. If you need time or somebody to talk to I can get something worked out-"

For the first time since Army Basic Training Jay Halstead cut off a superior. "Sarge, seriously I'm fine. I look like crap because my neighbors got a new dog who decided that prime barking hours are between one and four am and I'm on edge because Ruzek promised to get me back for punching him during that undercover op last week. I'm suffering from traditional Halstead bad luck, not anything else."

Sitting awkwardly on the couch Jay could feel Sergeant Voight's eyes roaming over him. He knew that they were sizing up the purple bags under his eyes, the way that his fists were clenched even inside the district, the fact that his clothes didn't fit him anymore, and the raw knuckles that meant he had been hitting something very hard and very recently. Jay knew that his excuses wouldn't stand up to a full-scale Hank Voight inquiry, but he hoped that it would get him off his back at least for the time being. Jay knew that he only needed a few more days to get it together. He just needed to push all of the names and faces back into their little corner and he could do it, just not with Voight breathing down his back.

"Okay." Jay practically shot off of the couch as his sergeant verbally released him from his office. "But, Jay, I'm not having this conversation again. Do you understand?" Hank bluntly stated as Jay touched the doorknob.

"Yeah, no problem. I'm good, sarge." Jay called back and then quickly exited the room heading back to bury himself in his work.

In the bullpen, Jay was beating himself up for not getting a handle on his emotions sooner. He reasoned with himself that if Voight had noticed then he had seriously messed up at some point. Jay knew that he had to solve this case. Voight wouldn't believe that he was okay unless he could stop screwing up every case. Jay was more determined than ever to keep the memories and images at bay, at least for today. After all, he had work to do.

Voight watched his young detective. The kid was thinking so loud that Voight could practically hear it through the walls of his office. Hank Voight knew that this would not be the last time Jay Halstead lied to him about what was going on in his head, but it certainly was not going to fly if things kept going the way that they were. Hank Voight was not a drastic man, but these were drastic circumstances. Eventually, he realized his next move, maybe the move that had saved Erin Lindsay so many years ago could save Jay Halstead now. All that was left was to wait for Halstead's mask to slip and then set his plan into action. Hank Voight was not losing another detective this year.