Now.

Roz bolted up in bed. The images were forgotten as soon as her eyes scoured the corners of the room, but the fear and desperation the nightmare had conjured remained.

She buried her face in her hands and focused on breathing in and out. That was all she allowed herself to think about right now, slow and steady breaths. The bed shifted under the weight of Bucky turning on to his back. His fingers caressed her back, drawing letters on her skin. She hadn't quite figured it out yet, but she was sure he spelled out his name or wrote I love you.

"I thought the simulations had gotten rid of the nightmares," he whispered.

She could hear the sadness in his voice and she had thought the same. Or at least, she'd hoped that had been the case when she'd had three consecutive nights without nightmares.

"It's only been a couple of days," she sighed in explanation, more to herself than him, perhaps. His fingers returned to her back to write another silent statement. "I thought of another one. Another scenario."

Bucky sat up and kissed her shoulder. He left his lips pressed to her skin while he spoke. "You want to go now or wait until morning?"

Roz rubbed her face before she looked over her shoulder at the clock. Shuri had told them they had twenty-four hour access to the simulations room at her lab. The red digits read six o'clock. The early hour wasn't the issue. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep, and if he hadn't kissed her shoulder, she'd have gone to test her new scenario on Shuri's simulation technology immediately. But now that she'd felt his lips against her skin, she just wanted to wrap herself in him and forget for a while.

She turned to capture his lips in a tender kiss. "We'll go in a couple hours."

They settled again. Roz rested her head on his chest, basking in the sound of his steady heartbeat. The sound wouldn't lull her to sleep, she just liked the comfort of knowing, whatever her bad dreams showed her, it continued to beat because of her actions. One good thing had come of it all.

"Can I ask you something?" she said. Bucky sleepily hummed an affirmative. "After I told you I didn't remember anything about us sleeping together, why didn't you tell me?"

He released a long breath that momentarily drowned out the sound of his heartbeat. "I thought maybe you regretted it. That I was a part of what you wanted to forget."

"I don't regret a second of our time together," she assured him. "You know that now, right?" She placed a gentle kiss over his heart.

Bucky used a finger under her chin to draw her mouth to his, but a breath before they made contact, his phone rang. He groaned but reached for the cell on the nightstand.

"It's Steve."

"Hi, Steve," Roz called when Bucky put it on speakerphone. Bucky wasn't as polite and didn't bother with a greeting.

"Is this a secure line? I don't want them tracing it."

"Doesn't need to be," Steve explained, and the broad smile was evident in his voice. "Dodge, you've been cleared of all charges."

She was quick to sit up straight. Had she heard him right? Her ear being against Bucky's chest meant his words had been somewhat muffled, but she swore she'd heard him correctly.

"What? How? Why?"

"Shuri," Steve and Bucky answered simultaneously. Steve's tone was thankful, and Bucky's was admiring, as if he'd been dumb to not have expected it.

Steve chuckled but explained, "She sent the simulations to the council, then spent four hours on a call with them yesterday going over all their 'what if' scenarios. By the time she was done, I think they all felt a little dumb. But you're free to come home, and you don't have to quit," he told her. "If that's what you want."

Roz flicked her gaze to Bucky. He was staring back at her, expecting any kind of response. But she didn't have one. She hadn't anticipated the news Steve had delivered, she couldn't be expected to have all the answers right away. There was a lot to consider.

The silence prevailed and Bucky's brow creased deeply as if he felt the confusion and apprehension she felt.

"Um, thanks Steve," said Bucky. "But I think she needs some time before she makes a decision."

She sighed heavily and smiled thankfully at him for stepping in for her.

"Of course," Steve said, "take a couple days. Talk it over. Let me know what you decide."

Now.

It had been a week of relative bliss. Roz was sad that it was coming to an end, and they'd have to go back to the real world. She was no longer a fugitive, and after a long conversation with Bucky, she had made the decision to rescind her resignation. But Steve had told them to take a couple extra days. Who was she to argue with her superior officer?

The morning started like any other; sex, breakfast, sex in the shower that was usually followed by sex while trying to dress except today was different.

Bucky had Roz pinned against the bedroom door, sucking a mark into the juncture where her neck met her shoulder. "You're going to crease my shirt," she whined half-heartedly when he ran his hand under it to knead her breast.

"So take it off."

"I promised I'd be Shuri's guinea pig for the demonstration," she groaned, regretful.

The knock on the front door startled them both. Shuri was their only ever visitor, and she always called first, never just showed up. They sprang apart, and she smoothed down her clothes as Bucky walked to greet their unexpected visitor. Roz checked the mirror to ensure she was in a presentable state before she left the bedroom.

King T'Challa and Okoye stood at the kitchen table. Their serious expressions were almost identical,and her step faltered. If they noticed, they were polite enough to ignore it.

Bucky closed the door behind them, and when he came to stand beside Roz, Okoye hoisted the large briefcase she carried on to it. T'Challa opened the case and spun it so they could both see its contents. A slender, black and gold vibranium arm.

"Where's the fight?" asked Bucky.

T'Challa answered, "On it's way."

The door closed softly behind Okoye and T'Challa. The King had explained about Thanos and told them the team were on the way. The biggest fight for the world, for their lives, was on its way.

Bucky had automatically switched to soldier mode as soon as T'Challa had finished his explanation. He asked questions, requested information on weapon stashes, strategized as best they could, discussed a citywide evacuation and places the people of Wakanda could hold up until the battle was over.

Roz had remained quiet until they mentioned Shuri's expertise would be required to remove the mind stone from Vision's head. She had immediately offered her services to help protect Shuri while she worked. It was the least she owed the Princess.

Long after they had left, Roz had stared blankly at the black vibranium arm still sitting in its case. The flashes of gold seemed to shimmer and pulse under the light. She had no doubt the appendage was full of amazing technology courtesy of Shuri. But from what the King had told them, technology wouldn't win this fight. This was cosmic, other worldly. It would take more than fancy tech and a spunky attitude.

"Say something," Bucky urged.

"I love you," she blurted out, meeting his eyes.

"I love you, too," he told her as he reached out for her hand.

She gave it to him and allowed him to pull her into his lap. "You still owe me a real date," she reminded him.

Bucky chuckled against her lips, "Yes, I do."

He kissed her and some of her anxiety ebbed, but there was still a niggling feeling in the pit of her stomach. Was this her punishment? Her weakness and failure back at the warehouse had resulted in deaths, but she hadn't been punished for it. If anything, it had brought her and Bucky closer together. That had felt like a reward. But what if she lost him now? S.H.I.E.L.D had concluded she wasn't responsible and the torture had been punishment enough, but what if the universe had decided she still had a debt to pay?

"Everything will be okay, doll," Bucky assured and squeezed her tighter. "I promised you forever, remember?"

Flashback

It wasn't until Steve had painfully knocked his knee into Bucky's that he pulled his attention from his frustratingly quiet phone. He looked up in time to see their dates saunter off toward the bathroom.

"Sorry man," Bucky groaned apologetically, "world of my own."

"Not quite on your own," Steve commented, flicking a glance at Bucky's cell that sat on the edge of the table. "You waiting for Roz to call with a fake emergency or just hoping she does?"

"Neither," he rolled his eyes at his friend and sighed heavily. "She's not bothered that I'm on a date. You heard her, she encouraged it. She's probably back at home arranging her own date with Wyatt." Bucky's lips sneered around the name.

Steve made no attempt to hide his laughter, "I thought Bruce was the only green member of the team?"

Bucky's eyes widened as if a bright idea light bulb had just pinged on behind them. "Maybe I could get Bruce to accidentally step on him?"

It had been a joke, but while he waited for Steve to stop laughing, he considered the logistics. It wouldn't be that hard to arrange.

"Never thought I'd see the day the infamous James Buchanan Barnes was jealous of another man."

"Me neither, punk," Bucky chuckled and took a long pull on his beer. There was no point in trying to hide his obvious jealousy, Steve could read him like a book anyway.

"Bucky Barnes not getting the girl, that's a first."

"Oh, I'll get her," Bucky said confidently, "I know there's something more between us. I just need to convince her to break her rules."

"Maybe - and I'm just spitballing here - instead of just flirting with her like you do everyone else," Steve suggested with his palms held high when Bucky opened his mouth to air a defence, "you make some kind of grand gesture? Make her see that you want something more than hook-ups and casual dates. That is what you want, right?"

"Yes," said Bucky without hesitation. "Before Hydra, before this..." He indicated his metal arm. "...I was happy being a bachelor, screwing around and having fun. I never saw myself settling down. That was your thing. White picket fence, dog, kids. I'd be the cool Uncle. Then Hydra happened, and anything resembling that was the furthest thing from my mind. But Shuri fixed me, and after that, I guess I never thought I deserved something more, something good after all the bad I've done. Then Roz came along, and I don't know...why shouldn't I be happy, right?"

"You deserve to be happy, Buck. Maybe you more than anyone." Steve smiled and reached over to put a hand on his shoulder. "So go get the girl."

Roz would admit it was nice to spend some time with Natasha and Wanda. At the start of her assignment, she was intimidated by them. All of the Avengers were daunting to be around. It wasn't their superpowers, the selfless acts they'd committed or the countless lives they'd saved. They were a family, even if it was a non-traditional one. Being thrown into the middle of their home was overwhelming.

She'd been welcomed with open arms by everyone. Having women to confide in had been a godsend. It wasn't long before she relied on Nat and Wanda to be a shoulder to cry on or an understanding ear, which was exactly what they were doing while Bucky was on his date.

Roz sat in the middle of the sofa, Wanda and Nat either side of her. There was a half drunk bottle of wine on the coffee table and some cheesy reality show on the television none of them were paying attention to.

"He asked you on a date?" Nat asked with a hint of disbelief.

Roz was unable to keep the smug smile at bay. "A bona fide date. Flowers, chocolates, pick me up at the door, wear a fancy dress and heels, he'll wear a suit. The full works."

"I guess the subtle approach wasn't working for him anymore," Wanda smirked.

Nat nodded agreement, though her brow creased with confusion, "So why is he on a double date with Steve?"

Roz had been in attendance when Steve had asked Bucky to double date with him. Bucky had looked to Roz. She had taken it as a silent request for permission. He'd officially asked her out hours earlier, and she had neither declined nor accepted. They hadn't discussed it again until that moment.

"What do you say, doll? Am I going with Steve or are you finally going to let me take you out?"

Maybe it was his cocky attitude, or her stubbornness at not wanting to have him think he'd worn her down so easily, but she'd told Bucky to go ahead with Steve and to 'have a good time.'

"'Cause, apparently, I was too stubborn to admit being with him scares the shit out of me," Roz groaned sadly.

"Why?" Wanda asked, "He's a good guy and you'd be great together."

"He is, and we would be, but what if it's just lust? He wants what he can't have. Once he gets me, he'll lose interest. He's not exactly a long-term kinda guy." Roz shrugged and heaved a sigh. "Then, if it didn't work out, it'd get awkward. I'd have to pretend I was okay with him with other women, but by then, it'd be too late, I'd be in deeper than I already am. And then I'd have to hire you two to help me arrange accidents for whichever woman was his-."

"Wait," Nat interrupted. "Back up. Deeper than you already are. How deep are you?"

"Um," Roz's voice rose a few octaves and she tried to shrug it off. "I'm, like, the shallow end. I'm not even in the pool."

Both ladies snickered and it gradually grew to laughter the more Roz protested.

"Stop laughing! My feet aren't even wet."

"Oh honey, you're drowning in the Bucky pool of love," Wanda teased.

"I really am," Roz whined with a pitiful frown. "But it's not just that, either. I don't want to be seen as that girl, or for him be painted as the guy who abused his power to sleep with his secretary."

"You're not his secretary," Nat scolded, nudging her with her shoulder.

"Can you tell everyone else that?" Roz jested.

While they shared a laugh, Roz's mind wandered to a place she didn't want to go. She envisioned Bucky sitting beside a gorgeous runway model. She was smiling brightly and playing with her hair. Bucky's fingers stroked her thigh while he whispered sweet nothings in her ear.

"I bet he's charming her panties off right now," Roz thought aloud. "Whispering in her ear. She's giggling and her ovaries are exploding."

Nat and Wanda burst into a fit of laughter, bent at the waist to rest their heads in Roz's lap. Roz knew she sounded ridiculously jealous, and it hadn't sounded quite as hilarious or pathetic in her head. After a moment, she gave up on fake offense and joined in their mirth.

"Oh, sweetie, you've got it bad," Nat said.

"I know!" Roz's lip protruded comically, and Nat pulled her head onto her shoulder to pat her softly.

"Looks like someone else does, too," Wanda smirked, glancing at Roz's ringing phone. Bucky's smiling face flashed up on the screen, requesting a video call.

"Are you seriously video calling me while you're on a date?" Roz asked as soon as the connection was stable. "If you need rescuing, call Sam. I'm busy."

"Let me guess," Bucky grinned. "Busy moaning to Wanda and Nat about me?"

"Hey, Buck," Nat and Wanda chorused, putting their heads beside Roz's to ensure they were in the shot.

"Ladies," he nodded curtly.

"What do you need?" asked Roz, but without giving him a chance to respond, she added, "A hotel room? Birth control? Viagra?"

Nat and Wanda snickered, but Bucky was undeterred. "Not sure if you're trying to insult me or invite me to what sounds like an amazing night?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "What do you want?"

"I forgot to tell you earlier, I left a gift on your bed. Figured you'd need something to comfort you so you don't miss me too much."

Roz narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously but curiosity won over. She got to her feet and walked out of the room while he smiled smugly at her. "If there's a ton of melted ice cream on my pillow, you're in big trouble!" she warned, pointing a finger at him as she made her way down the corridor.

"Just call me when you get there," he said before hanging up.

She suspected it was a practical joke. Sam would jump out and scare her, or there would be a life-size cardboard cutout of the Winter Soldier superglued to her ceiling. Still, she picked up her pace, though she paused once her fingers were wrapped around her door handle, bracing herself.

The first anomaly she detected was Bucky's cologne. It was heavy in the air, but it made sense if he'd been in there to leave her the 'gift' before going on his date. She scanned the room for threats or places Sam could be hidden.

Her suspicion turned to admiration, and she rushed to the bed to pick up the gift. The plush grey donkey with a big white belly and a tuft of black hair was soft and squeezable. She fought the urge to rub it against her cheek, concerned the happy tears that pooled in her eyes would stain its light grey coat.

"You can keep him." Bucky's voice sounded behind her, and she jumped slightly but turned to see him propped against her bathroom door. "As long as you call him Bucky."

"You're such a dork," said Roz, even as she tightened her hold on the toy.

He sauntered over to her. A smile crinkled his eyes. "Says the girl hugging a stuffed donkey."

She shrugged and held the plush up to her eye line. "He's adorable." She kissed its nose and then squashed him into her neck.

"Now I'm jealous of a stuffed animal and Wyatt."

Roz gazed at him for a moment. What was she so afraid of? Being judged for a relationship? There were worse things to be judged for. Most people suspected them of being a couple anyway, she'd heard the whispers. She did fear starting something and then being reassigned, but if it was something they both wanted - and that seemed to be the case - they'd make it work, right?

She took a small step and rose to the tips of her toes to kiss his cheek. "That's a thank you for him," she wiggled the donkey in his face. "You'd have gotten bonus points if he'd come with ice cream."

Bucky's smirk grew, and she hadn't noticed his arms had been behind his back the whole time until he moved them. He pulled a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream from behind his back and two spoons from his pocket.

"What's my bonus prize?"

She laughed more to herself than at him. Was her rule to never date a colleague a rule or more of a guideline? Guidelines could be amended. As could rules, she supposed. Perhaps when she made the rule, she never imagined she'd meet someone worth breaking it for. Until now.

Roz tiptoed again, but this time, she kissed his lips firmly. She felt him tense, the shock of her kiss freezing him temporarily, but that only lasted a few seconds before he regained his composure. The ice cream and spoons were thrown over her shoulder onto the bed, and his hands gripped her hips, pulling her into him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and opened her mouth wider for his tongue to find hers.

When he moaned into her mouth, she knew she was done for. There was no going back. This was it. Every feeling she'd tried to ignore swarmed around her like a mass of bees. Her ears buzzed. Her heart tried its best to beat out of her chest. Her only thoughts were of Bucky; the spicy, sweet scent of his cologne, the smoothness of his freshly shaved skin, the taste of beer and tequila on his tongue. She'd never be able to do a shot again without thinking of him. His lips were soft, yet his kiss was hard and urgent.

Roz's lungs ignited with lack of air, and she'd have happily continued to burn to just keep him so close for a moment more. But basic bodily functions took precedence, and Bucky was the one to break their kiss.

The coldness of his departed lips made her heart ache until she opened her eyes to find his gazing at her adoringly.

"Damn, sweetheart," he sighed dreamily and gave her a crooked smile. "Now, will you let me take you on a date?"

Roz grinned at his goofy smile. "The infamous Bucky Barnes wants to go on a date and not just skip to what happens at the end of a date?" Her eyes involuntarily flicked over her shoulder to her bed.

He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, and he seemed to stifle a groan while he followed her glance to the bed behind her. "As much as I want to..." Bucky cupped her ass, thrust his hips forward to emphasize just just how much he wanted to. "...I wanna do this right. I've done a lot of wrong in my life. I at least want to get this right."

"Yeah, plus there's the no sex before a mission rule."

He chuckled but nodded agreement, "After Munich is done, we can go on a real date, start things off right. I'm not looking for a quick hit and run, not with you."

His sincerity somewhat shocked her. She'd known he had wanted to sleep with her from the moment they'd met. He'd never tried to hide that fact. But she hadn't realized, or perhaps hadn't contemplated, he wanted more than sex.

"Okay," she chuckled, trying to hide a self-satisfied smirk, "no sex until like date five or whatever it's supposed to be."

"I mean five dates might be a stretch."

She laughed loudly but squinted her eyes suspiciously, "Already regretting your decision?"

"Nope," said Bucky confidently. "We've got time. No need to rush anything."

"I'm stuck with you now, aren't I?"

"Forever," he promised and dipped to kiss her.

She liked the sound of forever. And there was something to be said about not rushing. They already knew each other pretty well, but they were also stepping into unknown territory. Working together and dating, it would be a test. Taking things slowly was probably a good idea. Although, she already knew she was falling for him, if she hadn't already completely fallen.

"C'mon, let's get started on date number one before the ice cream melts."

Now

Roz ran, faster than she'd ever run before, faster than she had ever thought she was capable. She tried not to breathe through her mouth, tried unsuccessfully to not inhale the dust. Or was it ash? It didn't matter because all of it was people. It wasn't from a fire or a cigarette. It was people, disintegrated into nothingness.

Shuri had crumbled before her eyes. Roz had stayed with her to protect her while she tried to remove the mind stone from Vision's head. When that had failed, they'd fought valiantly side by side.

Then, the quiet descended. The sounds of battle - painful cries, clashing of weapons, growls of frustration - had faded to nothing. Shuri, with fearful eyes, had turned to Roz and fallen to her knees. Before Roz had been able to take a step to reach out and comfort her friend, she'd disappeared like embers of a fire floating toward the sky.

Roz had frozen to the grass beneath her feet and watched as many around her did the same.

Thanos had won. There was no other explanation.

The rumbles of thunder overhead had thawed her, and she took off running down the large expanse of the battlefield.

Yelling, cries of disbelief, wails of men and women, groans of pain submerged her in anguish. And although she didn't want to open her mouth, she bellowed Bucky's name over and over.

She didn't know where to find him, but she knew where to look in the thick of the action, front and center. Her legs carried her down the hill, her eyes scanning back and forth in search of any face she recognised. Her throat hurt with every scream of his name as she tried to yell and not sob simultaneously.

"BUCKY!"

"Roz! Roz, over here."

She followed the call of her name. Roz raced toward the opening in a thicket of trees, narrowly avoiding collision with Steve as she skidded to a halt. She panted for breath and looked at all the solemn faces that were trained on the Captain. Roz was grateful, and some of her fear washed away with each face she recognized; Natasha, Bruce, Rhodey, Thor, Okoye.

She waited. No one else appeared from behind the trees. Where was Sam, Wanda, Vision…?

Steve stepped into her eye line and put a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Don't say it," she begged.

"I'm sorry," Steve swallowed thickly, taking a deep breath.

"Please, don't," Roz pleaded. "He promised forever."

But Steve had to say it, as much for himself as for her.

"He's gone. They're all gone."

End.