I think you might be one of the hardest to write to, Gauche.

Not that It's meant to be anything offensive, it's just that we're only beginning to get close to each other the past couple of days. So I want to apologize if I'm not able to say much. Honestly, I don't really know what to tell you, but having been alone with my thoughts may have helped with that. I want you to know that I'm sincere when I tell you that I really wanted to be your friend.

I'm actually kind of jealous of you.

You're very open about your relationship with your sister and I wish it were like that for me. I don't talk about my little brother much, but I really want our relationship to be like yours… or part of it anyway. So I guess we kind of understood each other. I know it seems cliché and far-fetched… and I do know that your love for your sister isn't exactly the same as my love for my brother; but as older siblings, I know we'd do anything and everything to save them from pain. That's our job. And I'm jealous of you, because your relationship with your sister was something I wanted for myself for a long time now. I guess it bothered me a lot during our time in Nean. I know you like to talk about Marie in your spare time, but facing the reality was a lot more difficult than I thought. Seeing her trust and believe you… it made my heart twist. It's not your fault, it's mine. I was never able to establish that kind of relationship with my brother. So that's why I'm jealous… and I thought you might want to know why it's difficult for me to talk to you. In any case, what happened in Nean… had its ups and downs. And I know it's not something you like to hear, especially coming from me, but I'm happy for you and Marie and I'm definitely happy she's safe along with the other children.

Frankly, I don't really know what else to tell you.

I thought I had it figured out, but I wouldn't be myself if I wasn't so confusing and out of place. I guess, I just want us to be friends and I want to consider us as one. It'll be a relief if you feel the same way. I was actually surprised, back in Nean, when you knew my name and asked me to help you. It felt like I was needed and useful. Even if you teased me, I know you never meant any of it. You just didn't know. You probably have a lot of questions, and I guess I owe you some answers for why I'm suddenly leaving everyone. I've been dealing with a lot lately. I feel as though the world is against me. Practically since I was young, and it may not compare to yours, but I just can't handle it any longer.

That's me.

Always running.

I've been meaning to escape for a long time, and it's only now that I've gained the courage to do it. I think I may just be very weak-willed that I can't take criticisms to save my life. But don't blame yourself or think you were any part of it. I've given it some thought, and I can't point fingers at you; otherwise, I'd be pointing fingers at everyone around me. If anything, it's my fault for feeling the way I do. I just want to apologize for giving you the impression that I'm a difficult person and for leaving everyone that cared about me. I know you've kind of snapped to your senses and saw there was more to life than one purpose… so I just want to selfishly ask you to remember that the Bulls' are our extended family. Like you would Marie, please protect them.

I won't be there anymore to help out.

If you still feel like you're in the dark, you can ask Yami or Vanessa. They won't hesitate to talk about it. I actually didn't think this letter would be this long, but thank you, Gauche. Thank you for thinking I could help people and be of some use. Please don't shut yourself out. I can safely say that everyone in the Bulls cares about you and thinks you're family too.

I just wish we could've been better friends.

-Finral Roulacase

oOo

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