A Nightly Ritual

"For when the cold wind blows, I will close my eyes calmly, knowing I am anchored to you." – Tyler Knott Gregson

Listening to the waves crashing against the rocks, I took a last sip of my beer before throwing the can in the trash. The lads abruptly jerked their heads to the metallic sound and their scrutinizing eyes made me think about my friends when I was around them.

Rick, TC, Kumu, Shammy, Gordon and Jin

They all think I went mental after she left and maybe, okay undoubtedly, they were right. I was less careful during cases, messier and quieter. The only thing that made me feel a tiny bit alive during these dull days was the raw pain running through every cell of my body after a good fight with a provoked man in the cheapest bar of the island.

But the thing I was least proud of was how I was treating my Ohana. I was being a total jerk to everyone. Jin told me that once in a more colorful way after I yelled at him for something trivial. I knew what I was doing, long before my friends started avoiding me, but I couldn't help it. My moral compass left for England months ago.

Speaking of avoiding things, I have done my best to avoid calls from her. I know she is calling the gang and has asked about me but hearing her voice, so near yet so far… I am not glutton for punishment thank you very much!

And yet…

As I walk inside, I find myself smiling at the muffled sound of the paws following behind me before I opened a particular red door. A door that I opened with reverence every night with the lads at my sides. A door that I opened by mistake - really Thomas? whispered my conscience with a funny British accent - one day and made it my little ritual since.

Alone with the Dobermans in her room bathing in the last ray of sunlight, with her scent everywhere it feels like I was finally home. A place where I should be instead of my own cold bedroom in Robin's guest house. A heaven where I can be free of my sins and ask for absolution.

With only my pants on I climb into her bed and carefully place my head on her pillow, closing my eyes once I could smell her perfume.

Not a second later, I open my eyes to the sound of a low whining close from my ears. I could see that the lads were watching me with their big sad eyes.

I pet their heads gently as they get into the bed and snuggle close to me.

"I know, I miss mama too." I tell them as their soft snores and her scent lull me to sleep.

END

I don't know why I wrote this but thank you Sherlolly-siya for being my beta. Also english is still not my mother tongue, sorry for all the mistakes.