Author's note: Enjoy!

Disclaimer: The following characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and this story derives from her original works, storylines, and world. Please do not sue me, I can barely pay tuition.

Hogwarts: Assignment #10, Robotics Task #1, Write about a figurative/literal race to something.

Warnings: Reference to sex

James Potter's Very Grave Miscalculation

"We are gathered here today not to commemorate an idea, but a long-lasting struggle between man, man, and mathematics," James said, pacing the classroom.

"You're making this worse," Sirius said.

"For what," James continued, ignoring his friend, "is our understanding of the existence and life of man without an acknowledgement of his eternal struggle to best himself? And what best represents the enemy of man than absolute and complete gibberish, strewn together and labeled as 'arithmancy' to describe the horror of it, than…"

"James," Remus said, deadpan, standing by the chalkboard with a piece of chalk in hand.

"Yes, sweetheart, please… let's go," Lily said, offering a smile in exchange for bursting his bubble. She tapped her foot anxiously, twiddling with the piece of chalk that she had in her own hand.

"Right," James said. "Well, if you didn't want any panache you could have said so."

"We did say so," Remus said.

"They did," Peter confirmed, perched on a desk in the potions classroom they'd borrowed from Slughorn, eating popcorn.

"The rules are simple!" James continued, ignoring all of them this time. "Each one of you has one chalkboard on which Peter, on account of having the nicest handwriting, transcribed an equation randomly selected from Riopel's Book of Riddling Arithmetic Puzzles."

"A book which I still cannot believe exists," Sirius said.

"On the count of three, you shall tear down the curtain covering your chalkboard and begin solving the equation," James said. "The first person to correctly solve the problem at hand will win and we shall all, as a friend group and collective, cease arguing about who is the best at Arithmetic despite perfectly matched test scores."

"So that we can finally stop talking about this," Peter said.

"I wonder what cool people are doing on this Friday night," Sirius mused.

"On your mark!" James said.

"Get set," Peter said through a mouthful of popcorn.

"Be nerds!"

Lily and Remus would both have argued against that last bit on any other day, but they were too focused on the task at hand. The bed sheets covering the chalkboard were pulled away unceremoniously and tossed aside, and seconds after both contestants had read the equation and were now beginning to solve it bit by bit. The sound of chalk against board in rapid, scratchy, desperate motions echoed in the stone chamber.

"What's happening?" Peter whispered when James sat down next to him.

"I have no idea," James whispered back. "I don't understand arithmancy in the absolute slightest."

Sirius reached over James to grab some of Peter's popcorn, inspiring James to do the same.

"So how long is this going to take them to solve?" Peter asked.

"I have no idea," James said. "I randomly picked something from the book."

"Does it bother you that your girlfriend and your mate are filled with this all-consuming fierce mathematical rivalry and may indeed end up consuming each other?" Sirius asked.

"Nah," James said. "I'm glad Lily gets along with you lot and that you like her, and besides—she and Remus have been friends forever. So what if they both have strong feelings about their computing abilities?"

"I wonder if you've done the computational work of calculating the pros and cons of this arrangement," Sirius said, gesturing towards the chalkboard.

"Mmmm," Peter said, nodding somberly.

"What do you mean?" James asked.

"Well, it seems to me that Lily and Remus are evenly matched but that you are definitely going to lose," Sirius said.

"How'd you figure that?" James frowned.

"Well, if Lily wins, Remus is going to be upset—but he won't say so outright, so you'll get to deal with the aftereffects; by which I mean I'm not sure you'll get that help writing the Herbology essay you've been botching up until now," Sirius said. "And I'm not in Herbology, so you're really on your own if Remus taps out. Whereas if Remus wins, well, Lily will also be upset but won't want to say it outright for fear of seeing petty, which most likely translates to no sex for you."

James pursed his lips and looked at the chalkboards before him and at the brutal race unfolding. Remus was writing more quickly than James had ever seen him write. Lily was standing on the tip of her toes and biting her tongue in concentration as her calculations sprawled across the board. James had no way of knowing what the symbols and letters and numbers they were spitting out meant, which filled him with absolute and utter panic.

"Do you really think it's definitely going to be that?" James asked.

"Yeah," Peter said. "Definitely."

"Right," James said. He scratched at his face but didn't say more. Peter patted his back sympathetically.

"Do you think Remus will notice if I bewitch his chalk?" James asked Sirius in a whisper.

"Yes, I will," Remus said from the blackboard.

"Doesn't matter," Lily said, putting down her piece of chalk and throwing her hands in the air. "T has the value of e over two, which is 27!"

James flipped over to the back of the arithmancy book and scanned for the answer.

"Oh, thank bloody Merlin, she's got it," James sighed.

Shipping Wars

Ship (Team): Lily Evans/James Potter (Thorns)

List (Prompt): NA

Word count: 865