Chapter 12: In which Lily unsuccessfully attempts to stop thinking about James

Lily woke up with a smile on her face. She stretched lazily, savoring her soft sheets, firm pillows, and the sensation of life thrumming through her body.

She and James had snogged for at least an hour last night. She could still feel his hands, calloused from Quidditch but so gentle, slipping underneath her shirt and stroking her lower back or massaging her bum. The way he traced his fingertips over her spine made her shiver just thinking about it. Not to mention, she'd figured out how to run her own hands all over his chest and abs – Merlin, those abs – without provoking any ticklish spasms. They'd kissed until her lips were swollen and her mouth was tired.

He'd asked her to stay the night, and part of her had wanted to. But that was definitely a bad idea. She was already worried that instead of getting over Anthony and being a confident, liberated woman, she was just transferring all of her emotions onto James. That wasn't the plan.

But kissing him was so good. It was just important to draw some lines, for both of their protection.

She rolled out of bed, grabbing her wand from her bedside table as she rose, and wandered over to her window to check on her mucuna puriens. It seemed to be adapting to her room well enough, so far, with its fuzzy, pointed leaves still a vibrant green and its brown seed pods just as furry as ever. She wanted to stroke them, but she didn't have gloves. She settled for whispering words of encouragement as she watered the plant with a spray from her wand. "Good work, lovely, you're doing brilliantly."

Velvet beans cared for, Lily made her way to her bathroom to get ready for her day. She took a leisurely shower and brushed her teeth, then put Goodbye Yellow Brick Road on her record player as background music while she got dressed. Wearing only her bra and knickers, she danced over to her wardrobe to pick out a fresh shirt for the day, then into the bathroom to paint her face.

She was lip-synching and dancing in her underwear to "Bennie and the Jets," using her tinted cherry lip-balm as a microphone, when she caught a glimpse of her neck in the mirror. A couple of inches below her left ear, right where her jaw met her throat, was a deep red bruise, almost purple at the center and paler around the edges. It reminded Lily of a rose. A mouth-shaped rose.

A hickey. The bloody fool had given her a hickey.

Lily gasped and leaned closer to the mirror to examine it further. She was struck with sudden panic at the thought of seeing James and, more importantly, having him see her with the evidence of their tryst right there on her neck. She knew he'd smirk, and grin that grin she was coming to fancy, and she wouldn't be able to look at him without imagining him touching her, kissing her, rubbing against her again. Such thoughts would not help her establish boundaries.

She stepped away from the mirror and paced between the bathroom and her bed, taking deep breaths to calm herself. After a few laps around the room, she felt better. If she could keep her mind focused on the task at hand – rather than his hands on her – this was actually a great opportunity to discuss what they were doing and what lines should and shouldn't be crossed.

Rule number one – do not give me any more hickies.

That still left the matter of the current one to deal with.

No way would she be able to face Dorcas and Marlene with this thing on her neck and keep a straight face. She'd have to skip breakfast.

Her stomach immediately growled its protest, and Lily sighed. She hadn't restocked her emergency crisps, and all she had in her room was the packet of sugar quills James had given her. She shook her head. Typical that just when she'd recognized the need for boundaries, she'd find yet another way that James had woven himself into her life.

She turned to her desk to grab the sugar quills and was rewarded with the sight of half of a pumpkin pasty wrapped in a napkin. She'd grabbed it for an after-dinner snack, then promptly forgotten about it once she and James had gotten back upstairs and hurried off to his room for a different kind of dessert.

Lily giggled even as she blushed at her innuendo-filled thoughts. Rolling her eyes at herself, she sat on her bed and ate the neglected pastry gratefully. Then she returned to her bathroom to see if she could work some magic on the mark on her neck.

Forty minutes later, she was ready to face the world. She'd put layer upon layer of concealer under her ear and along her jawline and had debated between large, chandelier earrings that might provide extra coverage or small gold studs that wouldn't draw any attention to that region of her face. She'd gone with the studs. She also put on some mascara and plaited her hair in a crown down one side of her head, with the tail draped over her left shoulder to help cover anything out of the ordinary on that side of her neck.

Satisfied she'd hidden James' handiwork, she took a deep breath and marched into the Herbology classroom with her head held high.

She arrived before many other students, including her friends. David Obayemi and Cassius Carrington were chatting about Ravenclaw's Quidditch trials, which were scheduled for that afternoon, so Lily stopped by their table to let them know that she had watched Gryffindor's trials and they were fantastic, so Ravenclaw had better watch out. They were in the midst of some good-natured banter when Lily's girlfriends walked in, Mary and Dorcas giggling, and Marlene grumbling about "older brothers who need a kick in the arse."

They greeted Lily as they took their seats, Dorcas giving her a quizzical look before she joined her at their workbench. "We missed you at breakfast, everything all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Lily assured her. She frowned and nodded at Marlene, who was still muttering to herself. "What about you, Marls, everything all right?"

"She's fine. Daniel sent her a Howler," said Mary, laughing. "Told her how proud he is that she's Qudditch captain and said he expects her to beat his record of twenty-two goals in a season."

"He just likes to embarrass me is all," Marlene muttered. "And remind me what a good Chaser he was in his day."

"Yeah, but I think he's really proud of you!" Dorcas said encouragingly. "He just has his own way of showing it."

"Whatever," Marlene said, still glowering. "I'll get him back."

Lily smiled a bit wistfully. Marlene's eldest brother did like to take the mickey out of his baby sister, but it was all good-natured ribbing, never cruel. When it came down to it, all of the McKinnons were wildly protective of each other.

Marlene was lucky.

After another gentle reprimand for Dorcas, Marlene stopped complaining about Daniel's antics. She glanced up as if to ask Lily a question, then blinked as if seeing her for the first time. "Hey, you look nice today."

"Oh, thanks!" Lily said, blushing slightly. "I had a spot that I really wanted to cover, so I figured I might as well go all out." She shrugged and hoped it didn't look as awkward as it felt. She also hoped no one would question the nature of her alleged "spot."

"Ye should've come down, and I'd've done yer face for ye," Mary chided playfully. "Only ye would call a bit of mascara and some lip shine goin' all oot."

Dorcas grinned. "I think it's perfect, Lil."

"Thank you, darling," Lily said. Her cheeks still felt a bit flushed, but she fluttered her eyelashes and blew Dorcas a playful kiss. The girls giggled.

The Marauders entered the greenhouse together, and James gave Lily a wave as he made his way to his seat. She barely returned the greeting, but she blushed even deeper. The corner of his mouth ticked up in a grin as he produced an apple from the pocket of his robes and shook it in her direction. Her face split into a wide smile, and he winked and tucked the apple back into his pocket and took his seat.

Lily was staring at the back of James' head, thinking how his thick black hair currently looked vaguely like Paul McCartney's, if the latter were in desperate need of a haircut, when Dorcas nudged her.

"Oi, what's that about?" she asked, tipping her head in James' direction. "The apple?"

"Hmm?" Lily's eyes snapped to Dorcas', and she hoped she didn't look guilty. She had to figure out how not to blush every time she thought about James Potter. She tried to look fondly exasperated as she said, "Oh, he just likes to tease me about skipping breakfast." Another partial truth, but admitting that James had made it his personal mission to see that she ate every day seemed even more intimate than telling her friends they'd spent the night snogging.

"He's right, you know," Dorcas whispered breaking Lily out of her trance again. "It's the most important meal of the day."

Even though she knew the apple was for her, Lily didn't wait for James after class. Since her face insisted on turning bright red at the mere mention of his name or glimpse of his smile, it would be best to avoid him for a bit.

He caught up to her on the way back to the castle, anyway. As expected, her cheeks went warm when he offered her the fruit, and she felt a tremor in her chest when his fingers brushed hers as he deposited it in her palm. He smiled, full of tenderness for her and pride in himself, but before he had a chance to say anything, Lily mumbled her thanks and offered an excuse about being late to Arithmancy.

She knew she was being silly, and very un-Gryffindor, but she needed more time to plan her speech about boundaries.

James had Defense Against the Dark Arts at one in the afternoon, so she felt safe slipping into the Great Hall for some lunch after Arithmancy. She ate quickly, then disappeared to the prefects' office to plan (or daydream) without fear that anyone would interrupt her to ask if she had something on her neck.

Her plan was working perfectly until about twenty 'til three, when James appeared in the doorway of the office, wearing his usual smile. "All right, Evans?"

To her frustration, Lily felt her face flush again. "Hullo, Potter."

"Dorcas and Remus told me you were up here." He strode over to where she was seated and sat on top of the desk next to hers. "Are there some sort of Head Duties I've forgotten today?"

"No. I just needed some peace and quiet."

"Hmm." He reached over and tugged the end of her braid. It annoyed her far less than it should. "If I didn't know any better," he said, "I'd swear you're avoiding me today."

Lily narrowed her eyes for a moment, then pasted an innocent expression on her face and smiled up at him. "Why would I do that?"

"That's the question, isn't it?"

He tugged her braid again, and Lily felt a shiver course through her body. Stupid body. She slammed her book closed and huffed out a breath. "Well. If I were ignoring you, which I'm not saying I am, it would be because of this!" She stood from her desk and pulled back her braid, tilting her head away from James to expose her throat.

"What's this?" he asked, frowning. He stood, too, and peered down at Lily's neck. "I don't see anything."

"Well, that's because I've covered it with make-up, isn't it? But you've given me a bloody hickey!"

James burst into laughter. "Come here, let me see," he said, gesturing for her to come closer. Her breath caught as she stepped towards him. "Hmm," he said softly, his lips right next to her ear now, "I think I see it." He stroked her braid again, letting the end of it slip through his fingers, then traced his knuckles gently along her jaw and down her throat. "Right here?"

The next thing Lily knew, they were kissing. James caressed her lower back, then reached down and grabbed her bum with both hands. She rose up on her toes so he could lift her onto the desk, and he made a satisfied sound as she wrapped a leg around him, pulling him closer to her. She felt him grow hard as she did it. She expected one or both of them to pull back, embarrassed, but instead, the kiss grew deeper.

"You've no idea what you do to me," James whispered after a moment, breaking the kiss and dropping his head back as Lily ran her hands down his chest.

"I think I have some idea," she murmured, then blushed at her own cheek.

James looked down at her and chuckled, low in his throat. The sound made Lily want to sink her teeth into his neck. She settled for kissing his jaw. He groaned and slid his hands over her body, one coming to rest on her hip, his thumb massaging gently, while the other fumbled with her robes to get a good grip on the thigh around his waist.

"Merlin, Evans, I want these robes gone, I need to feel more of you, right here—"

That caught her attention. Her eyes flew open, and she lowered her leg and pushed him away with enough force that she nearly toppled off the desk. "Wait, wait," she gasped, struggling to sit up straight, "we can't do this! We're in the prefects' office!"

James stepped back towards her and pulled her to a stable, seated position. Then he dropped his hands to her thighs and grinned mischievously. "Makes it more exciting, don't you think?"

"But we'll get caught!" Lily pushed his hands away and gestured at him accusingly, trying to remember what she'd wanted to say about boundaries. New rule number two – no snogging in the prefects' office. "Not to mention, this is how I ended up with a hickey in the first place!"

"I'm sorry," James murmured. He leaned in and nipped her ear, and Lily's breath caught. "Your skin is so soft and you smell so amazing…" He dragged his lips along her cheek. "I can't get enough of you."

"Well, I—" her breath hitched again as he alternated between kissing, sucking, and nibbling her earlobe "—I don't want you to give me anymore hickeys," she finished breathily. She leaned back so she could look him in the eyes. "No marks."

"All right, I'll be more careful this time." He smirked and leaned towards her, but Lily held up a hand to keep him at bay.

"I'm serious, Potter. No more hickeys. And, also, you can't just maul me every time you see me!"

James ducked his head to peer at her over his glasses. "Hold on, Evans. This is very much a mutual mauling."

Lily hopped off the desk and began pacing. "Plus, we have to work together. This is—it's unprofessional."

"Come, now," James said, stepping closer to her and taking one of her flailing hands. "Now you're just making excuses." He tipped her chin up, and for a moment, she forgot what else she'd wanted to say. His eyes were infinite, amber and green swirled galaxies that begged for deeper exploration.

She shook her head, trying to regain her focus, and jerked her hand away from his. "It's not an excuse! It can't just be that every time we're in the same place, we can't keep our hands off each other."

"So you can't keep your hands off me, eh?" James waggled his eyebrows at her.

"No! You're the one who—"

"Look, I'm just doing my part to help you get over that other bloke," he interrupted, and now there was a note of accusation in his voice, too. "And we haven't done anything you don't want to do, Evans, I'm following your lead. It's you who brought us to this point last night and the time before that, and I think it's gone well both times, don't you?"

Lily growled, the sound equal parts frustration and desperation, and whirled towards James and threw herself into his arms. He let out an "oof!" of surprise, then responded with vigor, clawing at her robes, trying to push aside the fabric to grip her bum as she smashed her lips against his.

"Too well, I think," she whispered between kisses. "It wasn't supposed to be like this."

"Like what?" James murmured. He lifted her off the ground and set her back on the desk, holding her hips tight against his body while his tongue traced her bottom lip.

She pulled away just long enough to respond, "This, with you," and then her mouth began working its way down James' throat. He groaned softly, his fingers squeezing her waist. She ran her hands over his slim-but-muscular shoulders and down his arms. Merlin. Why would I want to stop doing this?

She half-purred, half-sighed against his jaw. "It was just supposed to be fun, stress relief for the both of us, right? A distraction."

"And it is fun," James whispered. He pressed a kiss to the corner of her eye when she looked up from her task. "And certainly distracting."

"That's the problem! You're not only distracting me from my ex, you're distracting me from everything," Lily moaned. She buried her face in his chest as she made another admission: "I've spent all day thinking about you."

James grabbed Lily's face and kissed her lips again. "Welcome to every day of my life, for nearly three years now."

Lily's heart fluttered in her chest as she returned the gentle kiss. But the reminder that he'd been pursuing her – though with varying degrees of sincerity, she was sure – for years was somewhat unnerving.

Now he's gotten what he wants, how long before he bores of me? Like Anthony did? She put both hands on his chest and gently pushed him back once more. "Wait. I'm serious, now. Maybe we should slow down."

"Argh." James leaned in and kissed the spot he'd marked last night, right below Lily's left ear. She suppressed a shiver. "Are you sure?"

"Yes!" Lily pushed him again, and James stood up straight and sighed.

"If that's what you want," he said, running one hand through his hair and adjusting his trousers with the other. "Never let it be said James Potter pressured a lass into anything."

"No, no, of course not," Lily said quickly. "You've been a perfect gentleman. I just—I need to think about this, and I can't do that while you're here."

"I think you think too much."

"Or maybe you don't think enough?" she teased. He pulled a face, and she laughed. "I just don't want our hormones to make us forget what we're doing here, all right?"

James frowned slightly, a flash of disappointment in his eyes. But then the mischief was back, and he sighed theatrically and gave a resigned nod.

"All right," he agreed. "But think quickly, yeah? I know I'm the one supposed to be distracting you, but I'm not sure how I'm going to focus on anything else until I get to kiss you again." He licked his lips slowly and winked.

He certainly was confident in the appeal of his mouth, wasn't he? Ugh. And Lily couldn't even pretend she didn't like it. She grabbed him by the shoulders and physically turned him towards the door before her smile grew too wide. "Good-bye, Potter," she said pointedly. She gave him a light shove.

"I'm going, I'm going! I've got Art in a few minutes, anyway." He sauntered towards the door, then looked back at her over his shoulder. "I'll see you upstairs later, I suppose."

At the mere thought of being near Potter's bedroom again, a quiver of anticipation rippled through Lily's body. But she stuck her tongue out at him teasingly and returned his wink from moments ago with all the bravado she could muster. "Not if I see you first."

AN: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I'll be back next Saturday with Chapter 13 :-)