Quick notes before I begin:

I've always wanted to write one of those fics where the MC gets to take the Hunter Exam with the main four, since I kind of love reading them. And at the same time, I wanted to write a straight out no questions asked self-insert where, look, it's me, doing cool things! The final prompt of this fic was me thinking what would happen if Gon, Killua, Kurapika, and Leorio never split up, and stayed together after the exam. This is the culmination of that.

I'm keeping this as more of a side project, since I'm way too dedicated to what I'm currently writing, but since I'm about ten chapters ahead in that I'll let myself indulge, just a bit.
And thus I present you my entirely nonsensical isekai-ing self-insert story about one of my favorite franchises :)

You ever heard of this show called Hunter x Hunter?

I did, but I didn't particularly care about it. Sure, I'd seen Yuu Yuu Hakusho, so I knew I could trust Togashi, but literally what even is a show called Hunter x Hunter? Okay, there's a clown guy named Hisoka who somehow has the entire fandom simping for him, then there's these two little kids, and… what could be so good about it that warrants a 9.12 rating on MyAnimeList?

Apparently I was wrong, because here I am, a Hunter x Hunter poster adorning my wall and my brain fueled with an insatiable need to write fanfiction.

I'd always thought fanfiction was that stupid thing that tween girls took to when they realized they couldn't realistically date Harry Styles or all of the BTS members simultaneously. Hell, I'd had my fling back in the day, when middle school life had thrown me so out of the loop I'd reclused into the world of poorly written Harry Potter fanfiction to fill that hole in my heart.

The point is, all these years later, and here I was again, signing up to these new sites- did you know AO3 stood for Archive of Our Own? Obviously you did, but I sure as hell didn't. At least FFN was a little more self explanatory. 'Illegal Mushrooms' for a username was a stupid thing I came up in the shower reminscing about my dinner, and it took me a bit too long to realize that there were some very odd connotations.

Fanfiction is its own world. First I had to learn about the community. Infiltrate the subreddit. Apparently people like to shorten "fanfiction" into just "fic" because heaven forbid you waste your breath on saying the full thing. Then there's all this new lingo, learning to scroll through tags, and figuring out the stupid document manager.

But that's not the story you care about. Honestly, it's not the story I care about, either. My own life story is treacherously long, boring, and way too depressing. Even so, I didn't really want to die. I mean, who does? Wait, don't answer that.

I also really did not expect to get Isekai'd, and especially not by Truck-kun. And I wasn't even being heroic. Nope, I wasn't pushing any small children out of the path of an incoming monster truck. I was just stupid. One second the coast was clear, and the next I had a giant silver vehicle crushing into my side and whoops! My soul is suddenly not in my body anymore.

What a shame, too. I was listening to Hisoka's Kyousou Requiem during my dying breaths. Imagine how stupid it is to die with a sadistic, sexy clown breathing into your ear morbid subjects in a language you can't understand. Well, I don't have to imagine. It happened to me.

Damn you, Togashi.

Speaking of Togashi, where the hell is my Botan? I'm clearly dead. There's a me here, and there's a me about three meters below me, except no one can see the me that my consciousness is currently possessing and everyone else can see the mess of spilled blood that is the me lying on the ground.

Okay, I confess, that paragraph made no sense. My bad. My high school career had not been defined by books and writing as my middle school years had been. All high school did for me was allow me to fall into that deep spiraling hole we call anime. It's been a while since I read a real book. Point is, I'm dead, okay? You're smart. I trust you.

So there I was, waiting patiently for my turn to be isekai'd. How much longer would I have to wait? Kyousou Requiem had finished a while ago, and my playlist switched over to Departure! (after one of those spotify ads, of course). And it was Departure! second version. How much worse could this day get?

"Sorry for the wait."

Was my Botan finally here? I eagerly turned, looking for my grim reaper, but there were no blue-haired anime girls riding on paddles in sight. Just me, and a disembodied voice that was trying to talk to me.

"So, you're Illegal Mushrooms, right?"

Well, I didn't expect to be acknowledged by my anonymous pen name. Especially not after my death, and double-especially not by a mysterious voice.

"Unfortunately." I replied to the nothingness. I mean, there was a reason that I kept myself anonymous- who wants to strut into work announcing they still write cringey fanfiction and post it on the internet? "Whaddya want?"

"You're dead." The voice said matter-of-factly. "So we've decided to comply with your wishes."

Wishes? Hell if I knew what I wished for. I'd stopped wishing for things when birthday presents became Amazon gift cards.

"And what are those wishes?" I asked the voice impatiently. Below, people were swarming my dead body. Someone took the earbuds out of my ears. Damn, did they pause the music? We were almost at the Tonpa song!

Say what you will, but Tonpa's character song kind of bops.

"Self inserting. Choose your character, please."

In front of me appeared some kind of hologrammed screen that reminded me heavily of the Sims 4's Create-A-Sim menu. That's the most fun part about that game, by the way. Who wants to watch a fake version of yourself live a better life than you do?

Anyway, the menu showed me a digital model of someone who looked way too much like me. Well, it probably was me, you know, with the situation and all. Luckily, there were all kinds of fun options for me to customize. Yay! Step one, let's make my eyes a little bigger. Definitely slim down the nose. Maybe I can be a little shorter! And pull in that waist...

"Ooh, I can customize my name!" I squealed. Even though the disembodied voice had called me by my pen name, it had gotten my real name correct, so I quickly deleted that from the box. Nasty. "Hey, voicey-voice, where am I going?"

I was sort of hoping for some otome game action myself. Four or five extraordinarily handsome men fawning over average little MC me? Yes, please.

"Illegal Mushrooms, you have been slated to enter Hunter x Hunter." The voice told me. Damn, okay, crush my dreams like that. At least I love Hunter x Hunter.

"And which version?" It would be bad news for me if it was going to be the 1999 version or the manga version, since I'd never gotten around to finishing either of those before my untimely demise.

"2011. Aired by Studio Madhouse."

Perfect! With this in mind, I needed a cool new name for me. In the few fanfics I'd read before I died, people tended to push really unnatural names on their OCs. So I had a few options here.

"Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way" I quoted cheekily.

"Is that the name you have chosen?" the voice asked me.

"NO! God no, It's a joke, a joke." I waved my arms and got back to brainstorming. I need something cool. Should I pick a weeaboo wannabe-Japanese Kawaii girl name? That would be amusedly out of place. Or should I pick something stupidly simple like Karen? Emily? Allison?

"Yeah, what the hell, here we go." I typed in the name that came to mind and clicked the enter box. Below me, my real body was being carted away on a stretcher, not that it really mattered to me. I'm not too interested in watching the aftermath of my death. The sooner I can get isekai'd into Hunter x Hunter, the better.

"Have you completed your customizations?"

"Almost!" Just a few more finishing touches required. Like making my hair a little longer, changing it into a fun color (I went with pink- why the hell not, sometimes I just wanna be like Machi) and choosing an outfit from the many choices. Hunter x Hunter is pretty action-y, being a shonen and all that, so an outfit suited for combat would be preferable. Oh, speaking of action, can I increase my power stats?

Unfortunately for me, there weren't any stats I could find on the menu. Damn. I really wanted to max out the charisma points.

Well, if I'm getting isekai'd, I might as well look cute while I'm at it. Tennis skort. Cute blouse. Knee high socks. And every OC's favorite, combat boots. Hell yeah, I'm an anime girl now.

"Can I spawn in with any items?" I asked the voice as I placed my finishing touches.

"Anything accessible within the menu."

Neat. In that case, if I wanted to survive the exam, that would mean…

I selected my special items from the limited selection, and pressed the very handy green 'DONE' button at the bottom of the menu. It prompted me with an 'Are You Sure?' which I said yes to again.

"Okay, I'm ready! Can you put me in yet?" I called.

"Yes. Name: Portabella Mushroom."

Hehe. Might as well, right? I'm sure there's lots of cute nicknames you can pull from Portabella. Like Bella. Bell. Bells. Elle? Ella? The pun was too tempting for me not to. Besides, it's Hunter x Hunter. There's weirder names. Like Biscuit. Who tf thought Biscuit would be a great name? Togashi, I guess.

"Special add-ons: Choco-Robots and tampons."

Honestly, you really never know with these fics.

"Age: 13"

"Wait, what?" I jerked up from a sitting position. "Where did that come from? I don't wanna be 13!"

"The insertion process will begin in three…"

Here's where the panic sets in, where I realize I hadn't actually thought things through, and this first moment where I really fully registered that I am dead, that the person I once was is now gone, and I may or may not have jeopardized my reincarnation with the name 'Portabella' and some tampons.

"Two…"

Everything was growing blurry. Uh oh. Here we go… Let's hope the fics prepared me well.

"One!"