"Ben?"

He glances up from his reading to meet Rey's bright hazel eyes. "Yeah?"

She's biting her lips as she considers her words, a line furrowed between her brows. "So, I've been thinking." He nods encouragingly, straightening out of his seat as realization dawns. She is nervous for some reason. She's usually only nervous when they're discussing… "You've, well, you've been rather gentle with me. Haven't you? And I appreciate it. I really do. But I can tell there's more you'd like to do."

Ben's nostrils flare, the air sharp through his airway. "Rey."

"I won't get scared." She lays one delicate, hard working hand over his. "I know you're worried. I know you think you have to suppress these urges, but it's okay. I want to try."

He takes a deep breath. "It's… Rey, I've done some not very pretty things."

She snorts. "I've read a little, you know. I doubt you're into things like amputating me or scat." his brows shoot up at that. "And I'll have a safeword. I trust you, Ben. I want to know all of you, not just the parts of you that you deem acceptable for public consumption. You don't need to hide yourself from me."

He's bowled over by her clear dissection of him; it's true that he's been hiding from the darker parts of himself since coming back, She knows not all of his past is pretty. He wonders if she realizes just how much she's helped him maintain his balance as he's struggled toward the light. He owes her so much.

Ben squeezes her little hand in his, thumb traces over the veins and reedy bones. He owes her everything. "Alright."

They've negotiated over the past week, Ben mostly absent from her apartment as he's been busy with a work project. She also suspects he's been giving her space to consider everything carefully.

Some of what they've discussed has certainly made Rey nervous, but she has not once reconsidered; she wants to do this, to try exploring Ben's darkness with him. He's been bearing it alone all too long. And finally it's the night.

The scene will start as soon as she enters his apartment. She's only been there once and it was empty of all personality. Ben is hardly there. He prefers spending his time in her space when they are together.

She wears a white tank top and black yoga pants, black and white tennis shoes. A practical, simple outfit. One she also doesn't mind getting torn. She licks her lips and stares at the door, the solid mass of heavy white. It is seven minutes til. That's close enough, right? Fuck, she's nervous. The sweat from her palm makes the handle of her overnight bag feel slippery.

Her phone vibrates.

Are you going to sit out there all night?

She huffs. But he's right. Rey shoves her phone away and knocks three sharp raps. The door swings open to reveal nothing. She steps in and her gaze roves from left to right as the door slowly closes behind her. Then she feels him. At her back, like a hot shadow looming in.

"Welcome." His voice is different, deep and oddly muffled. Rey turns, frowning, but something is thrown over her head and she can't see. She begins to panic, hands flying to the forearm wrapped around her waist and her bag falling to the floor, forgotten. "Ah, ah, little one. That's no way to behave." He sweeps her up and Rey is disoriented by the sudden change in height. What is going on?

He smacks her lightly when he sets her on her feet again, startling her while he shoves her back against something hard, smooth, cool. Thick tension crosses her body and she realizes she is strapped to a fucking board.

"What?" she murmurs dizzily. "What's going on?"

Once she's bound to his specifications, the hood is pulled from her head and Rey shakes her hair out of her face to take in her surroundings.

This looks like an interrogation room. There's a black leather chair, his computer chair most likely, and a little table to her left just barely in sight. She can't see windows or the door. This is probably Ben's spare room, though it looks nothing like she'd expected.

And Ben. He's wearing all black, unrelieved, and a strange mask that completely obscures his face.

"Where am I?" she asks hesitantly.

She can hear the small smile as he says, "You're my guest."

"Why am I here?" Her heart is pattering frantically in her chest and she wonders at the thrill of genuine fear; not fear of Ben , necessarily, but of her blindness in this situation.

He stands and approaches her, almost too close. She can feel his gaze through the darkness of the mask. "I think you know."

Her tongue darts out to wet nervous, dry lips. "I won't give it to you." She has no idea what it is, but she feels the urge to resist him, to play the heroine to his villain.

He hums and the sound anves through her chest. He's so close now she's sure he can see her heart thudding through the white cotton of her shit. His gloved hand hovers near her temple. "You know I can take whatever I want."

Rey's lips part, throat strangling a moan. It's a threat, but also a promise. Her lashes flutter as the warm leather grazes her cheek. He's close enough now she can hear his breath through the material of the mask.

"You're so lonely, aren't you?" The line of his body seares her side. "SO afraid of being left, abandoned." The gloved fingers rub a stray lock of brown hair. "At night, desperate to sleep, you stay up and try to imagine a life where you're loved enough that no one ever leaves you."

Rey chokes out a gasp and tears rise unbidden to her eyes. This is Ben, her Ben, saying these things. And while she trusts him, there's something about him saying these words, obscured by that mask, that cuts to her heart.

"But you secretly worry even as your friends gather around you," he murmurs, "that they'll disappear the moment you're not convenient enough." The mask brushes the top of her head and one finger traces the path of an errant tear. "That you're not good enough, not enough, to love."

"Stop." It's a sob and she's shaking. But Rey shakes her head to clear it. This is Ben. She knows Ben. "I'm not giving you anything."

He steps back, leaving her strangely cold. "We'll see."

His back is to her as he seemingly stares down at the table. SHe's relegated to his periphery and her eyes narrow at his broad shoulders.

"You're afraid."

At the conviction in her voice, he aboutfaces, head tipped.

"Afraid you're just like him. " Her voice drops with each word and she bristles in response to the sudden tension in his body.

A beat.

His hand flies at her and the slap hurts, especially the firmness of his knuckles through the leather, but it startles her more and her hazel eyes widen in shock. "You do not have the control here.," he hisses.

"And you do? So much that you have to hide yourself in a mask?" she bites back.

He steps away again. After a hesitation he pulls it off, runs a hand through his black hair. "There." He locks gazes on her.

Rey has never seen him like this before. His expression is cold, empty, but his eyes are like amber fire, fiercely proud. Her face colors red and she abruptly turns her cheek against the cool table.

He's now in front of her, his trousers brushing her legs, hands skimming up her sides. "You can't resist me forever."

"I can try."

It's hours later when he's pulling her off the table, taking her sore and heavy body in his arms to hold her against his chest, that she realizes she may have needed that as much as he did. The pain from carbon fiber rods and the tears from cruel words, the bruises from hands and other things, all of it seems to have cleansed her. His hands, now bare, massage her wrists and arms to return proper blood flow.

She feels wrung out, empty.

Ben tips her chin up and smiles gently down at her. "You're not alone."

Rey blinks up at him and plants a tender kiss against plush lips. His eyes are softer now and she can see the trace of fear at the corners. "Neither are you."

A weight lifts from him and he grips her in his lap, breathing into her hair with sob. She's pushed him tonight, as much as she's pushed herself. They've faced his darkness, his cruelty, and come out together and stronger.

Neither of them has to be alone ever again.

Notes:

First, I am sooo sorry for those who saw all the formatting issues. Here's the final chapter as apology

So I didn't want to write out a long, intense scene. I could have added more smut, etc, but I kind of wanted to shift the focus. Sadists and masochists deal with a lot of guilt over their desires. Since this is a kinky, sadistic (but not evil) Ben, I wanted to show how that guilt can manifest, wanted to explore resolution and forgiveness, acceptance as well.

Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed this little foray.