"The Missing Professor"

Rated T for a little bit of safety.

Summary: Byleth has gone missing and now the rest of the Black Eagles now have to go search for him in the middle of class. However, it finally ends in a very shocking scene that no one would have ever imagined until now.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or the games of the Fire Emblem franchise, most notably the Three Houses rendition. All of it is owned by Nintendo. Anyway, this is my first fic for the Fire Emblem fandom, mostly about the new game Fire Emblem: Three Houses, which I will be making stories about from now on. This one's gonna be a good humorous story with a surprise you'll expect in the end. So, grab your best bag of delicious Nacho-flavored Doritos, your best 20 ounce Mountain Dew and enjoy, my dear friends.

"Ugggggh, where on earth is he?"

Groaned a very agitating Edelgard Von Hresvelg, who was growing very restless in the seat that she was sitting alongside her faithful servant, Hubert Von Vestra. It had been only around 20 minutes after the bell rang (which would obviously signal the beginning of class), and so far the professor of this class, Byleth Eisner, hadn't shown his face in this classroom.

"I swear, it's only 9:20 and our professor hasn't shown up." Edelgard said, still growing restless as ever.

Hubert then comforted her by saying, "I'm certain he has a good idea why he's late."

"Yeah, but it was never this long!" Edelgard nodded over to him.

The student that was sitting far away to Edelgard, Caspar Von Bergliez, shrugged and said, "What gives, by the way? I want to know how many different types of swords that can be useful to any battlefield I step into!"

"Same here," His classmate alongside him, Petra, nodded in unison, "I can not learn anything from importance if our dear professor is not going to be showing up on time."

At another far side of the table, the only auburn-haired classmate of the bunch, Ferdinand Von Aegir, smirked regally as he found himself laying back on his seat and said, "Eh, you know professors like these, they all have to run late like always. I'm pretty sure our professor is doing just that as we speak. I wouldn't worry about that by the way."

From Ferdinand's words came around ten minutes full of pure, physical silence between the entire Black Eagles class. Throughout these last ten minutes, the rest of the class were being treated to the sounds of Linhardt's annoying snoring, which by the way, was bothering Bernadetta to the point where she had to scoot an inch away from him. Not also that, but Caspar's entire pen was dinging back and forth towards the table, which was starting to bother and agitate Edelgard to death. Well, not as much as the clock ticking over and over again from far away in the room, but it was still agitating to her.

The ten minutes past long enough for Edelgard to stand up out of her seat and shout, "Okay, I'm sick of this, should we find him?"

"Well, might as well go look for him anyway." Hubert said as he too got out of his seat. "I'm not sure what annoys me more, Caspar's pen tapping or Linhardt's snoring?"

"Either way, I can't take much more of this. Let's go find him." The future white-haired emperor said as she headed straight for the door, with Hubert, Caspar, Petra and Ferdinand following her out.

But before they could though, Bernadetta spoke up from her seat and said, "Excuse me, what should we do about Linhardt though? Should we take him along?"

"Nah, let's leave him like he is," Caspar shook his head, "There's a good chance his snoring's gonna slow us down."

Ferdinand nodded as he said, "I agree with Caspar right there."

But then out of nowhere, a light bulb appeared on top of his head, indicating an idea in mind as Caspar smirked, "Although I do have a good idea..."

The search for their dear blue-haired professor had officially begun. Of course, they immediately began to split up in complete pairs. The first place that Edelgard and Hubert had searched for was the Dining Hall. So far, they had no luck at all. The only thing they could find so far was the sight of Alois stuffing his face with a buttload of fish that he had caught himself. Thankfully he didn't shout at them this time.

The next place that both Caspar and Petra searched for was at the Cathedral itself. Alas, the only thing they found themselves was the sight of one of those knights associated from the Church of Seiros passing out in one of those seats with alcohol attached to their lips. They obviously didn't want to know why someone was drinking in the middle of their job and in front of the house of the Goddess themselves.

Ferdinand and Bernadetta ended up searching for Byleth in the middle of the training grounds themselves. Yet, the two didn't have any luck themselves. All the two ever found was the sight of both Catherine and Shamir having an arm wrestling contest next to the fireplace. They would have left except for the fact that Ferdinand got challenged to an arm wrestling contest by Catherine... and lost. Although a bit painfully though as Ferdinand nearly came this close though to breaking his arm. Catherine wanted to challenge Bernadetta too, but she backed out right away by sprinting out of the training grounds like an Olympic track runner. Who knew a scaredy-cat could run like that was anyone's guess.

Every one of the places inside the Garreg Mach Monastery that the Black Eagles checked into was useless.

The Conservatory? Nope.

The fishing pond? Nada.

Byleth's own dormitory? Nothing.

The graveyard? Out of the question.

One of the rooms that the professors resided? None, except for the fact that Hanneman was trying to enjoy his breakfast in peace without anyone trying to bothering him. The goddess's own chambers didn't help though as Lady Rhea was out reading one of the books from the library just to kill some time. There was the possibilities that Byleth went on one of the missions without informing them, but the professor would have at least let his students know he was going out beforehand.

After only a good thirty minutes full of searching around the entire monastery, both Edelgard and Hubert came back to their classroom looking very annoyed and tired, forcing Edelgard to roll her eyes and groan, "Okay, that's it. I give up."

"I can't believe it only took us an entire half-hour to look around." Hubert groaned as well.

Caspar and Petra re-entered the classroom next, leaving the teal-haired youngster to groan too, "I found no luck too."

"Although we did find a drunk knight slumbered on the bench when we found him." Petra nodded over to Edelgard and Hubert.

"That sounds like something Manuela would do." Edelgard nodded back.

It took a minute before Ferdinand and Bernadetta came back to the classroom, leaving Caspar to turn his head to the duo.

"Any luck yourself?" asked the youngster.

Bernadetta shook his head and said, "Nope. Not at all. Except that Ferdinand got completely owned in arm wrestling."

"It's not my fault Catherine whooped my butt!" Ferdinand exclaimed with his arm still sore, all before stating, "I don't know how her arms got so big!"

"A lot of the training will do apparently do that to you." Petra said, patting him on the shoulder.

Caspar then shrugged by saying, "I don't get it, we've searched all around this monastery and yet our professor's nowhere to be seen. I swear, if Dorothea was here with us, I'm certain she'd know where he is."

"Yeah," Edelgard said before she looked to the left and right for an odd feeling in her mind and asked, "Speaking of which, how come no one's seen Dorothea today?"

Bernadetta then spoke out by answering, "She's out sick with the cold. I know that because I had to go check on her early this morning."

All of this talk of where Dorothea was managed to wake Linhardt right out of his slumber and yawned very heavily in a weariness tone.

"What on earth is all this racket coming from?" Linhardt said to the classmates.

"Our professor's gone missing, Linhardt." Edelgard replied, looking at him with a weirded out stare. "Oh, and when in the heck do you slobber in your sleep?"

Linhardt, still looking weary and tired as ever, groaned out and said, "I don't know, but I swear, I gotta stop doing that all the time. Anyway, where does the professor keep the paper towels at?"

"Over at the supply closet where the professor keeps his things." Petra replied by pointing to the supply closet, while at the same time trying not to hold in her laughter for some reason.

"Ah, thanks." Linhardt nodded as he wobbled over to the supply closet like a zombie. Before he could open it though, he couldn't help but somehow notice that the rest of his classmates all looked at him a bit funny. He turned around to raise his eyebrow at them and say, "By the way, why exactly are you looking at me like that?"

"Oh, nothing." Ferdinand shrugged in response (as so did the rest of them).

"Okay, then." Linhardt nodded yet again, all before opening the door to the supply closet.

When he did though, his jaw immediately dropped to the floor before uttering out, "Oh... my... god." to the rest of his classmates, which all scurried right behind him to see a very shocking sight that they didn't expect to see before them just now:

They saw the sight of their professor Byleth wrapping his arms all around Dorothea in a passionate embrace. But it wasn't just any embrace that they saw. They saw them half-commando with professor's entire cape covering his and Dorothea's entire sweat-filled bodies as if they somehow engaged in a passion-filled lovemaking session, which much to their surprise had done in front of the entire Black Eagles watching in surprise.

"Mmmmmm, you were amazing, Professor..." Dorothea said, nuzzling deep into her blue-haired lover's chest.

Byleth then cracked a bit of a smile and said, "I could say the same thing to you, songstress..."

The two engaged in another passionate kiss before they were cut off with an "Ahem" from Linhardt, which forced both Byleth and Dorothea to turn to the shocked Black Eagles house with an embarrassed blush now lighting their faces as of right now.

"What... the... hell?" Edelgard said, reacting in shock.

Dorothea, looking red-faced as ever said to her friends, "Um, this isn't what it actually looks like, I swear."

"Yeah, what she said." Byleth nodded to his students while gesturing over to Dorothea, "You see, Dorothea was helping me mend over my father's death and before you knew it, she kinda came up to me and... well, you can probably know where that ended up between us."

The songstress then nodded to her classmates, "So that's what happened between me and him."

Dorothea immediately finished her response to her friends, which all led to nothing more than silence for Edelgard, Hubert, Petra, Caspar, Bernadetta, Ferdinand and Linhardt combined for a good several seconds.

Byleth then broke the silence by saying, "Ummm, can you give me and Dorothea another few minutes here to rest here? We'd like that."

And then it all ended with Byleth shutting the door in front of the Black Eagles's faces, still leaving them a lot of time to process what they saw in a state of unexpected shock.

And yet that was all broken when Edelgard scowled at her classmates and said, "You all didn't even bother checking the supply closet?!"

"I'm certain no one does, Edie!" Ferdinand shrugged back.

Edelgard then responded with nothing more but a big facepalm, literally having nothing more to say.

It remained like that for a second before Byleth opened the supply closer door back and said to everyone, "By the way, if everyone of you even thinks of telling Lady Rhea what you saw, you are all getting suspended."

He then looked over to Linhardt and said with a raised eyebrow, "By the way, Linhardt, someone drew on your face."

"Huh?" Linhardt said to himself as Byleth shut the supply closer door back up.

This gave plenty of time for Linhardt to look at himself in the mirror to see "I SUCK, CVB RULES" written all over his face. "I SUCK" was on the top of his forehead while "CVB RULES" was on the bottom of his left chin, which thankfully wasn't wiped off from the slumberous slobber that was left from his chin.

However, once he knew what the initials "CVB" belonged to, he looked to Caspar with such an angry death stare on his face and shouted, "YOU'RE DEAD, CASPAR!"

And it all ended with Caspar shaking his butt right at him, which caused a bit of a cat-and-mouse chase between Caspar and an embarrassed Linhardt, who right now realized why the rest of the Black Eagles were looking at him funny. It was all because he was pranked right out of nowhere.

Despite that though, that wouldn't be compared to the sight that they saw when it came to seeing their dear professor Byleth and Dorothea getting it on inside a supply closet. And perhaps, maybe it was best for them to forget what they saw. Especially for a long time.

Yeah, you heard me right, I ship (male) Byleth with Dorothea and I'm proud to admit that. I've done both the Church/Edelgard routes and I got them married twice. That's how much I adore the couple to death, especially the C-S support conversations between them. It is so sweet and adorable that I have such a soft spot for them.

So you can expect a lot more stories between the awesome blue-haired professor and beautiful songstress from me from now on. Mostly humorous and takes place when they're married post-timeskip as well. Anyway, R&R and leave some feedback if you want to see more funny FE3H goodness from me.

Until then, peace out, dudes!