IPC #951 - [Title] The War Inside
365 #182 - Lazy

Summer Seasonal Prompts:
Days of the Year - July 11, St Benedict Day - Write about someone helping someone overcome a period of darkness.
National Anti-Boredom Month - 3. Complete a jigsaw puzzle - Write about two people who fit together perfectly.
Unlucky Month for Weddings - 18. [Word] Marriage
National Ice Cream Month - 3. Buttermilk - Unusual
Romance Awareness Month - ElizabethDarcy
National Indoor Plant Month - 1. Asparagus Fern - [trait] resilient
Tarot Reading - 8. Knight of Pentacles (upright) - Write about someone needing to be reminded that someone will stand by them in difficult times.
Build-a-Fairytale - Stage 1: The Opening - 8. We're stuck in an eternal winter - [season] winter

Camp Hogwarts Prompts:
Tug of War - 9. [Genre] Hurt/Comfort
Archery - 8. [Emotion] Sadness
Dodgeball - 22. [Genre] Hurt/Comfort
Baking - 11. Icebox cookies - [Season] Winter
Dino DNA - 3. Baryonyx - Write about something heavy (physical or not)
Animal Tracking - 4. Zebra prints - Write about staying in pajamas all day
Gold Panning - 5. [Word] Whisper
Balloon Animals - 7. Hedgehog - [Genre] Hurt/Comfort
Cat & Mouse - 5. [Emotion] Anxious
Simon Says - 4. [Emotion] Shame

o . o . o

The War Inside

Elizabeth rose with the sun, a habit that she had started long before her marriage. Though she had let it lapse while she and Darcy were on their wedding tour, she had quickly resumed the practice once they had returned to Pemberley. Each morning, she would rise early and grab one of her husband's long overcoats, wrapping it around herself as she walked around their estate. By the time she returned, the household staff would be bustling about the mansion, lighting fires and beginning their tasks for the day. Elizabeth would return to the bedroom, dress for the day, and then follow the delicious smells of breakfast down to the small dining room, where she would find Darcy, newspaper open on the table.

On this particular morning, however, Elizabeth returned to their bedroom to find her husband still abed, the heavy comforter drawn up around his chin. His dark curls were sprawled against the ivory silk pillowcase, and Elizabeth was unable to resist the urge to run her fingers through them.

"Wake up, William, my love," she whispered, pressing a kiss to his temple as she smoothed out his hair.

Much like her family had the privilege of calling her 'Lizzie', Elizabeth had been delighted to discover that Georgiana called her brother 'William' and had taken to doing the same. The name suited him as well - all at once proud and handsome and distinguished.

"I cannot," he murmured, nuzzling his face deeper into the pillow.

"Do as you like, but if you don't dress and come down soon, breakfast will be entirely cleared away," she teased, kissing him softly again.

She picked out a deep emerald dress for the day - long sleeves, as she felt it might snow - and then made her way down to breakfast. As she left, she cast a glance over her shoulder for one more look at her husband. It was unusual for him to sleep late - unheard of to her, in fact - and it worried her. She hoped he wasn't getting sick. He hadn't felt warm to her touch though, so Elizabeth hoped that it was the winter chill driving him to stay amongst the warm blankets a bit longer. He would be down soon and all would be normal.

Except that he wasn't. Darcy never made it down to breakfast, nor did he appear in the library at any point afterward. Elizabeth had managed to lose herself in The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, and before she knew it, the afternoon sun was glinting off a foot of snow. And still Darcy was nowhere to be seen.

Curious and concerned, Elizabeth decided to check the bedroom, to see if he was still there. Much to her dismay, he was in nearly the exact same spot as when she had left him hours earlier.

"William?" Elizabeth probed quietly, stepping into the room as softly as she could. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," a muffled groan replied.

"Really, you should get out of bed, I know it's a bit chilly, but it -"

"I cannot do it, Elizabeth!" he snapped, and she could see him fist his fingers in his hair. His body seemed to shake, and his voice immediately dropped to a regretful whisper. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Elizabeth walked around the bed until she stood on her side, looking at her husband's face. He seemed positively distraught, anguish twisting all his features, and she could see the dull glisten of tears on his cheeks. More than a little alarmed by the state of her husband, Elizabeth made a quick decision, pulling back the heavy blanket and sliding underneath it. She wriggled closer to him, reaching for his hands and folding them in her own.

"Please tell me what's going on," she pleaded, running her thumbs across his knuckles the way she had done that morning in the field months ago, when she'd first agreed to be his wife.

"I - it's like this sometimes," Darcy whispered, his eyes closed from her view. "Since I was a boy, it would happen sometimes, there would be days when I simply couldn't function. I'm useless, I can't even get out of bed, and my thoughts are… so dark. It's so dark, Elizabeth."

She was quiet as she tried to process this information. It was such a startling development, that her husband, her strong, proud husband, could have such demons living in his mind.

"You must think I'm so weak," he sighed, squeezing his eyes tighter. "So despicable, such a disappointment."

"I think no such thing," Elizabeth rebuked. "You're not weak, and I do not despise you for this, or anything else. Please talk to me. You have a partner now to help you manage this. Tell me all the dark thoughts and I will shed light on them."

"I -"

"Please William, let me help you."

"The words you once said are gripping me - my arrogance and conceit, selfish disdain for the feelings of others," he frowned as he repeated them, a crease forming between his eyebrows. He looked pained, and Elizabeth could feel a flush spreading across her cheeks. "That I was the last man you could ever be prevailed upon to marry."

"But I did marry you," she refuted, reaching out to stroke his cheek and wipe away the wetness there. She regretted the words she had said that day more than anything else in her life.

"Out of gratitude for what I'd done, out of duty, out of that sense of defiance after my aunt expressed her feelings," he said, finally opening his eyes to look at her. She could see in his blue eyes how much he believed what he was saying at that moment.

"Fitzwilliam Darcy, listen to me now,"Elizabeth said sternly, tilting her husband's chin up until his gaze met hers. "I love you. I did not marry you because I felt obliged to do so. Not because I was grateful to you, not because I thought it would save my family. I married you because I love you. You are wonderful, you challenge me every day, you are kinder than anybody knows. I love you with all my heart. Do you believe me?"

Darcy nodded, but his eyes still looked sad.

"Tell me," she insisted, wanting to soothe all his worries.

"I'm not worthy of your love," he answered, looking down in shame.

"Do you love me?" Elizabeth asked.

"Of course," Darcy answered without hesitation.

"Then you should consider the insult that is to me," Elizabeth continued, looking at him seriously. "Do you think I would ever give my body and my heart to someone who wasn't worthy of my affection?"

"No, of course not," he replied, sighing slightly.

"Do you feel any better?"

"A bit," he admitted, reaching out for her. "You are magnificent."

Elizabeth cuddled closer to him, settling her head against his chest and listening to his heart beating. She could feel his breath ruffling her hair and his fingertips gripping the back of her dress.

"I'm sorry that you have such a flawed husband," Darcy whispered quietly into her hair.

"All men are flawed, my love, that's why it took me so long to find one worth marrying," Elizabeth replied. "I'm not sorry at all, I'm quite fond of my flawed husband."

"I'm quite fond of my perfect wife," he answered, making Elizabeth smile.

"I think," Elizabeth began, climbing out of bed briefly and peeling off her dress, slipping back into bed clad in just her shift and corset, "that we should spend the rest of the afternoon snuggled up in bed. It's still snowing outside, and you know how much I love watching the snow fall. And perhaps we can even convince Mrs. Smith to bring dinner up here. We'll be entirely lazy, and I'll remind you all evening how much I love you."

"You would do that?" Darcy asked, entirely surprised by her proposition.

"Happily," Elizabeth assured him.

He pulled her down for a kiss, his hand skimming the edge of her petticoat.

"Perhaps if you're feeling up to it, we could even work on making our family tonight," she suggested. Elizabeth wasn't entirely sold on the idea of motherhood - her own mother wasn't exactly a paragon of the position - but she did enjoy the process of making a child with Darcy very, very much.

"Who says we must wait until tonight?" Darcy replied, kissing her more deeply and sweeping his hand beneath her skirts to brush delicately over her leg.

Elizabeth giggled into his kiss, letting Darcy pull her closer. She was always happy when she was with her husband, but especially so this afternoon, having seen his mood improve so much. She realized that the issue was far from solved - if he had been suffering like this since childhood, then in all likelihood it would never be solved - but she liked to think that at least now, with her by his side to help him, Darcy would be able to manage a little bit better than before.