TINA: Calling all 'Gleeks!'

ARTIE: I'm Artie Abrams.

TINA: And I'm Tina Cohen-Chang.

ARTIE: We became best friends and lovers as two of the most dependable members of the original New Directions.

TINA: And now we're doing the New Directions recap podcast that literally no one was asking for!

ARTIE: No one! Each week, we'll take you behind the scenes...

TINA: Spill all the glee tea...

ARTIE: And breakdown our favorite competitions with former teammates, coaches, and competitors that brought each show to life.

TINA: This is...Showmance! Competition Recap Edition!

ARTIE: I think everyone needs a little more Tartie in their lives.

TINA: Hi, Artie, how have you been?

ARTIE: Hi, Tina. I'm good. Just trying to find enough stuff I can do inside, you know. (pause) Just kidding, I've sort of been preparing my whole life for this, so you could say, not much has changed.

TINA: Totally. Same here. Okay, so let's get to it. Today, for our first episode of Showmance, we have a couple of very special guests here... well, not here...

ARTIE: On Zoom.

TINA: On Zoom. And they've agreed to be our very first guest commentators. Okay, before I get into introducing our very special guests, let me explain how all of this is going to work. Each week, we're rewatching one of our competitions, everything from Sectionals to Nationals, from freshman year to graduation, to take you behind the scenes of a basic Midwest high school show choir.

ARTIE: We figured since it's now been ten years since our first competition... and we're all gonna be stuck inside, killing time, for awhile anyway, that we'd just go for it. And you may be wondering, why us...

TINA: Why us? Afterall, the only real competition solo I got only went to me because no one else could sing in Korean and Artie lost his chance at being the leading man after Rachel Berry sunk Sit Down, You're Rocking the Boat.

ARTIE: Less is more, Tina.

TINA: Thanks, Artie. Anyway, without further ado, everyone give it up for our favorite counselor, Mrs. Emma Pillsbury-Schuester and our fearless leader, Mr. Will Schuester! It's the Schues! First off, it's an honor to have your as our first guests, how have you been?

EMMA: We're doing great, Tina. You know, I personally don't mind staying inside, especially for the protection of our health and the health of others. We've been cleaning, organizing, trying out new hobbies, cleaning...

WILL: Needless to say, we've had plenty of time on our hands. Re-watching Sectionals was not hard to fit into the schedule. This first one's special to me, since I didn't get to see you all live, in person. It's also what bonded Emma and I, it was sort of the starting point of our relationship. But, enough about us, let's get to it.

ARTIE: As we all remember, the original setlist for our very first sectionals included Don't Stop Believing, And I'm Telling You - Mercedes' show-stopping ballad - and... let's have a moment of silence for the other big show-stopper of that setlist, that sadly never got to be featured, despite the elaborately-designed stage ramps we built from some wood that Puck claimed fell off a truck and despite the fact that my parents rented us a travel trailer for all the wheelchairs...

TINA: Proud Mary. Yeah, I'm not going to lie, second only to everyone basically forgetting about the option of defaulting to True Colors for the ballad, having all of our original song selections be sabotaged... that was one of the biggest disappointments ever.

ARTIE: And I didn't really know what to tell my parents. They weren't quite sure how Mr. Schue managed to find eleven multi-colored wheelchairs in mint condition without majorly blowing the budget either, but I digress.

EMMA: I have to say, as your substitute advisor, I was truly tested. There was a moment backstage, when you were ramming yourself against the wall, Artie, and Jacob Ben Israel didn't make it to the little boys' room — that I started to panic.

ARTIE: So, let's set the scene, shall we? Our set list has just been stolen, with one of our competitors taking two of our numbers and the other one taking the third. Now, granted, we probably could have done Somebody to Love again.

TINA: Or True Colors.

ARTIE: Or Jump.

TINA: Or Keep Holding On.

ARTIE: Or Push It. Okay, maybe not Push It. Not unless we wanted to go for the scandal vote.

TINA: But did we do a number that we already had complete choreography ready for? Oh, no. Because that's not our style. Rushed, last-minute, panicked, that's our style.

ARTIE: I think I speak for all of us when I say bravo.

WILL: But, Artie, it was brilliant! Truly amazing. Obviously the performances spoke for themselves, but I wish I could have told the judges that, not only was that amazing, but that you all pulled it off without any rehearsal.

ARTIE: What was it Kurt said to Rachel? "If anyone's gonna belt it on the fly, it's you." I have to say, I admired him and Mercedes both a lot, in that moment, because they were right but it took a lot for them to admit that. What with after everything we'd been through, with Mercedes demanding her solo in the choir room, with the diva-off for Defying Gravity...

TINA: Defying Gravity, another potential Sectionals solo right there, but no, that would've been too easy. Anyway, that's not the point... the point is that Rachel killed it, meanwhile, what you didn't see was us, backstage before we decided, at the last minute, to plan that big, attention-grabbing entrance from the audience. And then we all went running.

ARTIE: No, you all did. I had to stay backstage and freak out alone!

TINA: Sorry, Artie. But anyway, back to our last-minute rehearsal, Mike looks like he's going to cry because he, Brittany, and Matt are frantically trying to make up something and we're such a mess, we're working on lyrics, harmonies, all in a matter of minutes.

ARTIE: But I just remember the eye of the hurricane the whole time — that was Finn. He was going around, encouraging everybody, saying, "we've got this." And... we did. We did have it.

TINA: Totally. I'll never forget the moment we assembled on that stage and our perfect harmonies. It wasn't quite the magic of Don't Stop, but You Can't Always Get What You Want was a close second.

ARTIE: Only we didn't come in second, uh-uh, we won that (GLEE!)

EMMA: Artie! (nervous laughter) Sorry, sometimes I still feel like I'm a teacher.

WILL: It was a great moment. But even greater was when you all sang My Life Would Suck Without You, and it was the push I needed to stop Emma from walking out of my life. Because my life would suck without her. And without all of you.

TINA: Mr. Schue! I did good, I made it this far without crying, and now you've wrecked me! We love you guys. (sniffles)

ARTIE: We do, we love you guys. And that's a wrap on the first episode of Showmance! Competition Recap Edition. Stay tuned for next week, when we recap Regionals with the only reason anyone remembers Regionals...

ARTIE/TINA: Quinn Fabray!