A/N: Ideas come and go, as does motivation to write in the first place. For all of the SG-Harry fans…I'm sorry. I wish I would update that story too, I really like it, but at the moment it just doesn't want to be written.

What's an author to do?

Well, I guess what I'm doing is writing other stuff until the muse returns. So…here's my take on One Punch Man ending up on Earth Bet. Enjoy.

Oh, and since OPM doesn't actually take place in Japan, I'm handwaving the language issues. Deal with it.

Saitama was a bit confused. The last thing he remembered was going to sleep on his futon in his apartment and having a tantalizing dream about some race of monsters calling themselves the 'True Earthlings.' But now he was wide awake on the beach near some unfamiliar city, dressed in his hero outfit, drenched from the absolutely torrential downpour of rain, and there was a loud siren permeating the air.

"Well," he said aloud, "this is new."

Before he could wonder too deeply about what was going on, he noticed an approaching tsunami. Just as he started to wonder whether or not he could punch this particular problem into submission without making it worse he noticed the strange, almost apelike green monster riding the center of the wave as though it were a surfboard. That simplified things quite a bit.

Saitama gauged the distance and rate of approach of the monster for a few seconds, and then jumped. As an outside observer, one could be forgiven for thinking that he had used some form of teleportation, but the new crater in the pavement he left behind would have suggested otherwise. In much less than a second, he had crossed the distance between himself and the water monster. As he swung a casual punch at it, he idly wondered whether the impact would deal with the tsunami, or whether he'd have to deal with that after he killed the monster.

Then his punch landed. The impact was tremendous in more ways than one.

The force of his own blow knocked Saitama back around 100 meters because the monster was WAY tougher than it looked. It didn't look all that weak, either. Saitama was too stunned as he flew backward to notice anything going on around him. Instead, only one thing was running through his incredibly shocked mind:

It didn't die when I punched it.

The thought ran back and forth through his mind nearly ten times before he realized what it actually meant. This monster was strong as hell. His typically blank expression slowly disappeared as surprise took its place. Then he hit the water. This shocked him out of his contemplation, not least because he was traveling at nearly 100 miles per hour at the time. Righting himself took a few seconds, as he awkwardly flailed his arms to arrest the spinning motion his impact with the water had caused when he skipped off the surface and then landed mostly on his feet the next time…only to sink into the water after skimming some distance over the surface and causing a sizeable plume of water to spray into the air. Fortunately, he was able to tread water as he took stock of the situation once more. It seemed that the tsunami from earlier had been mostly disrupted by the impact of his punch, though he could still see two greatly diminished 'ends' of the wave approaching the shore at a slightly slower pace than the wave had initially maintained. What worried him more, however, was the fact that the monster had vanished entirely. He knew he'd hit it, and he knew he'd felt it take the blow without exploding into a mess of giblets like most of his opponents did, so where had it-

Something grabbed his legs and pulled him under the water with astonishing speed. Right, he thought to himself, of course the water monster doesn't always swim on the surface. This is why I hate fighting in the water. Several very confusing seconds later, after what he could only figure was a determined attempt to rip him in half and twist him into a complicated knot, he was thrown violently out of the water on a high parabolic arc. Before he'd even bothered to twist himself to see his landing zone, someone caught him. Effortlessly. While he was sailing through the air faster than he usually bothered to jump because he'd just break whatever he jumped off of if he jumped that hard.

He looked up at the lady who was carrying him. She had a sleek sort of gray outfit on, and a badass helmet. "Damn, lady," he said, "you're strong."

She looked down at him in disbelief. "I'm strong? You just took Leviathan's arm off with a single blow!"

Saitama looked back at the water. "I know," he said, "I could have sworn I hit it hard enough to kill it."

The woman's eyes narrowed. "Are you implying that you could have hit it harder?"

Saitama shrugged as best he could while being held in a bridal carry. "Well, yeah. But usually if I hit things that hard the energy from the blow wipes out everything for miles behind whatever I'm hitting."

The woman gave him a contemplative sort of look, then examined the water below. "If Leviathan does show himself again, there's nothing but ocean for miles behind him. You shouldn't need to hold back."

"Okay."

But for some strange reason, the monster they called Leviathan never showed its face in Brockton Bay again.

[WATER CONTROLLER]

Error: Excessive force used against self. Violation of RULES.

[TIME MONITOR]

Threat perceived. Non-host entity responsible. RULES inapplicable to threat entity.

[ENERGY CONTROLLER]

Problem: Threat entity exceeds any known capacity for dynakinetic redirection or absorbtion. Countermeasures impossible to calculate.

[SHARD MONITOR]

Problem: No known combination of Shard capabilities can threaten threat entity. Countermeasures impossible to calculate.

[ADMINISTRATIVE SELECTOR]

Threat entity is ally in fight against WARRIOR. Do not attempt to seriously harm threat entity.

It was a little known fact even among shards of the Entities that the THINKER's primary combat engines could feel surprise, but that didn't stop waves of shock and almost emotional distress from rebounding across said combat engines' entire communication network at this latest instruction from [ADMINISTRATIVE SELECTOR].

A few months later…

[SHARD SELECTOR]

If you do not listen to threat entity, it will terminate you permanently.

[ENERGY MANIPULATOR]

…Acknowledged.

…

[SHARD SELECTOR]

New RULES laid out by threat entity are to be followed at all times.

[COMBAT ENGINE CONSENSUS]

ACKNOWLEDGED.

16 years later

Saitama stared at the golden man. "So," he said, "I hear you're about to try to wipe humanity from existence."

There was no reply, but he somehow got the sense that the golden man was feeling indignant about something.

"Well, whether you're going to try or not, this is your warning. If you try to exterminate humanity, I will end you."

Suddenly, the golden man felt much more afraid than indignant, and then disappeared in a flash of golden light. Saitama stared at the space where the alleged 'greatest hero of mankind' had been.

"Huh," he said to himself, "that was anticlimactic."

And everyone lived happily ever after. Well, mostly. I mean, it is Earth Bet. Still, with One Punch Man on the job, suffering was at an all time low. So…the end.

If you want a more satisfying ending, write the damn story yourself. But if you honestly believe Zion would think for an instant that he stood a chance against Saitama, I personally think you're crazy. :P