Author Notes:

Well, hello there! You know me, it's me! Your friendly wizard fellow Wiccan to publish (another) story! HOWEVER! I'll have you know that this story in particular was a personal request from a close friend of mine, therefore I cannot ignore the request even if I want to.

In any case, that doesn't mean this story will be left in the dust or that my other fics will be discontinued, mind you! I'm merely taking his opportunity to smoothly present this new project.

This time, I am here to present you a Self-Insert fic whose main stage will be in the Senran Kagura world! If you haven't heard about it, this franchise is basically a series of fighting videogames where the main characters are a bunch of busty and alluring shinobi girls fighting each other! The game and the setting is interesting, the characters are well-crafted and (of course) the ecchi scenes are a godsend haha! Not only that, this franchise already have its own Manga and Anime series for goodness' sake!

Anyway, leaving my rambling aside, hope you like this new fic of mine! Remember to give me your reviews! Happy reading!

Chapter 1: Troublesome Meeting with a Chūnibyō R.O.B!

Ever since ancient times, Mankind always had a morbid fascination with one phenomenon in particular, even moreso than the Laws of Physics of the Meaning of Life. Its importance was basically our headstart motivator that alows us to reach new highs in order to achieve the greatest feats in the least time possible and immortalize our achievements in history so our existence won't be forgotten by the world.

Perhaps you know which phenomenon I am talking about. We had faced it and tried to overcome it ever since the first time we realized our own mortality when the first human passed away. And in a world full of dangers due the new apparition of diseases like the Covid-19, most persons tend to talk and think about it more than often.

I'm talking about Death.

It's a phenomenon shroud in mystery and dread, mostly due the fact that it was the cessation of all biological functions that keep you moving. It's the end line we reach when our biological clocks stop dead tracks.

However, we aren't exactly interested in Death per se… But what lies beyond it. Several scientists, religious orders and philosophers tried to decipher this mystery.

What lies beyond the thin veil of Death?

Most people that follow the ancient laws of their religions have a common ground regarding this question. They say that after dying, your immortal soul either rise to Heaven and live a new 'immortal life' full of happiness or fall to Hell when dreadful demons will torture you to the end of time.

Some religions and philosophers even say that Life and Death are but mere piece of something greater, a never-ending cycle where souls circulates through all realms to impart experience and wisdom or be recycled to bring life to new life forms across the world.

Heck, there are even those who state that Death is the ultimate end. That there is nothing outside this material world and that dying is but a simple reaction any biological organisms suffer when their cells reach their expiration date or are being killed by other organisms.

There are so many theories and opinions that I would need a whole day to emphasize more in those who hold more weight and then make philosophic conclusion that is not even an answer.

So, you tell me, what is death? Is it simply the cessation of all biological functions that keep you moving? Or is there a deeper philosophical question behind the term? Is there a life beyond this realm? Are we just simple creature with no meaning but create new offspring to legate our cellular information? Or are we part of a greater system in the Universe where we are all connected to no another in a never-ending cycle of Destruction and Creation?

Who knows? Those are questions that perhaps no one can respond… That's what I thought before finding myself in this predicament just when I realized I was death all along! Then, I got my answer to these questions!

However, before we go into details. I think it's a good time for introductions and tell more things about myself.

Hello everyone, my name is… Well, I guess it has little to no actual meaning due my circumstances as a Death Soul, but who cares at this point? I, for one, don't care. Nevertheless, as a productive citizen of the society, I was raised to have some actual manners when speaking with people—even if I suck at it.

I am Noah McDougal.

My life, if I have to define it with a simple term, would say it was pretty tame and normal no matter how you look at it. I was like you, a normal guy with my own ambitions and dreams to live for, and my career as a student was promising yet within the scope of 'average'. Now, I'm not self-decrepitating myself guys, I was truly a normal dude with a dull and boringly normal life. BUT! If there was something that made me shine above others was my observation skills and insight to read any situation I face! A pretty handy ability to have since it allowed me to get rid of most troubles most guys suffer during adolescent and early adulthood. Heck, I even manage to get a girlfriend when I was fourteen, and she was quite a looker too… Unfortunately, she dumped me for a "cooler" guy—and the other three girls I fancied and got close to left me too… Arrgh goddammit!

Leaving my list of heartbreaking experiences asides—! I'll have you know that I was a highly functional citizen who made his own contribution to the society! And like most people, I also have my own hobbies like watching Anime, reading Manga and Comics, playing videogames… You know, boys' stuff—wait, no! That sounded kinda sexist!

Anyway, now that you know more about me and my past life, perhaps you want know how I met my dead end considering I wasn't exactly a loser (I like think that…) and an eyesore of a person both in my personal life and in society.

So, what happened? That's a… That's a pretty funny story… Hehe…Ugh!

[Flashback no Jutsu!]

It was a pretty normal day in my life, I was about to finish one of the admittedly annoying homework my thermodynamic teacher gave us. I mean, I have to double check it at least trice…! Then I double checked (again) to make sure I didn't make a dump mistake.

"Okay, so far so good. I really want to see the face of that sucker when he see this masterfully crafted work of mine" I muttered with a grin as I closed my laptop, feeling a sense of delightfulness as I let out a relaxed sigh. "Now that I finished this crap, I should call Catherine to know if she is up for a date…Wait no. She broke out with because she met a pretty boy last week!" I grunted with a flat tone as my left eyebrow began to twitch in mild irritation. That girl was the number 21 in my Ex-Girlfriends List—Yeah, I've been counting so what!

Like seriously, it is possible for a guy to be dumped so many times?! And about the 90% of those break outs weren't even my fault!

BOOOOOM!

I heard a loud booming sound from the distance.

The noise itself made me jump out of fear as I fell unceremoniously on the ground and hit my head with the floor.

"W-what the hell was that?" I grunted while rubbing my head in pain as I rose from the floor to see what could've caused such a booming noise. It was gonna to complain with a small frown but when I looked out of the window… I saw it.

ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ

It was as if a second sun had just bloomed into the distance, making everything bright for a few seconds. And then it was gone, leaving behind a huge mushroom cloud and a rapidly approaching shockwave of ash and fire.

"Wait, wasn't there nuclear power-plant in that location?" Was all I could think about before the shockwave hit me like a truck, thus pulverizing my flesh and bone before the scorching fire melted my skin, organs and skeleton to ashes… Not like I could tell though, it was an instant death.

[Flashback no Jutsu: Kai!]

So, I died because a nuclear power-plant in my location had a melt-down! Yes, I know some of you expect something more mundane from an 'Average Joe' like me but then again, it wasn't the first time that millions people died because a nuclear power-plant had a melt-down in their area.

What a flashy way to kick the bucket, huh? Perhaps there are people thinking that I got lucky there (and I'm not arguing that) but that doesn't change the fact that it was horrible and frightening… but at the same time beautiful and I'm pretty sure Deidara (1) would be mesmerized by it too!

Anyway, you know the rest. I woke up in this seemingly endless void-like dimension with no body and stripped of all senses, remaining as a mere warding soul whose sole unique trait is still being self-aware during the whole process—to be frank though, I would love to see something more than this black space of nothingness but it seems like the universe doesn't give a flying damn about our opinions.

There was absolutely nothing here! Well, I guess this respond those philosophical questions I mentioned earlier but why did the atheistic ones have to be right?!

When I was alive, I was pretty open-minded and easy-going dude with this kind of things but now that I see the cruel reality, I can help but have a sour and bitter taste in my mouth. I would've been amazing to prove the existence of the Afterlife and other realms so I could gave a proverbial slap to those non-believers assholes! Hell I would have accepted if the arbiters of life and death turned out to be the Asgardians from Marvel at the very least! No really, that would have been sweet.

Nonetheless, facts are the facts. And dead people should remain dead.

However, if there is a way to return and live once more I would love to take. It's not like I have too many regrets or grudges in my life but… I don't know… The fact that this place is the fate of all souls is kinda sad and terrifying.

And while I'm sure as hell there are people who deserve such a thing more than I, it would be nice to be given the choice.

"Oh, then what would you say if I tell you that there is a way to return~?"

Before I could even articulate a single thought, a bright light sparked in the ocean of darkness that momentarily illuminates my whole vision and the very void like a shiniest stars. And then the beam of light started to change its shape forming a humanoid figure made of raw light particles.

Who… What the hell are you?

"That's rude, kid! Asking such a question when you didn't even introduces yourself? Have the mortal really forgot the importance of speaking manners?" The Light Entity mused with a light chuckle as if the whole situation was a mere joke for them. "Anyway, it's like it matter much at this point considering you are death"

…

Really now? That's the best line this seemingly R.O.B have to offer?

"My~! A snarky one, are you?" They chuckled heartily. "Do you realize I can hear all your thoughts perfectly?" The R.O.B added with a teasing tone.

In that moment my mind froze, realizing the implication behind that comment. Fuck, please tell I didn't piss them off! I don't want to end up like Tanya-kun (2) and be sent to another world as a lil' girl! I will commit seppuku (3) if that happens!

"Oh that's an interesting idea what you got there. Perhaps I should try it ~!"

GAAAAAAK! PLEASE DON'T! MY DAMAGED SELF-ESTEEM WILL BREAK! IWANTTOCONTINUEBEINGAMALETHANKYOUVERYMUCH!

"Mhmhmhmhm! Oh relax, kid! I was just messing with you!" The R.O.B stated humorously as they gave me a nonchalant hand wave.

You… You won't?

"Of course not. I'm not into that stuff" Oh thank God! "Anyhow, as I said earlier, what would you say if I tell you that there is a way to return~?" Huh? What are they talking about…? "To be alive once more, I mean!"

Wha…?!

"Hehe! Didn't see that coming? Well, I guess that's understandable since most of your kind have yet to discover the existence of the multiverse and the Soul Transmigration System between Worlds"

Hah?! MULTIVERSE DID YOU SAY?! AND WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT SOULS TRANSMIGRATION?!

"Oh my, did you hear that…! That Top Secret Information, ya know?" The Light Entity informed me as they crossed their arms, tilting their head with a sigh. "It can be helped, I think"

Wait! Just hold on a second, are you telling that there is more than one Universe out there?!

"I think that should be rather obvious, don't ya thin'?"

W-Wow… That's amazing! Then other realms and dimensions must be real too and that surely means the Afterlife INDEED exists! Oh man, I would love to rub this piece of info to those atheistic assholes' faces! Ahaha! Now who is the dimwit now, bastards?! You were proven wrong after all!

"Yeah, yeah. Ya wanna celebrate for you outstadin' discoverin', it's understandable. Sadly though, I have a tight schedule so let's keep goin' if ya don't mind"

Oh, sorry. I got overexcited… Also, what's with that Jersey accent?

"Upuhpuh! Who is the R.O.B here?! I make the rules so don't dare to waste my precious time" The R.O.B chastised me as they wave their finger in front of me with disapproval.

Jeez, it was just an innocent comment. Don't have to be such a Drama Queen

"… I'll ignore that blatant insult for now" Shit, I forgot they can read my thoughts and monologue! "And you better remember it or it won't be a next time for you, kid" S-Sorry R.O.B-sama! "Good, as long as you understand your place were cool… Now, where was I—oh right! I am what you Otaku and Geek folk like to call a 'Random Omnipotent Being' or R.O.B for short!"

Yeah, I guessed that much but nonetheless, I confirmation is always well-received.

"Yes, thank you by the way—now, continuing with the unnecessarily large introduction! I've come here because I have a rather exciting proposition for you~!"

Let me guess, you want to Isekai'd me, don't you?

"NO! I want to give the opportunity to live in another universe to start from over and thus, allow you to have the second chance you long for!"

That's basically what an Isekai is?!

"I assure you it's not! What I'm offering completely different!"

… Ok, I see you're in the denial phase. I see, I see. So I'm dealing with a chūnibyō (4) R.O.B here. Don't worry, I'm not judging you.

"I NOT A CHŪNI—I mean, no. You're misinterpreting my words, kid"

Suuuuure.

"Oh for the love of…! Haaah! Look, kid. I am offering you the possibility to live once more so please be more respectful, will you?"

Right, sorry. My inner Archer/EMIYA (5) took over for a moment.

"I guess it can't be helped. However, that doesn't matter right now! What I do want to know is your answer. Will you take this opportunity to have a second chance or will you accept to cruel reality and succumb to the darkness?"

Well, I think is kinda obvious what my answer is! I mean, don't want to be trapped here for the eternity! I will accept this deal!

"Then we have a deal—!"

But of course there has to be a catch in this transaction! Surely, you don't think of me as a mindless moron who will jump at the first chance without reading the tiny letter, don't you?!

"…Mhmhmhm! Oh, I knew there was a reason why I snatched you from the Pit of Souls!"

Wait, what?! EXCUSE ME! DID YOU SAY YOU SNATCHED ME?!

"Details are unnecessary, my boy"

I beg to differ!

"… I guess I could explain your circumstances better—BUT I WON'T!"

Why you…!

"HAHA! BETTER YET, SINCE YOU'VE AMUSE ME WITH YOUR INSIGHT AND QUIRKY PERSONALITY, I'LL GIVE YOU SOME 'GIFTES' FOR YOU TO USE! AND CONSIDERING YOU JUST SAID "I ACCEPT", THEREFORE YOU GAVE ME YOUR CONSENT! THEREFORE I HAVE NO REASON TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING TO YOU!"

Oh! You motherfucker! Don't you dare to pull a Dumbledore on me!

"HAPPY BIRTH, KID!"

HOLD ON, WHAT!

SNAP!

Before I could get my answer, the Light Entity snapped his fingers and soon afterwards the darkness consumed my consciousness once more.

← To be Continued

[1] Deidara was a hardcore terrorist bomber ninja from the Naruto series. He thought that life is short and therefore so is true art, thus he found exploding things up as the maximum embodiment of this mindset. In his mind: "The Fading yet Blissful Glory of Life representation itself", hence his fixation with explosions.

In my opinion, that dude was a bit of a psychotic asshole but he was also a true man who believed in his way of life/art deeply from the bottom of his heart. Not only that, he was pretty much a badass in his own way and frankly, he should have won his battle against Sasuke! BUT NO~! Kishi had to give the Sharigan the ability to see things on CELLULAR LEVEL so the Emo-Avenger would save his ass from the "micro-bombs" Deidara planted in his blood coils.

[2] The MC of "The Saga of Tanya the Evil". Originally a salary man who was murdered in 2013, he was reborn as a girl living in an alternative version of Europe during the late interwar period. Highly recommendable!

[3] Seppuku (which can be translated to: "Cutting [the] Belly"), sometimes referred as harakiri ("Abdomen/Belly cutting"), is a form of Japanese ritual suicide by disembowelment. Originally reserved for samurai in their code of honor, but later on it began to be practiced by other Japanese people to restore their honour form themselves or for their families.

[4] Chūnibyō, also known as "year-nine syndrome", is a colloquial term used to describe early teens that have delusions of grandeur. The exact "symptoms of a chūnibyō aren't exactly set in stone, but in general, a chūni acts like an overly melodramatic person who thinks of themselves as more awesome than everyone else because of experiences, abilities and even special powers that they clearly don't have to begin with.
Imagine a kid trying to convince you (in the most obnoxious way possible) that they are, say, the descendant of LUCIFER themselves and you have the idea.

[5] Archer (EMIYA) is one of the main characters of the VN and Anime series Fate/Stay Night. His job's description is to be deployed as a guardion of sorts, a spiritual being given form and called to the material world to face those beings and events his "boss" deems threats for the mankind.
Armed with the ability to project every-single-weapon he sees (bar Divine Constructs), this guy is a living walking armory with a seemingly infinite number of weapons to use in combat and is also the possessor a cunning mind and the overpowered ability to bring his own mental world (which is a WORLD filled with LOTS of bladed-type weapons) forth, thus overwriting reality to some degree. Also, he is well known among his peers for his snarky side and culinary skills.