I got bored and work is tiring. Here's something short I'll update every now and then alongside Burned. Peace.

On today's episode of 'How the Hell Did Jaune Get Himself Into This Situation?', he found himself in the bedroom of an older, yet absolutely gorgeous woman. And she was in the room with him. And in her underwear. That was important too.

The mommylicious vixen known only as Cassy giggled. "What's the matter? Do I make you nervous?"

He gulped. His stomach only felt this fluttery when he was on rollercoasters. "No, you're good. It's just I've never been with a woman of your… nakedness before."

She grinned. "Does this mean I'll be your first? Honey, I'm flattered. You're too cute to be a virgin."

He laughed nervously. "Yeah, that's me. Just a cutie-tootie virgin-rooney. Hey, do you mind if I take notes during this? I'm not saying I'm expecting this to happen again, but if it did I wanna be a bit more prepared-"

He stopped babbling when she closed the distance, giving him a swift yet lustful kiss. When she pulled back, she fluttered her eyelashes. "You can do whatever makes you feel comfortable," she whispered.

He nodded quickly. That was all the permission he needed to wear his socks during the act. She took him by the hand and led him to the bed. She gently pushed him down and straddled him.

"Just a heads up, I don't know what I… 'do' yet," he stuttered. "I don't know if I'm a moaner, a gasper, a screamer. I don't think I'm a crier, but I guess we'll find out. God, I hope I'm not crier."

She leaned in closer and trailed a finger slowly down his lips to his chest. "Make all the noises you want. Momma will be here to hold you."

He chuckled. "Mom jokes. I get it. That's a good one. Hey, how old are you again?"

That was the end of his questions. From then on, the only noises that came from his mouth were something else entirely.

[/]

The warm sheets did nothing to help the cold emptiness in his heart. It was nine in the morning and as Cheryl Leeven - thirty-two and mother of one - slept soundly next to him, Jaune sat upright crossing her name off the list on his scroll. It was a list of all the attractive single mothers in Mantle. Cheryl was the last one on the list.

He had finally done it. He had slept with good-looking milf he could find. His mission was complete. And it brought him no joy.

He rubbed his jaw, wishing there was a five o clock shadow there. He borrowed one of Chery's cigarettes, lit it and once he had his fill, stubbed it out on the picture of her ex husband. He ran his fingers through his short spiky hair, the same hair that got him into this whole fiasco.

It had felt like a lifetime ago since he lost his virginity to Cassy. He had been so nervous at first. He had never been that popular with the ladies before, especially the older ones. After he got over that awkward phase, he was consistently banging them left from right. For a while there, he felt like he was king of the world. This was the kind of life he thought only existed in animes, or porn videos with a strange respect for continuity.

But all that was at an end now. Cheryl Leeven, the last of the yummy mommies had been boned. His spree was over. Victory was bittersweet.

Staying in the bedroom any longer was pointless. He stood up, got dressed, and took five hundred lien from her purse as a memento. He went to the bathroom, threw some water over his face and stared at his sunken expression in the mirror. It was all over.

As he walked downstairs to the front door, he saw Cheryl's son Jimmy in the hallway getting ready for school.

"Hey, kiddo," Jaune said. "Thanks for not coming in last night. Your mom and I really appreciate it."

Jimmy nodded enthusiastically. "I didn't make a sound the whole night, Mr Arc. Just like you asked."

Jaune smiled. "You're a good kid." He opened his wallet and handed him fifty lien. "Take this and get yourself something nice."

Jimmy jumped up and down with the kind of excitement only a small child could muster. "Yipee!" he cheered. "Now I'm just like all the other kids at school! Thanks, Mr Arc. You're the best!"

Jaune ruffled his hair. "Don't sweat it. Now listen, I gotta go and I don't think your mommy's gonna be walking you to school today. You're gonna have to go by yourself. Remember what I taught you if you get into trouble?"

"Yup! If it's a Grimm, run until it eats me. But if it's anyone else, tell them to square up cause someone 'bout to get shanked."

"That's my boy. Now lemme see your gangster face."

Jimmy scrunched up his face, trying to look as intimidating as possible. His hands were doing finger gun poses.

"Great stuff, you're gonna knock 'em dead. Tell your mom I never said bye." He ruffled his hair again and left the house. That brief moment of sweetness left him and he was stuck feeling melancholic again.

He didn't bother getting the bus back to Atlas Academy. He knew these streets like the back of his hand. He had to if he wanted to know where all the hot mom's lived. He made a detour past the school, past all the mothers dropping their kids off. They all giggled and winked when they saw him.

The attention used to make him blush and stammer back in the day. As he got more confident, he responded back with a few winks and flirts of his own. But now he couldn't look at them without letting out a depressed sigh. He kept his eyes to the ground and moved on.

It didn't take him long to get back to the academy. Ren, Nora and Oscar were playing Compost King in their room. Despite being the only one in the group with real farming experience, Oscar was losing horribly. It must've been humiliating for him.

Jaune walked right past them and flopped himself down on his bed. "Life is cruel!" he moaned into his pillow.

Ren turned away from the game to look at him. "Yes… what's your point?"

"Awww, what's got you down in the dumps now, Jaune?" Nora said. "Does someone need a hug?"

"If you're offering, I'll take one," Oscar muttered, staring glumly at his losing game pieces. "I could use some affection right about now."

"Now now, Oscar, what did we say the rules were?"

Oscar sighed. "Losers don't get hugs, I remember."

"Good boy. But seriously, Jauney, you've been happy for two weeks now. That's a new record for you. What's happened?"

Jaune shifted his body so that he was staring at the wall. "I'm finished," he said. "My purpose in life is fulfilled. There's nothing left for me in this world anymore. My time has come."

"Stop repeating lines from Blake's books and tell us what's wrong," Ren said. "I'm about to win and I don't want your mopey attitude spoiling my victory."

Jaune let out a sigh that made him feel like part of his soul was leaving him. "It's the mom's, guys. I've banged them. I've banged every hot single mom in Mantle. From the humans to the faunus, not a single mother has been left un-dicked."

"Oh yeah, your little mommy entourage," Nora smirked. "Wait, you've actually been sleeping with them?"

"That's a polite way of phrasing it, but yes."

"You can't be serious," Ren groaned. "Jaune, you're the leader of a team of hunters. You can't just go around sleeping with civilians. You need to set an example!"

"I am setting an example: hunters get mad pussy. It might encourage more people to volunteer. But it doesn't matter now, because I've had sex with every single one of them."

"And you're depressed about this?" Nora said. "Sounds like you're living someone's dream. Quit whining and embrace it."

"No, you don't understand," Jaune groaned. "I've banged all of them! Every single one! It's gotten to the point where those porn ads that say, 'hot single moms in your area' now have an update saying, 'nevermind, Jaune's already fucking them.'"

"Um, should I be listening to this?" Oscar trembled. "I'm still only fourteen."

"Nope, stay. It's important that you listen to this for your development," Jaune ordered the boy.

"I still don't get it, what's the problem?" Ren asked. "Nora's right, it sounds like you've been having a good time."

"I was at first!" Jaune cried. "But don't you understand what this means? Again, all of the moms! There's nothing left for me to strive for now! I'm done! Cheryl was the last one! Who am I supposed to fool around with now?"

"Why don't you just have sex with them again?" Oscar suggested, still looking a little red in the face, especially upon mentioning the word 'sex'.

"What's the point?" Jaune moaned. "Where's the mystery? The excitement? I'm after thrills, not repeats!"

"Call me old fashioned, but have you tried sleeping with girls who are - oh, I don't know - actually your own age?" Ren said. "You have the confidence and now the experience. It shouldn't be hard for you."

Jaune shook his head miserably. "You just don't get it," he muttered. "I'm not gonna chase after other girls just for the hell of it. I'm not that desperate. I have a type."

"A type?" Nora snorted. "Your type is any girl who smiles at you after Weiss shoots you down."

"Not anymore," Jaune said. "These moms have ruined me. I'm after one thing and one thing only. My type of woman is now anyone with a kid. Doesn't matter how old they are, a kid must be included. I'm sick of bitches calling themselves Milfs, completely forgetting what the 'M' stands for. It's like when a civilian lies to everyone by pretending to be a decorated war hero. It's absolutely shameful."

"I don't think it's quite the same thing," Oscar mumbled.

"I don't care about the age," Jaune continued. "They can range from early twenties to pushing sixty, although I try to go for the older ones. There's nothing better than a slightly sagging body, a face with a few wrinkles, and hair with some strands of grey in it. If they won't shut up about their ex, all the better. They can be either really sweet and loving, to desperately wanting some young meat before they expire. I'm cool with either. And oh my god, the experience they have. Teens can't compete with those bedroom skills. But what always gets me going is when they say, "you're really mature for someone your age." When that happens, I swear I… I…"

Jaune stopped when he realised he was now out of breath and sitting upright. He panted like a thirsty dog whilst his friends looked at him like he was insane.

"I want to say I'm happy for you for coming out of your shell," Ren said. "But now I realise only turtles are cute when they do that. You're more like a snail."

Jaune wiped some of the sweat dripping down his red-hot face. His adrenaline left him and he felt cold again. "Either way, it doesn't matter now," he muttered. "I'll never be able to have what you and Nora have, and it'll be ages before we have to leave Mantle. I can't wait that long. So… I guess I might as well die."

He pulled out Crocea Mors and pointed the tip of the blade to his throat.

"Oh crap, here he goes again," Nora sighed. "Come on, Jaune, let's think this through."

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill myself right now," Jaune said.

"We just got a new teammate, it'd be a shame to lose another one so soon. Plus, we don't own this room. We'll probably get billed for the bloodstains."

Jaune thought about it for a moment but eventually said, "Not good enough, I'm afraid. Hey, Oscar. Tell Ozpin I bet he wishes he could do this."

"Hold on, Jaune, let's be reasonable," Oscar said. "I know our relationship started off rough, but when you're not shoving me into walls and trying to kill me, I think you're a great guy. I don't wanna see you die, and you don't need to die. There's always gonna be a thirsty mom somewhere, you just need to be patient."

Jaune's blade wobbled slightly as he considered the boy's words. "It's difficult," he whispered.

"I know. I haven't even kissed a girl yet, so I can't even imagine what you're going through. But good things come to those who wait. So come on. Stick around for a little longer. It'll be worth it in the long run."

Jaune looked at Oscar then at the rest of his team. If he ended it now, all his troubles and desires would end. It would be swift… but final.

Oscar was right. As long as he continued to breathe, there would always be a hot single mother looking for him. He slowly lowered his sword and sheathed it.

"Thanks for that, Oscar," he said, earning a smile from the small boy. "I never thought I'd be consoled by a fourteen-year-old schizophrenic, but here we are."

Oscar's smile disappeared instantly. "H-Hey, I'm not schizophrenic!" he cried.

"But you do have a voice in your head," Ren pointed out.

"Ozpin's real! You know this!"

"Sounds like something a schizophrenic would say."

"Shut up!"

"Fine then, I won't kill myself today," Jaune said. "But I am gonna stay here for a while. I shouldn't be out in the field like this. I'm gonna hibernate or something. Wake me up when Robyn's revealed to have a kid. Or Fiona. Actually, definitely Fiona."

Before anyone could stop him, Jaune was already in his pyjamas and crawling into bed. He closed his eyes and fell asleep almost instantly.

It had been difficult being a virgin, but now it was even harder being an experienced lover with a very specific sex drive. But unless someone new came along, he didn't know what he was supposed to do.

I mean seriously. It's not like he was going to get invited to bang someone's wife.

[/]

Jacques Schnee stared out at the window, swirling a glass of red wine in his hand. He was wearing his signature white suit. A dangerous thing to be wearing with red wine in his hand, but he had no fear. The drink wouldn't touch his clothes if it knew what was good for it.

It was most troublesome that Weiss had decided to return. At least she had decided to stick to the slums the peasants called Mantle, and not in the family manor. An ungrateful little strumpet that spat in the face of everything he had planned for her. Didn't she realise all the things he had done to ensure she had the best life possible? All the sacrifices. All the bloodshed.

He had briefly considered ordering her to be assassinated upon her arrival in the nation, but to her credit, she wasn't nearly faunus enough to warrant it. So he settled for just keeping an eye on her.

He ran a hand over his heavily waxed-back hair and smiled. Okay, truth be told it hadn't been that much of a sacrifice. He enjoyed all the things he had done to get to where he was now. Power was glorious. So was victory. He built his mountain with the broken bodies of all those pretenders who got in his way. As he stood at the top of it now, he thought the view was rather nice.

There was a knock on the door. "Come in," he said calmly.

The door opened and one of his favourite butlers, Randal, came in. Upon entering, Randal proceeded to do a triple backflip followed by a cartwheel, as all butlers of the Schnee manor were required to do upon greeting one of the family.

"Sir, I bring you an update from Mantle," Randal said, once his introductions were complete.

"Very good, Jacques said. "I assume it concerns my daughter or that dreadful Robyn Hill?"

"Not quite, sir. But involves one in their circle. His name is Jaune Arc."

Jacques frowned. "Jaune Arc? I have not heard of him. Who is this man?"

"A boy, sir. One of Atlas Academy's latest recruits. He came here along with your daughter. He's earning himself quite a reputation. Particularly amongst the older women."

"And you're telling me this because?"

Randal handed him a photograph. "This is him. I thought this would be of interest to you."

Jacques carefully took the photo and inspected it, only half-interested in what he was seeing. This boy was nothing extraordinary. Just another meaningless pawn insisted on throwing his life away for people who would forget about his existence in a day. He didn't know why Randal was wasting his precious time of wine-swirling for this.

Then he saw something that caused his brow to raise. His curiosity spiked when he saw the boy's haircut. Short and spiky with a little bit of a wave to it. Not a hair on his head was out of place. To anyone else, it would've looked like just a neat haircut.

To someone like, Jacque Schnee however…

His lips curled into a small smile. "So, the sheep bares its head before the wolf again," he murmured. "Thank you for this, Randal. You've been very helpful."

"Of course, sir. What would you like me to do now?

"My daughter and her friends have travelled a long way to be here. What else can we do but show them some hospitality? Send invitations to all of my daughter's friends inviting them to the manor. But make sure you include this in Mr Arc's invite."

He handed Randal a picture of his wife Willow. Years of living by the vodka bottle had done nothing to decrease her beauty. With her enchanting looks and high status, she was the apple of most of the upper-class gentry's eye. A pity her personality didn't match her visage.

But that wouldn't matter to Mr Arc. He would take one look at her and come running like an antelope to a watering hole, completely oblivious of the crocodile waiting for it beneath the depths. It was all so predictable, yet he took so much enjoyment out of it.

"Yes, sir," Randal said before leaving the room to do his bidding. Jacques was alone once again. He turned his gaze to the window and swirled his wine harder than ever.

"And here I thought I wiped you all out," he hummed. "But it seems you refused to die."

Dark clouds swiftly covered the sky and rain hammered down. Lightning lit up the darkness as thunder roared.

He tenderly stroked his moustache. "Well, no matter. It will be fun to finally finish the job. I look forward to meeting you, Mr Arc. I've no doubt it will be an interesting encounter."

His chuckle soon erupted into maniacal laughter. With each laugh came another huge clap of thunder, shaking the room. His voice was so powerful, it warranted its own line of dialogue.

"MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"