Okay, here's the skinny:

There exists a pornographic Pokemon rom-hack called Pokemon: Girls' Hunter edition, in which virtually all the trainers are girls, and it's somehow legal to catch them after defeating them and add them to your Pokemon party, after which they'll get a typing, moves, and can be used in battle like any other Pokemon. Yes, it is as delightfully dumb and proud of it as you might imagine. But it got me thinking: what if the Pokemon anime followed similar rules? People jokingly call Ash an oblivious harem master anyway, so why not take it to the next step?

This was the result.

...

Warnings: This is smut. This is kink. This is a lemon. Expect things akin to slavery, dubious consent, underage material, etc. This fic is not to be taken as the author condoning these things in real life, nor is to be taken as character bashing due to anyone having their personalities exaggerated in any negative manner. Any messages or reviews taking issue with the above content or attempting to drag the author into the current Pokemon fanfic drama will be staunchly ignored. Dead dove, do not eat.

Look, you know what you're getting yourself into with this. Don't examine the logic or morality too closely.

...

Pokemon, I (Can't) Choose You! Because I Overslept Like a Dumbass!

It was a bright and beautiful day, though it wouldn't be for long. The sky was clear blue, the air pleasantly warm, and the winds calm. It was the perfect summer day, a day to be spent outside swimming in the lake, running through the fields, walking through the forests, and just generally enjoying the outdoors. Deeper still, professional trainers were out searching for new acquisitions, training those they already had, or, if they were the sort to have laid aside old-fashioned moral scruples, engaging in…"other" activities with said acquisitions.

Unfortunately, that was soon to change. Soon the sky was going to darken as angry black clouds choked out the sunlight. Soon the winds' pleasant disposition would worsen, and they would grow in strength and ferocity. Soon rain would hammer down from the sky, thick enough to obscure the line of sight of anyone unlucky to be caught in the open. Soon lightning would crack across the horizon and thunder would boom. Soon wrath would be unleashed.

Of course, if anyone had bothered to check the weather report, then they would know this. And a lot of people had. Laundry and pets were being brought in, outings were rescheduled, and anyone who wasn't a traveling trainer too far from civilization to seek shelter was settling in to spend the day inside.

Unfortunately for the distraught young boy running from his small town with a face red from shame and angry tears in his eyes, he had failed to see if the pleasant weather would hold. He had been too upset.

It wasn't really his fault though. Well, okay, it was, but he couldn't be blamed too harshly. Sure, easily avoidable mistakes had been made, but let's all cut him some slack; he was only ten years old, after all. Children that age always make mistakes, especially when they're too caught up with excitement, anger, or embarrassment to think clearly, and he had been all three. Then again, given his young age and lack of experience, one might consider this a sure sign that his plan to venture all by himself into the wide and wild world in hopes of seeking out dangerous creatures was probably a bad idea. After all, if he couldn't be trusted to show up on time for the most important day of his life, then he really ought to pursue a career less associated with frequent danger and exposure, such as golf-ball polisher, or door-hinge deruster. Though, let's be honest, he would probably find a way to endanger his life even then.

And it wasn't like he hadn't tried to make it on time! He had set multiple alarms, just in case one failed to rouse him! Unfortunately, his dreams of adventure were so powerful that he somehow managed to destroy each and every one of them while he had slept, seizing them all in his sleep and hurling them against the wall. It would almost be impressive if it weren't so dumb.

Alas, what was done was done, and despite all of his precautions poor Ash Ketchum had overslept. As such, when he had arrived as Professor Oak's laboratory in hopes of receiving his starting Pokemon, all of them had already been claimed, up to and including the rumored "troublemaker" Pokemon that wasn't supposed to be handed out due to behavioral issues. As such, Ash had been left with nothing, his dreams of becoming a Pokemon League Champion dashed before they had even begun, and systematically dismantled by his own hand no less!

That would have been bad enough, but then Gary had shown up!

Gary Oak, who had been Ash's best friend since the two of them could walk! Gary Oak, who had long ago promised that he and Ash would one day travel the world together and become co-champions! Gary Oak, who had been the person who had gotten Ash obsessed with Pokemon training in the first place, who had explained how it worked and how cool it was, who had proudly shown off his grandfather's many accolades and awards and talked about how cool it would be when he and Ash were just as celebrated for their exploits!

Gary Oak, who had over the course of the last year become more and more of a know-it-all jerk, who had gone on and on about how he was going to be the greatest Pokemon trainer in the world with no mention of Ash, who acted like he had never even known Ash and would routinely make fun of him with the other kids.

Gary Oak, who, due to him being Professor Oak's grandson, had gotten pick of the litter, claiming the coveted Squirtle as his own. Gary Oak, who couldn't act any more favored if he tried, had also been gifted with his own car and an entire troupe of cheerleader PokeGirls to go with him! Ash still found the concept of PokeGirls to be weird and freaky, but couldn't Gary at least do the sporting thing and go catch his own?

Though given how the local girls kept fawning over him, he probably wouldn't even need to try. They'd probably just take off their clothes and jump into his human balls upon request.

Gross!

But of course, if all that wasn't enough, Gary had to make a point to stop his car right next to Ash, taunt him for not showing up on time, show off everything he had been gifted (seriously, were kids even allowed to have PokeGirls?! Ash was pretty sure that they weren't!), and then speed off, leaving Ash choking on his stupid, noisy car's exhaust!

That had been bad enough. But as the smoke had cleared and Ash managed to stop coughing, he saw everyone else who had gathered at Professor Oak's lab looking at him, whispering and pointing, laughing at him! There had been a professional trainer passing by accompanied by two PokeGirls, and though they had been practically naked and were being led along by a pair of leashes attached to collars around their necks, even they had seen and were laughing at him! PokeGirls were laughing at him! That's how stupid he had looked.

So he had ran away. The shame had been too great, leaving him nothing to do but run like the stupid little kid that he was. He ran and he ran and he ran, until he was out of Pallet Town and into the open fields. Even then he kept going, running and running and running until he lost sight of the town.

When he finally felt that he had gone far enough, he found a large rock next to the forest border and collapsed against it to slide down to the grass. With no one around to see, he let the tears flow and flow.

Stupid! He had been so stupid! He had everything planned out! Gary was going to get first pick of course, but Ash would still show up before everyone else! He would see what Gary picked, and choose the Pokemon that had a type advantage over it! Then he would train that Pokemon over and over and over until it evolved, so that by the time he even reached Viridian City, it would have already reached its final evolutionary state! He would see how Gary's scrawny little Squirtle measured up to full-fledged Venusaur!

But now, all of that was gone, and it had been his own fault. He was never going to become a Pokemon trainer! He was never going to leave Pallet Town! He was going to be stuck there, a worthless nobody, a loser, who was going to be forced to watch as Gary gathered more and more powerful Pokemon, accumulated more and more beautiful girls, and won more and more accolades! Ash wasn't even going to be able to watch the tournaments anymore without having to see Gary's smug face sneering back at him from the TV!

And the worst of it was, he deserved it.

Though the weather was nice, and though it had been a very relaxing morning fishing on the bank of the river with one hand on her pole and the other down the front of her shorts, Misty was growing more and more uneasy.

It was something you learned to pick up on after spending enough time in the wild, the subtle cues in the wind and the temperature. Sometimes it felt like a raging storm came out of absolutely nowhere, but there were always signs, hard to pick out as they may be. And Misty was picking up several of them.

She didn't like the sudden dip in the wind's strength. She didn't like how it was suddenly just a few degrees warmer than it had been earlier. She didn't like how the hairs on her arm were standing on edge. There was a distinct tingle in the air, one that had nothing to do with the tingle in her groin, and that could only mean bad things.

Leaning back into the grass, Misty idly toyed with her clit as she looked up into the sky. It was still a beautiful blue with very few clouds, but that could change in mere minutes. She had considered bringing May out to enjoy the day, but that was looking like a bad idea.

(behind her, she heard the sound of an obnoxiously loud car speeding past. She ignored it)

Then she looked over to her pole, the line trailing into the lack. She scowled. Just as well; she hadn't been getting that many bites today. So far she had ended up only with one Goldeen (already had one) and two Magikarp (no). Though it was still midday, she might as well pack it in and try to find a hotel.

Sighing, she took her hand out of her shorts and got up to reel her line in. Maybe she ought to try the coast; you usually got a lot more variety there. Unfortunately, the coast also tended to be overfished, so anything good would probably already be snatched up by those with boats and-

"Hey there, girlie!"

Misty paused. Then she turned around.

There, on the stretch of road that ran by the river she had been fishing at, was the car she had heard earlier. It was a shiny red convertible, the kind that rich kids with over-indulgent parents drove around and likely wrecked on a monthly basis. Misty had seen many such cars parked in front of her gym whenever wealthy jerks popped in to woo her sisters and ignore the actual Gym Leader.

And inside the car was what could only be described as an embarrassment.

Several young women were piled unsafely into the back seat, most of them sitting on the back of the seat instead of being buckled up, while another wearing a blue cap and sunglasses was driving the car. The ones in the back all had pom-poms, which they were waving while chanting.

"Gary! Gary! How great is he? Very!"

And actually seated in the back seat with the cheerleaders all around him was the spoiled snot in question, presumably named Gary. He was roughly about her age, maybe a little older, with spiky brown hair, a tailored blue shirt, and some kind of charm on a necklace.

"Out here all alone?" he called down to her. "Isn't that dangerous? Don't you know that there's Pokemon in the tall grass?"

With that, he tossed a pokeball into the air and caught it between two fingers. Then he thrust it out at her, like she would be impressed. "Ha!"

Misty stared. Okay, rich kid? Check. Obnoxious? Check. Rude? Check? Overly arrogant over possessing a single Pokemon? Check.

No doubt about it. It was one of those overly privileged trainers on his first day, the sort who slept in thousand-dollar tents and dined on only the finest of canned goods. Always so overly sure of their skills as a trainer that they would fall apart while battling anyone with even the slightest bit of grit and blame everyone and everything for the loss. Misty had also encountered plenty of his type before. If there was one perk to having her sisters around, it was the look on smartass trainers' faces when they realized that the true Gym Leader wasn't one of the famous Sensational Sisters, but instead their scrappy little sister. The look they had when she beat them was even better.

"So I'm thinking that you ought to go with me, the great Gary Oak! I'll be sure to take care of you!"

"Two! Four! Six! Eight! Traveling with Gary is really great!"

What Misty didn't get was his cheerleading squad. They were obviously PokeGirls, but they were all fully clothed, when most PokeGirls tended not to wear much more than bondage ropes, mouth gags, and buttplugs. Furthermore, he looked way too young to be openly having PokeGirls of his own. Kids their age could become trainer, yes, but only of Pokemon. Catching girls was against the rules until you were at least sixteen, and then only if they were defeated in a Pokemon battle. There were exceptions of course (Misty ought to know), but those tended to at least be smart enough not to flaunt it like this idiot was. No doubt his parents used the cheerleaders attire to convince the authorities to look the other way. Oh no, they had likely said. Those aren't PokeGirls! See how much clothing they're wearing! They're companions, going to cheer our son on! After that, they had probably added weight to their argument by adding bills to the authorities' hands.

As such, he was starting off with not only his own harem, but a full team as well. If Misty had a little more time, she probably could even name the girls' various types too. She bet anything that there wasn't a single repeat.

"So, what do you say? Wanna ride with the greatest Pokemon trainer alive? It'll be…an adventure!"

"Gary is the king! Best at everything!"

Misty's face hardened. She stuck her foot beneath her bike where it lay and levered it up. Another rule was that minors like herself were not supposed to be caught, except for exceptionally rare special circumstances (which she was also all-to-aware of). But Gary's demeanor showed that he did not care, that he was used to getting what he wanted and did not take no for an answer. That made him exactly the sort of person she loved to show up at her gym and the last sort of person she wanted to encounter in the wild.

"Yeah," she said. "Actually, I think I'll pass. Sorry, but getting into that car doesn't seem all that safe. Or hygienic."

Immediately the smug grin on his face disappeared, replaced with a dark scowl.

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" he demanded.

"You must be empty in the head, so take back what you said!"

Retracting her pole and sticking it onto its rack, Misty mounted her bike. "Sorry, but I don't come cheap like they do! Try Celadon City if you need even more skanks!"

And with that, she took off, pedaling as fast as she could in the opposite direction.

Behind her, she heard Gary yelling and his car's wheels squealing, while the cheerleaders continued their chants.

"Hey! Hey! Don't run away! Or we swear you will rue this day!"

As Ash sat there weeping, a shadow fell across him.

"Hey, kid!"

Blinking away his tears, Ash looked up.

Standing over him was a man, one that looked to be in his mid-twenties. He was tanned, rugged, and athletically built, wearing a brown traveling vest over a dark green shirt, with what looked like a Sharpedo tooth hanging from a silver chain around his neck. He had on a wide-brimmed outback hat lined with Persian teeth around the brim and sunglasses, while his cheeks were patterned with dark stubble. A Braviary sat on his shoulder, idly preening its feathers.

And standing on either side of the man were two young women, both practically naked, both of them pressing their bodies against his. One had very pale skin, with glossy black hair that was cut short, black lipstick, and black eyeshadow. She wore shiny black boots that went up to her knees, black stockings that went up to her thighs, velvet black gloves that went up to her elbows, a lacy black corset tied tightly around her stomach, and nothing else. Her boobs were squishing against the guy's upper arm and the side of his chest, with the one nipple Ash could see also colored black. Even the tiny puff of hair sticking out from between her legs was dyed black. On her shoulder sat a disinterested Murkrow.

In contrast, the other girl had very dark skin and long hair that fell all the way down her back. But though she wore basically the same "outfit," if it could be called that, as the other girl, it was all in white, as was her hair. As were her nipples. As was the hair between her legs. An oblivious-looking Swablu was perched on her shoulders.

Both girls were also wearing thin collars in their respective color schemes around their necks, each attached to a thin leash of the same color, and the ends of both leashes were held in the guy's hand, which was cupped possessively around the girl in black's butt, while his other hand was cradling the butt of the girl in white.

It was the trainer Ash had seen earlier, along with the PokeGirls that had laughed at him. They had followed him.

"That was some rough luck, huh kid?" the trainer said. "Sorry 'bout making fun of you. That wasn't cool."

"We're sorry!" both girls said at the exact same time, in the exact same tone of voice.

"Braviary!" declared bird in question.

Ash hastily scrambled to his feet. "Uh, it's fine, it's fine!" he said, and then internally winced. He wiped his face, straightened out his shirt, and tried to look nonchalant. "I mean, it's no big deal, right?"

The Murkrow eyed him in contempt. "Murk," it snorted. Even Ash could tell that that was Pokemon for "Bullshit."

"Heh." The trainer shook his head. "Let me guess: you've been wanting to be a Pokemon trainer your entire life, and this was you big chance, but you showed up too late and got nothing. And the prick in the car is someone you've really been wanting to show up, am I right?"

"Ah, who cares about him!" Ash said with a dismissive wave. "He's just some nobody that no one cares about."

Both the PokeGirls started giggling. The trainer frowned, and squeezed both of their butt cheeks, which made them stop. "A nobody who has a car despite not being old enough to get a learner's permit," he said. "A nobody who has a full team of PokeGirls despite still being in elementary school."

"What! No!" Ash said with a laugh that even he knew sounded fake. "They're not PokeGirls! I mean, they had clothes on and everything!"

"We're wearing clothes," pointed out the girl in white.

"Swa?" The Swablu shook out its plumage and puffed up.

"I…" Ash had absolutely no response to that that wouldn't make him sound even stupider than he already did, so he said nothing.

"Uh-huh," the trainer said, not sounding the least bit convinced. "Let me guess: his daddy is someone with enough money to give his darling baby boy anything he wants, including first pick of the year's starters and getting the authorities to look the other way when he heads out with a bunch of PokeGirls, as if that was what being a trainer is all about."

"What a jerk!" the PokeGirls both added.

Ash scowled. "Yeah, and he's always acting like that makes him better than me! 'Oh, look at me, I'm Gary, I'm too good to hang out with my best friend! Oh, look at me, I'm Gary, my grandpa's a famous Pokemon professor, so that makes me famous too, even though I haven't done anything! Oh, look at me, I'm Gary, I'm going to be League Champion, even though I never even had a Pokemon battle before! Oh, look at me, I'm Gary, I'm too good to walk, even though you can't even hunt for Pokemon in a stupid car'!"

"Awww," the PokeGirls said in sympathy.

"Tch, sounds rough," the trainer said. "Wait, that kid is Oak's grandson? That explains a thing or two."

On the one hand, Misty had the advantage having the entire terrain at her disposal, while Gary Oak could only drive his car on the road. Also, her bike was far more maneuverable than his car. And she had a head start, whereas he was going to have to turn his car all the way around in order to give chase.

Unfortunately, with the river at her right and the road at her left, she could only go straight ahead for the time being. Also, having to pedal through the grass was slowing her down.

Also, he had a car. She was on a bike!

This could be a problem.

Sure enough, it wasn't long before she heard the roar of the convertible's engine as it started after her, and over that were those stupid cheerleaders.

"Stop! Stop! Stop right now! Pull over and let us catch you, you stupid cow!"

Misty's eye twitched, both at the insult and the awful flow of their chant, but she kept pedaling.

"Where do you think you're going?" Gary called after her. "You really think you can get away from me?"

Maybe not, but she was pretty sure she could slow him down. Keeping one hand on the handlebar, she slipped the other to her waist, where a handful of pokeballs were attached to her belt.

Then something hot and bright sizzled past her head.

Gulping, Misty ducked her head. That had been a fireball, a bonafide ember attack! But that meant-

Misty glanced over her shoulder. The cheerleaders had put away the pom-poms, and were now visibly glowing, each one a different color.

Blue, green, red, purple, brown, and yellow, Misty mentally categorized. Water-type, fire-type, psychic-type, rock-type, and electric-type. Yup. Despite the urgency of the situation, Misty couldn't help but wonder at the typing of the driver. Given her current luck it would probably be dragon.

Misty lowered her body and pedaled faster. She was not about to be caught by some self-centered snob and be forced to shake a pom-pom!

But there was a problem.

Up ahead, the road curved around, cutting right across the river via bridge and, by extension, her path. Seeing this, the car suddenly sped up, speeding right past her.

It came to a stop in the center of the bridge, and now Gary and his entourage were watching her, waiting.

Could she turn around? Maybe, but the car would just flip around too and be after her again.

Then she saw the cheerleads all standing up, their fists glowing. From there vantage point they would have no trouble shooting her down.

Right. Plan…F then.

Before she reached the bridge, Misty abruptly hit the bike's brakes. Its momentum kept it moving forward, causing it to flip over its front tire. Before it could, she pushed off from the pedals, kicked at the seat, and dove right into the river.

"Yeah, and he's supposed to be my friend," Ash complained. "But lately he's been acting like he's embarrassed to even know me!"

"Hmm." The trainer released the girl in white's butt to rub his chin in thought, which earned him a hurt look from the PokeGirl in question. "Well, you know what you need to do, then? Show him up! Become a better trainer! Earn those badges! Kick his ass in the tournament!"

"But how?" Ash said. "I couldn't even get a starter! I've got nothing to work with!"

"So?" the trainer said with a shrug. "Who cares if you didn't get a fancy new starter? There's lots of other ways to get your first! Plenty of kids have a Rattata or a Caterpie that they caught on their own. Which ain't much, but you gotta start somewhere!"

Ash bowed his head in shame. "I don't have any pokeballs," he muttered.

"Then buy some; they ain't expensive."

"I…" Ash's shoulders slumped. "I spent all money on alarm clocks."

"You…what?" Then, before Ash could explain, the trainer shook his head. "You know what? I don't want to know. Okay, guess what? Today's your luck day. Here."

The trainer reached his hand into a pouch on his belt and pulled out a handful of tiny red-and-white spheres. He tossed them to Ash.

Surprised, Ash managed to catch a couple of them, but the others slipped through his fingers. He hastily gathered them up. "Pokeballs?" he said.

"Go out and find yourself some cute little thing," the trainer said. "Then train that one up until she's strong enough for you to get another, and then another, and before you know it you'll have a rhythm."

"Wow!" It was honestly the nicest thing anyone had done for him, stranger or otherwise. "Thanks, Mister!"

"No prob. Just don't waste them!" Returning his hand to the girl in white's butt, he headed off, both PokeGirls walking in sync. "See yah, kid! And take care of that other little issue before you get to work! Can't afford to be distracted!"

"Byyyyeeee!" the PokeGirls called.

"Brave!" added the Braviary. The other two birds didn't seem to care or even notice.

Ash waved after them. Wow, what a guy! What a pal! To go and help a complete strange like that! Ash resolved that once he had become established as a trainer, he would also strive to help starry-eyed beginners as well!

See, that what a trainer was supposed to look like, so cool and confident and friendly and-

Ash's eyes dipped lower, down to where the trainer's hands were resting on his PokeGirls' butts.

-and so, so lucky, with girls hanging off of him like that. Wait, not lucky! He had earned it! Just like Ash was going to earn it!

But what was that other thing that Ash had to take care? That thing that would be so distracting?

Then Ash glanced down, and his face flushed with embarrassment. The front of his pants were sticking straight out, pushed by his erection, which, now that he had noticed, was throbbing so hard that it was almost painful.

Ash's hands quickly cupped his crotch. Oh man, had it been doing that the whole time? Even when people were being nice to him he ended up doing something embarrassing!

On the other side of the bridge, Misty's head broke through the water's surface.

She was an excellent swimmer, and had great lung capacity, so she had managed to ride the river's current pretty far.

And she was in luck! Gary the asshole and his asshole entourage were still on the bridge, glaring at her.

Grinning, Misty pulled down her right eyelid with one finger and blew out a raspberry.

Then the cheerleaders all stood up. And they got out of the car.

Oops, one of them was electric-type. If she hit the water with even a thundershock, then Misty was in a great deal of trouble.

She didn't, though. Rather, the blue-haired one got up on the bridge's railing and dropped her vest. A moment later her pink dress slid down her body, leaving her nude.

So they were sending the water-type after her. That…wasn't too much of a problem, as Misty had raced against water-types before and won, though given what she had seen, Gary's parents had probably set him up with a harem of fairly high levels.

Then Gary opened his pokeball. There was a flash of red light, and a Squirtle materialized on the railing next to the nude cheerleader.

Oh crap. Misty might be able to outswim another human, PokeGirl or not, but she wasn't going to get away from a Squirtle.

Fortunately, she had put enough distance between herself and her pursuers to employ Plan C.

Her hands went underwater to her belt. And when they came up, each held a pokeball. Thumbs pressed the activation buttons, and they grew to fill her palms.

Before the cheerleader and the Squirtle could dive after her, Misty threw both of the pokeballs. "Staryu! Starmie! Go!"

Two twin red beams shot into the air, and two bejeweled star-shaped Pokemon appeared.

"Staryu! Swift!"

Misty's Staryu twirled into the sky and came to a stop above the dumbfounded Gary and his bimbo squad. Its gemstone core started to glow, and then hundreds of tiny yellow stars shot out.

Misty was filled with deep satisfaction as she listened to her assailants' cries of pain as they were stung over and over and over again.

But she wasn't done yet. "Starmie! Bubblebeam!"

Now it was the lavender Starmie's turn. It leapt up from the river, pointed its topmost ray down, and expelled a geyser of glowing bubbles.

The resulting screaming and the sound of the car smashing against the opposite railing were almost worth having been chased in the first place.

Misty recalled her Staryu. Then, with her Starmie lying flat on the river's surface, she climbed aboard, drew up her knees, and let the current take them forward. Hopefully by the time Jackass McDouchebag and the Concubine Brigade got their wits back, she would be long gone.

It wasn't until it was far too late to go back that Misty realized that she had left her bike and fishing pole behind.

She groaned in exasperation. Oh, now she was mad! Hopefully that stupid car had gone right into the water! Let's see that dumbass try to explain to Mommy and Daddy how he had managed to total his shiny new toy on his first day!

Though come to think of it…Gary Oak. Now, that was a name worth keeping in mind when she reached a place with a phone and got a call in to her gym. She was certain that the League would be interested to hear about a minor engaging in illegal girl hunting.

Overhead, the sky started to turn dark.