The massive transformer Optimus Prime lookalike known as Titanmaster117 (See profile page for graduation photo taken back in robo-high school) Looked at all of you, the readers, in abject dissapointment.
"Really? Really?... So, when I post one of my chapters for my war fic Ascendancy, I have to work to get the bare few reviews that I can, which, can I just say, isn't a lot when looking at like, most other frickin' RWBY fics on this damned site, especially when I put, like, so much effort into it, and shit, and I only get, like, over a thousand views for it, with all of its chapters combined in like, the space of a few days, but as soon as I make a shitpost fic with absolutely no effort put into it, you guys just jump onto that bandwagon with glee, give me more than a thousand views on just a single oneshot alone, and 10 reviews on top of that, all just for a shitpost?
He tweezed his robo-eyes with his robo-fingers.
"Robot Jesus Christ, I never imagined that this shitty thing would be as popular as it was. I only expected to get, like, 1 or 2, not 10! And that's only when I'm talking to you about this now. Because, let me tell you something about reviews: You know guys like Coeur Al'Aran and Aravas- And I know you're reading this, Aravas! I saw you favouriting this!- And ImSoAwesome and all of those big guys... They're freakin' raking in the reviews! ImSoAwesome has got 112 reviews on a 5 chapter story that he only started this month as of me writing this, or- Or saying this, or- Or whatever! Aravas has got under 700 reviews on one of his stories which is basically a giant shitpost (By the way Aravas thank you for favouriting this piece of shit story, just need to get that out there) And you know what? You know what? I swear, every time he posts a chapter, he always gets, like, another hundreds reviews on it! A hundred! A HUNDRED, MY GUYS!"
He then fell to his knees.
"Good god, it's Valentine's Day Extravaganza all over again! A-Actually, you know what, I've just realised something! You people seem to like either just pure shitposts or shipping trash! Is that what you want?! Either ships or shits!?- I'm way too proud of myself for making that joke to take it back...- Is that what you want?! Should I just not do anymore serious stuff like Ascendancy or What Once Was and just move straight to shipping and shitting trash just because it's the most popular!? GODDAMMIT WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME!?"
"Consistent updates!" someone yelled off camera, or off page or off panel or off something or other.
"I know..."
"Decent summaries!"
"I know!"
"Actually good content-"
"I know, shut up!"
"Hey, you asked, you asshole!"
"It was rhetorical, dude!"
"OUT!"
After effectively throwing a pillow at the annoyed person who's name he couldn't be bothered to make up, he then just sighed.
"Is it the summaries... I bet it's the summaries. I don't know how to write summaries without saying something major or not being ominous and vague and shit..."
He then rolled onto his side and curled up into a ball.
"Look, just... Just enjoy some crappy deleted scenes, or whatever... Thanks for favouriting and reviewing and stuff... I'mma go head to my room and cry."
And then he went into his room and cried.
Semblance ?: Fearsome
Turns the user into the most fearsome thing in all of existence.
"FOUL SPINELESS COWARDS!" Jaune in his Terminator Armour called out to Team CRDL, "YOU HERETICS SHALL BE SLAIN IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR!"
"Where did he get a chain axe from!?"
"I don't know!"
"YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
{COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF SCREAMING, CRYING, AND PISSING OF PANTIES}
"WHY THE FUCK WERE YOU WEARING PANTIES!?"
"DON'T FUCKING TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE!"
Semblance ?: Cookie Monster
Turns the user into a cookie monster.
Team RWBY without the R looked to the 2 cookie monsters devouring the entire kingdom's worth of cookies. One was an unstoppable juggernaut that would devour every single piece of baked chocolate chip confectionary that stood in its way, and the other one was Jaune.
"This is getting out of hand. Now there are 2 of them!"
"OH GOD THE PREQUEL MEMES!"
Semblance ?: Interdimensional
Allows the user to travel between dimensions.
"Jaune, where on Remnant have you been!? We've been worried sick!"
"I don't know. I just remember this really dark and scary place, but on the plus side, I made a new friend!"
"Hello", said Caboose.
"...Dammit Jaune."
Semblance ?: Time Scoop
Allows the user to pull any single individual out of time.
"Wow, these songs really do be bopping, as the kids say."
Ruby looked up to the strange who just entered her room, "Who are you?"
"I'm back."
"...MUM!?"
Semblance ?: Sex God
Turns the user into a sex god. 'Nuff said.
"OH COME ONNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
And then he was dragged away by a million hands, kicking and screaming.
Spahron just put her hands together and cried, "Aw, my little brother's first-"
"Oh don't you start!"
Semblance ?: Shipping Goggles
Allows the user to make 2 people 'Fall in love' with each other.
"WOOOOW, GET NAKED!" Yang said as she watched Sun and Neptune indeed get naked.
"I think we should stop this, Jaune", Ren said as he gestured to Ruby and Weiss making out, and then to all of Team CFVY getting themselves into a 4 way kiss, "Before this-"
"No no", Jaune said as he gestured to Nora and Pyrrha, who were still making out as they began to strip each other naked, "I think we should let this play out for a little while longer. Y'know, for science."
"...Okay I see your logic."
Semblance ?: Tin Man
Turns the user's skin into metal.
Pyrrha spent the entire day with Jaune stuck to her, unable to move and unable to get off of her.
Not that she was complaining of course.
Semblance ?: Bunny Boy
Allows the user to become the best model on Playbo-
"NO! NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!"
B-But... But the mem-
"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR MEMES! Good job, does Naruto get this kind of treatment? What is wrong with you horny bastards?"
Edit: This is the last one. I swear to god, this is the last part of this crappy oneshot now twoshot.
And yeah, I did screw up with the title of the chapter when I uploaded it. I was trying to make a :( face, not a ( face without a face.