Disclaimer: They all belong to J.K. Rowling. The pick-up lines, however, belong to my sick mind.
A.N.- I dedicate this story to my son Benjamim. Now, he's not really my son, he's a little white rabbit, but I do not have the heart to tell him, "Benjamim, you were adopted. I'm not your real mum."
Bill Weasley (the Indiana Jones rip-off)Let me show you two jewels I'll never hand over to Gringotts.
Blaise Zabini (Generation X's Victor/Victoria)I hope you're into androgyny.
Sir Cadogan (D. Quixote without his gay lover Sancho Pança)I'm used to ride all day long, but I'm willing to try it the other way around.
Cedric Diggory (the guy we only care about after he dies)Hey, baby! Are you into necrophilia?
Charlie Weasley (for the Dungeons & Dragons geeks)I like things scorching hot.
Colin Creevey (the stalker boy)How about you and me make some dirty pictures?
Draco Malfoy (bleached, greased and strangely still hot)Ferrets die if they don't mate. So, technically, you'd be saving a life.
Dumbledore, Albus (over a century still does not know how to shave)I know I'm old, but I can still keep my hat upright.
Fat Lady (the one that is okay with stupid stereotypes such as "fat")With just the right words, I'll let you come inside.
Filch, Argus (into bestiality [see Letter's to Santa])I'll punish you, if you've been bad enough.
Fred & George (comic relief who should get more screen time)WWW actually stands for: Wanton Weasleys' Wangs.
Giant Squid (the ticklish cephalopod)I can make you wet.
Ginny Weasley (does nasty things with buttered elbows)Help me write another chapter in my naughty diary?
Hagrid, Rubeus (the guy I can't figure out how he was conceived)I'm a half giant, but I can be a full giant if the mood's right.
Harry Potter (everyone's favourite Mary-Sue)Want to see what else I've got shaped like a lightning bolt?
Hermione Granger (the annoying nerd)I read the whole Kamasutra, now I want to put theory to practice. Want to volunteer?
Hooch (enjoys a broom ride waaay too much)I like to mount it, grip it tight. I never slide off the end.
James Potter (the one with 'questionable' friendships)Ever ridden a stag?
Lucius Malfoy (the only guy that looks hot with his hair tied with a bow)My cane doubles into many things.
Mad Eye Moody (mad - I)I bet I could turn you into a minx.
McGonagall, Minerva (got her job because she sleeps with the boss)I can be a real wild cat when I want to.
Myrtle (enjoys swimming in faeces)Want to find out why they call me "Moaning"?
Oliver Wood (the bigger wood staff)Just the first two minutes in and you'll only allow me to get out of bed a week later.
Percy Weasley (the hot geek one)Ironically, I'm a Head Boy looking for a girl who'll give head.
Peter Pettigrew (the traitorous rat)There's nothing wrong with a rat liking pussy.
Remus Lupin (the bitch)Want to role-play? You'll be the Little Red Riding Hood.
Ron Weasley (the sidekick)I have experience with having slick things in my mouth.
Sibyll Trelawney (regular "herbal tea" consumer)You'll want me. I've foreseen it.
Sirius Black (the butch)Do you like it doggie-style?
Snape, Severus (expert in gay signalling during duels)Let's stir things up.
Sprout (the one who beat Schwarzenegger in a fight)I'll give you a place to bury your seed.
Voldemort (The Hot Lord)I'm You-Know-Who. Want to go you-know-where, do you-know-what?