Author's Note: Here's my third Speed Racer story. I actually got the idea for this one as I watched my favorite episodes of Gatchaman and noted the angst and guilt in Ken during episodes 39 & 40. I thought that the same angst and guilt displayed in Speed might be interesting to explore, considering his compulsion to always save the day. Also, his reaction at the crash scene in episode 26 "The Car Hater" inspired the idea to portray what his reaction would be if Trixie had ever gotten seriously hurt in a car crash so I married the two ideas and this was the result. I also used the brotherly closeness of Speed and Rex/Racer X (I just love their relationship). Special thanks to Jen who spent time reviewing episodes and sending me details that could be used so she is in fact my collaborator in this story, and to Oriana who affirmed my view of Speed as having quite bit of angst deep down. Once again I do not own Speed Racer—it's the property of Speed Racer Enterprises and DIC.

BEFORE THE DAWN

Part 1-DAY OF DISASTER

"AND THE FIELD OF CARS HAVE JUST BEEN GIVEN THE WHITE FLAG, SIGNALING THE FINAL LEG OF THE 2500 MILE TRANSCONTINENTAL RACE. THERE IS A REAL BATTLE TAKING PLACE BETWEEN THE MYSTERIOUS RACER X IN CAR NUMBER 9 AND THE DRIVING SENSATION FROM THE GO TEAM IN CAR NUMBER 5, THE MACH 5 DRIVEN BY SPEED RACER. BOTH CARS ARE IN A STRUGGLE TO THE BITTER END FOLKS!" the P.A. blared as the Formula 1 racers barreled toward the finish line.

Pops Racer and Sparky Sabu were watching from the pit as the two cars drew up to each other, virtually neck and neck as they screamed past the thundering crowd. Spritle and Chim Chim jumped from their perch on the pit wall and had added their voices to the gleeful melee as they cheered Speed on. Meanwhile, as they came within a half mile to the finish, the Mach 5 appeared to get a run on the Shooting Star and pulled past, taking the lead.

"Oh, Speed, I think we're gonna do it!" Trixie exclaimed excitedly as she looked back and saw the Shooting Star losing ground. She was the navigator for him in this seven day 2500 mile race.

"Uh-huh," Speed answered, his focus on the approaching finish line, his hands gripping the wheel with confidence. "Hang on Trixie, while I bring us home!"

Trixie turned back around and watched as the checkered flag came out and waved as they roared past. Speed eased off the throttle and gradually slowed down as the P.A. announced:

"THE WINNER OF THE 2500 MILE TRANSCONTENTENTAL RACE IS ……SPEED RACER!"

The crowd erupted in a riot, clapping and screaming as Speed made his victory lap and became louder as he drove to the grassy infield and did a few doughnuts on the grass in celebration. He grinned at Trixie and the two of them giggled like schoolchildren as he finished and headed for the winner's circle.

They both doffed their helmets and exited the Mach 5 to the popping of flashbulbs as the press corps took picture after picture while Speed put his arm around Trixie and walked her to the podium for the presentation of the trophy.

The president of the International Racing Commission placed the walnut and brass trophy in his hands and spoke into the microphone. "It gives me great pleasure to present this award along with the grand prize purse of $500,000 to the winner of the Transcontinental Race, Speed Racer!"

Applause and cheers rained down from the grandstand as Speed cradled the trophy with one arm and waved to the throng with the other, a broad smile on his classically handsome face. He snuck a wink at Trixie as she beamed up at him with pride shining in her sea green eyes, as much an adoring fan as anyone in the spectator seats. The clapping and whooping was nearly deafening. And as usual, the female contingency of the spectators were gathering around, bathing the comely young racer in adulation, much to Trixie's annoyance, even pushing her aside to get to Speed. Trixie sighed resignedly as she decided to not fight city hall and stood to the side to let her boyfriend have his spotlight. The typical ending to every race this year so by this time, she was used to it.

A few hours later, as the Go Team was preparing to pack up everything to head home, Pops called a meeting in the main trailer. Sparky, the crew, Speed, and Trixie all took seats around, the latter two sitting together on the circular sofa in the corner. Speed had his right arm slung across the back of the sofa and had his hand resting lightly on Trixie's shoulder. Spritle and Chim Chim sat on the floor next to Speed and Trixie.

Pops came in with a jovial smile and took a seat before the group gathered. He addressed them cheerfully, "Well, we did it, gang. Another win for Pops Motor Sports. Well done."

Everyone smiled in gratitude for the complement as Pops cleared his throat to continue. "And since the next race isn't for three weeks, I'm hereby giving everyone a ten day vacation before having to prepare for the next race."

Every person in the room stared at Pops as if they had not heard him right. "Come again, Pops?" Speed asked, his eyes wide with disbelief. Everyone else reacted the same.

Pops chuckled, "I know it's a little hard to believe but yes, you all heard me right. I said vacation." He glanced around the roomful of stunned faces. "Don't look so shocked. After all, all work and no play, etcetera." The room then began buzzing with pleased acceptance.

Speed leaned over and whispered to Trixie. "I guess I'm not dreaming after all."

She grinned and whispered back coquettishly, "Do you want me to pinch you to see if you're awake?"

Speed grinned back and whispered, "Control yourself, baby." He then stood up and announced, "Well, if that's the case, I'd like to head up to the Stoney Mountains and the Crystal Lodge with Trixie for some R & R.

Pops eyed him steadily. "I hope that you'll have separate rooms." He frowned in disapproval, but Speed held up his hand.

"Relax, Pops. They have suites up there with more than one bedroom and we'll be good. We just want to get some rest after the race, we're both bushed."

Spritle's eyes grew wide. "A lodge in the mountains! D'ya hear that, Chim Chim? We're goin' to the mountains, I bet there's a lot of groovy things to do up there. So what're we waitin' for, let's go." He and Chim Chim made to scamper off but Pops detained him.

"You aren't going to the mountains, Spritle. You'll be going with Mom and me," Pops informed him as the youngster's elfin face pouted.

"But I wanna go with Speedy," he protested, flopping down with his arms crossed stubbornly.

Pops opened his mouth to retort but Mom Racer intervened gently, "Well, Spritle if you feel that way, I guess you don't want to go to Wonderworld with Pops and me."

Spritle's eyes became wide as saucers. "W-Wonderworld? The big park with all the rides an' stuff?"

"The very one," Mom replied smoothly.

"Oh boy, I've always wanted to go there! D'ya hear that, Chim Chim? We're goin' to Wonderworld!" The boy could hardly contain his excitement as Speed silently mouthed "Thank you" to his mother who smiled as her youngest launched himself into her arms.

Later that evening, Trixie was in her trailer, kneeling on the floor, packing for the vacation. Her heart was pounding with anticipation and her own trepidation for she was feeling a bit uneasy, though she didn't know why. She was still folding and packing when there was a light rapping on her door.

"Come in," she called out and Speed opened the door and entered.

"Hiya, Trix. You almost all packed?" he asked as he took a seat on the bed.

Trixie nodded, "Uh-huh. We leaving in the morning?"

"Uh-huh. Bright and early. I called and made a reservation under 'Happy Doodle'," Speed told her with his arms crossed.

Trixie giggled, "Your alias, huh? Why may I ask?"

"Simple. I don't want to deal with the press intruding on us getting the rest we need for the next race. They could care less about Happy Doodle and his girl."

Trixie finished packing and closed her suitcase. She tried to push the case closed to lock it and got nowhere. "Hey Happy, how about sitting on my case so I can get it closed?"

Speed slid off the bed and sat on the case while Trixie reached between his legs to snap the locks closed. As she pushed back, Speed's sapphire eyes twinkled at her and he ran his fingers down her cheek.

"We're gonna have a ball up there, Trix. There's all kinds of activities, swimming, boating, horseback riding, hiking—you name it."

Trixie's eyes sparkled like the stars in the night sky. "It sounds just groovy."

"Yeah, it will be. And we'll be all alone," he leaned over to steal a kiss but Trixie got to her feet and walked over to the table to put some toiletries in a small open case. A bit put off, Speed rose and walked over to her.

"Hey, what gives? I was only going to kiss you," he protested.

"I know but we need to be careful. Lately, when you kiss me Speed, it seems like it's getting harder for the two of us to stop," she pointed out, her back turned to him.

"Something wrong with that?"

Trixie turned to reply and found him right up against her, his arms trapping her against the edge of the table. As always, his presence was intoxicating, as she was pulled into the ocean blue depths of his eyes. Her resolve flagging, she allowed his arms to slowly move up and encircle her waist as he drew her to him. His mouth came down and teased at hers, not allowing himself to be denied of her sweetness. She moaned softly as his kiss deepened.

Finally he drew away and breathlessly Trixie said, "That's what I mean, Speed. Can we be alone together in a lodge suite and know when to stop before things get too far?"

Speed said reassuringly, "The suite's got two bedrooms, honey. Both with doors. And it's not like we haven't shared lodgings together before. Remember that time in Scotland, we all shared the room and your bed was right next to mine. I was a good boy then, wasn't I?"

"You didn't have a choice."

"Yeah but I admit it took forever for me to fall asleep, knowing that you were only two feet away from me. Yet, I didn't do anything but think about you till I finally fell asleep."

"Yeah, but--"

And the times we had to share a room with Spritle and Chim Chim. Now you know, nothing happened then. I wouldn't try to put the moves on you with my kid brother right there to get a too-early education," Speed pointed out. "But I couldn't help but steal a good-night kiss, I am only human you know. And the time in Hong Kong when we shared that suite in that classy hotel."

"Humph! How could I forget? You were ga-ga over that Princess Peddle and hardly knew I was alive. You offered to take me out to dinner and then proceeded to drool in your water over her while I was trying to have a conversation with you," she recounted waspishly, her arms crossed.

"Yeah and you kicked me! With a leg like yours you could punt for the New York Giants," he protested and rubbed his shin. "I still have the bruise."

"Well, what other way could I get your attention? Honestly Speed, sometimes you're so obvious. And you just don't know how it makes me feel," Trixie pouted, turning her back on him.

Speed was immediately remorseful. He grasped her shoulders to make amends. "I'm sorry, honey. I really don't mean to go off about other girls like that but sometimes I can't help it. But you know there's no other girl for me." He nuzzled her neck as he wrapped his arms around her tiny waist. "And believe me, I knew then and I know now that you're very much alive."

Trixie sniffed but before she could voice her protest Speed turned her around and captured her lips. She sighed and just melted into his arms energetically responding with her own fervor. They gradually drew apart

"So," he asked huskily as he cupped her face in his hands. "Am I forgiven?"

Trixie lowered her lashes coyly. "I guess so."

"And I think that we'll be okay in the same suite but I gotta say that even though we'll have our own rooms, I'll be having a hard time falling asleep knowing you're in the other room."

"I know," Trixie acquiesced. "I will, too. Believe it or not Speed, it's just as hard for me, I've been quite aware of you in the bed next to mine as well those times we were all in tight quarters."

"Maybe that was why Pops always had Spritle with us. To keep us on our best behavior," Speed said quietly as if the temptation was easing and his own sense of responsibility was kicking in. He moved back a bit and contemplated her thoughtfully. "You think this might be a bad idea, going away alone together?"

Trixie studied him and noticed the uncertainty in his eyes. She thought about the idea of spending time, hiking, swimming, and just being with him in other ways than racing and that thought alone was enough for her to convince him that it was a good idea. Besides, they would sleep in separate rooms, so they would not be tempted beyond what they could handle, they had too much respect and concern for each other.

She placed her hands gently on his chest. "I think it's a terrific idea. We both have goals and plans and we know that if we get too carried away, that our plans could be ruined."

Speed smiled affectionately at her. "Yeah, you're right as always." He leaned in for a small kiss then said, "We'd better sack out if we intend to leave early so I'd better split. Good night, Trix." He turned and left.

The next morning as the sun rose, Speed and Trixie were up and on their way to the Stoney Mountains. It had been still dark at 6 AM when they both loaded their bags in the trunk of the Mach 5.

Speed opened the trunk and placed his and Trixie's bags in then slammed it shut as she approached. He grinned crookedly and said, "I was half expecting Spritle and Chim Chim to be in there when I opened the trunk up to load it."

Trixie tittered, "Yeah, it's almost like we can expect them to be there automatically."

Speed took her elbow and helped her to the car door, opened it and assisted her in. "Thanks to Pops and Mom for taking them to Wonderworld. Otherwise, they'd have found some way to horn in on us." He strode over to the driver's side and climbed behind the wheel, then turned the key to start and rev the engine. "Well, we're off," he said as they pulled away.

The ride began as the sun was rising painting the sky in delicate hues of pink and orange that chased away the darkness. Speed had turned on the tape deck and they had surrounded themselves in the sounds of Motown as they tooled along the nearly deserted highway. They both sang along with the tape, laughing and having fun as the Mach 5 zipped along.

Two hours later and halfway to the lodge, Speed and Trixie stopped at a small roadside diner for breakfast. To keep their anonymity intact, Speed parked the Mach 5 in the rear of the diner and pulled in between a large tree and a dumpster. They donned sunglasses and stepped into the diner finding an unoccupied and relatively private booth at the rear. They ordered breakfast and enjoyed their meal in rare but cherished privacy. After they were finished, Speed and Trixie were on the road again.

It was about 11:30 when Speed turned the Mach 5 onto the mountain route that would take him and Trixie up to the Crystal Lodge. The road was modern but challenging, ten miles with plenty of twists and turns as it wound up to the lodge. Speed began the ascent but as he maneuvered the first bend, he frowned in dismay.

"Hmm, I don't like how that feels," he said aloud to himself.

Trixie perked up immediately. "Is everything okay, Speed?"

Not wanting to alarm her, Speed turned and smiled reassuringly. "Everything's fine, honey. The wheel just feels a bit loose is all. Nothing to be worried about," he said, feeling a tinge of worry inside.

Trixie looked at him with an expression of concern on her pretty visage. "If you say so," she said grudgingly.

"I do, but just to be on the safe side, I'm gonna pull over and take a look, okay?" Speed turned the wheel and parked the Mach 5 on the side of the road. He turned off the motor and hoisted himself over the side. He then walked to the front and raised the hood to take a look. After a short interval, he leaned out and called to Trixie, "Trix, would ya push Control A for the autojack, please?"

"Sure." She did as he asked and the Mach 5 rose up about seven feet so Speed could get under the chassis and look. He came back out and asked Trixie, "Okay, let 'er down."

She did as he bade and the Mach 5 lowered to its normal position. Speed strode to the trunk, opened it and withdrew his tools. He slammed the trunk closed and headed back to the front and leaned again beneath the hood.

Her curiosity getting the better of her, Trixie opened the door and came out to where Speed was busy checking on the master cylinder of the steering. She peered under to investigate.

"What's the problem?"

Speed continued his diagnostic and found a loose belt. Using his crescent wrench to tighten the tensioner he answered, "The steering needs a slight adjustment. No big deal." He continued twisting the wrench to tighten the belt.

"How long you think it'll take?" she wanted to know.

"Not long. So why don't you just go back in the car and relax, Trixie?" he asked in a slightly impatient tone.

"Okay, I won't bother you." Trixie flounced off and reaching in the front seat of the Mach 5, retrieved her camera to take some pictures. With the sun up and shining brightly, the mountains and surrounding scenery were alive with vivid color, wildflowers scattered everywhere in a rainbow of colors. She walked a good distance from the Mach 5 and snapped some pictures of the beauty that encircled them. She sat on a rock staring at the rushing water of the brook, silently fuming Why do I even bother coming anywhere with him? Half the time he could care less that I'm even around. Sometimes, he makes me so mad!

Finally, Speed completed his repairs and closed the hood firmly as he wiped his hands clean of grease. He looked over at the empty cockpit of the Mach 5 and then worriedly searched around for his missing girlfriend. He found her by some rocks sitting and watching a babbling brook that ran 20 feet away from the edge of the road. Remembering his brusque dismissal of her earlier, Speed gradually made his way over to where Trixie was to make peace. As he came closer to her, he admired how the soft sunshine caused her chestnut hair to shimmer with golden highlights and encompassed with wildflowers against the backdrop of the sparkling water, gave her the appearance of an angel in a Raphaelite painting. He drew up to her and peeked over into her face.

"Hiya," he said smiling.

Trixie looked up and then turned away. "Thought I was in your way," she sniffed.

Speed sighed, "I'm sorry I was short with you, baby but I was trying to adjust the steering and the thing was giving me fits. Forgive me?" He pleaded with his eyes wide and hopeful as he reached to caress her cheek.

Trixie took a deep breath as she swung herself around on the rock. "I just asked you a question," she said petulantly, with her face turned away.

Speed took her chin in his hands and turned her head so he could look into her eyes. "I know, but you of all people know how I am when I get under the hood of the Mach 5. It's like I'm in a different dimension. But that's no excuse for snapping at you, I'm very sorry." His cobalt eyes begged for forgiveness as he proffered his hand to help her down.

Trixie sighed and said softly. "You're forgiven. I didn't mean to make such a big thing out of it, I'm just tired." She took the hand he offered to assist her down from her perch and hand in hand they walked back to get into the Mach 5.

They were back in the cockpit of the Mach 5 and Speed fired up the engine to continue on their way. He reached and put another tape in the deck and soon they were surrounded with the sounds of Motown again.

Trixie grinned at him and said, "I think it's so great that we like the same music along with everything else we like about each other."

Speed returned the grin. "Face it baby, we're made for each other. Seriously Trix, there isn't another girl out there that I want to be with more than you."

"Oh Speed, that's so sweet of you to say."

"Why not? It happens to be the truth. You know, I've gone out with a lot of girls but you're the first one that I actually feel like I can be myself with. And you're a terrific spotter, navigator and team member. Besides that my family adores you."

"I really love them too," Trixie said. "You've all been so great to me since we first met, especially after my dad died. I had felt really alone and you all made me a part of your family. That means the world to me." She began to feel her eyes tearing.

Speed noticed immediately. "Hey now, no tears. We're going on a groovy vacation, and we're gonna have a lot of fun. So no crying, okay?"

Trixie nodded sniffling and smiling. "You're right but I always get like this when someone touches me."

"What'd ya mean? My hands haven't left the wheel," Speed said innocently with a gleam of playful understanding in his eyes.

"Oh, you!" she said, patting his arm.

They were halfway up the mountain where the lodge was when they reached a particularly twisting part of the road. Speed expertly maneuvered the Mach 5 around a bend that was sharp and then headed into another but found to his alarm that the steering wheel had locked and they were headed full speed over a steep rocky embankment.

"Ohhh!" Speed roared. "Hang on, Trixie!"

"Ahhh! Speed!" she shrieked as the Mach 5 took flight.

He tried activating Control A for the autojack but found to his alarm that it was not working. The car landed on its wheels with a jolt and rolled uncontrolled over a field of jagged rocks. Speed tried to engage the special treads of Control B but they too were malfunctioning. He tried desperately to wrestle with the immovable steering wheel and pumped the breaks, trying every skill he knew to gain back control of the careening vehicle but to no avail, they still tumbled down the incline until finally, its momentum spent, the Mach 5 came to a rest against a flat stone with a jarring thud.

Speed was slumped over the wheel, shaken and groggy with the force of the blow. He slowly raised his head and shook it to clear it then checked his body to see if he was hurt. He then glanced over at the passenger side. "Trix, you oka--," he began and then noted with panic that she was gone, her seat belt torn right off.

Terrified, Speed hoisted himself up and over the console and then hurdled the passenger door to the ground scanning the rugged landscape frantically. "Trixie! Trixie, where are you? Trixie!" he called but she was nowhere in sight.

He began to get more frightened until his eyes spotted a bit of pink with crimson, the colors she had been wearing about 50 feet down another steep rock-strewn embankment. He rushed over and what he saw made his heart drop to his stomach then rend into pieces.

"Oh NO! Trixie!!" Speed screamed as he descended the hill, leaping over rocks until he came to her side. He blinked his eyes unbelievingly as if the sight was part of some kind of gruesome vision or a macabre nightmare as he slowly knelt down beside his unconscious girlfriend.

She was sprawled on a bed of rocks, her head hanging back with a stream of bright red blood running from her temple down her cheek. Her slender body was bent into angles from the jagged tops of the sharp rocks she had landed on making her appear like a child's discarded rag doll. Her face beneath the blood had a pale ghostly pallor as if the life had already left her body.

His vision blurred by tears, Speed reached to take her slim shoulders in his arms to gently cradle her, letting her limp head rest on his shoulder. He lightly patted her cheeks to try to snap her out of it and was thankful that she was still alive, although her breathing was shallow.

"Trixie, speak to me, baby, please," Speed croaked, his voice hoarse with emotion. "Oh please, sweetheart, say something!"

Unknown to Speed, several people had witnessed the accident and were skittering down the embankment to lend their assistance. An especially burly man with a receding hairline came down to where he was, holding Trixie's broken body.

"My friends and I saw what happened, fella. Is there something we can do?" the man said softly his hand on Speed's slumped shoulder.

As if in a trance, Speed looked up blankly into the man's compassionate visage. "Huh?"

"Is there something you want me to do?"

Speed blinked again vacantly as his tears flowed unabated. He tossed his head towards the Mach 5. "Radio. In car. Get an ambulance. Please hurry," he said, his voice breaking. He clutched Trixie's limp form close against his body as if he were willing his life into her.

The man nodded and leapt to chamber back up to where the Mach 5 was and when he spotted the radio, reached in to do as Speed asked. Meantime, two other men made their way to the young couple, one carrying a blanket. He approached the two cautiously.

"Here, I've had some first aid. She needs to be covered, to lessen the chill from shock." He carefully spread the blanket across Trixie as Speed continued wordlessly holding her as if she were about to be snatched away from him.

The first man came back down and joined them. "Ambulance is on its way. By the way, I'm an off-duty state trooper buddy, so what happened?"

Speed gazed numbly at the man as he replied, "My steering locked and we went over the edge."

The off-duty officer nodded. "How about you kid, are you okay?"

Speed nodded mutely, his eyes blinded by the hot rivulets running down to his cheeks as he continued holding his precious bundle. He murmured softly to her rocking back and forth, oblivious to everyone and everything as he clung to Trixie for dear life. He didn't even hear the piercing wail of the emergency vehicles as they arrived at the road above.

The officer stood up and waved as the three emergency personnel came scampering down to the rock bed to Speed and Trixie's side carrying life support apparatus and a stretcher. They arrived and knelt beside Speed and Trixie, gently taking her from Speed's arms.

"Don't worry sir, we're going to take good care of her. You need to let go of her," one of the paramedics insisted softly to the stricken young man, removing his bundle from him.

"No, don't take her away from me!" Speed howled jumping to his feet but the officer restrained him as the paramedics loaded Trixie on the stretcher.

"Take it easy, pal. They're just gonna bring her up to the ambulance. By the way, do you or the lady have any ID?"

Speed watched as the emergency workers made their way up the embankment and like a robot, reached in his back pocket for his wallet. He tossed it at the officer who opened it and looked inside.

"Speed Racer, huh? So that car there must be the Mach 5. Congratulations on winning the Transcontinental Race," the officer said obviously impressed.

Speed groaned impatiently. The last thing he wanted to deal with now was fan adoration when Trixie's life was hanging on by a thread. "Look, if you're finished, I'd like to get up to the ambulance and ride with my girlfriend," he said irately as he was watching the paramedics climb to the top of the embankment.

"Sure thing, Speed. I'll see to it that your car gets back to you." The officer handed back Speed's wallet.

"Yeah, okay," Speed said disinterestedly, his mind on Trixie. He bounded up the rocky incline toward the ambulance.

At the top of the embankment and to the road, the men carried the stretcher bearing Trixie to the waiting ambulance. Once inside, they began taking her vitals and picked up the radio to inform the ER nurse as to her condition.

Breathing heavily, Speed got to the back of the ambulance as one of the men was climbing out. He snatched the man by the collar. "Where is she? I'm goin' with her!"

The man eyed the anxious young man dubiously as he extricated himself from Speed's grasp. "Of course, sir. If you don't mind, what is the young lady's name?"

"Trixie, Trixie Shimura."

The man made a note on a clipboard he was carrying. "Okay, sir. Just climb back there and you can ride with her to the hospital."

Speed needed no further prompting. He vaulted into the back of the ambulance as the EMT closed the door and then sprinted to the front seat and climbed behind the wheel. He started the engine and they were off.

As they sped to the nearest hospital, siren screaming, Speed sat beside Trixie, holding her hand in both of his and spoke gently to her. "Hang in there, baby. We're gonna have you there in a jiffy." He brushed her hair back out of her eyes gently. But there was no response from her as they rushed to the hospital so Speed closed his eyes and felt his tears flow again.