AN: Well, I revised this and fixed some spelling errors I caught in the
last version so if you read this before, please have another go at it. I
added on here and there with the suggestion by x20Deepx to play up the
angst a little more which was an idea I liked and so I did.
And the positive comments I received - thanks, everyone! =) - inspired me to write another chapter (which I'm currently working on) so this will be a two part fic. I hope to have the second part out soon. =)
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"Bye, guys!" Anzu said cheerily.
Smiling, she waved good-bye to the cluster of her friends before she followed the other students eagerly exiting the classroom at the end of the school day. And when she was gone, it was Yugi who turned to the others with a worried frown upon his face.
"What do you think is wrong?" he asked his friends.
Honda and Jounouchi exchanged confused glances.
"What do you mean?" Jounouchi asked. "Wrong with what?"
"Anzu," replied Yugi. "Don't you think she's been acting a little strange lately?"
"I don't know." Honda scratched his head. "She seems her usual cheerful self to me."
"Yeah, me too," commented Jounouchi. Then he shuddered. "Although maybe a little more cheerful than normal because it's really starting to get on my nerves."
"But that's just it!" Yugi exclaimed. "She's more cheerful than she ordinarily is. Something must be wrong."
"Just because she's a little happier than usual?" Jounouchi looked skeptical. "You're reading way too much into it."
"Yeah," added Honda. "Besides, I think we all have a right to be happier than usual after Battle City."
"No kidding!" Jounouchi let out a relieved sigh. "Man, am I glad that's over!"
"Maybe so." Yugi still looked worried. "But, still, don't you think Anzu's been acting differently ever since then?"
"I wouldn't worry about it," Jounouchi said confidently. "It's probably nothing."
"I think you're letting your imagination run away with you," added Honda. "Even if she is acting a bit differently, she's entitled to it. After everything that happened to her in Battle City, it's probably just the aftereffects. I'm sure it'll all blow over in no time."
Yugi glanced back and forth between his friends who both had similar 'there's nothing to worry about' expressions. They had such confidence in their conviction that Yugi couldn't help but relax his fears. Still, he couldn't help but cast another last anxious glance at the doorway to the classroom where he'd last seen Anzu before she'd disappeared.
"I hope you're right," he said with a sigh. "I really do."
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Outside, Anzu sighed, relieved to be out from under the watchful eyes of her friends - especially Yugi who had always been the most perceptive of their group when it came to pinpointing her feelings and moods. Though she felt guilty for thinking like that, and for avoiding her friends like she'd been doing lately, she couldn't help it. She hoped they bought into her attempts to act as she usually did because she didn't want to answer any questions concerning the source of any odd behavior. No doubt, if they knew of what was bothering her they would either pity her or think she was insane - or think it was a betrayal. Aside from perhaps Yugi, she had little hope that they'd be sympathetic and understanding if she told them what was preoccupying her these days.
How could they?
She didn't even completely understand it herself.
But whether she understood it or not, that didn't change the way things were. She'd already done everything she could think of that was within reason to get herself to stop but it was impossible as all her efforts had failed.
She couldn't stop thinking about him.
Ryou Bakura.
No, to be honest it wasn't exactly him that she thought of - it was his yami.
Somehow, that was even worse.
She'd figured the soft-spoken and kind Bakura to be more of her sort of ideal guy though she did wish at times that he'd show a little more backbone. She'd certainly never thought of herself to be the type of girl to be attracted to guys with a larger than normal streak of darkness but apparently she didn't know herself as well as she'd believed. Why else couldn't she get her mind off of Bakura's darker counterpart when common sense dictated she shouldn't be quite so attached to him?
She blamed the ring.
If Millennium items were the power sources of the yami, then Anzu figured that something must have happened to connect her to Bakura's darker part when she'd touched his ring. She certainly hoped that was the case because imagining that she had these feelings for the yami on her own was just too much to contemplate.
She sighed, knowing there was nothing she could do about it now anyway except hope that the effects would fade away. It's not as if she could change the past and erase that moment when she'd taken the ring for temporary safekeeping. She'd been more worried about Bakura when he'd collapsed after his yami had been defeated in the duel with Yugi at Battle City. Concerned as his unconscious body had been taken to the infirmary, she took temporary possession of the Millennium ring simply because she'd only been thinking about how important it was to him, never imagining any other consequences it could have to her.
But when she'd touched the ring, she'd felt something pass through her, some sort of sizzling connection so brief that she thought afterwards that it must have been just her imagination.
She'd felt connected to Bakura's yami.
It had been a terrifying experience, a dark swirling mass of emotions that had flooded through her in mere moments and words alone were impossible to describe it. And when it had receded, she'd felt immensely relieved.
But she'd also felt a keen sense of loss.
And a longing to have it back.
It was worse now, perhaps because of the lingering worry in her mind that the former tomb raider was really gone like Malik had during his duel with Yugi where he'd revealed himself to be in possession of Bakura's Millennium ring and to have destroyed its yami.
She simply couldn't believe he was gone.
No, she didn't want to believe it.
Right or wrong, she wanted to see him again. Though she knew the dark spirit of the Millennium ring had little interest in her - how could he possibly? - she didn't care. She just wanted some reassurance that he still existed.
Was this love?
Was that what this feeling was - this intense craving to see him again?
She just didn't know.
It was frightening, this feeling and how badly she wanted to see him again. She felt almost consumed by this strange dark obsession that possessed her without any logical reason that she could see.
Was love supposed to be this scary?
She'd had crushes before, she remembered them fondly, but the feelings those generated seemed to pale in intensity compared to what she was feeling now for someone she had no business thinking about like this.
Then she had her most terrifying thought.
What if this was the real thing?
It was heartbreaking to think that she might truly be in love with someone so improbable - an evil spirit tainted with darkness and tied to an ancient Millennium item cloaked in mystery. And it made her fearful and immensely guilty that she might feel this way for someone who had been a part of wringing such pain and fear and doubt amongst her friends which had, in turn, hurt her as she watched them struggling with the trials put before them. Though they had emerged the victor in the end, that didn't erase the suffering they experienced.
She used to think better of herself than to imagine that she could be so disloyal to her friends by holding such affection for someone who had brought such torment into their lives. Truly, that she could feel this way for a yami who even went so far as to deliberately bring injury to his own hikari - it made her certain that there was something seriously wrong with her.
Poor Bakura.
He was gentle, sweet, and kind - qualities any girl in her right mind would look for in a potential boyfriend and Anzu did respect those traits within him. He was the perfect gentleman and the complete opposite of his inconsiderate counterpart and deserved better than being tied to such a sadistic yami. However, she had to admit a spark of admiration when she realized that he might not be a weak as she'd first thought if he had survived being so closely tied with the dark spirit with his sanity intact.
Surely, being possessed by an evil spirit wasn't for the fainthearted, right?
Even so, she thought he could have done a better job of standing up to the yami as Yugi had done with his on a few occasions. And it makes me compare the two, Yugi's relationship with his yami and Bakura with his. Yugi's seems more balanced, but if a yami's power is made greater with the weakness in his host's heart, perhaps it's because Yugi has such a strong one that shines when it counts that prevents the dark spirit from completely taking over the way Bakura's yami had done to him.
Was it because Bakura's will was so much weaker than Yugi's that enabled the evil spirit to have such total control over him to the point where he couldn't even remember the time he was taken over?
No, she didn't think so.
When she thought harder about it, that couldn't be because that theory didn't explain the power balance between Malik and his yami. If the spirit of the Millennium item was the dark counterpart of host, then why did Malik seem so similar to his yami, much more so than Yugi and Bakura to theirs?
No, it seemed that all of the yami had characteristics that individualized them beyond the fact that they bore the same appearances as their hosts.
And her reflections made her realize something else.
She was even more confused than she was before.
She could turn the matter over in her mind however many times she chose to but she was always left with the same unanswered questions. And they would probably remain that way until she got a fresh perspective on it. Only thing was, since she didn't want to talk about it with her friends and face their reactions that she was sure would be mostly negative, it left her pretty much at an impasse and the biggest question of all still glaring at her with its nerve-wracking implications.
Did she love Bakura's yami or not?
She rubbed at the building ache gathering in her forehead and fervently wished for one moment that Bakura and his yami would just combine completely without the split personality and create one well-balanced individual that was neither too easily taken advantage of nor too heartlessly power-hungry.
Then she felt guilty, thinking it wasn't fair of her to wish more of the darker aspects of the yami who had tormented him upon Bakura who had been put through enough as it was. Truthfully, if she hadn't been having so much contact with different types of yami lately and life for all of them really were a typical high schooler's, she probably would have thought Bakura just fine the way he was.
An idea suddenly popped into her head.
What if this fixation on the Millennium ring's yami was a form of subconscious cover for some hidden feelings she was harboring for Bakura?
It made her headache worse.
Threatened with the very real possibility that she'd go insane even when she had no personal yami of her own to perform the deed, she thought it best to retire from these fruitless wanderings of her mind. It's not as if she ever got anywhere with them and, besides, what could she do?
She'd heard that a person couldn't choose whom she loved. It simply happened. And she still wasn't certain that this, whatever it was, was truly it. Just thinking about it wasn't helping. Perhaps if she saw him again, then she could make sense of her turbulent emotions though she had no idea what she'd do if it turned out that she really was in love with the yami.
But what if he were really gone?
What if she never saw him again?
Those questions brought fresh pain to her heart, even worse than the thought that she might be in love with the evil spirit. To be in a hopeless love, somehow she felt that would be better than thinking him forever gone to someplace from which he would never return from.
She took a deep cleansing breath, held it a moment then let it out.
Her usual optimism returned to her and she allowed a small smile to curve her lips with the belief that, one day, the dark spirit of the Millennium ring would return and she would be able to settle the wavering feelings in her heart. Some tiny voice within her told her that he was too difficult to be gotten rid of that easily, even by Malik, and she took comfort in the reassurance however right or wrong it was.
Though she had no idea what she'd do or say when she saw him again, for now, that didn't matter. At the moment, all she could think was that to see him would be enough.
And he would appear again one day. She was sure of it.
She would see him again.
Someday.
She just hoped that 'someday' was soon.
And the positive comments I received - thanks, everyone! =) - inspired me to write another chapter (which I'm currently working on) so this will be a two part fic. I hope to have the second part out soon. =)
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"Bye, guys!" Anzu said cheerily.
Smiling, she waved good-bye to the cluster of her friends before she followed the other students eagerly exiting the classroom at the end of the school day. And when she was gone, it was Yugi who turned to the others with a worried frown upon his face.
"What do you think is wrong?" he asked his friends.
Honda and Jounouchi exchanged confused glances.
"What do you mean?" Jounouchi asked. "Wrong with what?"
"Anzu," replied Yugi. "Don't you think she's been acting a little strange lately?"
"I don't know." Honda scratched his head. "She seems her usual cheerful self to me."
"Yeah, me too," commented Jounouchi. Then he shuddered. "Although maybe a little more cheerful than normal because it's really starting to get on my nerves."
"But that's just it!" Yugi exclaimed. "She's more cheerful than she ordinarily is. Something must be wrong."
"Just because she's a little happier than usual?" Jounouchi looked skeptical. "You're reading way too much into it."
"Yeah," added Honda. "Besides, I think we all have a right to be happier than usual after Battle City."
"No kidding!" Jounouchi let out a relieved sigh. "Man, am I glad that's over!"
"Maybe so." Yugi still looked worried. "But, still, don't you think Anzu's been acting differently ever since then?"
"I wouldn't worry about it," Jounouchi said confidently. "It's probably nothing."
"I think you're letting your imagination run away with you," added Honda. "Even if she is acting a bit differently, she's entitled to it. After everything that happened to her in Battle City, it's probably just the aftereffects. I'm sure it'll all blow over in no time."
Yugi glanced back and forth between his friends who both had similar 'there's nothing to worry about' expressions. They had such confidence in their conviction that Yugi couldn't help but relax his fears. Still, he couldn't help but cast another last anxious glance at the doorway to the classroom where he'd last seen Anzu before she'd disappeared.
"I hope you're right," he said with a sigh. "I really do."
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Outside, Anzu sighed, relieved to be out from under the watchful eyes of her friends - especially Yugi who had always been the most perceptive of their group when it came to pinpointing her feelings and moods. Though she felt guilty for thinking like that, and for avoiding her friends like she'd been doing lately, she couldn't help it. She hoped they bought into her attempts to act as she usually did because she didn't want to answer any questions concerning the source of any odd behavior. No doubt, if they knew of what was bothering her they would either pity her or think she was insane - or think it was a betrayal. Aside from perhaps Yugi, she had little hope that they'd be sympathetic and understanding if she told them what was preoccupying her these days.
How could they?
She didn't even completely understand it herself.
But whether she understood it or not, that didn't change the way things were. She'd already done everything she could think of that was within reason to get herself to stop but it was impossible as all her efforts had failed.
She couldn't stop thinking about him.
Ryou Bakura.
No, to be honest it wasn't exactly him that she thought of - it was his yami.
Somehow, that was even worse.
She'd figured the soft-spoken and kind Bakura to be more of her sort of ideal guy though she did wish at times that he'd show a little more backbone. She'd certainly never thought of herself to be the type of girl to be attracted to guys with a larger than normal streak of darkness but apparently she didn't know herself as well as she'd believed. Why else couldn't she get her mind off of Bakura's darker counterpart when common sense dictated she shouldn't be quite so attached to him?
She blamed the ring.
If Millennium items were the power sources of the yami, then Anzu figured that something must have happened to connect her to Bakura's darker part when she'd touched his ring. She certainly hoped that was the case because imagining that she had these feelings for the yami on her own was just too much to contemplate.
She sighed, knowing there was nothing she could do about it now anyway except hope that the effects would fade away. It's not as if she could change the past and erase that moment when she'd taken the ring for temporary safekeeping. She'd been more worried about Bakura when he'd collapsed after his yami had been defeated in the duel with Yugi at Battle City. Concerned as his unconscious body had been taken to the infirmary, she took temporary possession of the Millennium ring simply because she'd only been thinking about how important it was to him, never imagining any other consequences it could have to her.
But when she'd touched the ring, she'd felt something pass through her, some sort of sizzling connection so brief that she thought afterwards that it must have been just her imagination.
She'd felt connected to Bakura's yami.
It had been a terrifying experience, a dark swirling mass of emotions that had flooded through her in mere moments and words alone were impossible to describe it. And when it had receded, she'd felt immensely relieved.
But she'd also felt a keen sense of loss.
And a longing to have it back.
It was worse now, perhaps because of the lingering worry in her mind that the former tomb raider was really gone like Malik had during his duel with Yugi where he'd revealed himself to be in possession of Bakura's Millennium ring and to have destroyed its yami.
She simply couldn't believe he was gone.
No, she didn't want to believe it.
Right or wrong, she wanted to see him again. Though she knew the dark spirit of the Millennium ring had little interest in her - how could he possibly? - she didn't care. She just wanted some reassurance that he still existed.
Was this love?
Was that what this feeling was - this intense craving to see him again?
She just didn't know.
It was frightening, this feeling and how badly she wanted to see him again. She felt almost consumed by this strange dark obsession that possessed her without any logical reason that she could see.
Was love supposed to be this scary?
She'd had crushes before, she remembered them fondly, but the feelings those generated seemed to pale in intensity compared to what she was feeling now for someone she had no business thinking about like this.
Then she had her most terrifying thought.
What if this was the real thing?
It was heartbreaking to think that she might truly be in love with someone so improbable - an evil spirit tainted with darkness and tied to an ancient Millennium item cloaked in mystery. And it made her fearful and immensely guilty that she might feel this way for someone who had been a part of wringing such pain and fear and doubt amongst her friends which had, in turn, hurt her as she watched them struggling with the trials put before them. Though they had emerged the victor in the end, that didn't erase the suffering they experienced.
She used to think better of herself than to imagine that she could be so disloyal to her friends by holding such affection for someone who had brought such torment into their lives. Truly, that she could feel this way for a yami who even went so far as to deliberately bring injury to his own hikari - it made her certain that there was something seriously wrong with her.
Poor Bakura.
He was gentle, sweet, and kind - qualities any girl in her right mind would look for in a potential boyfriend and Anzu did respect those traits within him. He was the perfect gentleman and the complete opposite of his inconsiderate counterpart and deserved better than being tied to such a sadistic yami. However, she had to admit a spark of admiration when she realized that he might not be a weak as she'd first thought if he had survived being so closely tied with the dark spirit with his sanity intact.
Surely, being possessed by an evil spirit wasn't for the fainthearted, right?
Even so, she thought he could have done a better job of standing up to the yami as Yugi had done with his on a few occasions. And it makes me compare the two, Yugi's relationship with his yami and Bakura with his. Yugi's seems more balanced, but if a yami's power is made greater with the weakness in his host's heart, perhaps it's because Yugi has such a strong one that shines when it counts that prevents the dark spirit from completely taking over the way Bakura's yami had done to him.
Was it because Bakura's will was so much weaker than Yugi's that enabled the evil spirit to have such total control over him to the point where he couldn't even remember the time he was taken over?
No, she didn't think so.
When she thought harder about it, that couldn't be because that theory didn't explain the power balance between Malik and his yami. If the spirit of the Millennium item was the dark counterpart of host, then why did Malik seem so similar to his yami, much more so than Yugi and Bakura to theirs?
No, it seemed that all of the yami had characteristics that individualized them beyond the fact that they bore the same appearances as their hosts.
And her reflections made her realize something else.
She was even more confused than she was before.
She could turn the matter over in her mind however many times she chose to but she was always left with the same unanswered questions. And they would probably remain that way until she got a fresh perspective on it. Only thing was, since she didn't want to talk about it with her friends and face their reactions that she was sure would be mostly negative, it left her pretty much at an impasse and the biggest question of all still glaring at her with its nerve-wracking implications.
Did she love Bakura's yami or not?
She rubbed at the building ache gathering in her forehead and fervently wished for one moment that Bakura and his yami would just combine completely without the split personality and create one well-balanced individual that was neither too easily taken advantage of nor too heartlessly power-hungry.
Then she felt guilty, thinking it wasn't fair of her to wish more of the darker aspects of the yami who had tormented him upon Bakura who had been put through enough as it was. Truthfully, if she hadn't been having so much contact with different types of yami lately and life for all of them really were a typical high schooler's, she probably would have thought Bakura just fine the way he was.
An idea suddenly popped into her head.
What if this fixation on the Millennium ring's yami was a form of subconscious cover for some hidden feelings she was harboring for Bakura?
It made her headache worse.
Threatened with the very real possibility that she'd go insane even when she had no personal yami of her own to perform the deed, she thought it best to retire from these fruitless wanderings of her mind. It's not as if she ever got anywhere with them and, besides, what could she do?
She'd heard that a person couldn't choose whom she loved. It simply happened. And she still wasn't certain that this, whatever it was, was truly it. Just thinking about it wasn't helping. Perhaps if she saw him again, then she could make sense of her turbulent emotions though she had no idea what she'd do if it turned out that she really was in love with the yami.
But what if he were really gone?
What if she never saw him again?
Those questions brought fresh pain to her heart, even worse than the thought that she might be in love with the evil spirit. To be in a hopeless love, somehow she felt that would be better than thinking him forever gone to someplace from which he would never return from.
She took a deep cleansing breath, held it a moment then let it out.
Her usual optimism returned to her and she allowed a small smile to curve her lips with the belief that, one day, the dark spirit of the Millennium ring would return and she would be able to settle the wavering feelings in her heart. Some tiny voice within her told her that he was too difficult to be gotten rid of that easily, even by Malik, and she took comfort in the reassurance however right or wrong it was.
Though she had no idea what she'd do or say when she saw him again, for now, that didn't matter. At the moment, all she could think was that to see him would be enough.
And he would appear again one day. She was sure of it.
She would see him again.
Someday.
She just hoped that 'someday' was soon.