***DISCLAIMER***  NO I DON'T OWN DIGIMON.  Sheesh.  You'd think FFNet would get the hint already.  ^_^  Oh yeah, and I don't own the Song "Numb".  Linkin Park has that one.  Little late to say that now though.  The song parts are over.

OK!  This fic needs an epilogue!  There's too many loose ends.  I've gotten about a 50/50 vote from you guys too, not enough for a clear cut "live or die" so sorry, I'm going where my heart goes on this one then.  First I'm gonna sleep on it and see what I come up with.  Ooooooh that's a scary thought...  Ja!  ~_^

~@~

A/N:  (next day) I don't know if I'll like how this turns out...  -_-  My mind is funny when sleeping.  Ooooh you guys are gonna really hate me this time.  *_*  Hopefully only for a little while though! 

BTW:  I'm winging the prayer in the beginning.  I don't know it.  And I don't know if they do stuff like that in Japan but it works for my fic.  I'm God, I can do whatever I want.  ^_^;;  Plegh!  Anyway, I don't think I need to enforce the "R" rating.  You've been here since the beginning so you know what's up.... or DO you?

Numb

by:  Bird of Fire

Chapter 4:  Epilogue

"Ashes to ashes, earth to earth, dust to dust.  We return our brother in life to nature.  May he find peace in this final resting place..."

                                                                    ***

Yamato sighed as he walked away from the procession going on.  The cemetery had become very familiar to him in these last few weeks.  It seemed to clear his head, letting him float just between the planes of reality and fantasy.  Why he chose this place to walk was a little unclear, maybe it was symbolic.  Maybe it was to keep his memory alive.  Maybe it was to remind him that death was very real, that it could happen to anyone anytime.  No one was immune.  He looked at the tombstones as he walked, the only link to the people buried beneath.  "Beloved wife," "True friend and brother," "Rest in peace amongst the angels..."  Words.  That's all that was left of them.  Save for the memories that belonged only to the loved ones they left behind, a mystery to the wandering visitor that happens along.

'The loved ones they left behind...'

A lone tear escaped Yamato's eyes as he looked to the sky, still continuing his slow walk on the path he'd come to know well.  He'd memorized this place well enough to know where one step would lead him after another.  The sights, the smells, all burned into his memory forever.  He knew he'd never forget this.  Just like he knew he'd never forget that night just a month ago...

"Gods, it still seems like it was just yesterday, I don't think it'll ever become easier to forget."  Yamato whispered, holding back the tears that threatened to come again.  No, not this time.  He gritted his teeth, forcing them back.  "Maybe none of us are really meant to forget.  Just go on."

It was just then that he realized where his body had led him again.  That same clearing, that same tree.  A slight hill looking out over the cemetery fields towards the sunset.  The one tombstone standing tall against the fading light, like a brave warrior facing an insurmountable enemy.  'So much like it's occupant would have been.'  Yamato sat, leaning against the tree, not looking at the stone but rather turning his gaze to the setting sun.  It was beautiful today, more golden somehow, with hope of another day to come.  He sighed, letting the tears come softly, silently as he said goodbye.  Out of sorrow?  Out of grief?  Or maybe out of relief?  Only he knew...

                                                             **********

It was dark by the time Yamato got home to his apartment.  He knew he should use his time to unpack his things, boxes lay everywhere from the move from his dad's place, but being as he was he just didn't feel like it at the moment.  Feeling melancholy was the worst, it meant you never got anything done. 

'Habits die hard I guess.'  Yamato thought, a smile tugging at his lips.  Well, he'd have more time now, having finally said goodbye to his walks.  He had to let go.

He walked over to the coat stand to hang his jacket and noticed the bundle of mail lying on the table.  'Must have forgotten to pick this upon my way out again.  Oops.' 

"Let's see what we have today....bills....more bills....notice on rent?  Geez, I only got the apartment a week ago, owners must be paranoid."  Then Yamato fell silent, his eyes resting on the last letter.  "Priority Mail from Jyou Kido."  'This is it...'  Carrying the unopened letter, Yamato walked to his bedroom and set it on the nightstand.  He then noticed the light was left on.  Yamato sighed, chuckling quietly as he gazed at the sleeping form curled upon the bed.

Taichi was sleeping soundly on his side, a book lay open at his fingertips.  The light from the nightstand cast a golden glow on his face, bare arms and chest, making him seem almost spiritual, his hair even more unruly caused probably by his tossing and turning.  His lips partly open as he breathed deep.

'My angel, you must have been worried again and decided to wait for me...or try to anyway...'  Yamato snickered.  He picked up the book and set it on the nightstand along with the letter and turned off the light.  Then, he stripped off his clothing down to his boxers and climbed into bed, resting against Tai's back.  He rubbed Tai's shoulders a little, then trailed kisses from his neck to his back, only stopping when Tai stirred in front of him.

"Yama?"  Tai half said, half yawned his name and snuggled closer to the form beside him.

Yamato leaned over, resting next to Tai's ear.  "Yes angel, I'm here," he whispered, before kissing the soft place just behind it.  Taichi sighed and rolled over to face his lover, eyes half lidded from sleep, a smile on his lips.

"Good, you were gone longer this time.  I was starting to worry what had happened to you.  Where did you go?"  Taichi asked, kissing Yamato's nose, tickling him a little bit.

"The cemetery again," Yamato noticed his love's worried look, fully awake now.  Yama took Tai's face in his hands, his fingers caressing the soft skin as he kissed his forehead.  "No Koi, I'm ok now.  I had to say my goodbyes to the place.  I couldn't help but be drawn to it, I came very close to having to visit you there instead of a lone, now unclaimed plot." He whispered as he took one of Tai's hands in his own, lightly licking and kissing the underside of his wrist.  His wounds had scarred of course, they all knew that they would and leave a constant reminder back to that terrifying day.  Just thinking about it was enough to bring the memories to full vision in Yamato's mind.

                                                                    ***

Taichi had been unconscious by the time the ambulance came, a nearly hysterical Yamato lying beside him.  Tai had stopped breathing and the paramedics had spent long, agonizing minutes reviving him.  When he was breathing again, he was rushed into the ambulance, Yamato sticking close to his side, and received partial care for his wrists so he wouldn't loose anymore blood.  It was all they could do until they got to the hospital.

When they finally arrived, Yamato had been forced to wait in the waiting room.  After much protesting and getting nowhere, he decided to try to get a hold of Taichi's parents.  He didn't know how to begin to explain what had happened to their son so he decided to let them come down and let the doctors explain it to them.

Hours had passed, Yamato sat dazed across from the Yagamis and had been bombarded with question after question.  Why did this happen?  Why did he do this?  Will he be ok?  Yamato had just sat quietly until the doctor finally came.  Apparently by the time Yamato had discovered Taichi, he had lost so much blood that his internal organs were starting to shut down from lack of oxygenated blood, causing him the intense pain that he felt.  He had needed an immediate blood transfusion before anymore damage was done.  Luckily it wasn't anything that Tai's body couldn't fix on it's own, granted he be kept at the hospital for a week or two for observation and a lot of rest. 

A few days later, with the doctor's permission, Yamato had walked to Tai's room.  He had to see him again, make sure he was going to be ok.  He knew all too well how close he was to losing his lover forever and it still shook him to think about it.  He kept having funeral dreams where he'd be standing there facing a grave plot against the setting sun, he'd hear the priest's closing prayer as they lowered the coffin to the ground, and the sun would set at just the right angle to shine on the tombstone.  "Taichi Yagami.  Beloved son, brother, leader, and friend."

Shaking, he arrived at Tai's room and walked in.  The medicine smell was thicker in there, but that didn't bother him as much as the sight.  Taichi was there, breathing softly.  An IV was attached to his right arm, another clear liquid attached to his left along with a few tubes in his nose to help him with his breathing.  Yamato slowly walked over to the bed, sitting in the chair beside him.  He looked so pale, so weak, hardly like the Taichi he knew but still, so very beautiful to him. 

He took Tai's bandaged hand in his own, carefully rubbing the skin around the bandages and needles.  He didn't notice when Tai had opened his eyes until Tai squeezed his hand lightly.  Dazed blue eyes lifted to meet tear-glazed brown ones again finally after what seemed like a lifetime.  Yamato cried again for the first time since the ambulance got to the Yagami apartment and found Taichi bleeding to death.  He stood up and hugged Tai tightly, but soft enough as to not hurt him more.

"Don't you ever leave me like that again, you hear me you baka?  Never again or I'll kill you myself!"  He cried into Tai's shoulder.

Tai hugged him back, hope shining in his eyes as well as tears for the first time in what seemed like days.  "You have my word, I love you.  Thank you Yamato."

                                                                    ***

// "Thank you Yamato..." \\

Taichi squeezed Yamato's hand, recognizing the distant expression on Yama's face.  Yamato knew that Tai was still worried about him, his unannounced walks in the cemetery not helping matters.  But to Yamato, it felt like a necessity.  Like closing the circle with a better conclusion, but still keeping the reality.  He wasn't going crazy, no... far from it, it just gave him a sense of relief.  He probably would have went crazy and killed himself if he had had to read Taichi's name etched in grey stone, like his dream.  But no, Tai was here in his arms, looking at him with wide brown eyes.  Worry etched slightly in his features for him, his body pressed warmly against his own.  On their bed, in the apartment they shared...together.  Yamato lifted Tai's hand again and let it rest on his cheek, letting Tai feel the warm smile forming as he leaned forward and kissed Tai gently.

Pulling away, his lips still brushing Tai's slightly, he whispered, "Koi, you don't have to worry.  I'm here, you're here, that's all I need.  I love you Yagami Taichi, more than you realize..."  He quickly kissed him again before going on, "...and I'm not going to let anything come between us ever again.  You have my word on that.  My walks are over, I've said goodbye, the dream is gone and I still have you here with me.  So no more worrying about me, alright?"  He pulled back as Tai's eyes drifted open, gazing into beautiful blue.

"I know Yamato, but you know I still worry about you.  How can I not?  I mean, I understand your reasoning for it, I know it's helping, but really Yamato.  Who goes around walking in cemeteries until the late hours of the night and comes out sane?  I mean, it is a little strange Yama."

Yamato chuckled and pulled Tai into a firm hug.  "Yeah, well, Taichi.  I'm a strange guy, I would have thought you'd realized that by now!"

"You're as strange as they come."  Tai scooted back out of Yama's hug and smiled at him.  Reaching out to brush a few strands of blonde hair that - amazingly - came out of place from Yamato's forehead, he felt the familiar tingle in his wrist and noticed his scar.  "You know, I still feel so guilty.  If I would have just told someone sooner, maybe I could have prevented the virus... and this.  And maybe I wouldn't have given it to you too.  I'm still so sorry Yamato.  I never meant to-"

Yamato shushed him with a kiss.  "Don't you start on that again Taichi.  You didn't know.  It wasn't you're fault.  I know you didn't mean it.  You went to get tested when you found out and it said you weren't at the time.  You didn't know, it wasn't your fault and it doesn't matter anyway.  TK helped me realize something that day.  I love you.  You love me.  We have to stick by each other in this, we need each other's strength and I am not abandoning you in this.  We'll get through it together no matter the outcome.  Either way, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, whether it be a long or short one."  He lifted Tai's chin until their eyes met, tears shining in his brown eyes.  "Just remember that before you go doing something drastic, ok? I can't loose you.  I won't."

"No Yama, you won't."  Tai smiled and leaned his head against Yamato's chest, not able to get enough of the feeling of laying there next to him.  He couldn't believe he had almost given this up, it all seemed like a bad dream. 

Suddenly, Yamato felt Tai sigh, a little sadly.  "Koi?  What's wrong?  Are you alright?"

"Yes Yama, I'm fine.  I just realized something though.  We still don't know what's going on.  I never did get a call from Jyou about my test results and I still haven't been able to get a hold of him yet.  I hate this uncertainty is all..."

"Oh, that reminds me..."  Yamato sat up a little and, leaning on one elbow, he reached across Tai to pick up the letter on the nightstand.  "I found this in the mail pile today.  It's a note from Jyou.  I think it may just be the results."  He handed the letter to Tai.  "Why not open it and find out?  I figured you'd want to do it so at least you'd have some peace of mind.  It doesn't matter to me much though, I still love you no matter the result."

Tai looked at the letter for a few moments, his hands shaking.  "Yama, what if this is bad news though?  What if-"

"Like I said angel, we'll work through it."  He kissed Tai's neck gently, soothingly.

Tai took a deep breath and opened the letter.  He turned to Yamato and noticed that he wasn't looking at the note, but at him.  "Don't you want to know what it says?"

Yamato looked him straight in the eye.  "I've already told you, I don't care what it says.  All I care about is you.  I know you need to know or it'll eat at your mind forever.  I on the other hand could care less what it says.  I still love you either way and I'll still be here.  Now go on and read it so I can get back to kissing you."

Tai laughed and turned his attention back to the note.  'This is it...'  He opened it and started to read Jyou's fine, although hurried, handwriting.  'This piece of paper here holds mine and Yama's future...'

Yamato stared intently at Tai, not once looking at the note.  He had meant every word he said.  It really didn't matter to him if the test was positive or negative.  He'd just continue living life as if nothing happened, with Taichi.  As long as they were together nothing else mattered.  But he knew Tai felt guilty so he was hoping that this note, whatever it said, would give Tai something definite to work on.  If it was good news then hopefully he wouldn't feel anymore guilt and they could put it behind them.  If it was bad news then...well...it would be something to work through together.  Just like any other problem they're bound to face.  Still...he couldn't help but feel nervous as Taichi read the note.  He looked into Tai's eyes once more and noticed tears starting to form again in his gaze.  His heart sank.  'Uh oh... Gods Tai, I'm sorry...'

He was about to pull the brunette in a supportive hug when Tai suddenly turned to him, a smile forming on his lips.  His heart beating faster, Yamato whispered, "Tai...?"

"Yama!  It's...we're..."  He said breathlessly, but was unable to finish as Yamato pulled him into a tight hug, silencing him effectively as Tai returned the hug just as tightly.  Yamato didn't need Tai to finish, he just knew that from now on, everything was going to be just fine.

                                                                    ***

                                                             ~Owari~

Lol, was I right?  Did you guys hate me?  At least for a little while in the beginning when I made you think he was dead?  ~_^;;  Although I think I went a little overboard on the sap in the end...

Tai:  (flabbergasted) O.O*  Wow.  You didn't kill me?!  You actually let me live?  It was actually a HAPPY ending???  Holy Shi--

Finish that sentence and I'll definitely kill you in that lemon I promised you.  Does a heart attack during sex REALLY occur in younger guys?  You could be the first!

Tai:  *EEP!*  o.O;;;;

Anyway, I was actually going to put your name on that tombstone that Yamato visited on the hill but my fingers and mind wouldn't let me.  So the burial plot went unclaimed for now.

Yamato:  You mean for good.

Ugh, you're right!  I couldn't kill him!  I love him too much to kill him.  Sillie was right, I can hurt him all I want, but I JUST - CAN'T - KILL - HIM.  It's a physical impossibility.  hehe  At least I'm not on Yama-kun's hit-list anymore, am I Yama?

Yamato:  We'll see.  We'll see indeed.  Ask me after the lemon.  *Evil Grin*

Oh great...

Anyway, that was my first ever publicized fic, my first Yamachi/Taito fic, AND my first yaoi fic I believe.  So this one is for my history books.  How did you guys like it?  Think I should continue more fics or do I suck and should just give up now?  ^_^;;;  CC, reviews, thoughts, even flames are more than welcome right now!  Easy on the flames though ok?  And please don't flame me for my choice of topic.  I don't mind flames if what I wrote was crappy (I deserve a kick in the bum when that happens), just not for my ideas.

Tai:  *kicks BOF in the bum*  The idea of killing me was crappy.

BOF:  DIE!!!!!  *Runs around chasing Tai with a meat cleaver*  You don't know what pain feels like PAL!

Tai:  *Hides behind Yama*  Ahhh!  SAVE ME!

BOF:  *Stops*  Oh damn.  Penetrating blue eyes...must...resist...charm....Ugh.  *grumbles*  I'll get you later Yagami.

Anyway, before I go (I know, I'm the queen of Intro/Ending ranting) I just wanted to comment on the 50/50 vote thing.  Yes I was very surprised!  Half of you wanted him to live, half of you wanted him to die!  Funny though, the ones who wanted him to live left reviews and the ones who wanted him to die emailed me.  lol  ^_^  Hell, I even got threatened with bodily harm if I killed or didn't kill Taichi!  Make up your mind!  ^_^

Ok I think I've bored all of you enough. Ja!  Hope you've enjoyed your stay and be on the look out for my new Kensuke/Daiken fic "Sweet Dreams" coming out (maybe, if I don't suck at writing) this month.  ^_^  That is, when I get cursed images out of my head.  Read my journal to find out what I'm talking about.  ^_^;;;  eh heh

BOF