Paul, Lee, n' Hachi!
Part quatro!
A/N: Sorry I'm late…I was having doubts whether my WORD program is working right, with my A drive being retarded…anyhoos, here's my next chapter! Enjoy…
And now……DUH STORRIEEE!
Heihachi: PAUL! YOU RETARD!
Paul: What is it?
Heihachi: Come over here and you'll find out….(cracks an evil grin)
Paul: Ok. :)
Paul walks over to Heihachi, and then, Heihachi gives Paul a merciless butt-whooping!
Our story begins in the Mishima temp. home, where our three protagonists/antagonists are cooking up a plan to get back to the Zaibatsu…
Lee: So, what is it going to be this time?
Paul: Ooh, Ooh! Let's make a giant submarine sandwich, made of pizza! So we can all have a party!
Heihachi: And we can charge suckers to come see it!
Lee: Father, remember last time we had a party sort of like that?
Now we enter a flashback of the Mardi Gras party Heihachi threw in honor of himself…we see a big parade with Heihachi on one of the floats dressed up as a king, and he's waving at everyone, who are cheering, not because of Heihachi, but because they just love parades…
Heihachi: Isn't this great, Lee? We're getting the recognition we finally deserve!
Lee is also with Heihachi waving at everybody, only he's dressed in a flashy nobleman's suit and wearing a feathery aqua mask, with a rapier in one hand.
Lee: Oh, yes…(thinking) Although I do have my doubts about these parades…and dressing up too flamboyantly….
Paul is pulling the float, wearing a toga with a cheese hat…(Why he chose to wear this, I don't know…)
Paul: Hail Heihachi! Vote for him in the KOIFT6!
Paul then starts handing out pamphlets to everyone, then all of a sudden, something catches his eye in back of him….
Paul: BEEERR!
Heihachi: What the-
Before Heihachi says anymore, Paul turns the whole float around, and starts heading towards the giant beer mug…crashing into several civillians in the process!
Kid: Mommy what's that?
Mom: Jimmy watch out! (runs and guides him out of the way)
CRASH!
So Paul stops up the parade, everyone is screaming, and Heihachi isn't really pleased….
Paul: (drunkenly drinking out of the giant beer mug) All for Paul! Beer for Paul!
Lee: Look at this mess…
Heihachi: PAUL, YOU FRICKIN' NUMBSKULL! I OUGHTTA KNOCK YER BLOCK OFF!
And that's the end of the flashback….
Lee: And we still haven't paid off that debt for city damage….
Heihachi: So what do you suggest, Captain Not-so-Obvious?
Lee: Well, maybe we can each write books, you know, some people get rich by doing that...who knows, maybe you'll get famous as well!
Heihachi starts looking at his foster son strangely, then starts to break out lin a fit of laughs…
Heihachi: AHHAHAHAHA! Book writing? That's a first! A ha hah ha…yo Paul! Ya hear that!
Paul: Pfffttt….A HA HA HA HA HA! Boy that's some comedy there, bucko!
Paul and Heihachi were laughing their arses off, leaving Lee very pissed…
Lee: Well, it's true! You don't believe me, then fine! But maybe you should try it out before you jump to any conclusions…(smiles)
Heihachi: (trying to stop his laughter) Ha ha ha..ah…boy, ok, we'll try your idea….c'mon Paul…
Paul: Ha ha ha ha ha…uh….I forgot what we were doing!
Heihachi: Show's over, pal…
He then grabs Paul by the ear, leading him to the Operation: Paper-back bust…
LATER ON…..
Now the scene is at the Study room, where the trio are brainstorming on what to write about….
Heihachi: Well, I'm stumped! Let's go make some coffee!
Lee: Agreed…I am feeling sort of tired…
Paul: Ooh! I have an idea for a story! It's about a guy named Spongebob, and he wants to join the circus! But, then he gets kidnapped by a group of toilet-worshipping mechanical hippie parrots!
Heihachi: I have a better idea for a scam! We make our homestyle brewed coffee, and sell it to everybody!
Lee: But what about the-
Heihachi: We can write books later, now we need to make some coffee! Paul, go get the beans!
Paul: Already ahead of you, pal!
Paul starts holding up a can of baked beans, which he got from the pantry..
Heihachi: (smacks his forehead) Not those kind of beans, you numbnuts…I meant the coffee beans!
Paul: Oh..
Lee: And yet another bizarre adventure awaits us…sigh (grabs a barf bag)
So a couple hours, 20 bags of peanuts, and a whole duration of motion sickness later…they arrive at Colombia to get some beans…
Lee: …Paul, I told you to use the barf bag I brought for your sick spells!
Paul: No way, Lee, I'm a man! I don't need no barf bag…(starts feeling queasy) Oh boy…
As Paul starts running to a random place to throw up, Heihachi comes back from some town with the bag of coffee beans..
Heihachi: Ok, I got the goods, we can go now…
But then they get stalked by a tribe of Spongebob doodles, known as Doodlebobs!
Doodlebob leader: Goyoyoimbing iyaiaiowwaaahhh!
Lee: Um…what's he saying?
Heihachi: Who cares! Let's get out of here!
Paul: Ain't you a bunch of cuteness in a barrel! Come 'ere, give ol' Uncle Paul a great big - THHWACK!
The doodlebob hit Paul on his head with a spear that it was carrying, knocking him out in a stupor..
Paul: (Dizzy) …Oh, yeah…that's my boy….(falls over on his face)
So the three start retreating from the psycho pencil scribbles and then went back on the cheap plane that they got here in, and they eventually made it back to wherever they were sent from in the first place…
So, back at their temp. house…
Heihachi: Oh, yeah, it's FINISHED! Let's celebrate by sampling our own concoction!
Lee: Uh…no thanks, I think I'll pass.
Heihachi: Come on, don't be such a spoil sport! Give it a try! (offers Lee a cup)
Lee: Listen, I only drink decaf, because you see, I have sort of a bad history drinking caffienated beverages…
Heihachi: Aww, you're just scared…it's just coffee! Give it a shot!
Lee: But Daaaad….
Heihachi; Oh I see…yo Paul!
Paul starts walking over to Lee with a pot of the caffienated concoction…
Paul: (Smiling) Now open wide and say Bob, Lee!
Lee: (backing away)…Not if it was the last edible substance on our planet!
But before Lee could try to do anything else, Paul steps on his foot, making him yell, and then force-feeds Lee the coffee…leaving him in a daze at first…
Heihachi: See, what'd I tell you?
Lee: …….
Paul: Uh…is he okay?
Then, all of a sudden, Lee starts having some convulsions, and then springs out into action, jazzed up on the java…
Lee: Coffee? Gimme the coffee! I needitnow!
He then swipes the coffee pot from Paul and then proceeds to gulp down the rest of Heihachi's "homemade brew"
Heihachi: O.o…Whoa, easy there, tiger…
Lee: (grabs Heihachi by the shoulders) DoyouhavecoffeeIneedcoffee, Ineeditsodangmuchitain'tfunny, soyougotanymore?
Heihachi: Uh…Ok, can you repeat what you just said, only a bit slower, so I can understand you!
Lee:….twitch I….WANT …COFFEE…NOW!
Heihachi: Dayyam… Maybe you were right….I probably shouldn't have made you drink it if THIS were to happen…
Lee: WHAT? NO, COFFEEGOODFORME,YOUBADCUZYOU'REAPARTYPOOPER!(drops Heihachi)
Heihachi: You see, this is why I don't know you anymore…
Lee: Wellll…I guess you areright about that, soI'lljustbeonmywaytoanothercoffeeshopandgetanotherespressosoIcangoonwithmywork,soletmegetmycarandI'llbeallset, RADICAL GODSPEED, BEETCHES!
With that, the Silver speed demon blasted off in his Honda, soon to terrorize the local Starbucks and and other coffeehouses…leaving Heihachi and Paul to save the day, if they don't mess up first…
Heihachi: Okay, Paul, we need to stop Speed Racer over there by luring him here to our formulated Mishima Coffeehouse! When he drives here…
Paul: That's when it's Hammer Time! (holds up a mallet)
Heihachi then snatches the mallet from Paul and then whacks him with it
Heihachi: NO, Mr. Happy! We use sedative in the coffee, and when Lee drinks it, he'll black out, then be normal again so we can carry out our scam!
And so, the Dipstick Duo began the preparation of lacing the coffee to knock out the genius on crack…and so one hour, 10 bags of beans, and 20 minutes of Doodlebob insanity later, Lee stops by …
Lee: Oh, my…twitch what a nice little house, I think I shall sample their wares!
Heihachi: Hey, Straight Cougar! Do you want a free drink?
Lee: Oh,my, coffeeforme,wellyoushouldn'thave,youol'dog,you!
Lee then drinks a little bit, then spits it out in disgust because it tasted funny..then he starts rolling on the floor gasping for air…
Lee: AGGHHH! IT'S EVIL! EVIL EVIL EVIL! IT BURNS US ALL!
Paul: And so, having thwarted the evil, I, Super Paul have saved the day!
And So, Super-Paul flies off to fight crime, and make the city a better place…..
THE END!
Back to reality….
Lee: Well, Paul …..your story is a bit out of the ordinary to say the least…
Paul: So you like it?
Heihachi: PAUL, YOUR STORY STINKS! I CAN'T BELIEVE WE WROTE BOOKS INSTEAD OF SOMETHING COOL LIKE REAL ESTATE!
Lee: Father, maybe we should leave story writing as a pasttime, since you're not too happy with it…
Paul: My friend is a talking coconut who lives on an island!
Lee: O.O…So, who's up for something else, like bodyguards?
Heihachi: Well, okay, but I don't wanna hear another one of Dr. Stooge's stories!
Bookwriting
Scam analysis……..on permanent haitus
I don't own Tekken, or anything else in this story…I told you I'd get this in there, I am soo sorry if it took so long…I was still worried I couldn't upload any more fics….just don't flame, ok? Thank you for your time…