Sharing A Moment
Author's Note: Banky/Holden. Slash. Takes place after the end of "Chasing Amy". Banky's POV.
Disclaimer: "Chasing Amy", not mine.
***
"Holden!" He turned. Dammit. What the fuck am I doing? I could've just stayed in my seat, but no, I had to chase after him. Well, too late now. We're closing the space between us as if drawn together by some invisible force. My heart is hammering in my chest so loudly I bet he'll be able to hear it soon. "So," I incline my head back toward the door, then do the "shared moment" gesture. He shakes his head, and I smile sympathetically. He opens his mouth to speak after a moment, then thinks the better of it. He points at me, then himself, then copies my gesture, keeping his eyes on his hands. When he finally looks up our eyes meet. My face goes hot and my heart stops. I turn and flee back to the doors. Before I go back in to the con I look back at Holden. This time, our eyes lock until a pedestrian walks between us. I quickly retreat into the safety of the building before I lose the courage or the will to do so.
I toss the butt into the overflowing ashtray and promptly light another cigarette, then continue pacing the floor of my apartment. I hear the doorbell ring and reflexively answer it. Suddenly, I am slammed back to earth and my heart goes double time. My cigarette nearly falls from my mouth. I fumble for it before I burn myself or my carpet.
"Holden!" I mentally kick myself for the excitement that creeps into my voice. We stand in silence for a moment until Holden finally speaks.
"Can I come in?"
"Uh, yeah. Sure," I step aside to let him in, then close the door behind him.
"Like what you've done to the place," He turns back toward me after taking a good look around the room.
"Thanks," I brush past him to put out my cigarette. I reach out for another but Holden gently touches the back of my hand. I freeze; eyes wide.
"Those things are gonna kill you, ya know,"
I straighten and turn toward him, keeping my eyes down. "Yeah, well. What do you care?" I spit a little more bitterly than intended.
"Because I care about you," He finally says after a moment. I remain silent; ashamed. "I love you, Banky," I gasp inaudibly. "This past year has been torture for me. I fell asleep to your smile, I dreamt of your voice, and every morning I woke up to the fact that I couldn't see your smile or hear your voice, and every morning my heart was ripped out of my chest," I can hear the tears in his voice. I try to fight back my own.
"Fuck you," I whisper.
"What?"
"Fuck you!" I scream and finally look at him. "Okay? Fuck you!" The tears win and coarse down my face. His own eyes are shimmering as well. "You don't love me! You just want me because Alyssa doesn't want you! Well, you cannot just come running to me when you're lonely and expect me to be your crutch, only to be tossed aside and forgotten! I will not put myself through that again," I swallow. "I will not let myself get hurt again,"
The silence following is deafening. "Banky," He steps toward me, tears running down his face. "I would sooner die than hurt you again," He reaches out and gently touches my cheek.
"Holden-" Before I can finish he pulls me to him and our lips touch. I freeze, terrified. He wraps his arms around my body and I melt against him. Our kiss deepens as I release all of the passion, love and longing I have harbored for years. His lips trail from my mouth to my neck. "Don't... please..."
"I love you, Banky. That never can or will change," He whispers in my ear. "Please trust me,"
"I do," I whisper after a moment. He leads me toward the couch, kissing my neck. He gently lays me down and sits beside me, never letting his lips leave me. I cling to his shoulders; my life-line. He pulls back and goes to kiss me again. "Say it again,"
He pauses. "What?"
"Can you say it again, please? For me?"
He smiles and gently pulls off my hat. "I love you, Banky,"
"I love you, Holden," I respond quietly. He captures my mouth again. The sound of the rain against my window drifts away and all I know is him.
Author's Note: Banky/Holden. Slash. Takes place after the end of "Chasing Amy". Banky's POV.
Disclaimer: "Chasing Amy", not mine.
***
"Holden!" He turned. Dammit. What the fuck am I doing? I could've just stayed in my seat, but no, I had to chase after him. Well, too late now. We're closing the space between us as if drawn together by some invisible force. My heart is hammering in my chest so loudly I bet he'll be able to hear it soon. "So," I incline my head back toward the door, then do the "shared moment" gesture. He shakes his head, and I smile sympathetically. He opens his mouth to speak after a moment, then thinks the better of it. He points at me, then himself, then copies my gesture, keeping his eyes on his hands. When he finally looks up our eyes meet. My face goes hot and my heart stops. I turn and flee back to the doors. Before I go back in to the con I look back at Holden. This time, our eyes lock until a pedestrian walks between us. I quickly retreat into the safety of the building before I lose the courage or the will to do so.
I toss the butt into the overflowing ashtray and promptly light another cigarette, then continue pacing the floor of my apartment. I hear the doorbell ring and reflexively answer it. Suddenly, I am slammed back to earth and my heart goes double time. My cigarette nearly falls from my mouth. I fumble for it before I burn myself or my carpet.
"Holden!" I mentally kick myself for the excitement that creeps into my voice. We stand in silence for a moment until Holden finally speaks.
"Can I come in?"
"Uh, yeah. Sure," I step aside to let him in, then close the door behind him.
"Like what you've done to the place," He turns back toward me after taking a good look around the room.
"Thanks," I brush past him to put out my cigarette. I reach out for another but Holden gently touches the back of my hand. I freeze; eyes wide.
"Those things are gonna kill you, ya know,"
I straighten and turn toward him, keeping my eyes down. "Yeah, well. What do you care?" I spit a little more bitterly than intended.
"Because I care about you," He finally says after a moment. I remain silent; ashamed. "I love you, Banky," I gasp inaudibly. "This past year has been torture for me. I fell asleep to your smile, I dreamt of your voice, and every morning I woke up to the fact that I couldn't see your smile or hear your voice, and every morning my heart was ripped out of my chest," I can hear the tears in his voice. I try to fight back my own.
"Fuck you," I whisper.
"What?"
"Fuck you!" I scream and finally look at him. "Okay? Fuck you!" The tears win and coarse down my face. His own eyes are shimmering as well. "You don't love me! You just want me because Alyssa doesn't want you! Well, you cannot just come running to me when you're lonely and expect me to be your crutch, only to be tossed aside and forgotten! I will not put myself through that again," I swallow. "I will not let myself get hurt again,"
The silence following is deafening. "Banky," He steps toward me, tears running down his face. "I would sooner die than hurt you again," He reaches out and gently touches my cheek.
"Holden-" Before I can finish he pulls me to him and our lips touch. I freeze, terrified. He wraps his arms around my body and I melt against him. Our kiss deepens as I release all of the passion, love and longing I have harbored for years. His lips trail from my mouth to my neck. "Don't... please..."
"I love you, Banky. That never can or will change," He whispers in my ear. "Please trust me,"
"I do," I whisper after a moment. He leads me toward the couch, kissing my neck. He gently lays me down and sits beside me, never letting his lips leave me. I cling to his shoulders; my life-line. He pulls back and goes to kiss me again. "Say it again,"
He pauses. "What?"
"Can you say it again, please? For me?"
He smiles and gently pulls off my hat. "I love you, Banky,"
"I love you, Holden," I respond quietly. He captures my mouth again. The sound of the rain against my window drifts away and all I know is him.