A/N: This is a one-shot that came to me out of the blue during, believe it or not, a conversation with my mother, during which I was informed that the real role of godparents is to provide a religious education for their godchild. My first thought was AAAHH!!!, since my godparents are one part Catholic, one part Anglican, and very religious. My next thought was, hmmm… that's an interesting concept for a fic. And now here we are.

This is probably the most offensive fic I've ever written, depending on your point of view. It contains a very sexual relationship between two men who are vastly different in age. It is insulting to Christianity, especially Catholicism. I am not a Satanist, nor do I hate Christians, I'm just trying to write an interesting fic. If you are a Catholic and you're dumb enough to read this fic when you've already been warned against it, then I hope you'll be satisfied with the knowledge that, if you really are right, I'm going to hell anyway, so any flames you send my way will really be quite unimportant in the broad scheme of things.

This fic is very A/U… Sirius is still… around, Harry's seventeen, and Voldemort's dead. Hey, I never said it was realistic…

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all characters etc. created by J.K. Rowling. 'The Birth of Tragedy' written by Friedrich Nietzsche.

Warning: Offensive material ahead. You've been warned excessively.

Love and…

"Did you know that the original role of a godparent is to teach their godchild about religion?"

I give Hermione an incredulous look. "Oh really?"

"Yes." She smirks. "Of course, in your case, I don't see that happening."

I have to laugh. "No, me neither… Sirius isn't religious at all."

"He'd be the last person I'd put in charge of someone's religious education… I wonder if your parents realized the implications of 'godparent'."

I shake my head. "Probably not. But it's alright… we all know how much I want to receive a nice, sound religious education." Hermione rolls her eyes.

"Sure, Harry."

"Well I actually would like to know exactly why I'm going to hell." Hermione eyes me levelly.

"Well, since your godfather is doing such a lax job, I might as well give you this list… Merlin knows my ridiculous muggle godparents wasted no time in attempting to educate me." I bite my lower lip and shoot her a sympathetic look, which she waves off. "Lets see… there's the second commandment…"

"Jesus, what are you talking about?"

"My point exactly… using the lord's name in vain. Remembering the Sabbath day, Killing--"

"Does Voldemort count?"

"Yes, Harry."

"Shit. What else?"

"Cursing, Harry. Hmm… bearing false witness."

"How?"

"Gossip, hate, slander. No, don't contradict me… just think of the Slytherins."

"Good point."

"Well, at least we don't have to worry about you coveting your neighbor's wife…"

"Ack… no thanks."

"Sodomy, however…"

"Oh come on!"

Hermione shrugs helplessly. "Hey, I didn't make the rules."

"Man, you Catholics are tough."

"Those are just the commandments, Harry… there's a whole book besides that."

I wince involuntarily. "Ouch. Can we forget there even is a bible?"

Hermione laughs at me. "I've been trying since I was born, believe me."

*****

"Hey Sirius?" I look up from the sports section of the Daily Prophet at my godfather, who is draped gracefully over the couch, reading a book.

"Hm?" Sirius does not look up. I'm about to ask him about his predictions for the Quidditch World Cup, but I can tell that he is fully immersed in whatever it is that he's reading, and know that only a startling revelation will shock him into listening. I grin to myself. I know exactly what will do the trick…

"Do you know that, as my godfather, you're technically supposed to teach me about religion?"

Sirius slowly lowers his book into his lap, blinking twice and turning his head to stare at his me over the tops of his dark-framed reading glasses. Those glasses make him look so much more adult than he usually does. After a moment, he shakes his head. "You are joking, of course."

"No, it's true. Hermione told me, and she's never wrong." I grin, knowing I've managed to not only get Sirius' attention, but shock him enough to actually make him listen. Sirius is still gaping at me. Finally, he closes his mouth and takes off his glasses.

"You want religion? Read this." He tosses me the book he'd been reading, and I catch it with ease. "Page twenty-three, about halfway down," Sirius says, and I flip the book back open.

"'Christianity was from the beginning, essentially and fundamentally, life's nausea and disgust with life, merely concealed behind, masked by, dressed up as, faith in "another" or "better" life.'," I read aloud. "Wow…" I close the book, looking at the front cover. "'The Birth of Tragedy'? Sirius, you're reading Nietzsche?" Sirius shrugs.

"Why not? I'm not aloud to be an intellectual type?"

"I always pegged you as 'class clown'. I would have expected this more from Remus."

Sirius shoots me a sheepish look. "Well… he bought it for me."

I grin triumphantly. I was right! "Ha!"

"But I was the one who made myself read it. I think you'll find all of my opinions on Christianity are better stated by good old Friedrich." I give the book another glance and then put it down on top of my discarded sports section. I'll read it later.

"I'd much rather hear it from you," I say, crossing my legs beneath me. I've been doing this for a few months now… saying somewhat suggestive things every now and then, hoping that my extremely sexy but, sadly, oblivious Godfather will take the hint. Sirius shakes his head, obviously not getting the hint.

"Read the book. It'll do you good. Anyway, I didn't think you cared much for Christianity."

"I don't. I just find it funny that, of all people, my parents picked you to teach me about it."

"I don't think your parents cared much for Christianity either." Sirius smiles reminiscently. "I'd say I was the perfect choice."

"Suits me." I lean my elbows on my knees and rest my chin in my hands, trying my best to look enticingly cute. I have a double agenda… a) to seduce my godfather; b) to find out more about him than I already know. This whole religion thing has got me wondering about a lot of things. "Sirius, do you believe in God at all?"

"What I believe in isn't going to be found in any bible." I roll my eyes. He's doing his best to avoid this discussion, but I'm determined to keep going.

"I'm trying to be serious here, Sirius!" I pause. "And by the way, do you have any idea what a pain in the ass your name is?"

He grins cheekily back at me. "Yes," He replies shortly. I glared mockingly.

"Hermione gave me a whole mini lesson on Catholicism today."

Sirius chuckles deeply. "I'll bet she did."

"Well it got me thinking about it. I mean, how can so many people devote their entire lives to something they can't even prove exists? It's mind boggling." I look up at my godfather, who is now wandering aimlessly around the room. "Well? You're supposed to have the answers… you're the godfather, remember?"

"Ah yes… the all-knowing, all-seeing…"

"Sirius…"

He looks at me again, shaking his head and laughing. "Alright, fine… I'll do my best." He starts to pace back and forth, he brow knitted in thought. Finally, he stops and looks down at me. "You know how you said that people devote their lives to something they don't know exists? Well, you know magic is real, right? Okay, so you have proof that magic exists. But do you always see it working? Do you know how, exactly, it works? Can you tell me exactly what goes on when you say a spell to make the magic happen? No, right?" He pauses. "I guess it's kind of like that. People believe that God created the earth. That's their proof. They don't know how he did it, or why, or even really when, but they believe they know because the proof is there." He furrows his brow. "Well, that's my guess at any rate. But then again, what do I know about it? I'm just a jaded atheist, after all."

I'm struck dumb by the amount of sense my godfather is making. I never really realized how brilliant Sirius is. While he's normally incredibly hot, this new development has made him seem practically irresistible. I wish I could come up with some witty response, some intelligent continuation of the discussion, but the only thing that pops into my head is "Hermione said the bible lists Sodomy as an abomination."

Sirius rolls his eyes heavenward as he walks by me towards the bookshelf. "Don't worry," he says, casually flicking my chin up with his index finger as he passes. "If the Christians are right, we can burn together."

Oh my god… I'm practically melting in my chair. I know he didn't mean it that way, but still… I instinctively reach up and catch his hand. "Wait," I say, my fingers barely closing around Sirius' muscular arm. "You didn't answer my question. Do you believe in anything? Any sort of God?" He looks down to where my hand rests on his forearm, seeming uncomfortable for once at the contact but unwilling to move away. Then he looks me in the eye.

"No," He replies steadily. "I don't believe in God. But yes to the first part. There are things I believe in."

"Such as?" I feel as though I'm holding my breath. This is fascinating. I'm vaguely aware that I've moved to the edge of my seat.

He shrugs. "I believe in myself, my friends… I believe in the power that human beings have to create their own rules, not just follow someone else's… Let's see… I believe in love."

I shoot him a mocking look, while my insides do a strange little dance. "Aww…"

"I believe in fucking." His mischievous grin puts me in my place. I know he didn't mean to do it, but by saying those words he's managed to make me completely and totally immobile. I can't move, I'm fused to this spot. At this point, I really don't care.

"Love and fucking," I say, shooting him an impressed look. "Which half is stronger, the romantic or the carnal beast?"

"It's about 50/50, actually." My hand is still on his arm. He's still not moving away. He gives me another level look in the eye. "So Harry," He says evenly, "What do you believe in?"

I'm caught slightly off guard, but I shrug and smile anyway. "I don't know… Love and fucking sound good to me." I'm rather hesitant to say the words I'm thinking of saying next, but it's the perfect segue, and I'd hate to waste it. "I don't really know, though… I don't know much about what to believe in." I try my best to give Sirius an unwavering look in the eyes, and deliver a fully loaded question. "Would you teach me?"

One of the things I've learned about Sirius is that when he's genuinely, truly shocked by something, he freezes. So for a moment, he just stands there staring at me without moving. Then he pulls his arm away, the one that my hand's been resting on this entire time. He's going to leave now, I think to myself. He's going to walk out without saying anything. But it's my turn to be genuinely shocked when Sirius reaches out a slender finger with which to tilt my head up towards his.

"I'd be delighted," He says, sinking to his knees so that we are on eye level with each other. The arm of the chair is between us, a huge leather barrier holding our bodies apart. I lean over the arm to press our lips together, and I can't help but smile into his mouth. Sirius's hands move from the top of my head to my shoulders to my back, and I gasp as he grabs the waistband of my jeans and pulls, sliding me face-first over the arm of the chair. I land in his lap and, laughing sporadically, wrap my legs around him.

"Nice maneuver," I say, relishing in the feeling of his hands running in slow circles over my back as he kisses my neck.

"I've been working out the physics of that for months. The way you sit in that chair is truly inspirational." I shake my head, laughing.

"Less talk, Sirius… lord knows you do enough of it already." Our lips meet again, both of us trying our hardest not to laugh. Something about this entire situation has made me exceptionally giddy. I reach up and grab my wand off the table beside my armchair and summon a condom and some lubricant. Sirius grins.

"Nice maneuver," he mimics, and I laugh.

"Shut up and get naked," I mutter, beginning to unbutton his jeans with one hand. I tear the condom package open with my teeth, and Sirius groans.

"You should be illegal," He says, lust clearly showing in his dark eyes. I spit the edge of the condom package out of my mouth and grin.

"I practically am."

"Oh god…"

Moments later we're both mostly undressed. Sirius flings off his shirt (the final offending article of clothing) and attacks my lips with renewed zeal. I've lowered myself onto my back on the floor, and I lift my legs over his shoulders.

"Now," I whisper. Sirius backs off for a moment and takes a long look at me, before nodding.

"Okay…"

For what seems like eternity we lay there, entwined. At times we lose hold of all consciousness, and it is hard, fast, electrifying. And then, at other times, we barely move at all, and it's slow, sweet, almost loving. We explore every possibly option, every facet of this new relationship we're forming. Finally, we lay side by side, exhausted and spent, frozen still on the floorboards. One of his hands is resting on my chest, the only contact we have at the moment.

"Well?" His voice, in this vast silence, sounds so small. I look over at him questioningly. "Do you know what you believe in yet?"

I turn on my side so that I can face him better, and he does the same. "Well… I still say love and fucking."

He laughs at me, and I place a hand on the curve of his hip. "Is that all?"

"No." I look deep into his eyes. "And yes." I don't know how to put it into words, how to tell him that by giving me this moment, this time out of time, he's taught me all I needed to know about God. I know now what I believe in. I wonder how I never knew before. And from the look he's giving me, it's clear that he doesn't need an explanation. He knows exactly what I mean.

Maybe hell won't be so bad after all.

A/N: If you must flame, I insist that you do it intelligently. Also, please include the words 'abomination' or 'atrocity'… I love those words!

If you must flame on account of religious reasons, I insist that you quote the bible.