Chapter IV
by Meg Kenobi
afirmationaol.com
Disclaimer: If I were J.K. Rowling, I'd be writing Year 6, not fan fiction. Obviously I do not own Harry Potter or any of its respective trademarks. No infringement is intended and no profit is made from this work.
Author's Note: Apologies for mispellings and a really wierd English teacher who somewhere along the line told me I should switch off refering to people between their first and last names. It looked rather schizo so I will try to stop. ((As always, sorry for the delay.)) Oh, JKR has conceded that Hermione was supposed to have a sister. So . . . :D
---
The Noble and Most Ancient House of Boredom
"Those Americans are really obsessed with their reality television." Hermione muttered, flipping through a featured story in a stupid teen magazine her sister had sent. Something dark flickered through her eyes. "I'd like to nominate voting off the island Sirius Black for two counts of house elf abuse and Severus Snape for inapprpriate tap dancing."
"Silly girl! Don't you know how these shows work? You don't just get to vote people off the island. First you have to make alliances, eat bugs, and hyperventilate for the camera. Besides," Sirius boasted, "I have immunity."
"How do you figure?" Hermione scoffed.
"Hello?! It's my house!" Sirius scoffed at Hermione, who returned the best Snape sneer she had been practicing. Sirius continued regardless, "Besides, if we play any reality game it would be the "Bachelor." Everyone can try to seduce me. Or we could play "The Mole." But that's too easy; it's Snivellus. Why are you still here?"
"Waiting for Dumbledore's instructions. Unlike some, I perform useful tasks, although I don't expect you to understand. By the way, why would we want to seduce you? I thought that was the werewolf's job."
"Quiet, dancerboy."
"I had to use some talent to get into Voldemort's inner circle. Arrogance and stupidity may have seemed enough for you in school Black, but others -- "
"I have a splendid idea for a game." Lupin had rocketed to his feet. "It's called . . . umm . . . Corners. Yes, it's called Corners. Yes, and, ah, how it works is: everyone has an assigned place. And you have to stay there. No talking, laughing, getting up."
"What if I get hungry? Or have to visit the little wizard's room? Or what if there's a fire?" Sirius whined. "Or a tornado? Or if I suddenly understand the mysteries of the universe and forget? Or Voldemort walks through the door --."
"Shut up. Shut up and never mind." Lupin was nearly trembling with aggravation when suddenly the doorbell rang. This was surprising not only because they had not been expecting company, but because none of them had been aware the house had a muggle doorbell.
No one in particular opened the door, for sequencing and detail were not particularly important. But the girl who stood in the doorway made up for everything, even world hunger. She was tall and very thin with piercing violet eyes and silvery curls tumbling over her shoulders. Her delicate features were complimented by her gracefully pointed ears.
"Hi, my name is Andromeda Dawn Gwenyvere Morgan Mary Sue Granger. I'm Hermione's sister."
"You look wierd," Tonks said with her usual tact.
"Oh, well you see, I am half veela and half elf," she smiled.
"But how is that -- your parents are muggles -- elf?" Tonks stammered.
"Oh, I could certainly tell you the whole story, if you have time," she smiled like Miss America, which was again an odd metaphor, as no one in the room was American.
"Nothing but time," Ron muttered, thoroughly engrossed in the needlepoint he had recently adopted as a hobby.
"Well then, I was born in a place called Middle Earth--."
"Wait," snapped Hermione, hand raised out of habit, "I read those books. They are set a really long time ago. Mr. Tolkien meant for them to be taken as an exploration of the origins wizarding world. There's no way anyone from that time could be alive, especially if she was claiming to be half American; the end of the elven world pre-dates the discovery of America. Besides, how did you get to read the books anyway? Have you been in my room again?!"
"Sod off, Hermione," Harry sighed dreamily, having just realized he was in love with Andromeda Dawn Gwenyvere Morgan Mary Sue Granger.
"Anyway, as I was saying, I was born in a place called Middle Earth to an American born veela woman who was accidentally transported there by a freak time turner accident . . . and I try not to let their miserable demise and dark secrets dampen my cheery demeanor in front of my adoptive family . . . of course, I have all sorts of elvin and veela powers . . . and that's how my beautiful gift of song tamed my pet unicorn . . . and so you see, I'm actually the biological daughter of Sirius Black . . . so I've gone to school in America until know, but because I'm the youngest head girl ever, captain of my house quidditch team, and top in all my subjects, Dumbledore has personally invited me to come join Hogwarts as the new Gryffindor seeker and Head Girl. I'm also going to be in command of Dumbledore's Army . . ."
"MOMMY! MAKE HER STOP!" Ron howled, utterly in pain.
"I'll take care of her," Sirius Black growled, pulling his wand. "She's clearly full of dark, evil magic if Kreacher can stand her." In fact, Kreacher sitting on her lap, smiling in admiration at the wonderful Andromeda Dawn Gwenyvere Morgan Mary Sue Granger.
"No, Black, I know how to deal with her type," Snape volunteered bravely. "She's an agent of Voldemort if I ever saw one."
In the middle of the room, Severus Snape was doing a seductive pole dance involving a great deal of nipple rubbing. From somewhere the song "I Touch Myself," had begun to play as he stripped and tap danced in time to the music. Suddenly, Andromeda Dawn Gwenyvere Morgan Mary Sue Granger's head exploded, revealing a robotic carpace. Hermione did not look particularly upset.
"It's just like in Dudley's favorite movie . . . " Harry mused.
"At least she wasn't a big ball of mystical energy transformed into an annoyingly cute kleptomaniac," Tonks offered as they watched the "girl" smolder. "There again, that might have been better. Just so long as there wasn't singing." It was a pity none of them noticed the odd little pendant around the headless neck of Hermione's sister until the next chapter.
by Meg Kenobi
afirmationaol.com
Disclaimer: If I were J.K. Rowling, I'd be writing Year 6, not fan fiction. Obviously I do not own Harry Potter or any of its respective trademarks. No infringement is intended and no profit is made from this work.
Author's Note: Apologies for mispellings and a really wierd English teacher who somewhere along the line told me I should switch off refering to people between their first and last names. It looked rather schizo so I will try to stop. ((As always, sorry for the delay.)) Oh, JKR has conceded that Hermione was supposed to have a sister. So . . . :D
---
The Noble and Most Ancient House of Boredom
"Those Americans are really obsessed with their reality television." Hermione muttered, flipping through a featured story in a stupid teen magazine her sister had sent. Something dark flickered through her eyes. "I'd like to nominate voting off the island Sirius Black for two counts of house elf abuse and Severus Snape for inapprpriate tap dancing."
"Silly girl! Don't you know how these shows work? You don't just get to vote people off the island. First you have to make alliances, eat bugs, and hyperventilate for the camera. Besides," Sirius boasted, "I have immunity."
"How do you figure?" Hermione scoffed.
"Hello?! It's my house!" Sirius scoffed at Hermione, who returned the best Snape sneer she had been practicing. Sirius continued regardless, "Besides, if we play any reality game it would be the "Bachelor." Everyone can try to seduce me. Or we could play "The Mole." But that's too easy; it's Snivellus. Why are you still here?"
"Waiting for Dumbledore's instructions. Unlike some, I perform useful tasks, although I don't expect you to understand. By the way, why would we want to seduce you? I thought that was the werewolf's job."
"Quiet, dancerboy."
"I had to use some talent to get into Voldemort's inner circle. Arrogance and stupidity may have seemed enough for you in school Black, but others -- "
"I have a splendid idea for a game." Lupin had rocketed to his feet. "It's called . . . umm . . . Corners. Yes, it's called Corners. Yes, and, ah, how it works is: everyone has an assigned place. And you have to stay there. No talking, laughing, getting up."
"What if I get hungry? Or have to visit the little wizard's room? Or what if there's a fire?" Sirius whined. "Or a tornado? Or if I suddenly understand the mysteries of the universe and forget? Or Voldemort walks through the door --."
"Shut up. Shut up and never mind." Lupin was nearly trembling with aggravation when suddenly the doorbell rang. This was surprising not only because they had not been expecting company, but because none of them had been aware the house had a muggle doorbell.
No one in particular opened the door, for sequencing and detail were not particularly important. But the girl who stood in the doorway made up for everything, even world hunger. She was tall and very thin with piercing violet eyes and silvery curls tumbling over her shoulders. Her delicate features were complimented by her gracefully pointed ears.
"Hi, my name is Andromeda Dawn Gwenyvere Morgan Mary Sue Granger. I'm Hermione's sister."
"You look wierd," Tonks said with her usual tact.
"Oh, well you see, I am half veela and half elf," she smiled.
"But how is that -- your parents are muggles -- elf?" Tonks stammered.
"Oh, I could certainly tell you the whole story, if you have time," she smiled like Miss America, which was again an odd metaphor, as no one in the room was American.
"Nothing but time," Ron muttered, thoroughly engrossed in the needlepoint he had recently adopted as a hobby.
"Well then, I was born in a place called Middle Earth--."
"Wait," snapped Hermione, hand raised out of habit, "I read those books. They are set a really long time ago. Mr. Tolkien meant for them to be taken as an exploration of the origins wizarding world. There's no way anyone from that time could be alive, especially if she was claiming to be half American; the end of the elven world pre-dates the discovery of America. Besides, how did you get to read the books anyway? Have you been in my room again?!"
"Sod off, Hermione," Harry sighed dreamily, having just realized he was in love with Andromeda Dawn Gwenyvere Morgan Mary Sue Granger.
"Anyway, as I was saying, I was born in a place called Middle Earth to an American born veela woman who was accidentally transported there by a freak time turner accident . . . and I try not to let their miserable demise and dark secrets dampen my cheery demeanor in front of my adoptive family . . . of course, I have all sorts of elvin and veela powers . . . and that's how my beautiful gift of song tamed my pet unicorn . . . and so you see, I'm actually the biological daughter of Sirius Black . . . so I've gone to school in America until know, but because I'm the youngest head girl ever, captain of my house quidditch team, and top in all my subjects, Dumbledore has personally invited me to come join Hogwarts as the new Gryffindor seeker and Head Girl. I'm also going to be in command of Dumbledore's Army . . ."
"MOMMY! MAKE HER STOP!" Ron howled, utterly in pain.
"I'll take care of her," Sirius Black growled, pulling his wand. "She's clearly full of dark, evil magic if Kreacher can stand her." In fact, Kreacher sitting on her lap, smiling in admiration at the wonderful Andromeda Dawn Gwenyvere Morgan Mary Sue Granger.
"No, Black, I know how to deal with her type," Snape volunteered bravely. "She's an agent of Voldemort if I ever saw one."
In the middle of the room, Severus Snape was doing a seductive pole dance involving a great deal of nipple rubbing. From somewhere the song "I Touch Myself," had begun to play as he stripped and tap danced in time to the music. Suddenly, Andromeda Dawn Gwenyvere Morgan Mary Sue Granger's head exploded, revealing a robotic carpace. Hermione did not look particularly upset.
"It's just like in Dudley's favorite movie . . . " Harry mused.
"At least she wasn't a big ball of mystical energy transformed into an annoyingly cute kleptomaniac," Tonks offered as they watched the "girl" smolder. "There again, that might have been better. Just so long as there wasn't singing." It was a pity none of them noticed the odd little pendant around the headless neck of Hermione's sister until the next chapter.