A/N thanks for the reviews…they really do make it worthwhile writing stories. As to whether this is a Trip/T'Pol story, I don't as yet, write romances, but the way I see it, living in such close proximity as a star ship, friendships will inevitably strengthen, even between those who at first barely communicated with each other.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Jon's jaw dropped at the news; this was most definitely not what he'd expected or wanted to hear. He could acknowledge T'Pol's discomfiture, and he supposed anyone else would be given permission to return home, but he didn't want to lose her from the crew, or as a friend. He looked at her determined face, but she was adopting the habit of not making eye contact, finding something utterly fascinating on the carpet to look at.
Jon swallowed his automatic response and gave careful thought to what he would say next. "T'Pol, I think I know a little of what you're going through, what you're feeling. Vulcans pride themselves in being in full control of their emotions, and on Solan you lost that control. But don't you see, you didn't lose it, it was taken from you. There's a whole world of difference."
"Lost…taken, what does the word matter? I intended physical harm to all of you, and I feel shame for my actions."
"But you weren't yourself, T'Pol."
Her voice was suddenly quiet and he had to strain to hear her. "But what if I was truly myself? What if I were to lose control again? I might kill a member of the crew, and I wouldn't want to do that, and most certainly couldn't stay on Enterprise if I did. Better if I were to leave now, and avoid that risk."
Jon ran his fingers through his hair, sighing. "We have an old, classic story from a few centuries ago, about a doctor who experimented on himself with mind-altering drugs. The…thing…that he became under the drugs' influence was a monster over which he had no control. Deep down, we all have a darker side to ourselves which we keep hidden even from our closest friends because it should never get out. Your darker side was released through no fault of your own. No-one on Enterprise is going to think any less of you for that."
"My own people are…uncomfortable."
"Yeah? All the more reason to stay with us emotionally volatile humans, then. We're not going to condemn you for your actions."
"I doubt that Commander Tucker will be quite so understanding." She still studied the spot on the carpet.
"Don't be so quick to pigeon-hole Trip, or put words into his mouth. He's a passionate, compassionate man. His first thoughts on waking were to know if you were ok. Talk to him, T'Pol, before you make your final decision. If, after that, you still want to leave Enterprise, I'll not stop you, but we'll all be sorry to see you go."
*~*~*~*~*~*
Trip walked slowly and carefully towards T'Pol's temporary quarters. Jon had told him only that she wanted to talk with him, but didn't feel ready to leave her sanctuary. His friend had offered to walk with him to the door, as he could see that Trip was still hurting from his injuries, but Trip had thanked him and declined. He wanted to use the time to marshal his feelings. Part of him, especially the physical parts that still hurt, hankered for some form of justice, but overall he knew that he forgave her for trying to kill him: he just needed to convince her of that.
He was startled by the haunted look in her usually flat, unreadable eyes as she opened the door and admitted him. After the first contact, she lowered her eyes to the carpet.
"Commander, thank you for coming. Please sit, you are not well."
"Thanks," he muttered as he sank gratefully onto the chair. She sat on the edge of the bed, in the same bearing as with the captain, 'like someone had shoved a pole up her ass', Trip thought. Except that, normally she would look the target straight in the eye, not this avoidance tactic she was currently employing.
Painfully, he stooped over and looked up into her face, surprised to find it troubled. He cleared his throat and spoke gently.
"How ya feeling, T'Pol?"
She glanced up, a fleeting look of embarrassment crossing her strong features. "It is precisely because of what I am feeling that I asked you to come here, Commander. I am ashamed of my actions, ashamed that I lost control. When I see your injuries, and hear how you can barely speak because of what I did…"
Uncharacteristically, she appeared to run out of words.
"Hey, where's all this comin' from? You've nothin' to be ashamed about. Since when did Vulcans get to be so all-powerful that they could even withstand the effects of drugs?"
Trip's voice was still only a hoarse whisper and T'Pol had to strain to catch his words. She wanted to tell him to stop, to just let her go home, but inwardly she longed for his forgiveness and to hear him say so. She still felt raw and vulnerable, and fought to keep tears from her eyes. Trip crossed carefully and knelt in front of her. Cautiously, he took one of her small hands in his.
"Come on, stop bein' so hard on yourself."
"I tried to kill you." She allowed him to keep a hold of her hand, enjoying the sensation of comfort.
"Yeah? Doesn't seem so many months since I was the one holdin' a phase pistol on you, an' if memory serves me right, I was gonna shoot."
"You were disoriented by toxic pollen. That was understandable."
Trip wondered why she couldn't see the correlation between the two events; it was normally she who pointed out logical situations to his illogical mind. He grinned at the reversed fortunes, knowing that it wouldn't last.
"An' so's this. But if you're so sure that I'm the injured party, so to speak, then don't I get a say in the outcome?"
"Of course, Commander. I am quite prepared to be punished for my actions, although I told the captain I would be ready to leave Enterprise."
His eyebrows rose at her words; Jon certainly hadn't prepared him for that bombshell.
"My 'sentence' would be to make ya stay here, amongst us smelly, infuriatin' humans. Goin' back to Vulcan would be way too lenient…Don't go, T'Pol. I trust ya with my life. Besides, if you do go, who am I gonna annoy? Malcolm would knock me on my back, Travis is always bouncin' around in that sweet spot of his, Hoshi'd tie me up with words…" he grinned, cranking up the charm factor to 100%.
T'Pol sniffed back those traitorous tears. Slowly, she began to relax, looking with a growing fondness at this complex human. As Captain Archer had said, he was indeed a passionate, compassionate man.
"Under those circumstances, Commander, it would be remiss of me to ask anyone else to shoulder that particular burden. I must therefore stay, if only to keep you out of further trouble."
END
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