Title: Detention
Flashbacks
'Tap…tap….tap, tap...tap' The nervous twitch that had been sending my leg into a rhythmic pattern for the past ten minutes would not subside, no matter how hard I attempted to simply make it stop. The back of my shoe continued hitting the crumbling tiled floor of the old potions classroom, the room had been abandoned in my second year for the new dungeon classroom that was apparently better for storing ingredients that were a necessity to everyday potions classes, or so Professor Velecktroy claimed.
I was seated at the old mildew infested desk that had once belonged to the strict Professor Velecktroy, in his younger years. My elbow was propped up as I ran my hands through my short, uneven, sloppily cut hair. I had cut it a week ago…in the Gryffindor sixth year bathroom.
'Nobody cared, nobody noticed…'
Chewing agitatedly on the inside of my cheek I looked at the old grandfather clock that sat in the corner of the room, covered in ever-permanent cobwebs. He was fifteen minuets late already.
'Some boyfriend, always late…wait…ex-boyfriend…' I looked out the dingy glass windows that hadn't been cleaned in four years; the Whomping Willow was out there…standing stock-still. I sighed deeply and rested my chin upon the heel of my hand. "Ex-boyfriend." The sting from what had transpired there, the Whomping Willow, only a week ago was fresh in my mind and very evident in my voice as I spat out the vindictive words…. though I still could not remove the forlorn undertone lacing my voice. I could feel my brow furrow and my eyebrows move closer together as I tried to sort out the disarray of emotions in my head.
'How could he have done that…I-I-I could have killed Severus…I knew Sirius was a little hot-headed but….seriously!' No normal smile graced my lips as the overused pun passed through my thoughts. I closed my eyes and tried to push out the acid voice of my father, telling me over and over again that werewolves were dangerous, wild beast and could never have friends, that "they'll sell ya out sooner or later, Rem."
He had been right all along…Sirius had proven him right…
I clenched my teeth, biting back tears I would never shed; I had already cried…I tried to busy my mind with attempting to remember why I was going to be seeing….him….shortly and then have to stare at him for three hours.
"Remus, as a Prefect, and a sixth year, you have the responsibility to supervise fellow students while they are serving out their detention." Professor McGonagall, the young head of my house (Gryffindor), told me the first day I got back from summer holidays. A few hours ago I was called upon to "prove I could handle the responsibility," "Mr. Lupin, tonight you'll have to supervise Mr. Black during his detention from Professor Velecktroy, be in the old potions room by 5:45 and let Mr. Black leave at 9:00."
My heart had stopped when she had said "Mr. Black,"….my Mr. Black. I wrinkled my nose as I mentally slapped myself for thinking that; no, Remus; he betrayed your secret to someone (Snape of all people too) and put two people's lives in danger, your own included. If I, a sadistic and vicious beast, had killed a wizard I would have been for sure sent to Azkaban, if not killed on the spot.
He had just told me he was the one who told Snape were I was, how to get to me. I sat up in the hospital bed letting the starched sheets fall from my shoulders. His eyes were downcast, never meeting my hardened amber gaze.
"How," I stumbled over the word as it left my lips. "How could you, Siri…" I let the name slip and didn't bother correcting myself…it had made him look up and that's what I wanted. I wanted him to see the pain that was swelling just below the surface of my glazed eyes.
"Moony…" he whispered, unsure of his own voice, I'd never thought I'd see the day when Sirius would be unsure of anything he did. He brushed the fallen fringe out of my face, twirling one of the many premature gray strands around his fingers I loved so much, but now I cringed at his betraying touch.
"Don't call me that," I snapped. I didn't want him closer then he already was to me, if I let him back in he might betray me…again…"Don't ever touch me again, Black," I spat his surname. He pulled back as if my skin was acid to the touch. I swallowed the wolf's involuntary whimper at the loss of warmth and let it roll in the back of my throat, letting it form into a low snarl. His mouth fell open and his jaw began to work, but he was at a loss for words...they had never seemed to elude him before…he always knew just what to say to make me smile. Not any more. "Don't speak to me ever again." My voice cracked, I hated my weakness. When he left with out another begging word I laid back onto the comfortable bed and let the tears I thought I would never cry trickle from my eyes upon the feather pillow beneath my head.
Oh how I hated the fact he could make me love him still…..
I needed to do something to stop thinking about him. I stood up from the wooden chair, almost knocking it over in the process. I was never clumsy before…I clutched the parchment in my left hand as I set to writing Velecktroy's punishment on the board…I didn't want to just wave my wand and make it appear that would only keep my mind busy for a moments time.
It was only two days before my transformation when Sirius earned himself a three-hour detention from Velecktroy; I had been there with him, right by his side.
"Bloody git, failin' me when I deserved an A…well a B at least…er…" I glanced over at the ranting dark haired boy, giving him, what James called my ,sarcastic 'sure-Siri-whatever-you-say-love,' look "okay…mayb- the point is he's a bias unfair pra-"
"Siri, love…just swap the ingredients and lets get out of here." I told him, an uneasy feeling was settling in the pit of my stomach. Sirius grinned pulling down the vile of black beetle juice we would be using in tomorrows hair growth potion.
I watched from where I was sitting on Professor Velecktroy's desk as Sirius' nimble fingers uncork the bottle before he walk quickly to the drain in the back of the classroom. I didn't say anything else during our time in the dungeon. He poured the contents down the drain and filled the vile with vinegar. After placing the vile back he pulled down the large box full of crushed dragon's bone, swapping it for backing soda. Like before he returned the item to its proper place on the shelf behind the Professors' desk.
"Perfect," he whispered taking my hand and giving my arm a gentle tug, signaling that I follow him. I obeyed. We slipped under the silky fabric of James' invisibility cloak and made for the door after checking the map to make sure that the coast was clear. Sirius had wrapped his arms around my waist as I lead the way back to the Gryffindor Common Room. I almost got us lost on the way back, taking a wrong left turn, but it wasn't my fault…it's is a very tricky thing to concentrate, let alone have total control over ones fine motor skills, when Sirius Black is placing tender butterfly kisses all along the sides and back of your neck. I'm surprised how I managed not to just stop there and snog him ragged.
"Nocturnalisca," Sirius' voice, muffled due to the fact his lips were pressed softly against the nape of my neck, stirred the Fat Lady from her sleep as she granted us entrance into the common room. After disposing of the invisibility cloak in James' trunk I fell asleep in Sirius' bed, in his arms, my head resting on his cologne covered pillow.
'Siri's cologne…'
"As I told you yesterday, class, " a sneering drawl broke the loud chatter as Professor Velecktroy spoke. "we will be brewing a simple hair growing potion, more of an ointment really…" he dragged out the e in the last word and I felt my body cringe at the nasally sound. He turned to the large black board on the wall and muttered a quick spell as the ingredients wrote themselves upon the coarse surface. The bottom of the list read:
1 tablespoon of chopped grub worm
4 tablespoons of black beetle juice
Stir thoroughly then add
2 cups of crushed dragon's bone
Let simmer till finished
The class set to work preparing their cauldrons for the task Velecktroy had set for us. Sirius gave me a grin as everyone went to the head of the class and retrieved their ingredients. With a quarter left to go of the double potions it seems that everything was going fine, save Peter's potion that was magenta instead of aqua. The first person to finally add the "crushed dragon's bone" was a Ravenclaw, Emmie Silvet and her boyfriend, a Gryffindor, Timothy Ranglne. The potion began to fizz and within a matter of moments several other cauldrons began fizzing. Professor Velecktroy got up from grading our essays on Moonstones and looked at poor Emmie's now crackling and fizzing concoction. Without warning the cauldron erupted seconds before the other followed suit and the entire room was caked in an aqua goop.
I knew we could have gotten away with it, probably would have if not for Sirius' barking laugh that could be easily heard above the girls shrieks of distain.
"Mr. Black, do you find this situation…funny?" Goop was dripping from his greasy hair as he walked to the table Sirius and I sat at. Again I cringed at the nasally sound the professor made when saying "funny." Sirius shook his head not trusting his mouth, for fear of another laugh might tumble out. Professor Velecktroy's eyes narrowed before he bellowed out to the entire room, "50 points from Gryffindor for indignation and refusing to answer a teacher and," he turned to Sirius and lowered his voice, slightly. "A nice long detention for Mr. Black."
I looked up at the clock again; another five minutes had passed since I had thought back upon when Sirius was given his detention. My ears began to pick up the faint sounds of footsteps heading towards the old potions room just before the door was slowly pulled open. I returned to my seat and began to nervously play with the white piece of chalk, running the end in a circular patter in my opposite palm.
'Sirius…' This was torture, seeing him just standing there…I still love him (I knew that as sure as I knew I need to breath to live) but I can't trust him….one cannot have love with out trust, one cannot even be true friends without trust.
He paused seeing me sitting at the desk but quickly returned to closing the door behind him softly. His shoulder length deep black hair was pulled back and his fringe fell in his face, obscuring his eyes from my sight.
'I wish he would look at me…Stop it Remus.'
He was wearing his school uniform under the thick robes, which he quickly discarded upon a desk. He stood before me; his eyes were now upon my face. I saw something in the pensive stare, a pleading, a begging for forgiveness. I saw something within his eyes that unnerved me, something I had never seen before, a deep sadness and remorse that ran throughout his entire being, evident in his expression and stance. Taking my silence as an indicator that I didn't not want to talk for the next three hours with him he looked up. His eyes flicked back and forth as he read his punishment. Sirius turned on his heel and began his task.
I was surprised by this. Every time I had served detention with Sirius he had argued with the supervisor and begged to be let off with "just a warning." He didn't try that with me, just set to work. Maybe it was his feeble attempt at atonement.
For the first two hours we sat in an uncomfortable silence. What had I expected? I watched his lean fingers, much like the night he had switched the ingredients, trace the thick metallic rim of the bronze cauldron he was polishing. I chewed on my bottom lip knowing were those hands had been and what wonderful things they had done. I blushed at the thought and quickly looked away when Sirius sensed eyes upon him and glanced at me. I looked back when I felt that it was safe. I watched as his hand slipped into the cauldron. A piece of silky hair he had tucked behind his ear fell from its resting place and obscured his vision. How badly I wanted to brush that hair away from his youthful face, simply touch him.
"Don't ever touch me again, Black."
I winced at the memory of my harsh words. I had sounded so cold, so unemotional, so reserved…I sounded like what my father wanted me to be…a lonely bitter teenager. No, I wasn't going to be like that….wasn't going to end up some distant Hogwarts Professor that everyone expected me to become. I wasn't going to let that happen when I had a way out, Sirius Black.
'No! For once in your life Remus, be bold!' A voice in my head screamed as I stood up abruptly, hands pressed against the desk, the backs of my legs pushing the chair backward into the wall making a loud slamming noise. The sound disturbed Sirius as he looked up at me from his distorted reflection in the bronze. His eyes were calm as they met mine. His body went ridged as I stood up to my full height and walked to the table he sat on. I wasn't sure what I was doing but I knew I had to do something.
"Sirius," I bit my lip as he returned to polishing the cauldron. He didn't say anything. I hadn't spoken to him since the hospital wing incident and I could feel the nervousness bubbling up in the pit of my stomach. He kept polishing. "Sirius, please…look at me," Continuing to polish the object he held he looked up at me through his fallen fringe.
"Now you want me to look at you?" He asked, his voice a mix of annoyance but I could hear the hope lacing it, or maybe that was just my own hope bleeding through in my mind. I ignored the annoyance and pressed on, I just wanted everything back to normal…I couldn't stand going back to before we were together. I hated the feeling of being so near and yet so far.
"Yes," I whispered nervously. I hadn't been this close to him for a week. I could feel my cheeks flushing as my heart sped up. "Padfoot…" My voice was so soft I wasn't sure I had even said it aloud. I could not hold back my hand from brushing away the fallen hair I had made note of earlier. He grabbed my wrist before I could even touch him.
"You told me not to touch you, Remus," I felt my muscles stiffen as he scoffed my first name. "I thought that meant it would be mutual," He was bitter, I understood and respected that…I didn't want to but I did. His grip was tight; the rag he had been using was the only thing keeping him from touching my skin. He released my hand and went back to finishing the cauldron. I backed away to sit down on the stool that was set next to the table Sirius was sitting upon, his body was turned to me so I could see his perfect profile downcast at the cauldron.
"I also told you not to talk to me again, but here you are." I said smiling nervously. He looked over at me his eyes narrowed, but they quickly softened when his eyes rested upon my smiling lips. Placing the cauldron next to him on the desk he turned his body to me.
"Remus," I cringed, he was still calling me by my first name. "Moony," he began again correcting himself after seeing me flinch. "W-w-why are you talking to me?" He looked down his hands in his lap as he began to fidget with the dirty rag he still clutched. I placed my hands over his and discarded the cleaning cloth into the cauldron next to him. "I thought th-"
"Remember how it was before this summer…?" I asked rubbing the pad of my thumb in a circular pattern in the palm of Sirius' hand. "How horrid it was to be so close to one another but not being able to really…" I bit my lip as I dared to touch his face, tilting his gaze to meet mine. "touch." I stroked the side of his face; his skin was so cold under my fingertips. He placed a hand over mine.
"Remmie, I-I-I," he signed surrendering. "I'm sorry. I never wanted this to happen and I was ju-" He was babbling.
"I know, Siri…I forgive you." I pressed my finger to his lips. I could see his muscles tense. His breath leaked from his parted lips as he breathed.
"Why?" His face was a mask of confusion, but I simply smiled. I knew why I forgave that boy, this young man.
"Because, Sirius Black, I think I love you." We'd never said it, we'd never told each other just how deeply we felt…now I had and I all I could do was wait for his reply. It seemed like ages had gone by before he spoke again.
"Oh Moony…I love you." I smiled as he leaned down. His voice was so confident all his insecurities had vanished. I kissed him. There in that dusty old potions classroom that overlooked the Whomping Willow, there were we had gotten our first detention together in our first year, there were he had just confessed his love for me. A chaste kiss that did not last longer then a blink of an eye, my lips had lightly brushed against his before the door to the room was slammed open.
"Mr. Lupin I have come to check on my stu-stu-stu-" Nasally, snide, repulsive. Professor Velecktroy. I jumped away from Sirius, knocking the stool I had been sitting on over in the process. Sirius just sat there calmly looking over his shoulder at our potions professor. I righted the stool and looked at the appalled professor.
"So, this is what you two have been doing for two and a half hours, snogging?" His voice was dangerously low. "For failure to do you job properly and…er….distracting Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin you have a detention tomorrow, along with Black…since I doubt he got what he was suppose to out of this detention," he paused and looked at us again. "Separately." He left just as quickly as he had came after telling us that we best be getting to our dormitories before he gives us a weeks worth of detention….separately of course.
"Too bad you won't be able to "supervise" me tomorrow." Sirius said with a leer as we walked down the vacant halls of Hogwarts.
"Mr. Black," I said imitating Professor Velecktroy's snide. "I'll supervise you any day." He stopped walking, blinked a few times.
"It's disturbing just how well you can do that voice Remmie."
"Moony?" Sirius' breath against the bare skin on my shoulder stirred me from my slumber as I rolled over to look at him.
"Hmmm?" I asked wiping the sleep from my eyes; it was still dark outside…the waning moon lighting up the sky, reflecting against the baby giant squid's lake. Sirius' hand came to my face and brushed my choppy auburn hair out of my vision, more grays were flecked in the strands. A week ago after he had done the same thing I told him never to touch me again…I had been so stupid…
"Why did you cut your hair?" He sounded disappointed. I knew why I had, cause of him…what he did…
"Well…er…" I tried to think of were I had learned the custom from. "My mom told me once, when I was little, that-that if after your heart is broken-" I fought to keep my voice from shaking, my mother was so wise…so loving…that how I always remembered her… "You cut your hair so the world my see you anew…and know-know your pain." I knew I had failed to steady my voice when Sirius' arms tangled around my body bringing me closer to him and his warmth.
"Moony," he cooed my nickname as he stroked the back of my head calmly. "Don't ever cut your hair for me again…" he pulled away looking me in the eyes. "Promise me…" I nodded weakly before burring my face in the hollow of his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head tenderly, he held me that night, till dawn.
'He can't be…no…he's going to just Apparate in my room and tell me it was all a joke.' I gripped the handle of the kitchen knife in my hand as I sat on Sirius' bed in number twelve Grimmauld Place. 'He can't be dead…Siri…' I could see my reflection in the knife's polished blade as I brought it to my face. I took a lock of my grayed hair and began to cut.
"Don't ever cut your hair for me again. Promise me…"
I stopped.
I had made a promise to him…
No matter how long ago…
I would keep it…
AN: Eep well hey again everybody, this is like gonna be the last fluff thing I write m(other then MSG), I'm sorry for over loading people's systems with to much fluff! Once more I must confess that there is a pretty weak-ass plot: mostly fluff (darlings I'm sorry, I'll start with my trademark angst writing later (denial is sweet but it'll hit me soon and oh golly you'll cry for Remmie))
Disclaimer: I painfully regret to inform you all that I am not the owner of any of these fine *fine inturperted however you wanna take it* characters that appear in this fic they are all Ms. Rowling's to kill off as she pleases….OotP Spolier at the ver end so if ya don't wanna read that part skip it.
Summary: (MWPP era) When the teacher you despise the most gives your love, scratch that ex-love, detention on the exact night you, the perfect prefect, have detention duty what do you do? SB/RL
Guide: 'Thoughts'
Written in Remus' POV
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AN: Well hmm that took a slightly angst turn for the worst(not really my best angst but I wanted to get this outta my head and oh whateva)….kinda on the long ass side…sorry…thank you for reading in I hope that you'll take the time to review…if not that's okee thanks for reading anyway!
It's okee it sucked…so write ya later!