Starting Over 16 - Making Up Is Hard To Do
Buffy swallowed as she observed the lone figure sat on the porch, they'd started to bond again but there was still some tension. "Hi Xander."
Xander turned his head to face her. "Hi," he replied, his voice was still hoarse from last night's near-choking.
"Aren't you going in? There's one heck of a party in there."
"No."
"Why not?" she demanded, her heart clenching in pain. "I thought we'd made up."
To her relief her friend hastened to reassure her. "It's not you, it's me," Xander's voice trailed off.
Buffy reached across and took her friend's hand. What's wrong Xand?"
For a long time there wasn't an answer then Xander began to speak. "Last night we killed a goddess, an actual freaking goddess. And then, when Faith fell I thought she was dead. I guess I'm just worn out."
"You really love her don't you?"
"Yeah," there was a hint of challenge in her friend's voice, daring her to disapprove.
"Good."
It was impossible for her to miss the surprise on her friend's face. "Really?"
"Really. I was against you at the start but she's happier, more open, and trusting, while you - you're still a jackass." She smiled at her friend's laugh, she'd missed that sound. "Xander, why did you decide to help her?"
Buffy was shocked to see a tear well up in Xander's eye. "The night we left for L.A., Faith turned up at my house looking for help. My dad invited her in a.and," Xander took a rattling breath, his words becoming choked with emotion, "he tried to rape her. She was in too much shock to do anything; if I hadn't turned up he would have succeeded."
"Oh Xander," she pulled him into a hug, "I'm so sorry."
"She was so scared, I couldn't let you or anybody hurt her. You didn't need me but she did," she was relieved when her friend's voice steadied. "Me and Faith are quite similar really. Same shitty families, her's even worse than mine, only diff was I had you guys and Giles. She had nobody. Then she's chosen and comes to Sunnydale after being forced to watch her Watcher, the first person to ever respect her, be tortured and killed. And what do we do? We dump her in a fleapit hotel with the junkies, hookers, and all the other lowlife. A scared and lonely sixteen year old kid."
"Oh god," Buffy whispered. Looking back she realised that Xander was right.
"Then the Mayor turns up, a guy who acts like the father she always wanted," her friend wiped at his eyes. "It wasn't her fault, not really, not like the stuff I did."
"What did you do Xand?"
The young man beside her took a breath. "I remember everything about being a hyena Buffy."
"Oh," she paused in thought, "Xander you were possessed."
Her words failed to comfort the young man sat beside her. His face twisted in anguish. "Damn it Buffy I tried to rape you."
"But you didn't succeed," she soothed, "and it wasn't you, you were possessed. Xander's there's nothing to forgive."
"I wasn't possessed when I cheated on Cordy, god I hurt her so much. Or when I cast the love spell, after blackmailing one of my oldest friends to do it."
"Xander, everyone makes mistakes. I ran away from being a Slayer twice remember?"
"Yeah but," the youth hesitated, taking a breath before speaking. "I knew Willow was re-casting the soul restoration ritual when you went to face Angelus but I didn't tell you."
"I know."
Her friend's head snapped up from inspecting his feet, turning to face her. "How?"
"After you left Angel rang me for a few weeks trying to get me to talk to you. I think he was desperate to get rid of you," Xander chuckled. "He told me a lot of stuff, about the hospital, the zombie gang," she chuckled slightly as her friend reddened. "He also told me about what happened that night. At first I was so angry but then I realised you probably saved my life again."
"Yeah," Xander let out a relieved laugh. "That's one hobby of mine that's getting real boring."
"Xander," Buffy felt her heart pound with nervousness. "Will you come home please?" She was disappointed when Xander shook his head. "I can't, I'm glad we're friends again. But," her friend paused, "Faith's happy where she is and aside from you guys there's nothing in Sunnydale for me. In L.A. I've got a great job, here I'd just be a labourer, I've got a home in L.A., not here."
"You could stay with us," Buffy suggested tentatively.
Her friend grinned at her and raised an eyebrow. "And where exactly would there be room? What with you and Gunn getting all hot and steamy."
"You saw that?" Buffy reddened. "Does my new guy get the Xander seal of approval?"
"Well after years of trying, and dozens of guys, ow!" Xander rubbed at his arm where she'd punched him, "sorry should that be hundreds?" her friend grinned at her warning growl. "Gunn's a great guy."
"Like someone else I know," she leaned into her friend's side finding the comfort she'd always gained there. "But you'll stay in touch?"
Xander hugged her. "You bet, try and stop me. We'll come up for vacations, that sort of thing. You and the others have an open invitation to come up to LA. Which reminds me," the young man reached into his jacket and brought up a book which he passed to her. Her eyes widened as she opened the book.
"How? What? Why?"
Xander laughed. "As well as working for Angel, Gunn, Faith, and I go vampire nest clearing. When we've cleared out a place, we go through the building looking for cash, stuff we can pawn. Anything we make we split three ways."
"But there's eighteen thousand dollars here," she waved the account book dazedly.
Her friend shrugged. "Only money," he grinned. "If I get short, Faith will have to keep me. You can use the money for whatever you want."
"But why?"
Xander frowned. "Your mom was always great to me. I didn't want to cause trouble by turning up at the funeral so I decided to pay my respects with that," the young man tapped the book in her hand. "I thought that G-Man could come up to some story as to where it came from. Now thought," Xander smiled, "now though I get to see your face when I give it to you."
Buffy felt her eyes burn with tears as she threw her arms around her friend's neck. "Still looking after me Xander?" she muttered before kissing him on the cheek. "You're the best." Her friend winked. "Aw shucks ma'am."
Buffy swallowed as she observed the lone figure sat on the porch, they'd started to bond again but there was still some tension. "Hi Xander."
Xander turned his head to face her. "Hi," he replied, his voice was still hoarse from last night's near-choking.
"Aren't you going in? There's one heck of a party in there."
"No."
"Why not?" she demanded, her heart clenching in pain. "I thought we'd made up."
To her relief her friend hastened to reassure her. "It's not you, it's me," Xander's voice trailed off.
Buffy reached across and took her friend's hand. What's wrong Xand?"
For a long time there wasn't an answer then Xander began to speak. "Last night we killed a goddess, an actual freaking goddess. And then, when Faith fell I thought she was dead. I guess I'm just worn out."
"You really love her don't you?"
"Yeah," there was a hint of challenge in her friend's voice, daring her to disapprove.
"Good."
It was impossible for her to miss the surprise on her friend's face. "Really?"
"Really. I was against you at the start but she's happier, more open, and trusting, while you - you're still a jackass." She smiled at her friend's laugh, she'd missed that sound. "Xander, why did you decide to help her?"
Buffy was shocked to see a tear well up in Xander's eye. "The night we left for L.A., Faith turned up at my house looking for help. My dad invited her in a.and," Xander took a rattling breath, his words becoming choked with emotion, "he tried to rape her. She was in too much shock to do anything; if I hadn't turned up he would have succeeded."
"Oh Xander," she pulled him into a hug, "I'm so sorry."
"She was so scared, I couldn't let you or anybody hurt her. You didn't need me but she did," she was relieved when her friend's voice steadied. "Me and Faith are quite similar really. Same shitty families, her's even worse than mine, only diff was I had you guys and Giles. She had nobody. Then she's chosen and comes to Sunnydale after being forced to watch her Watcher, the first person to ever respect her, be tortured and killed. And what do we do? We dump her in a fleapit hotel with the junkies, hookers, and all the other lowlife. A scared and lonely sixteen year old kid."
"Oh god," Buffy whispered. Looking back she realised that Xander was right.
"Then the Mayor turns up, a guy who acts like the father she always wanted," her friend wiped at his eyes. "It wasn't her fault, not really, not like the stuff I did."
"What did you do Xand?"
The young man beside her took a breath. "I remember everything about being a hyena Buffy."
"Oh," she paused in thought, "Xander you were possessed."
Her words failed to comfort the young man sat beside her. His face twisted in anguish. "Damn it Buffy I tried to rape you."
"But you didn't succeed," she soothed, "and it wasn't you, you were possessed. Xander's there's nothing to forgive."
"I wasn't possessed when I cheated on Cordy, god I hurt her so much. Or when I cast the love spell, after blackmailing one of my oldest friends to do it."
"Xander, everyone makes mistakes. I ran away from being a Slayer twice remember?"
"Yeah but," the youth hesitated, taking a breath before speaking. "I knew Willow was re-casting the soul restoration ritual when you went to face Angelus but I didn't tell you."
"I know."
Her friend's head snapped up from inspecting his feet, turning to face her. "How?"
"After you left Angel rang me for a few weeks trying to get me to talk to you. I think he was desperate to get rid of you," Xander chuckled. "He told me a lot of stuff, about the hospital, the zombie gang," she chuckled slightly as her friend reddened. "He also told me about what happened that night. At first I was so angry but then I realised you probably saved my life again."
"Yeah," Xander let out a relieved laugh. "That's one hobby of mine that's getting real boring."
"Xander," Buffy felt her heart pound with nervousness. "Will you come home please?" She was disappointed when Xander shook his head. "I can't, I'm glad we're friends again. But," her friend paused, "Faith's happy where she is and aside from you guys there's nothing in Sunnydale for me. In L.A. I've got a great job, here I'd just be a labourer, I've got a home in L.A., not here."
"You could stay with us," Buffy suggested tentatively.
Her friend grinned at her and raised an eyebrow. "And where exactly would there be room? What with you and Gunn getting all hot and steamy."
"You saw that?" Buffy reddened. "Does my new guy get the Xander seal of approval?"
"Well after years of trying, and dozens of guys, ow!" Xander rubbed at his arm where she'd punched him, "sorry should that be hundreds?" her friend grinned at her warning growl. "Gunn's a great guy."
"Like someone else I know," she leaned into her friend's side finding the comfort she'd always gained there. "But you'll stay in touch?"
Xander hugged her. "You bet, try and stop me. We'll come up for vacations, that sort of thing. You and the others have an open invitation to come up to LA. Which reminds me," the young man reached into his jacket and brought up a book which he passed to her. Her eyes widened as she opened the book.
"How? What? Why?"
Xander laughed. "As well as working for Angel, Gunn, Faith, and I go vampire nest clearing. When we've cleared out a place, we go through the building looking for cash, stuff we can pawn. Anything we make we split three ways."
"But there's eighteen thousand dollars here," she waved the account book dazedly.
Her friend shrugged. "Only money," he grinned. "If I get short, Faith will have to keep me. You can use the money for whatever you want."
"But why?"
Xander frowned. "Your mom was always great to me. I didn't want to cause trouble by turning up at the funeral so I decided to pay my respects with that," the young man tapped the book in her hand. "I thought that G-Man could come up to some story as to where it came from. Now thought," Xander smiled, "now though I get to see your face when I give it to you."
Buffy felt her eyes burn with tears as she threw her arms around her friend's neck. "Still looking after me Xander?" she muttered before kissing him on the cheek. "You're the best." Her friend winked. "Aw shucks ma'am."