A Heimdall/Loki Fic in Seven (7) Days.
MONDAY.
On Monday morning, Heimdall presented Loki with a bouquet of colourful flowers. Loki looked dubiously at them and proceeded to carefully hold them an arm's length away from him, as if worried that the innocent blooms would bite. (this paranoia, it must be noted, was not entirely unfounded, considering the kind of gifts heimdall had presented him with before. however, one digresses.)
"You shouldn't have," said Loki politely.
"I saw them and thought of you," replied Heimdall, smiling. "It wasn't any trouble."
"No," Loki said, "You /really/ shouldn't have. How did you find out I was allergic to these?"
"I asked your keeper."
"...Ah," said Loki.
"Yamino-kun," said Loki, with the air of someone who had explained something a great many times and despaired of ever getting the listener to understand, "Is not my keeper." He also made a mental note to speak to Yamino-kun sometime soon about the issue of privacy.
"Whatever you say," Heimdall told him complacently, with his own air of a person who knew that he was right, even if other people were too stupid to agree.
When the bell rang, the two of them walked companiably to class, although Loki made Heimdall carry the flowers.
-
What the people who tended to follow the two of them around school heard was slightly different, and probably best left to imagination.
Suffice to say, they were outdoors, the wind was blowing quite loudly, and it took most of the salient parts of their conversation away with it.
-
By Monday afternoon, the rumour mill was working overtime.
"Did you hear? Higashiyama-kun and Loki-kun--"
"I never expected the two of them..."
"Well, Higashiyama-kun is always giving things to Loki-kun."
"And, you know, Loki-kun is always following Higashiyama-kun around..."
"They're always together, did you ever notice?"
"I wonder why it took them so long."
"I wonder why it took us so long to notice."
"...Loki and Higashiyama /what/?!"
-
By Monday evening, the Loki-kun fanclub and the Higashiyama-kun fanclub had gotten into three fights (although they were admittedly rather genteel ones, with the only casualties being five hairdos and one wooden ruler,) while the Loki-AND-Higashiyama-kun fanclub watched amusedly from the sidelines and then later went for ice-cream.
-
On Tuesday morning, Loki and Heimdall found out that they were dating.
TUESDAY.
After the third random female had walked up to where they were standing and congratulated them, receiving a charming smile and thanks from Loki, Heimdall was getting suspicious. After a classmate of his slapped him on the back and went "Higashiyama, you /dog/," he lost his patience and dragged Loki out of the class into the corridor.
"Okay," he hissed, "What did you do?"
"Nothing," Loki told him, looking slightly wounded at the suggestion.
"Then why are they congratulating us?"
Loki glanced casually back into the classroom. "I have no idea."
Heimdall took a deep breath. "So what are you saying thanks for?!"
Loki looked back at him with innocent green eyes. "It's only polite."
He let his forehead fall against the wall with a weak thud. "...you're an /idiot/," Heimdall told Loki.
"Oi."
-
"We're congratulating you over your relationship, of course!"
Loki and Heimdall exhanged glances.
"...whose?"
"Yours!"
"... ...with /who/?"
(loki would always, in retrospect, feel that it would have been the wisest thing to drop the subject then and never let it be spoken of again, especially considering the feeling of impending doom he had been labouring under all morning. however, one digresses again.)
"It's okay," the lowerclassman they had discreetly cornered chirped. "You don't have to hide it. The whole school already knows. I hope you're happy together."
Pause.
"Whaaaaaaat?!"
-
Although the two people in question didn't quite notice, a significant percentage of the Loki-kun fanclub and Higashiyama-kun fanclub had absented themselves from school, with the rest defecting to the third party.
This event was not, as might have seemed logical, accompanied by a decrease in the numbers of people who tended to follow them around the school (and whom they had long ago learned to tune out as best they could). Quite the opposite, in fact.
The Loki-AND-Higashiyama-kun fanclub was having a /field day/.
-
"...Heimdall... ...do you feel like... we're being... watched?"
Heimdall pointed out that Loki was asking stupid questions again, because for some unfathomable reason they were /always/ being watched, but turned around anyway. And sweatdropped as what seemed like a quarter of the female population of their level ducked behind handy flora and corridors...
...and was that Miyabi-sensei up a tree with a camera?
"...is that /Miyabi-sensei/ up a /tree/ with a /camera/?" asked Loki, turning to him with an equal expression of vague disbelief.
"This is getting ridiculous."
-
A useful and interesting piece of information to note:
Failed transformations go 'poof'.
-
"What," Heimdall asked Loki once they were in a relatively secluded area, "Possessed you to think that this would be a good idea?"
"At least class 7-C isn't following us around with cameras anymore..."
"/You/," Heimdall said. "Class 7-C isn't following /you/ around with cameras anymore, you coward."
"Better you than me," Loki said. "They make me nervous."
"..." went Heimdall. "...how long until you can change back?"
"...about two hours, I think."
"Which just happens to be when class is dismissed."
"You can't argue with fate, Higashiyama."
(this was, in actual fact, true. loki held the dubious honour of being the only person ever who could mouth off to the norn and get away with it, and even he tried not to push his luck. while they no longer operated on the principle of instant karma, they /were/ still masters of in-the-extremely-near-future karma.)
-
Loki-kun and Higashiyama-kun were, for once and to the class monitor's vague surprise, not within three feet of each other. Higashiyama-kun was standing by himself at the back of the class, leaning against the wall as he waited for the teacher to arrive.
"Where's Loki-kun?" she asked politely.
"He wasn't feeling well, so he went home early," Higashiyama-kun told her. "He's got a delicate constitution, you know."
She looked slightly dubious, but let it pass, as what looked like a small blond mouse attempted valiantly to maul Higashiyama-kun's hand through his glove.
"Is that your pet?"
"Yeah," he replied, smiling. "Don't worry, he's housebroken."
Watching the rodent sink long teeth into fabric, she looked even more dubious. "Well... it's cute."
The mouse stopped trying to take apart Higashiyama-kun's glove and sat up.
"Squeak," it said obligingly.
-
"Ne, Higashiyama-kun, I heard Loki-kun wasn't feeling well... is there anything we can do for him?"
Heimdall blinked, then slowly turned to the girl who had approached him with one of his best imitations of Loki's 'I am so innocent, butter would not melt in my mouth' smile.
"Well," he said, almost cheerfully, "You know those flowers I gave him yesterday? They're his favourite. They might make him feel a little
better."
The group who had been standing a healthy distance away brightened and started to whisper.
"Thanks, Kazumi-kun! You're really concerned about Loki-kun, aren't you? Loki-kun is lucky to have someone like you."
"You flatter me," said Heimdall, smiling even more innocently. "But you know," he tried to continue, words falling on deaf ears, "About that--"
It was a lost cause.
-
"I /hate/ you more than words can /say/, Heimdall."
WEDNESDAY.
When Heimdall got up that morning, his first blurry thought was that the frosted glass set in his front door was much darker than normal, considering how early the sun rose at this time of the year.
His second, somewhat clearer thought as he opened the door and was nearly buried under a spill of flowers in untidy bouquets, addresses on the tags neatly crossed out and replaced with his own in a familiar hand, was /oh, I am going to kill him./
-
When Heimdall stalked into the homeroom later that morning, almost twenty minutes late and with flower petals still stuck at interesting places on his hair and jacket, Loki was already chatting amiably with a circle of attentive girls.
"Thank you for the flowers," Loki said. "It's very nice of you to think of me like that. /Please/ don't ever send any more."
There was a pause as the girls took in the plaintive tone of that statement.
"I mean," Loki amended, "I'm very grateful, but you really shouldn't waste money like that. Flowers are expensive, you know."
One of their classmates smiled. "You're really very thoughtful, Loki-kun," she said. "Kazumi-kun is lucky to have you, too."
Loki smiled slyly up at Heimdall. "Isn't that right."
"Oh, I hate you," he muttered, pulling up a chair next to Loki.
Loki sneezed. Absently, Heimdall brushed flower parts out of his hair, allowing them to drift away.
Loki sneezed again.
"Are you okay, Loki-kun?" their classmate asked, offering him a pack of tissue which he took thankfully. "You were sick yesterday. You shouldn't push yourself too hard."
Thoughtfully watching Loki blow his nose, Heimdall drummed his fingers on the table for a while, then waved a hand in front of Loki's face.
"Achoo!"
The slow grin that spread across Heimdall's face may have looked cute and pleasant to any casual observer (or not so casual observer, at least in the case of the Higashiyama-kun fanclub, which had deigned to return to school today after a night of ice-cream and commiseration).
Loki, however, saw Fangs.
-
"Achoo!"
"Achoo!"
"Achoo!"
"You are asking for /death/, Heimdall."
Snicker.
-
"..."
"..."
After a lengthy silence, Loki flicked a strand of duckweed fastidiously out of his hair.
"Well," he said, watching Miyabi-sensei's retreating and violently pink back, "That was embarrassing."
"It wouldn't have happened if you didn't throw me into the pond," Heimdall pointed out, carefully extracting a tadpole from a fold of his jacket and replacing it in the water.
"My allergies are not a toy," Loki told him. "And actually, it wouldn't have happened if you hadn't pulled me into the pond after you."
"It was instinct," Heimdall said, completely ignoring Loki's first statement. "And at least it was Miyabi-sensei who caught us."
They both stood for a while and considered that as well as Miyabi-sensei's lecture, which was not so much a lecture as a few helpful suggestions, some of which included tips to 'at least do this kind of thing indoors, if not in private', as well as other tips they tried to block their ears off to.
"...I think she winked at us," said Loki, finally.
"I am very disturbed."
-
There are good parts and bad parts to Wednesday.
The good part: class stops before lunchtime.
The bad part: club starts after lunchtime.
(loki and heimdall were, to this date, still unsure of just how they had both ended up in the drama society. their somewhat confused memories seemed to involve freyr, mayura, a bucket of green paint, and for some reason, a two by four. they tried not to dwell on it too much.)
-
Freyr was smiling. That should have been Heimdall's first warning.
Freyr was bouncing. That should have been Heimdall's second warning.
Freyr was headed his way.
Unfortunately, leaning against the props and thinking about the current situation, Heimdall was too distracted to pay attention to any of the signs until Freyr popped up in front of him, and there were only so many warnings a person was allowed.
"You really are a good friend, Heimdall," Freyr announced.
Heimdall blinked up. "Huh?" he said eloquently.
"The lengths you are willing to go through to aid a comrade is truly inspiring," Freyr said.
"What?"
"Freyr can handle Loki," he continued. "You didn't need to start dating him just to keep my cute and innocent Freya-chan away from his womanising claws."
"Excuse me?"
"Never fear, Freyr will repay your sacrifice in any way possible."
"Hey, wait a minute--! ...oh, dammit."
-
"This," said Heimdall to Loki, who was waiting for him at the door of the theatre, "Has to stop."
"I know what you mean," Loki replied. "Reiya keeps staring at me from around corners, and then running away."
"That's nothing," Heimdall told him. "Freyr thinks I'm dating you, and he thinks I'm dating you to keep you away from Freya."
"Well, that's very like him," said Loki, dubiously.
"And then he told me that he wanted to repay the debt for my sacrifice."
"..."
"In any way possible."
"... ..."
There was silence as they both contemplated that notion.
"...how about we take Skidbladnir away from him for a while," suggested Loki.
"And Gullinbrusti."
"And electricity, power tools, sugar..."
"Metal cutlery..."
"Agreed."
-
When Heimdall got home that night, he was greeted by a mess of flower petals where his living room used to be, as his hawk had apparently torn the bouquets apart to get to the cards that Loki had written on, and made a very nice nest of them in the middle of what had been his coffee table.
(an unfortunately chosen and ill-timed shapeshift had left heimdall's bird with something of a crush on loki, which both amused and irritated him. it irritated him because she was his bird, after all, and amused him because while he had to admit that loki was good with females, he was decidedly less smooth around females in possession of hand-length talons and a beak.)
-
When Loki got home that night, he was greeted by Freya.
"Yoohoo, Loki!"
-
"Oh, bugger."
Only, in Loki's case, that was said very, very quietly.
THURSDAY.
Loki was vaguely aware of Yamino-kun watching him as he prodded cautiously at breakfast with a fork. (yamino-kun was in one of his experimental phases again. loki usually found it most expedient to eat out as often as he could without hurting yamino-kun's feelings during times like this. loki had utmost faith in yamino as a chef; it was the food that he didn't quite trust.)
Determining that it was not 1) living, 2) raw, or 3) looking at him, Loki decided that it was probably safe enough to eat and picked up the knife, trying not to be nervous at the way Yamino-kun was still watching him.
When he finished breakfast and stood up to make his somewhat fatigued way to school (dealing with freya was always a tiring experience. thankfully, however, yesterday's situation was nowhere near the level of the time with all the cats. loki still found himself apologizing reflexively to kou-chan's siamese), Yamino-kun offered him a pair of wrapped boxes.
"Eh?" Loki blinked.
"Bento," Yamino-kun said.
"Two of them?"
"One is for Heimdall-sama," Yamino-kun told him cheerfully.
Loki blinked again.
"Yamino-kun..."
"Yes, Loki-sama?"
"You /do/ know that I'm not dating Heimdall, right?"
"Of course, Loki-sama."
"..."
-
Heimdall raised an eyebrow when Loki stepped into class and immediately flopped into a nearby chair.
"You look tired," he remarked. Loki cracked open an eye.
"So do you."
"My bird tore apart the living room and I had to clean up," Heimdall said.
(that task might not have taken quite as long if heimdall had not, somewhat unwisely, chosen to start with the coffee table. as it was, he almost lost a hand in the attempt, and a good part of the five hours was taken up by swearing and attempting to bandage one hand with the other.)
"Freya visited."
Heimdall looked impressed. "What happened?"
"Well," Loki said, "First I told her that I wasn't dating you."
"Yeah?"
"...which took me about three hours."
"..."
"And in the end, I had to drug her tea."
"... ..."
"Only I forgot to ask her where she hid the key to the storage cupboard, and it took me another two hours to get Yamino-kun out."
"... ... ..."
"And I had to send her home, and her housekeeper said that it was almost suspicious how often Reiya fell asleep in my house."
"... .... ... ..."
"But then of /course/ I couldn't have done anything to their ojou-sama, because I'm dating that nice Higashiyama boy."
"... ... ... ... ..."
"You can stop laughing at me /any time now/, Heimdall."
-
After the announcements were read out, the assistant class monitor wandered over to them to take their attendance.
"You two look tired," he said.
"Busy night," Loki told him, one arm thrown across his face.
He blinked. "What, both of you?"
"Yeah," said Loki, absently.
"Um," the assistant class monitor said, backing away. "That sounds very... well. I'll just..."
"I mean--" Loki started, sitting up abruptly, "Hey, wait a--oh, /dammit/."
"Way to go, Loki," Heimdall said.
"Shut up."
-
"Hey, did you hear? Loki-kun and Higashiyama-kun--"
"Well, it was only a matter of time."
"I heard something about Miyabi-sensei and the koi pond yesterday..."
"Miyabi-sensei?"
"The /pond/?"
"Loki and Higashiyama /WHAT/?!"
-
"The willingness of the school to believe that we are dating is vaguely disturbing," Loki said, in as dignified a way as he could manage while hiding behind a wall in the far end of the school gardens.
(it was the only place they could find in the school where people could not 1) overhear them, 2) find them, or 3) follow them around with cameras. the way the two of them had disappeared together during their free period, however, was not as a matter of fact doing anything to curb the working of the rumour mill. while nobody would call loki unintelligent, they would also not say that he was the sharpest tool in the shed when it came to matters regarding himself, and they would, in fact, be right.)
"No, really?" Heimdall asked, perched on top of the wall Loki was crouching against.
"As is their willingness to rampantly speculate about our private life."
"No, /really/?"
"Oh, shut up."
-
"What we need," said Heimdall ponderously, "Is a plan."
Loki blinked up at him, then started to smile.
"Oh, /good/," he said. "I love your plans. Will it involve karaoke this time?"
"Shut up," said Heimdall.
"How about paint bombs?"
"That was Freyr's fault," Heimdall told him sullenly.
"Or front porch voodoo. I especially liked the front porch voodoo."
"Please die, Loki."
-
When the bell rang for lunch, Loki dutifully handed the second box to Heimdall.
"What's this?"
"Bento."
"What for?"
"It's a present from Yamino-kun."
Heimdall took the box carefully, lifting it to examine the patterns on the cloth, which, for some reason, seemed to include a line of cheerful red hearts.
"Loki..."
"Yeah?"
"Your keeper /does/ know that we're not dating, right?"
"..."
-
"Loki..." Heimdall said again, faintly, staring into the box.
"Yeah?"
"I don't think this is cooked."
"Yamino-kun is going through an experimental phase," Loki said calmly, as though it explained everything. (which it did. the /last/ time yamino went through an experimental phase, loki had had to renovate the kitchen, repaint the living room, and explain to the gardener just what, exactly, had happened to the sakura tree out front. this was, by comparison, tame.)
"...I think it's /moving/." Heimdall said with a vague sort of horror, poking at the bento with a chopstick.
"Well... at least you know it's definitely fresh."
"It's looking at me!"
"Just eat it, Heimdall."
-
As the two of them left school that day, they were greeted at the gate by something small, black, and furry.
"Ah, Fenrir!" Loki said, kneeling down to scratch Fenrir behind the ears. "Did you come to see me home today? Good boy."
"Daddy!" Fenrir said enthusiastically, allowing Loki to pick him up and licking happily at Loki's face. Heimdall approached rather more cautiously.
(while fenrir resembled nothing more than an oversized furry marshmallow with ears, he was, as heimdall had once found out, a surprisingly efficient guard dog. heimdall, who had been attempting to dig a pit trap in loki's front lawn, found himself stuck in a hole in the ground for five hours, and was understandably wary around the puppy. loki argued that heimdall's hawk had bitten him more than once in far more embarrassing places and that heimdall's attitude around fenrir was thus unfair and would emotionally scar his son. heimdall argued back, and accurately, that his bird only bit loki to be friendly and that loki was just as careful around her, even though she had never landed him in a pit trap for half a day. loki said, also accurately, that it was heimdall's own damn fault.)
Fenrir stopped licking Loki's face and turned to Heimdall.
"...mommy," he said, rather less enthusiastically.
Heimdall tripped, landing face-down on the pavement with a painful sounding thud. Loki, having gone into a choking fit, only just managed to keep from dropping Fenrir.
"It was Midgardsormr's idea!" Fenrir said hastily as Heimdall picked himself back up, rubbing his nose.
"Yamino-kun?" Loki asked.
"Your keeper?" Heimdall echoed.
"..."
"The great personal interest that your children take in your private affairs disturbs me very, very much, Loki."
"/.../"
-
"Yamino-kun..."
"Yes, Loki-sama?"
"I'm /really/ not dating Heimdall, you know."
"Whatever you say, Loki-sama."
FRIDAY.
By the end of assembly, Heimdall was getting very, very tired of having people come up to him and slap him on the back.
(so was loki, in fact. not for heimdall's sake, but rather for what it implied that the others thought. he never voiced his objection, however, because that would only invite vicious mocking from heimdall and more comments about his fashion sense.)
When the next classmate approached them, he glared and took a defensive step backwards.
"I am /not/ dating Loki," he said.
Their classmate blinked and considered that for a moment.
"Yeah, /right/," he said cheerfully, slapping Heimdall on the back hard enough to knock him over.
There was a soft snickering sound somewhere above him, somewhat akin to Loki trying desperately not to laugh.
"Sorry," called the boy. "You okay?"
Heimdall grabbed Loki's arm, rather more forcefully than necessary, to lever himself up. Loki kicked him hard for his trouble.
"I'm fine," he grated out. "A broken spine is nothing a good night's sleep won't cure."
"That's good."
Loki cackled.
-
"Ahem," Loki said after the bell had rung, clambering on top of the table he had been sitting on. "Everybody, we have an announcement to make."
The class stopped packing their things and looked up at him.
"Higashiyama Kazumi-kun and I would like to take this opportunity to say that we are not, in fact, dating."
They blinked.
Loki wasn't sure just what he expected their reaction to be. He was, however, /quite/ sure that hysterical laughter was nowhere near being on the list.
"Good one, Loki!"
"Pull the other one, it's got bells on it!"
"Mou, Loki-kun, you're such a /joker/..."
"/.../"
Someone accidentally bumped into the table, causing Loki to lose his footing and tumble off.
"Oops, sorry!"
Loki looked up. Heimdall, watching the event with slight glee, snickered at him.
"Shut up."
-
"Miyabi-sensei?"
"Yes, Loki-kun?"
"Higashiyama and I aren't dating, you know," Loki said.
The teacher blinked at them.
"Is this about what I heard yesterday?" she asked.
Loki and Heimdall exchanged glances.
"...what?" they asked faintly.
"Because it's all right, really," she continued.
"...ah?"
"You can't really expect your first time to..."
The glances they were exchanging turned slightly horrified.
"...Miyabi-sensei..."
"And if you have any problems, you can always come to sensei."
"Miyabi-sensei..."
"All you have to do is ask."
"Miyabi-sensei."
"I've got a few books you might find helpful..."
"/Miyabi-sensei/."
"They've got pictures!"
-
"Oi, Freyr," Heimdall said, leaning against the theatre door.
"Ah, Heimdall!" Freyr called from where he was fiddling with a pile of material in the middle of the room. "What brings you here?"
Heimdall attempted, rather unsuccessfully, to keep his attention on the task at hand and not stare at the mess around Freyr, or wonder just what Freyr wanted with what looked like half a scrapyard, three rolls of bright red paper, a string of christmas lights and tinsel, and a teddy bear which looked just the slightest bit evil.
It was rather like trying not to watch a train wreck.
"I just wanted to say... what the hell are you doing?" he broke off, watching Freyr perch the teddy bear on top of a jagged metal beam and wrap the lights and tinsel around them.
"Props," said Freyr, cheerfully.
"Props," echoed Heimdall, making a note to absent himself from club for the next few weeks. Or the next few months. "What kind of play needs--nevermind, don't answer that."
Heimdall shook his head, watching the display somewhat nervously.
"Anyway, as I was saying, Loki and I--oh my god it moved."
"...Mm?" Freyr blinked. Heimdall stared, rubbed at his eye, stared again, then thumped his head against the door a few times for good measure.
Not going to club for the rest of the /year/. Next year didn't look to good, either.
"I'm not dating Loki," he said finally, words slightly muffled as his face was still pressed into the door, which he deemed much safer than looking into the theatre.
There was a loud crash somewhere to his right, followed by a series of smaller crashes, but Heimdall stared resolutely into the cracked wood.
"You're too modest," Freyr said finally.
"...," went Heimdall.
"There's no need to belittle your sacrifice!"
(heimdall would always vaguely regret not bringing loki along on this occasion, if only to see him change colours and twitch. loki could and usually managed to deal with freyr, even if his dry sarcasm tended to fly straight over the vanir's head. freyr, for his part, had the ability to insult loki without even trying.)
"...," went Heimdall. "Can I at least persuade you not to try and repay me in any way, shape, or form?" he asked hopelessly.
"The kaitou Freyr /always/ settles his debts," Freyr told him.
Heimdall thumped his head against the door again.
"I thought not."
-
"Heimdall..." Loki said in a low voice.
"Yeah?"
"Are you sure this is going to work?"
"Do you have any other ideas?" Heimdall asked.
"...," said Loki.
"Anyway," Heimdall said, raising his voice. "I'm sorry, Loki."
Loki blinked at him. "You know," he thoughtfully, "I think that's the first time you ever said that to--ow! Okay!"
"Ahem," Loki cleared his throat. "Why?"
The class ignored them, serenely going about their own business.
"I don't think I can date you anymore," Heimdall said, sounding pained.
"...," said Loki. "... ...why... Higashiyama... chan?"
Heimdall twitched.
"I think you might grab me at this point," he said helpfully, if about as enthusiastically as suggesting a nice day out with Fenrir in the park.
Obligingly, Loki reached out and caught Heimdall's arm, pulling him closer.
"Ow!" Heimdall yelped, pulling back. "Not so hard!"
Loki stumbled forward, off-balance, and crashed into Heimdall, who promptly tripped backwards over a chair. The two went down in a heap.
"Ow," Loki muttered, shifting his hand, before blinking and hastily shifting it back. Heimdall made a choking sort of noise and went cross-eyed (which was, considering, rather a feat).
Their classmates looked at them with interest.
"Loki-kun, Higashiyama-kun, what are you doing?" the class monitor asked.
"We're breaking up," Heimdall told her sourly, shoving Loki off him.
She blinked.
(loki was very, very glad that their class monitor was a serious and down to earth girl who was not given to pithy comments such as 'oh, is /that/ what they call it nowadays?', especially considering the rest of their classmates, or, in fact, the entire school.)
"Have fun," she said doubtfully, returning to her homework.
Loki got to his feet carefully, brushing dirt off his uniform.
"Great plan, Heimdall."
"Oh, shut up."
-
"Eeh? Miyabi-chan, you're in school late today..."
"Ah! Mayura-chan! You're back! Ne, did you hear?"
"Eeh, what? ...Heeeeh?"
"Yep!"
"Loki-kun and Kazumi-kun?!"
SATURDAY.
Ecchan brought Loki his tea on Saturday morning, balancing the tray precariously as it floated into the room. He had to grab the tray as it started to slip, but it was, all things considered, far safer than having Yamino-kun deliver him anything to do with food these days.
"Good boy," Loki cooed, petting the shikigami.
"Punyan," it squeaked. Loki absently tugged on one long pink ear.
"At least /you/ don't think I'm dating Heimdall," he told it.
"...punyan?"
Loki found himself on the receiving end of the most doubtful look he had ever seen on something which looked like nothing more than a giant flying mass of pink cotton candy. He sighed.
"...or not."
-
Useful advice to note:
Never /expect/ a quiet and peaceful Saturday, because the laws of the universe will ensure that you do not get one.
Even after eight years, Loki still had not quite grasped that concept.
Thus, when he heard the front door slam and a voice from downstairs calling out something that sounded rather like 'Loki-kun~~!', all he did was look up from his book briefly before returning his attention to the text.
At least, until the door to his study burst open.
"Ah, Loki-kun!" Mayura said brightly. "You're here!"
"No, really?" Loki asked. He was quite proud that his voice only contained a trace of sarcasm, but Mayura ignored him anyway. "What are you doing here, Mayura?"
Loki closed his book with a touch of regret and set it aside, then looked up. And nearly fell off his chair.
"Mayura, what--"
The girl in question turned, allowing Loki to view her entire outfit, which included a row of bright golden bracelets, a long blue dress, and... he blinked. Was that supposed to be the Brisingamen?
"I'm Freya, the Nordic goddess of love," Mayura chirped. "It's to bless your relationship, Loki-kun!"
Loki choked, and took a small sip of tea to cover it.
Well, he /supposed/ Mayura could pass off as Freya if one allowed for a three-inch height difference, drastic change in hair colour, leaned back a little and then squinted, but...
"Freya," Loki said, with complete truthfulness, "Would most definitely NOT bless this relationship."
"Mou, Loki-kun," Mayura said. "You're such a pessimist."
"I am not," Loki protested. "And besides--"
"And you're really mean, too!"
Loki blinked. "What? Mayura... Mayura, are you listening to me?"
"You should have told me that you liked Kazumi-kun!" Mayura said, gesturing wildly.
"But I--"
"I could have helped you win him over!"
"Oh dear god no," Loki said.
"What was that?"
"Um," said Loki. " 'I didn't want anyone to know' ?"
"You're too shy, Loki-kun," Mayura told him.
"...really."
-
Loki had managed to assure Mayura that nothing strange had prompted the relationship between him and Heimdall, shooting down assorted theories involving alien abductions, near death experiences, and love potions (he eyed his tea thoughtfully at that point and considered brewing his own for the next few days, but decided that not even yamino-kun was that 'helpful', even if his children were sometimes about as subtle as sledgehammers. he still remembered the incident with the fire extinguisher) before he saw her off.
He had /not/, however, been able to inform her that he was not dating Heimdall. Where Mayura was concerned, he took his victories where he could get them.
Tiredly, Loki returned to the studyroom and the book that he had been forced to abandon.
Half a paragraph later, the front door slammed again. Resolutely, he ignored it.
Another half a paragraph later, Thor ran into the room.
"Oi, Loki! What the hell is this about you marrying Heimdall?"
Thud.
-
"...Narukami-kun," Loki said, getting up, "Please tell me that Mayura didn't tell you that."
"Daidouji?" Thor blinked. "No, actually, it was--"
Verdandi strolled through the door casually.
"--her."
"Good morning, Loki-sama!"
/Thud/.
-
"...Loki-sama?" Verdandi asked finally, after a long period of silence punctuated by rhythmic thuds.
Loki ignored her.
"...don't deserve this..." he mumbled, thumping his head on the desk. "...didn't do anything to deserve this... didn't go back to Asgard and kick Odin's ass even though I could have..."
"Loki-sama?"
"...atoned for my sins..." Loki whimpered plaintively. "...really don't deserve this... I've been a GOOD evil trickster god."
"Loki-sama, you're going to hurt yourself if you keep doing that."
"And whose fault," Loki said, resting his chin on the table and glaring balefully at Verdandi, "Would that be?"
"I don't believe I know what you're talking about, Loki-sama," Verdandi said innocently.
Loki sighed. "What are you doing here?"
"I bring a message from Odin-sama," she said, smoothing over the folds of her skirt.
"Odin?" Loki blinked. "What does he want?"
"Odin-sama would like to thank you for making an honest person out of his son," Verdandi related. "And he sincerely wishes that you die."
Loki started thumping his head on the desk again. Standing at the door, Thor watched their exchange with confusion.
"So... ARE you getting married?" he asked.
"I am doing no such thing, Narukami-kun," Loki said with as much dignity as he could manage. "I don't know where you got that idea fr--WHY do you look disappointed? Verdandi, what did you tell him?"
"Nothing, Loki-sama," Verdandi said smoothly. "Thor-sama merely extrapolated from given information."
"You find this funny, don't you," Loki accused.
"But nonetheless," Verdandi continued, not even glancing in Loki's direction, "I think some manner of celebration is in order, don't you?"
"You /know/ I'm not dating Heimdall," he muttered.
"I'm sorry, Loki-sama," Verdandi smiled. "I'm feeling a bit deaf today. Did you just volunteer the mansion?"
"NO," said Loki.
"That's excellent," Verdandi said. "You're too kind."
"/... .../," said Loki, emphatically.
"We'll be seeing you tomorrow, Loki-sama."
"Hey, wait a minute--Verdandi!"
Loki COULD argue with fate.
When they let him.
-
Loki heard the yell from downstairs right after the door slammed. Looking up, he watched with disinterest as Heimdall stalked into his studyroom.
"Oi, Loki," he snarled without preamble, throwing a card onto the table. "Just what the hell is this supposed to mean?"
Loki blinked, picking up the thin, stiff sheet of paper with words printed on it in pale gold ink. "Cordially invited to... one-week anniversary... Higashiyama Kazumi and Loki at the Enjaku detective agency?" Frowning, he turned the invitation over, only to be met by the familiar logo of the Kakinouchi corporation.
"I think it means," Loki said finally, "That Verdandi enlisted help in being Funny."
"Verdandi?" Heimdall blinked.
"Verdandi," Loki said. "You can take it up with her if you want, because I'm not going to."
(it was true that the norns liked him, although in the case of at least two of them, 'like' could be plausibly changed to 'were extremely amused by and delighted in watching the antics of', and didn't mind too much when he talked back. however, loki usually found it prudent to give in to them, especially when they wanted something, as the fact that they liked him did not stop them from snapping their fingers and giving him an instant second childhood whenever he tried seriously to go against their plans. while that may not have been much of an issue six years ago, he would never be able to explain it to his classmates now, and on top of that, heimdall would probably hurt himself laughing.)
"Geh," said Heimdall. "Is it too late to leave the country?" he asked, without much hope.
"Probably," Loki said.
"...what about a bullet to the head?"
"If I have to suffer, Higashiyama," Loki told him placidly, "You have to suffer."
"Dammit."
-
"Loki-sama! You didn't tell me you were holding a party!"
"That might be because I didn't know, Yamino-kun," Loki said.
"I would be honoured to cook for th--"
"NO," Loki interrupted hastily.
"...Loki-sama?" Yamino-kun blinked.
"Um," Loki said. "I mean, no, it'd be too hard to cook for a lot of people, we may as well order the food."
"You're too thoughtful, Loki-sama," Yamino-kun said.
"Really."
SUNDAY.
"...Kou-chan," Loki said, watching people continue to drift onto his premises. "You /do/ know I'm not dating Higashiyama, right?"
Koutarou, who had arrived at his house rather early with breakfast and a smug expression, shrugged.
"I kind of figured that, yes," he said.
"...Kou-chan," Loki said, "Do you even know half the people coming here?"
"Nope," Koutarou admitted cheerfully.
Loki thought for a while.
"...Kou-chan," he said calmly, "You /do/ know I'm going to kill you once this is all over, right?"
The blond grinned.
"Bring it on, tantei."
-
By the time lunchtime came around, Loki and Heimdall were firmly ensconced by the railing separating the second floor and the first (loki had wisely declared the second floor completely off-limits to all visitors, moving anything remotely of value into the studyroom), and resolute in their refusal to have anything to do with the goings-on beneath them, despite valiant attempts by Thor, Mayura and several of the more daring members of the Loki-AND-Higashiyama-kun fanclub to drag them downstairs so that people could 'toast the happy couple', which had stopped just short of knocking them out and manually carrying them down.
(it had taken loki an hour and copious amounts of help from fenrir and ecchan to pry heimdall out of his apartment; in the end, loki only managed it by smiling at heimdall's hawk and inciting her to mutiny. it had taken another hour to drag heimdall over to /his/ place, and they had almost gotten arrested three times along the way. loki only managed it in the end because of his fervent wish for someone else to share his misery, and would probably later reconsider the wisdom of dragging a somewhat disheveled heimdall behind him through the back door while his clothes were in equal disarray. sometimes, heimdall could fight like a cornered and extremely ruffled cat, and he wasn't always acquianted with the notion of playing fair. loki, however, could be worse.)
"...," said Loki, sifting through the pile of items that guests had seen fit to gift them with. "Photo frame, photo frame, photo frame, book, photo frame, I... don't know what this is..."
"...," went Heimdall, who didn't either, but could make a fairly good guess.
Absently, he reached for the book, which was plain and looked fairly unassuming, and started to flip through the pages.
"Heimdall," Loki said, just a fraction too late, "That's from--"
"What the--"
"--Miyabi-sensei," Loki finished.
"Is that pose even /possible/?!"
-
Most mothers are proud of their children.
Most mothers like having pictures of their children, no matter how short a time that childhood might last.
Sometimes, mothers have a sense of humour.
This only becomes worse when you have nine of them.
All of this added up to Loki almost falling down the stairs with laughter, after he had opened the present from Heimdall's mothers (he tried not to think too hard about the mechanics of asgard to midgard mail) which included a veritable gallery of Heimdall's early years (or, days, to be more precise). Heimdall saved him from that somewhat messy fate, but only so that he could sit on Loki himself and start strangling him.
"Loki-kun?" Mayura called out while Heimdall was engaged in doing so, walking up the stairs. "Where are yo--KYAA!"
Heimdall let go of Loki, who was beginning to go slightly red from a combination of hysterical amusement and oxygen deprivation. Loki dislodged Heimdall roughly and sat up.
"I'm sorry! I didn't know you were busy!" Mayura said, backing away.
"...," said Loki.
"...," said Heimdall.
Loki flopped back onto the floor.
"I am /beyond/ trying to clear these things up."
-
"...who is this from?"
"... ...the tag is labelled 'the girls of 7-C'..."
"... ... ...are they old enough to be buying these?"
"Are they even old enough to know what they /are/?"
"I am very, very disturbed."
-
"...," went Loki, propped against the railing and looking down.
"...," went Heimdall, doing the same thing next to him.
"I'm not sure which is worse," Loki said finally. "That Odin sent an anniversary present, that Odin sent an assassin as an anniversary present, or that no one noticed."
"That rich friend of yours noticed," Heimdall said, watching the mayhem on the first floor, which had not been appreciably increased by Odin's addition. "For a very short period of time. I think it gave him a concussion."
"He'll live," Loki said, unconcerned and slightly nonplussed. "I think Odin is running out of ideas," he muttered.
"Not that most of the pantheon is already down here, having tried and failed to kill you, or /anything/..."
"Oh, shut up."
-
"I guess," Loki said after a while, still looking down, "That someone should take care of Odin's gift."
Heimdall raised an eyebrow and gave Loki a meaningful look.
"Why me?"
"It's /your/ intended death," Heimdall said.
"He's /your/ father," Loki told him.
"He's /your/ blood-brother."
"...," went Loki. "Janken?" he suggested.
"...Okay."
-
It never failed to amaze Loki just how much people could ignore if they wanted to. While that was sometimes an exasperating trait, it was also a fairly useful one, since he didn't /really/ want to have to explain just what, exactly, he was doing with a long wooden scythe decorated with ribbons.
(loki had found himself tasked with removing the assassin, which irritated him somewhat, but gave him the opportunity to shove kou-chan behind a cabinet so that no one would accidentally step on him. while he was still rather put out with kou-chan, loki would feel guilty if anything too bad happened to him, plus, he would have enough trouble on his hands cleaning up later without getting bloodstains and the police into it.)
"Loki-kun!" Mayura said, walking towards him. "Did you decide to join us?"
"A most emphatic 'no'," Loki said politely, leaning on Laevatein.
"Okay," Mayura said. "What are you doing down here?"
"Just disposing of the assassin that Odin All-father sent down to kill me," Loki told her dismissively. "Nothing for you to worry about."
"Oh," Mayura said. "Did you have fun?"
Loki sighed.
-
"And now," someone announced from below, "From our very own Freyr--"
Loki turned to Heimdall.
"You /did/ take Skidbladnir away from him, right?" he asked in an undertone, although to compete with the noise, that undertone was just short of screaming into Heimdall's ear.
Heimdall nodded.
"And Gullinbrusti?"
"In your storage closet," Heimdall said.
(that explained the strange thumping noises loki had been hearing lately. he made a mental note to apologize to yamino-kun for suspecting him, even though loki had never actually /voiced/ those suspicions.)
"Is there anything we forgot?"
"--A rendition," continued the voice downstairs, "Of 'The Cockatrice is a Blue Bird'!"
"Oh god," Loki said. "His /guitar/."
-
By late afternoon, nobody was showing any signs of wanting to leave. Yamino-kun was having far too much fun in the kitchen, having drafted Narukami-kun, Mayura and Ecchan into service, and Loki didn't want to spoil that (yamino-kun had ended up cooking after all, although, really, the amount of enjoyment yamino-kun got from doing housework worried loki sometimes), even though he was beginning to feel that his eardrums might never recover, whether he was only watching from the second storey of the house or not.
He was also beginning to think that getting drunk would be a fairly good idea, considering how much fun the people downstairs seemed to be having. He wasn't sure how many times the punch had been spiked by this point, and he wasn't sure that he wanted to know, especially since someone had spilled a cup earlier and stripped a sizeable length of paint from the wall.
He looked at Heimdall out of the corner of his eye. Heimdall was resting his chin on one hand, leaning against the railing, and blocking an ear with the other.
Loki decided that Heimdall had the the right idea and followed suit, closing his eyes as well for good measure.
It was thus that Heimdall had to literally hit him over the head to get his attention a few minutes later.
Loki blinked. "Yes?"
Heimdall mouthed something at him.
Loki blinked again, received a kick from Heimdall, then remembered to remove his fingers from his ears.
"What?" he said.
"Want to go somewhere else?" Heimdall asked, pushing his hair back.
"Where?"
"Eh," Heimdall said, already beginning to walk towards the stairs. "My place?"
Loki considered that carefully for a moment, then shrugged.
"Okay," he said, and followed.
-owari-