00Snape

Chapter 01: Snape the Man

     Severus Snape, down in his dungeon classroom, was in a posotively good mood. Had he been anyone else, he may have been humming, but as he was Severus Snape, he had slightly lessoned his traditional grimace and flicked his hair out os his pale face. He was perched on the edge of his desk, arms folded across his chest, surveying his small class of advanced NEWT Potions students with something akin to pride.

     Hermione Granger, his prized student, was carefully dicing boiled lacewig wings, preparing to add them to a shimmering pewter cauldron of Nabacus El Faradonia – an insanely powerful transfiguration potion, with her partner Draco Malfoy, who was busy scribbling notes. Over on the other side of the lab a Ravenclaw named Amanda Smith and a Slytherin, Blaise Zabini, were working on an invisability potion; perhaps not as complex as the first, but beyond many of the teachers present certainly. Despite headmaster Dumbeldore's good natured attempts at inner school consiliation, the best house bonding was happening here, in the meanest teacher's lab.

"Right," said Malfoy Jr, "Add the chilli powder in."

Oblidgingly, his partner did so, and Severus became slightly too engrossed in watching her delicate, thin hands pour in the orange powder.

"Professor Snape!" came a suddenly terrified voice, and he looked around to see Blaise Zabini shielding his face with his hands as his cauldron spewed forth an amazing amount of purple fog.

"Don't panic!" he roared, although there was little need – Hermione Granger had flung a hasty shield around their work and had contained the fog.

"Thankyou miss Granger." He said smoothly, and she dipped her head in awknowledgement, as he set about explaining what had happened and why.

"We're okay, Draco?" asked miss Granger, and her partner nodded.

"We need to get all the animal extracts this week. Do you know-"

"-What animals I'm in charge of? Yes. Snake, for some barmy reason, cat, for an obvious reason, and dragon. Again for some barmy reason seeing as you undoubtedly have more access to dragons and snakes than I do." Interrupted Hermione drily, and Draco gave a sly grin.

"You're doing snake because you're a snake animagus." He pointed out, and received a look that almost skinned him alive.

"Yes, Draco, thankyou."

"Miss Granger, a snake animagus?" came a silky voice by their ears, and both jumped backwards several feet.

"Uh." Was all the said miss Granger could manage to squek, and even Draco Malfoy had the decency to look ashamed.

"And what is master Malfoy collecting?" asked Snape, and Hermione looked relieved enough to kiss him.

"Lizard, dog and Unicorn." Stammered Draco, also looking relieved.

"Good. And why the magical creatures? Many potions for transfiguration do not allow magical animal change." He chided.  Hermione's face brightened visably.

"We added shredded Boomslang skin and foxglove pollen to out potion. Hopefully this should counter the unstable effects. The boomslang and –"

"Yes, miss Granger, enough. Most impressive I'm sure. And the test subjects?"

"After the rats? Ron Weasley." Hermione flufhes pink very quickly, and even Snape raised an eyebrow.

"Really? No miyy Zabini – the boomslang next." And he hurried away to the other cauldron.

"How did you manage to persuade Weasley?" muttered Draco, leaning close. Hermione grinned and whispered back,

"He said he'd do it, if only to make sure the 'greasy bastard gir' didn't get his claws on me. The thing is, he threw a book at me before I could point out the risks…"

Both collapsed into hysterics as Draco whsipered back;

"Did you manage to point out you're already in his claws?"

"Draco!"

"Miss Granger, mister Malfoy, what is going on here? Class is dismissed."

"Nothing sir!" they both answered cheerily, and dashed out of the classroom, sending a stream of summoning spells behind them hastily.

[Two weeks later]

Ronald Weasley, stuffing his face full of eggs and bacon on Monday morning, remained oblivious to the eye contact going on a few millimetres from his face. Finally, Hermione Granger nodded and spoke rapidly to Ron.

"Ron! Look! A, uh, heeflelump?"

"Oh, hardy-de-har." Muttred the boy, rudely disturbed from talk of the Hungarian Team. Hermione Granger, smiled grimly to herself and crossed her fingers. She knew what Ron did after he was annyoed by her – take a big swig of his drink. A drink that was today laced with  Nabacus El Faradonia and extract of unicorn…

"OH MY MERLIN!" came a bellow from Harry Potter, sitting to Ron. Hermione opened an eye.

Up on the head table, Snape looked round, startled by Potter's scream. To his utter amusement and hilarity, next to Hermione he saw a baby pink Unicorn foal with a hideous tuft of bright red hair on it's head, and startled eyes.

Hermione burst into laughter, and then got up from her place to preform a victory dance. On the other side of the hall, Draco Malfoy was doing the same.

"It worked!" she laughed, "Professor, it worked!" and then suddenly,

"They both worked!"and it was true. Harry Potter, poor, innocent, unsuspecting Harry, had taken a swig of his drink to calm his nerves, and his final scream had ended with an enormous blast of fire. Sitting in his place, and this time Snape laughed out loud, was the cutests, most adorabley scaley baby dragon, with messy black hair and a lightning scar on it's muzzle.

"What on Earth?" came Macgonogall's shocked screech, and the hall fell silent. "Miss Granger, mister Malfoy, up here now!"

Both ambled sheepishly up, slightly anxious expressions on their faces as they watched the two magical animals squirm.

"Minerva! Do not criticise my pupils!" Snape had lept suddenly to his feet, his face enraged.

"What, so it's fine for me to criticise miss Granger, but not mr Malfoy! Severus, this is ridiculous!"

Snape folded his arms, and drew himself up to his full height. Then he began to shout.

"You are to punish neither of my pupils! The experiment was fully authorised! Now keep your nose out of my potions lab!"

"Your potions lab?! Ha! This was a prank! Is that not obvious?"

"Actually, professor," interrupted Hermione confidently, seeing Snape was about to explode, "It was a potion. Nabacus El Faradonia to be exact. With extract of unicorn and dragon."

"Miss Granger, hold your tongue and do not be ridiculous. There is no potion that will transfrom it's drinkers into magical creatures."

"There is now." Drawled Draco Malfoy, "developed in the last three weeks."

"By my pupils!" bellowed professor Snape. And then he seized both his pupils by the upper arm and began marching out of the great hall.

"Potter! Weasley!" he barked suddenly, "Potions Lab NOW!"

"Potter! Weasley! Stay where you are!" shouted Macgonogall suddenly.

"You crazy tartan lemming!" screeched the potions professor, turning and drawing out his wand. Macgonogall, looking apprehensive, but Snape ignored her.

"Wands, now." Scowled he at his pupils, who gulped and proferred their wands. Joined at the tips, the wands began to emit fog, which cleared leaving pictures in the air.

The whole school watched in silence as Draco and Hermione scowled at each other over the top of a cauldron and then shook hands, v e r y slowly. It formed another scene almost instantly, Hermione crying over the cauldron, and Malfoy pointedly ignoring her. Hurridly it switched to the both of them cutting up ingrediants at the same desk, and labelling them neatly. Then research in the library; the cauldron exploding and more tears; a base potion of sky blue and the cheers and jubilant expressions as they hugged each other; ; an experiment on a rat; more research; writing essays together; Waving bottles at each other and both rubbing their arms; owls with the magical extracts; the final potion; laughing and talking; the rats again; profesor Snape discussing things with them; and then the real Snape hurridly removed his wand, leaving one clear picture lingerin in the air.

It was of Hermione, with Draco Malfoy's arms wrapped around her in a hug as she cried with sheer abandon. The edges were tinted with green – the colour of jealousy.

All three gazed at the picture with mixed emotions, Hermione remembering, Draco nervous and Snape growing steadily more angry.

"Are you satisfied you sex deprived lunatic?" he hissed at last at Macgonogall, and turned to sweep out of the hall, leaving his pupils behind. Glancing at each other, Hermione and Draco exchanged wide eyed glances and frowns. Macgonogall had sat down, and appeared to be crying. Harry and Ron were staring at them, unnervingly.

"Er." Said Hermione. What else was she supposed to say? She had a baby dragon and baby unicorn glaring at her with venom, a head of house crying, an extrememly grumpy Snape and helpless Draco on her hands. And no antidote.

"Miss Granger, if you would kindly pick up that dragon and follow me." Hissed a voice in her ear, and she turned to see Snape standing there, arms akimbo and a slight smile tugging his cheeks, although his eyes were hard and questionning. Draco stood behind him, trying in vain to hold onto a struggling unicorn, and grinning.

Smiling merrily, she scooped the dragon into her eyes (he flamed slightly) and followed him complacently.

Snape the Man. Snape the Feeling. Snape the Kind. Snape the Jealous. Snape the Man. Snape.

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Disclaimer: All characters and scenes that are Harry Potter related belong to Warner Bors. Limited, and mrs J.K Rowling – all utter mayhem and distressed lonny imprisioned characters belong to Pendragon, Of the Round Table and Inkwell.

Author's Note:- Please gimme a review and I'll sing for you! Laughs nicely

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Oh the skill! May I have a review just for that?