Wow! I just wrote this the night I posted it - I didn't really expect
anyone to like it! But since it looks like you did - aqui es mas - here is
more :). If you were wondering el fin - means the end, but I guess I have
to change that! This is the same thing - but in Lucy's POV - I might write
one of these for every episode - or maybe will start making up my own to go
along with this - it depends on the season finale - Lucy better be pregnant
- quiero ella estar con bebe - I want her to be with child - :)
"you coming to bed?" He called to me. I looked down at my hand - and was surprised to see that it was shaking. Quickly I placed it back in the bag - then back in the cupboard, hoping and praying that Kevin wouldn't find it. Not quite ready to even look at Kevin I stood staring at myself in the mirror for a minute - could we handle this? How would he react? How would I finish school? What would our families think? 'Calm down Luce. You don't even know for sure.' I told myself, but somehow I knew, I had known from the first moment my mom mentioned that birth control didn't always work. Finally I allowed myself to leave the bathroom, plastering a fake smile on my face.
From his expression I could tell Kevin didn't buy it, but still I tried to look calm - perfectly normal. Perfectly normal? I was pregnant - how could I be perfectly normal?
"Where's Mary why didn't she come home?" Kevin asked, interrupting my thoughts, I turned to him, not knowing what to say - should I tell him where Mary was - who she was with? No. I thought, quickly dismissing the idea, Mary wouldn't want me to - so then what do I say?
"She's staying with." I started, trying to come up with a place for Mary to be staying, "a friend" I quickly added, I could tell that Kevin knew I was lying, but I didn't care.
"You know you can tell me anything" He prompted - I could see the eagerness in his eyes, dying to know, but somehow I couldn't tell him - I had to know for sure, but then again I did no for sure - well almost sure.
Not knowing what else to say, I stared at him for a moment, "I'm too tired to talk tonight, let's just sleep." I finally said, as I crawled into bed. I could feel Kevin's eyes burning into my skin, his eagerness to know felt like a rope wrapped tight around my body, squeezing tighter and tighter - hoping I would burst.
He leaned over to kiss me - and though I knew that he was just trying to be there for me, I pushed him away - "just sleep." I told him holding up my hand -but immediately afterwards I wished I hadn't - I desperately wanted him to take me in his arms and tell me everything would be all right - but everything wasn't going to be alright - how could it be?
Exhausted from avoiding Kevin all day, I quickly fell asleep - but was soon awakened by Kevin's touch. Never had I felt uncomfortable at his touch - but tonight was different, I desperately wanted to pull away, but that would mean admitting I was awake - which would prompt him to talk to me. Finally I allowed myself to drift back to sleep. The next morning I woke up much earlier than normal - Kevin's arm was loosely resting across my abdomen - I gently touched his hand, "if only you knew," I thought.
Not wanting to face him, I quickly scribbled down a note - I went to the store, be back later. - Lucy. Usually I signed my letters with X's and O's, but today was different. After pulling on some clothes, I quickly grabbed my keys and left the apartment.
All I knew was that I had to go somewhere - I had to talk to someone. At this point it didn't really matter who - as long as it wasn't Kevin. After driving around for sometime, I decided Mary was my best bet. I quickly drove to the hotel she was staying at.
"Mary Camden - no wait, Ponce's room number please." Wow - Mary Ponce - I thought as I waited for the clerk, she was Mary Ponce and I was Lucy Kinkirk - whatever happened to the Camdens - I remember when my biggest concern was the fact that I still hadn't gotten my period. I laughed to myself - realizing that that was my concern today as well.
"Room 203" The attendant replied, interrupting my thoughts, I nearly jumped at his voice.
"Thanks." I replied, walking quickly toward the elevator.
When I arrived at Mary's door, I heard laughter - I didn't want to disturb Carlos and Mary - but I really needed to talk to someone. Finally I raised my hand and knocked on the door. Mary answered it smiling.
"Lucy." She said cheerfully - "How are you?"
I looked at her for a moment, how did she think I was? No it's not Mary's fault, I told myself, "I'm okay." I replied looking towards Carlos.
"I'm Lucy." I said extending my hand to him. Carlos smiled nervously, "Carlos." He answered politely.
Mary could tell that I wanted to talk, "Carlos would you mind going and getting me some.some.ice cream from the store" She asked.
Carlos looked at both her and I strangely then grabbed his keys and left the room as I flopped down on the bed.
"So?" Mary asked sitting down next to me.
"So I couldn't tell him" I replied, timidly, as if I was a small child that had just taken a cookie from the cookie jar.
"Luce you have to tell him."
"I know, and I will, but I'm just not ready yet." I replied, not knowing if I was ever going to be 'ready'.
"Did you take the test?" Mary asked, curiosity in her voice.
"No. But I know I am." I replied, looking into Mary's questioning eyes.
Mary stared back at me confused.
"Okay. I don't know, know, but I'm almost certain - I mean, I just.feel pregnant." I replied after a moment, not knowing how to describe what I was feeling.
"Still, maybe you should take it." I knew she was right - but taking it would mean admitting to myself that I was pregnant - I would have evidence of it, not just a feeling - and that would lead to me having to tell Kevin. But then again I had to tell Kevin anyway so why did it matter - God! I really was crazy.
"Luce?" Mary asked, waving her hand in front of my face.
"Oh, sorry." I replied, coming back into reality, "I think I'm going to go home now - I have some afternoon classes, and I need to go over some notes."
"Okay." Mary replied softly, pulling me into a hug. After she released me I started walking toward the door, "Luce," she called after me, "I'm sure everything will be okay."
I smiled weakly, desperately wanting to believe her, but somehow I couldn't - how could everything be okay? My life had been perfect - and now everything was going to change.
~
I could barley concentrate on any of my classes that day, I just barley managed to right down the key points of my professor's lectures. I arrived home just as mom, Ruthie, and the twins were getting in the car.
"Hey Luce, how was your day?" Mom asked. How was my day? Hmm.Let's see, I couldn't concentrate on any of my classes, my husband is probably really angry with me, and I feel like I'm going to be sick.
"It was fine." I said quickly.
Mom stared at me, knowing something was up, but luckily she decided not to question me, "we're heading to the pool hall, do you want to come with us, or go with dad?"
"I'll go with dad - I want to change and put my books away."
"Okay, see you there." She replied getting into the car.
Quickly I walked up the stairs to the apartment, not knowing for sure was starting to drive me crazy, so with shaking hands I pulled out the pregnancy test box. After I took the test, I set it down on the table, remembering that the outfit I wanted to wear was in the wash, I quickly walked downstairs into the kitchen.
"You ready?" Dad asked - Ready? How could I be ready, I was about to find out if I was pregnant - and as soon as we got there, Kevin was going to talk to me - so no, I was definitely not ready, and I was never going to be ready.
"I just have to check on one more thing, and then I'll be ready to go." I replied quickly just as the doorbell rang.
Dad went to get the door as I darted up to the apartment. With shaking hands I grabbed the test, and stared at it for a moment.
Though I had known I was pregnant all along - I guess I never really believed it because when the square turned pink, I nearly fell over with shock. Shakily I sat down in a chair -not knowing what to do.
Desperately I tried to wipe the tears that rolled down my cheeks, but as hard as I tried, they wouldn't stop coming. After what seemed like an eternity, I pulled myself up out of the chair and walked down stairs - it didn't even occur to me, that dad should have been up to get me a while ago. When I walked into the living room I immediately knew something was wrong.
I stood in the hall staring at Dt. Michael and my dad for a moment - what happened? Was it Kevin? Did he die without even knowing he was going to be a father - had I deprived him of that? Immediately I started praying - Please God, let him be alive, I promise the moment I see him, I'll tell him - just please don't take the best part of my life away - Please God!
Calm down - I told myself, maybe it wasn't even Kevin - thinking that lead me into a whole new series of worry - was it Mary? Was it Matt? Ruthie? Mom and the twins?
Finally Dad's voice cut into my thoughts, "Luce, Simon was in an accident."
Though I immediately felt guilty afterwards, I breathed a sigh of relief, Kevin was alive.
"Is he okay?" I asked after a moment.
"Physically, yes. Mentally no." Dt. Michael's answered. What did that mean? I wondered.
Noticing the confused look on my face, Dad continued, "Simon killed someone today."
I sat down heavily - I wasn't ready to be a parent - I couldn't even talk to my husband - how was I ever going to do this? Immediately tears again started rolling down my cheeks. Eric, Dt. Michales and Lou, stared after me as I ran upstairs - not wanting them to see my tears.
Not knowing what to do, I slowly walked into Ruthie's room and sat down on my old bed - staring a the wall - Kevin and I weren't ready for this and I knew it.
I heard someone coming up the stairs and immediately wiped away my tears, trying to make it look as if I was perfectly okay - okay, how could I be okay, I wondered as Kevin entered the room. Though I didn't turn to look at him, when he entered I knew it was him - I could always tell when it was him. What I didn't know was if he was going to be angry or not - he had every right to, I had left with out saying goodbye - and completely ignored him for 2 days.
As he sat down next to me, I was surprised to see the expression on his face, was that of worry - not anger. Not knowing what to say, I looked down at the floor trying to stop the tears that again rolled down my cheeks.
"Luce." Kevin said softly - I could tell that he wanted me to talk to him - but I couldn't - if I told him, it might be the last time I ever saw him - oh come on Lucy! That's ridiculous, he'll probably be happy. Before I could say anything sobs, enveloped me. I leaned against Kevin, who compassionately wrapped his arms around me, just from his touch I could tell that this was driving him crazy - at least I wasn't the only one.
"Luce? What's wrong sweetie?" he asked.
I pulled away from him and looked into his eyes, it was now or never.
"I'm pregnant." I whispered softly
He stared at me for a minute - what was he thinking? Was he going to leave - Lucy would you please stop thinking that - he's not going to leave you.
"Are you serious?" he asked, both excitement and disbelief filling my voice.
I nodded, pulling away from him, "so you're not mad?" I asked, wondering how he was feeling. He gently took my shoulders, and pulled me close to him, "of course not, we're going to be parents - I was so worried about you Luce."
Kevin - She looked up into my eyes, "I'm sorry." She whispered as more tears poured down her cheeks. Not knowing what to do, I held her tightly against my chest, "It's okay. It'll all be okay." I whispered. We were having a baby! A baby! I was going to be a father.
"I love you." I whispered.
I smiled back at her, "I love you too, and that's what will get us through this. Love." I whispered, kissing her forehead.
~El fin~
"you coming to bed?" He called to me. I looked down at my hand - and was surprised to see that it was shaking. Quickly I placed it back in the bag - then back in the cupboard, hoping and praying that Kevin wouldn't find it. Not quite ready to even look at Kevin I stood staring at myself in the mirror for a minute - could we handle this? How would he react? How would I finish school? What would our families think? 'Calm down Luce. You don't even know for sure.' I told myself, but somehow I knew, I had known from the first moment my mom mentioned that birth control didn't always work. Finally I allowed myself to leave the bathroom, plastering a fake smile on my face.
From his expression I could tell Kevin didn't buy it, but still I tried to look calm - perfectly normal. Perfectly normal? I was pregnant - how could I be perfectly normal?
"Where's Mary why didn't she come home?" Kevin asked, interrupting my thoughts, I turned to him, not knowing what to say - should I tell him where Mary was - who she was with? No. I thought, quickly dismissing the idea, Mary wouldn't want me to - so then what do I say?
"She's staying with." I started, trying to come up with a place for Mary to be staying, "a friend" I quickly added, I could tell that Kevin knew I was lying, but I didn't care.
"You know you can tell me anything" He prompted - I could see the eagerness in his eyes, dying to know, but somehow I couldn't tell him - I had to know for sure, but then again I did no for sure - well almost sure.
Not knowing what else to say, I stared at him for a moment, "I'm too tired to talk tonight, let's just sleep." I finally said, as I crawled into bed. I could feel Kevin's eyes burning into my skin, his eagerness to know felt like a rope wrapped tight around my body, squeezing tighter and tighter - hoping I would burst.
He leaned over to kiss me - and though I knew that he was just trying to be there for me, I pushed him away - "just sleep." I told him holding up my hand -but immediately afterwards I wished I hadn't - I desperately wanted him to take me in his arms and tell me everything would be all right - but everything wasn't going to be alright - how could it be?
Exhausted from avoiding Kevin all day, I quickly fell asleep - but was soon awakened by Kevin's touch. Never had I felt uncomfortable at his touch - but tonight was different, I desperately wanted to pull away, but that would mean admitting I was awake - which would prompt him to talk to me. Finally I allowed myself to drift back to sleep. The next morning I woke up much earlier than normal - Kevin's arm was loosely resting across my abdomen - I gently touched his hand, "if only you knew," I thought.
Not wanting to face him, I quickly scribbled down a note - I went to the store, be back later. - Lucy. Usually I signed my letters with X's and O's, but today was different. After pulling on some clothes, I quickly grabbed my keys and left the apartment.
All I knew was that I had to go somewhere - I had to talk to someone. At this point it didn't really matter who - as long as it wasn't Kevin. After driving around for sometime, I decided Mary was my best bet. I quickly drove to the hotel she was staying at.
"Mary Camden - no wait, Ponce's room number please." Wow - Mary Ponce - I thought as I waited for the clerk, she was Mary Ponce and I was Lucy Kinkirk - whatever happened to the Camdens - I remember when my biggest concern was the fact that I still hadn't gotten my period. I laughed to myself - realizing that that was my concern today as well.
"Room 203" The attendant replied, interrupting my thoughts, I nearly jumped at his voice.
"Thanks." I replied, walking quickly toward the elevator.
When I arrived at Mary's door, I heard laughter - I didn't want to disturb Carlos and Mary - but I really needed to talk to someone. Finally I raised my hand and knocked on the door. Mary answered it smiling.
"Lucy." She said cheerfully - "How are you?"
I looked at her for a moment, how did she think I was? No it's not Mary's fault, I told myself, "I'm okay." I replied looking towards Carlos.
"I'm Lucy." I said extending my hand to him. Carlos smiled nervously, "Carlos." He answered politely.
Mary could tell that I wanted to talk, "Carlos would you mind going and getting me some.some.ice cream from the store" She asked.
Carlos looked at both her and I strangely then grabbed his keys and left the room as I flopped down on the bed.
"So?" Mary asked sitting down next to me.
"So I couldn't tell him" I replied, timidly, as if I was a small child that had just taken a cookie from the cookie jar.
"Luce you have to tell him."
"I know, and I will, but I'm just not ready yet." I replied, not knowing if I was ever going to be 'ready'.
"Did you take the test?" Mary asked, curiosity in her voice.
"No. But I know I am." I replied, looking into Mary's questioning eyes.
Mary stared back at me confused.
"Okay. I don't know, know, but I'm almost certain - I mean, I just.feel pregnant." I replied after a moment, not knowing how to describe what I was feeling.
"Still, maybe you should take it." I knew she was right - but taking it would mean admitting to myself that I was pregnant - I would have evidence of it, not just a feeling - and that would lead to me having to tell Kevin. But then again I had to tell Kevin anyway so why did it matter - God! I really was crazy.
"Luce?" Mary asked, waving her hand in front of my face.
"Oh, sorry." I replied, coming back into reality, "I think I'm going to go home now - I have some afternoon classes, and I need to go over some notes."
"Okay." Mary replied softly, pulling me into a hug. After she released me I started walking toward the door, "Luce," she called after me, "I'm sure everything will be okay."
I smiled weakly, desperately wanting to believe her, but somehow I couldn't - how could everything be okay? My life had been perfect - and now everything was going to change.
~
I could barley concentrate on any of my classes that day, I just barley managed to right down the key points of my professor's lectures. I arrived home just as mom, Ruthie, and the twins were getting in the car.
"Hey Luce, how was your day?" Mom asked. How was my day? Hmm.Let's see, I couldn't concentrate on any of my classes, my husband is probably really angry with me, and I feel like I'm going to be sick.
"It was fine." I said quickly.
Mom stared at me, knowing something was up, but luckily she decided not to question me, "we're heading to the pool hall, do you want to come with us, or go with dad?"
"I'll go with dad - I want to change and put my books away."
"Okay, see you there." She replied getting into the car.
Quickly I walked up the stairs to the apartment, not knowing for sure was starting to drive me crazy, so with shaking hands I pulled out the pregnancy test box. After I took the test, I set it down on the table, remembering that the outfit I wanted to wear was in the wash, I quickly walked downstairs into the kitchen.
"You ready?" Dad asked - Ready? How could I be ready, I was about to find out if I was pregnant - and as soon as we got there, Kevin was going to talk to me - so no, I was definitely not ready, and I was never going to be ready.
"I just have to check on one more thing, and then I'll be ready to go." I replied quickly just as the doorbell rang.
Dad went to get the door as I darted up to the apartment. With shaking hands I grabbed the test, and stared at it for a moment.
Though I had known I was pregnant all along - I guess I never really believed it because when the square turned pink, I nearly fell over with shock. Shakily I sat down in a chair -not knowing what to do.
Desperately I tried to wipe the tears that rolled down my cheeks, but as hard as I tried, they wouldn't stop coming. After what seemed like an eternity, I pulled myself up out of the chair and walked down stairs - it didn't even occur to me, that dad should have been up to get me a while ago. When I walked into the living room I immediately knew something was wrong.
I stood in the hall staring at Dt. Michael and my dad for a moment - what happened? Was it Kevin? Did he die without even knowing he was going to be a father - had I deprived him of that? Immediately I started praying - Please God, let him be alive, I promise the moment I see him, I'll tell him - just please don't take the best part of my life away - Please God!
Calm down - I told myself, maybe it wasn't even Kevin - thinking that lead me into a whole new series of worry - was it Mary? Was it Matt? Ruthie? Mom and the twins?
Finally Dad's voice cut into my thoughts, "Luce, Simon was in an accident."
Though I immediately felt guilty afterwards, I breathed a sigh of relief, Kevin was alive.
"Is he okay?" I asked after a moment.
"Physically, yes. Mentally no." Dt. Michael's answered. What did that mean? I wondered.
Noticing the confused look on my face, Dad continued, "Simon killed someone today."
I sat down heavily - I wasn't ready to be a parent - I couldn't even talk to my husband - how was I ever going to do this? Immediately tears again started rolling down my cheeks. Eric, Dt. Michales and Lou, stared after me as I ran upstairs - not wanting them to see my tears.
Not knowing what to do, I slowly walked into Ruthie's room and sat down on my old bed - staring a the wall - Kevin and I weren't ready for this and I knew it.
I heard someone coming up the stairs and immediately wiped away my tears, trying to make it look as if I was perfectly okay - okay, how could I be okay, I wondered as Kevin entered the room. Though I didn't turn to look at him, when he entered I knew it was him - I could always tell when it was him. What I didn't know was if he was going to be angry or not - he had every right to, I had left with out saying goodbye - and completely ignored him for 2 days.
As he sat down next to me, I was surprised to see the expression on his face, was that of worry - not anger. Not knowing what to say, I looked down at the floor trying to stop the tears that again rolled down my cheeks.
"Luce." Kevin said softly - I could tell that he wanted me to talk to him - but I couldn't - if I told him, it might be the last time I ever saw him - oh come on Lucy! That's ridiculous, he'll probably be happy. Before I could say anything sobs, enveloped me. I leaned against Kevin, who compassionately wrapped his arms around me, just from his touch I could tell that this was driving him crazy - at least I wasn't the only one.
"Luce? What's wrong sweetie?" he asked.
I pulled away from him and looked into his eyes, it was now or never.
"I'm pregnant." I whispered softly
He stared at me for a minute - what was he thinking? Was he going to leave - Lucy would you please stop thinking that - he's not going to leave you.
"Are you serious?" he asked, both excitement and disbelief filling my voice.
I nodded, pulling away from him, "so you're not mad?" I asked, wondering how he was feeling. He gently took my shoulders, and pulled me close to him, "of course not, we're going to be parents - I was so worried about you Luce."
Kevin - She looked up into my eyes, "I'm sorry." She whispered as more tears poured down her cheeks. Not knowing what to do, I held her tightly against my chest, "It's okay. It'll all be okay." I whispered. We were having a baby! A baby! I was going to be a father.
"I love you." I whispered.
I smiled back at her, "I love you too, and that's what will get us through this. Love." I whispered, kissing her forehead.
~El fin~