A/N: Once upon a time there was a guy who wrote fanfic. He added a disclaimer to make it a little less illegal and so everyone was sure he was making no $$ from his story. The End. But there was a girl named Hjordis who bought Mike Erwin and kept him in her bedroom closet… but that's a different story.

This story is set mid-"Snow Job". The first section is all dialogue directly from the show. I did not write it. I watched the episode and wrote everything down. They're already gonna sue me for using Kazaa, I don't need the WB to be on my ass too.

~*~

I want to see what people saw
I want to feel like I felt before
I want to see the kingdom come
I want to feel forever young
I want to sing
To sing my song
I want to live in a world where I belong

- "Turn", Travis

~*~

Colin took a glance back at Ephram as they walked away from the bus. Ephram was looking back too. Quickly the boy broke away from Colin's gaze and left the area in a hurry.

Colin inhaled deeply, trying to push that giddy, tingly feeling away he got everytime he looked at Ephram. He'd felt that ever since he'd seen him at his welcome back party, when he saw that sullen, dark-haired boy who stood away from the adoring crowd, unique among the blonde and bland. He continued to feel it everytime Ephram was near. Colin knew it was wrong; no one else he knew was gay, and he certainly knew how his father felt after Laynie had made a joke about lesbians in her boarding school one night at dinner. But why did it feel so good to be around Ephram if it was wrong?

He turned his attention back to Amy, who'd led him to a bridge overlooking a snow-peaked mountain. Fluffy clouds dotted a periwinkle sky so perfect it looked like the backdrop to a play. "Smell," she ordered him, grinning like she always did. "The cold smells like pine… or the pine smells like cold…" Amy shrugged. "Something."

Colin took in a deep breath. The air smelt fresh and cold, with a hint of pine. He stood there for a second, waiting for any sign, any burst of recognition. He'd been here before, but the memory was lost, trapped in his mind. He looked at Amy, and could see how thrilled she was. Instantaneously Then he got into character, slipping into the role of "Colin Hart, teenage boy extraordinaire". He did the same thing to around everyone else. Except Ephram. His face formed into a wide grin. "Yeah, I like it."

Amy grinned and Colin felt a burst of boyfriendly pride. He'd done his job and made her happy. "I knew you would. Last year there was a lot more snow, but-"

"Look, can you do me a favor?" Colin asked, smiling and using a light-hearted tone. Keep up on the script, don't break character. "Can we just not mention last year? Um, or last anything? I mean, I was kind of hoping to- to take a break, rest my mind this weekend." Was that good? Was Amy OK with that?

"Yeah. Sure. Definitely." Amy paused and they stood in silence for a second.

"So, uh, where do you think Bright and Gemma are?" Colin asked casually. Amy rolled her eyes. "Probably groping on a gondola."

Colin laughed. Amy was kind of funny. She was a "kind of" girl. Kind of funny. Kind of pretty. Kind of like Ephram. "Yeah, he was pretty bent on trotting new territories this weekend. Think it'll happen?"

Amy made a face. "I try very hard not to think about my brother's sex life and habits."

Colin laughed again. He should win an Academy Award for this performance. He fit easily into the role of "Colin Hart, teenage boy extraordinaire". There was no need to play "Colin Hart, gay guy". "Yeah, that makes sense. It's funny, though. We were talking about it, and he was so nervous." He was beginning to babble; he could hear himself. Did Colin the First ever babble? he wondered. "I mean, it's hard to believe he has so little experience with-" He swallowed hard. "Sex, you know. It just goes to show that you never can tell about some people."

Amy gave Colin a cute little half-smile. Ooh, she'd caught onto his little ploy. "Are you trying to ask me something, Colin?"

"No!" Colin protested innocently. "Well, I mean I- I don't about what- what you and I- I mean, did we, ever-" He struggled for words; Colin the First probably never stuttered, he knew exactly what to say.

Amy saved the day and cut him off. "No. We didn't. You haven't." A mischievous look grew on her face. "But, uh, we did an awful lot of kissing."

Colin knew what she wanted him to do next, to play along. He smiled shyly. "Were we any good at it?"

"OK, I guess. I mean, it could use some work," Amy said, an amused smile growing on her face. "I suppose I could instruct you."

"Well, maybe we could make that part of my rehab," Colin suggested. Now the script calls for a kiss, he thought as he leaned forward and closed his eyes. He felt his lips meet Amy's. Her lips were warm, he realized, as her hair formed a cradle around their faces. It was just like how actors kissed in the movies; poignant, romantic- and completely without feeling.

Colin pulled away from Amy. That was supposed to be perfect, he thought angrily. My first kiss. Instead, he felt- empty. Hungry. Wanting something more, that spark or chemistry or fireworks people were always talking about. The conclusion he'd drawn weeks ago hit him full-blast: Amy was his home base. But he didn't want to "score" with her.

Meanwhile, she had no idea what was going on in his head. "Well," Amy stated plainly, obviously pleased and grinning like she'd just huffed laughing gas. "That was even better than last year. It started to snow, and you said if I didn't kiss you, you'd never forgive me."

Colin turned his head away from her, cheeks burning. Wow, that's super, Amy, he wanted to say. Except I don't remember last year, or when we were eleven, or anything at all.

Amy realized her mistake when she saw Colin's expression. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"I asked you to stop." His words were short and harshly spoken. Maybe this time, Colin thought, she'll accept the fact that I can't remember.

"You're the one who brought it up. You asked me what we used to do," Amy argued. Colin couldn't believe it. Now she was blaming him for her mistake?

"That was different," Colin snapped, his temper boiling over. "I was just trying to figure out where we stood."

"I'm sorry," she apologized quickly. "I won't mention it again."

The script was gone. Try as he might, Colin the Second couldn't stop from shedding his Colin the First costume and revealing what was underneath. "You know," he said, "you keep expecting me to be this guy you knew-"

"Colin, please, it doesn't have to be a big deal-" Amy was breaking character too, and was fighting to get back on script.

"Won't you get it through your head he's gone? He's dead, Amy. There's only me." He stalked away from her, back down from the mountain. And if you knew who the real me was, you wouldn't be able to take it. If you knew I have a crush on another guy- Colin shook his head sorrowfully. Colin the First was straight. Why can't I be? Why can't I just follow the script and play my part?

~*~

Ephram had told Colin he was going to try skiing, but he lied. Considering the fact that Everwood already considered him some type of neo-Holden Caulfield, he didn't think it was appropriate to loose his "street cred" by participating in such a preppy sport. At least, that's what he'd tell anyone who'd ask. He just didn't want to wipe out and look like a massive geek.

So he sat in the lounge, his headphones on, breezing through a manga. Actually, he was thinking about what Amy and Colin were doing. Were they talking about last year or other memories? Were they laughing? Were they kissing?

Ephram was surprised to be feel hurt by that. Not by Colin kissing Amy, but Amy kissing Colin. Oh, gross, Ephram thought quickly. Let's get rid of those thoughts now.

He heard the door to the lodge open and close with a loud slam. Ephram looked up and saw Colin. There was a mixed reaction inside of him, one he was desperately trying to figure out. He couldn't help but notice Colin's bright blue eyes, so different from his own. They were guileless and truthful, not cynical and guarded like Ephram's own gaze. He saw the way Amy looked at Colin. Ephram wished Colin looked at him that way.  Cut it out, Brown, Ephram ordered himself, forcing his eyes off Colin's.

Ephram pulled off his headphones as Colin approached him. "What's up?"

"Nothing. I- I just had a fight with Amy." Colin looked- well, the best word was "wrecked." It was like the time Dr. Brown had let it slip to Delia that Santa Claus wasn't real, and her entire childhood belief system was destroyed forever. Colin looked like that; that confused look of not being sure of anything.

"Can I do something?" Ephram asked weakly, unsure of what to do. He was praying Colin would say no. He wasn't a great advice giver, in his opinion, and he didn't really want to hear the grim details of a Colin-Amy argument. He'd only feel… jealous. OK, stop it brain. Stop thinking about him that way!

Unfortunately, Colin was nodding "yes". Oh, shit. "Can we go somewhere more private?"

"Uh, sure," Ephram said, gathering up his Discman and manga. "I'll show you where our room is."

A flight of stairs and three hallways later, the two boys were sitting on their beds in the hotel room. Neither was speaking. Ephram cleared his throat. "So what happened?"

Colin laid back on the bed with a shrug. "I don't know. She- she just started bringing up stuff about last year. And I told her not to, but she did it anyway."

"She's had a- a rough time. I mean, when you were out, you were all she talked about," Ephram said. "She's really happy to have you back. I think she's afraid if she lets you go, you'll go all Sleeping Beauty on her again." Ephram was hoping for a laugh from Colin to lighten the dour mood, but all he got was anger.

"That's another thing," Colin said intensely, sitting up. Again Ephram was struck by the sheer blueness of Colin's eyes, and this time he didn't force himself to look away. "She's always around, always asking if I need help or anything. I mean, I'm grateful to her and everything, but-" Colin's eyes met Ephram. "I love her, you know? She's great. But I'm not in love with her like she is with me."

Ephram's mouth was suddenly dry, which was funny, because his hands and upper lip were producing sweat at a rapid rate. "Oh," he said, not exactly sure what he was supposed to say next. Colin suddenly looked as nervous as Ephram felt, staring at his chewed-up nails as he bit his lip. Ephram wiped his mouth self-consciously and noticed Colin's gaze travel along his hand.

"There's someone else," Colin said softly, barely audible. Ephram tried to ask who, but his sandpaper tongue wouldn't allow it. Colin got up from his bed to sit next to Ephram. He swallowed painfully. "Who?" Ephram asked, already knowing the answer. Their eyes met, and Colin leaned into Ephram.

The fireworks, the sheer spark and chemistry Colin hungered for was there. Ephram's lips and his connected like puzzle pieces, just waiting to fit into one another. Their tongues met, and Colin could almost feel electricity sizzle and crackle between them.

Ephram's stomach was a bundle of pure nerves as he felt the softness of Colin's lips. Slowly he realized how natural it felt to be kissing him. There had never been this simplicity with girls, Amy or otherwise. His fine-boned hands ran through Colin's short hair as easily as they tickled a set of piano keys. He inhaled deeply as Colin's good arm traced its way down his back and cradled his body against his. The bundle of nerves inside him tightened excitedly until Ephram could hardly breath.

He felt Colin move back for a moment, and opened his eyes. Colin's eyes were bright, and his mouth was slightly swollen around the edges. Ephram could tell he looked just the same way.

"I've never kissed a boy," Colin said breathlessly.

"Neither have I."

"Yeah, but you didn't spend four months as a paperweight,"  Colin teased gently, bringing a laugh out of Ephram, "so it's OK if I have little experience."

"I'm from New York," Ephram told Colin bluntly. "I win this argument." Before Colin could argue back, he moved in Colin, pushing his back onto the bed, being careful not to put pressure on his bad arm. Colin tasted like peppermint Altoids, Ephram's favorite. He licked his lips, trying to absorb the taste into his own tongue.

Colin pulled away from Ephram. "Footsteps," he whispered. The boys leapt apart.

"Evening, boys," Dr. Abbott said as he burst into the room, finding a very flushed Ephram reading a manga on his bed and a very pale Colin staring at the ceiling on the other. "It's board game time!" He held up a Monopoly box.

"No thanks, Dr. Abbott," Colin said, smiling unsurely. "We're a little tired."

"Come on, boys, it'll be fun!" Dr. Abbott shooed the boys out of their room like a mother hen. "I'll even let you be the top hat if you really want to be…"

~*~

Colin rolled the die and pushed the thimble three spaces onto Park Place. "That's my property," Bright said proudly. "And you owe me…"

Amy was looking at Colin, in a way that made him feel like a fish in a tank, or a science experiment. A watched pot never apologizes for something that wasn't his fault, he thought sarcastically. He smiled a little; it sounded like something Ephram might say.

Colin looked across the table at Ephram, who was fingering a plastic house and trying very hard not to look at anyone. What happens now? thought Colin. He looked between watchful Amy and restrained Ephram. What's the next scene?

"Colin," Bright said impatiently, tapping him on the arm. Colin blinked as he was shaken from his thoughts.

"What?"

"You owe me, for landing on my place." Bright rolled his eyes and took the money from Colin's pile. Colin avoided the questioning look from Amy as she rolled the die and the game continued.

~*~

"What happens now?" Colin asked Ephram when they returned to their room for their 9:30 bedtime.

Ephram looked uncomfortable. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you, you like me, right? And I- I like you. A-a lot." He took in a deep breath, trying not to stutter as he spoke.

Ephram sat on his bed, pulling off his shoes. "Yeah, I like you." His tone was flat and simple, as if he'd said, "Yeah, I like Cocoa Puffs", or something like that.

"In a gay way?" The question made Ephram's head snap up like he'd been slapped. "In a- a 'you like to kiss boys' way?"

Colin watched Ephram open his mouth and close it again, looking nervous. "Don't rush to answer," he snapped. He felt like he'd been hit by a steamroller. He'd gotten Ephram to come away with him this weekend, gotten them to room together, had finally spilled his feelings, and now- it looked like his waiting and hoping had been for nothing.

"This is just new- really new to me," Ephram began, trying not to look so guilty.

"Ephram-" Colin stopped himself before he said something stupid. He took a deep breath. "You don't know what it feels like to be me, to be the guy everyone knew and loved. Everyone knows every detail about your life, except you! And then, when you start crushing on guys-" Colin sighed. He didn't want to talk anymore. He grabbed his suitcase and started to leave.

"Where the fuck are you going?" demanded Ephram. Colin flinched at Ephram's tone but continued to make his way to the door.

"I'm gonna sleep in Bright's room," replied Colin bitterly. "Maybe we'll even slip in a kiss or two."

"That's not even funny," spat Ephram as Colin stormed out. Furious, Ephram slammed the door shut and turned out the light.