By E. Christie
We were both sprawled out on the floor, Catalina in my room on Yensid, and me in my bunk on the Christa. We were so used to these little pow-wows now, that neither of us even really realized that the other was in a totally different dimension. To me, Catalina had always just been an aura of blue. To Cat, I looked pretty much the same, only violet. I mean, sure, there was the fact that I could see right through her, but I'd known her for just about my whole life… After that, looking right through a person seemed almost commonplace.
She was sifting through a small metal box I called my 'memory box.' She wouldn't have touched it if I had told her not to… Just as I didn't go through the stuff that she left behind on the Christa… but she asked about it, so I told her to go ahead and look inside. Besides the fact that I was curious, too, as it had been nearly two years since she and I had switched places, it was also something for both of us to do. Long days on the Christa tended to get boring, especially on off-time.
"I remember you writing this…" she said, holding up a note I'd written back in third grade. It wasn't to Cat, though…
"Dear Colin," I read. "Will you have lunch with me?"
Below were two boxes. Under one, I'd painstakingly written the word 'yes' in blue crayon. Under the other, I'd written the word 'no' in a similar style, only in red.
"Why's the 'no' box checked?" Cat asked, turning the note back around so she could look at it herself. I rolled my eyes. Wasn't it obvious? Instinctively, I made a grab for the note, but Catalina didn't even flinch as my hand passed right through it.
"Because he said no," I snapped.
She glanced up from the note, meeting my eyes for a second. "You told me you never gave it to him."
I refused to meet her gaze. "I gave it to him. But what does it even matter? That was years ago."
She shrugged, folded up the note, and put it back in the box. "…That's about everything, Suzee."
"…He checked no because of my imaginary friend," I said. It was hard to keep the bitterness out of my voice. I didn't blame Catalina – not at all! She'd had it just as hard as I had… If not more so. The poor girl had lost her parents, only to be shipped off to military school when the rest of her family became uncomfortable with her talking to thin air all the time. Cat and I had an understanding. We could talk about the troubles we'd shared because of each other with the knowledge that neither of us blamed each other for them. Confusing, yes. But sometimes we just had to get things out of our minds.
"Was that before or after you stopped talking to me in public?" she inquired. She really made no effort to hide the bitterness either, though I deserved it. Unlike her, I'd decided to limit speaking with her only when there was no one else around. At the time, I was pretty concerned about my social status… Not that any of that mattered now.
I shrugged. "I don't even remember."
"I know we've already apologized a million times to each other," she said, the hostility gone from her voice, "But look at it this way. When we get back, there's no one that won't believe us anymore, right? At least… I don't think. Well, there might be…"
I chuckled. "Don't worry about it, Cat. I'm sure we'll be fine."
She must have caught me looking at the note, because she reached into the box and unfolded it again so I could see it. Sometimes it was frustrating, not being able to do things on my own… I seriously felt like such a helpless infant. All these years I'd been so independent, and I hated letting other people do anything for me. Sometimes Catalina said that maybe my being part of this crew was breaking that a bit; that I wasn't as inclined to push others away. That was true, and I suppose it was a good thing.
"There's gotta be other people you've liked since Colin," Catalina said. "I mean, he wasn't even cute! …You know. By elementary school standards."
I smiled.
She snorted. "Hitting on Harlan doesn't count."
"You know I do that just to make you mad," I said, chuckling a little. When I looked away from the note, Cat folded it up again and placed it in the box, this time putting other stuff on top of it. All of it had little bits of meaning—The drawing I'd done of Cat and me back when we first met, for example. We were so young… There was a rock I'd found on the beach that kind of looked like my sister's face, and the script to a play I'd had the lead in sometime during secondary school. A couple pictures, notes passed in class.
"Okay, so what about Radu?" she asked.
"What about Elmira?" I countered.
"Well, yeah, that's a bit of a problem, isn't it? I mean, not that Elmira's a problem! She's… well, you know. For a Spung." Cat fumbled over words for a moment. "You know, it's just that… I can tell you like him."
Smiling, I shook my head. "Look. I flirt with him a little. That doesn't mean I like him."
"Liar."
There really wasn't much I could hide from her. Still, I could try. "I flirt with Harlan. That doesn't mean I like him."
"If you liked him, I'd kick your ass the first time we were able to meet together in one dimension. We both know that." Her smile told me she was joking, but sometimes I wasn't so sure… I must have looked worried, because she offered me a giggle as she went on. "You've baited both of them. Come on. I've seen it. And I'm always around when you're talking to Rosie about 'em—Thanks for including me in on the conversation, by the way."
Before I realized what I was saying, I blurted, "But I didn't."
She arched her eyebrows. "Exactly."
This was getting annoying. "Your point?" I demanded.
"The point is, I have heard you say you like Radu. Maybe it wasn't direct, but C'mon, Suz. I've been your best friend forever. I can tell these things."
Okay, I'd concede, if for no other reason than to end the discussion. "Yes, you're right. I like Radu. And you know what I'm gonna do about it?" I paused. She motioned me to continue. "I'm going to go to class, flirt with him a little, and that'll be it." Cat slumped, looking defeated, so I of course defended my decision. "Besides. If Elmira goes crying to daddy, I'm going to be in a whole bunch of trouble, and I don't just mean the stuck-in-space-in-the-middle-of-nowhere kind."
It was my turn to offer that smile that said I really-was-but-not-actually-kidding. And that's when I stood up and left Cat sitting on the floor; I leapt into the jumptubes before she could protest. Granted, I hated going to class, but it was an excuse to get out of the conversation. Besides, she'd catch up with me later.
---
"Isn't it annoying when I sit here and talk to you like this when Miss Davenport is trying to teach?"
No, I wrote on the paper. It was, of course, quite frustrating.
"No? It's not? Look at Radu sitting over there. Doesn't he look cute when he's yawning?"
Sometimes I wish there was a way to get you to shut up, I wrote.
Cat chuckled. One of the most impossible things to do was sit in class and keep a straight face when she was talking. I mean, back on Yensid, at least she'd come up with interesting problems that got me thinking hard enough to keep serious and look like I was paying attention as I wrote responses out to her. Working on the engines or holding a trial for Harlan… Actually, that last one almost had me in hysterics. I had to leave the classroom. Told the teacher I was sick.
In fact, that might not have been a bad idea…
I was about to raise my hand to ask permission to leave when the one student that wasn't there yet – Rosie – arrived via the jumptubes. Thankfully, it tore Cat's attention away from yapping at me long enough for me to quench any impulses to shout out loud at her right in the middle of Miss Davenport's lesson.
"Ten demerits for being late, Rosie." Davenport looked at her watch. "…Make that twenty. You're over twenty minutes… Where have you been?"
"Sorry, Miss D.," The Mercurian said. "I just lost track of time…"
"Take your seat. We're covering planetary weight-mass ratios. Now you'll all remember that…"
I had to tune her out, partially because I already knew all this stuff, and partially because Catalina was talking to me again.
"Ask him!"
No, I wrote.
"Ask him!"
No.
"C'mon!"
"Cat, quiet!" I snapped. Every eye in the room looked at me. As a personal rule, I usually wrote things down if I was talking to Cat. Never spoke them in front of the crew… They didn't even know I still talked to her, in fact. Well, except for Rosie, since we shared the same bunkroom and all. Sometimes I joked with Cat while I thought Rosie was asleep, but there had to have been times she heard me. The problem here was that no one had ever heard me snap like I just had. My face must have turned ten shades of red.
"…Er… Catalina…" Miss Davenport began. "If you can hear me, I'm going to have to give you demerits if you interrupt my lesson again. I'm keeping a record, you know."
"Is she for real?" Cat asked as the others tried not to laugh, myself included.
I think she is! I wrote. Our argument was forgotten.
"C'mon, Suz. Tell us what she said," Harlan said, leaning forward. It was about this point, I felt that the class was pretty much dissolving into chaos. It happened once or twice a month… Miss Davenport resoundingly disapproved.
This could be fun.
"Catalina wants to know if Miss Davenport is for real," I translated.
"I assure you that I am, Catalina," she said, tilting her chin up, and looking down her nose at me. Why me?
"Ask her if she wants me to mail her my homework. It might take a couple millennia, but…"
No way, I wrote, trying not to giggle.
"Catalina says that she'll stop bothering me, Miss Davenport," I said. Keeping a straight face at that point was perhaps one of the hardest things I'd ever done.
"That is such a lie!" Cat snapped, artificially indignant. "C'mon! Tell her what I said!"
"…And that she's sorry," I finished.
"Well, good. Back to your lessons then."
"Isn't it time for lunch?" Bova asked.
"Command post duty in ten minutes!" Harlan piped up.
Miss Davenport's face was turning red, which was kinda entertaining. "Command Post duty isn't for another forty minutes," she said through clenched teeth.
"I think I heard something about being early today," Radu added. I was actually surprised with how much confidence Radu had built during our journey. He and Harlan actually collaborated together without fighting, which was a welcome change from the first year.
"I'm hungry," Bova added.
"And there's that project that you assigned to us yesterday," Rosie contributed, smiling. "If you gave us extra free time, I would really like to work on that. I think it would be a lot of fun!"
My turn. "Besides. I already know all this… This is like… stuff I learned in first grade."
"Oh, you are such a showoff," Catalina grumbled.
Just adding to the Chaos, I wrote.
"This stuff is important…" Miss Davenport's voice was almost a whine. Pleading… Sometimes I felt sorry for her, that she couldn't seem to keep us in the classroom when we'd made up our minds to be elsewhere. Really, we did like her, it was just that out in the middle of space, school, especially for me, was boring. She'd opted to be nicer, but now she was just a terrible bore.
However, we all knew the drill. It was imperative to act when Davenport was still feeling helpless and out of control. We'd catch hell for it later, when we had Emergency Training Exercises after lunch… But right then, as if we were one unit, we stood and went in about twenty different directions all at the same time.
No one was ever in the classroom after that – we'd all evacuated, of course, but sometimes I imagined Miss Davenport standing in there by herself, and I didn't know whether to chuckle or go back and apologize.
---
Oddly enough, Rosie hadn't followed me back to our bunk, even though she'd mentioned her desire to work on her project. That was alright; it gave me the opportunity to talk to Catalina. "You know, you can be extremely annoying sometimes."
"Oh, your dad wanted me to say 'hi' to you for him. Got that message about three weeks ago. I think you were asleep or something."
Idly, boredly, I rearranged some of Rosie's stuffed animals on her shelves. Catalina sat next to me, and it was almost hard to fathom the fact that she was an unspeakable distance away. Neither of us were any sort of expert on interdimensional travel, but we had this theory that we were in dimensions that literally ended up being stacked on top of each other, and our minds were in exactly the same cosmic arrangement. It was confusing, especially to anyone we told… But that was fine. We didn't understand it ourselves, really. Our explanation just sounded a whole lot better than saying "We don't know."
"Did you even hear me?"
She rolled her eyes. "Like you were listening anyway."
Couldn't argue with that. "Well, yeah. That's true, but that's not quite the point."
Cat sighed way too dramatically. Really, things seemed to be all about drama for everyone recently… Honestly, it was like a soap opera. She's in love with Harlan, but she won't actually admit that to him, while her best friend is in her former dimension flirting with said crush… But she's okay with that because I've reassured her that it doesn't really mean anything. And now there's this other guy, that she's trying to hook me up with, but she can't actually do anything because she doesn't even have a foothold in this plane of existence!
Confusing.
Shaking my head, I couldn't help thinking that if this was a soap opera, there had to have been others involved. We had out little crew… Which I was actually quite proud of. Back at Starcademy, I'd never thought any of them capable of maintaining themselves in space – and had told Cat as much.
We could call it "General Mayhem."
"Hey, what's that?" Catalina asked. It was enough to draw my concentration away from my musings. Her arm was stretched out, pointing across the room to my bunk. There was a paper on it, folded, and something was written on the front.
"Is that my name?" I asked.
Cat stood up, and I watched as her feet moved across the floor of the bunkroom, barely even touching the surface. "Yes, but it's spelled wrong. S-U-Z-Y."
I followed her, picking up the note and holding it, still un-opened, in front of me. The writing was scrawled, uneven, almost as if the person that wrote it didn't quite have a grasp on how to form the letters. "Well, I don't think I ever wrote my name down for anyone to learn how to spell," I said. Miss Davenport knew it, but that was only because she insisted I enroll in her classes. "Besides, I don't know of anyone else named 'Suzee' on the Christa."
Cat leaned over my shoulder. "So? Open it."
I didn't need to be asked twice.
Inside was the same scrawled lettering that was on the front. It was a little smaller, and painstakingly even. There were points where letters and words had been erased and re-written. I read it out loud.
"Suzy, I know we really haven't gotten a good chance to get to know each other since you came on board the Christa. I was wondering if you wanted to meet after dinner tonight in the galley. Maybe we can get the food wheel to give us something resembling hot chocolate, and we could talk. Sincerely, Radu."
I think Cat and I must have stared at the letter for a full minute before we looked at each other. "Oh, god," I said. "He must have heard us talking."
---
The rest of the day was pretty… well, uncomfortable, to say the least. I could tell Radu was avoiding looking me in the eyes. It took a lot of courage to write me that note… Why was he going to great lengths to stay out of my way now?
Then again, sometimes I didn't know if they all didn't look into my eyes because they knew what I could do. All it took was a little concentration, and I could project myself right into their minds… That was scary, admittedly. But to me, it was just commonplace; something I really never even thought about that first day when we'd crashlanded on the planet. It wasn't until after, when Harlan cornered me and asked how I'd done it, did I realize that they weren't quite used to living with a telepath.
That didn't matter now. The fact was, Radu was avoiding me. And the more he avoided me, the more I couldn't wait for our meeting in the galley.
At the same time, I was dreading it. "…What should I wear?" I asked Rosie. She was sitting on her bunk, fiddling with a CompuPad as I threw my uniform jacket onto my bed. Miss Davenport had tailor-made it for me, which was nice… it made me feel like I fit in more with the other students, but at the same time, I wasn't a Starcademy cadet. It had a patch on it that was similar to Catalina's, and one on the other side that she sort of made up. There were no shoulder tattoos, though. Originally, there had been, then I found it was hard to breathe through the material, so she cut airholes.
Yeah, having gills is cool and all, but that was sorta embarrassing. At least I can breathe through the t-shirt.
"Oh, I don't really think Radu would think of it as a 'formal' encounter, you know? I think it's just sorta… a meeting." Rosie didn't look up as she punched in a couple more things on the handheld computer, before writing down what she'd found.
"Gee, you're a big help," I said, pulling a blue Starcademy-issue shirt out of my dresser.
"She's right, though," Cat said. "I wouldn't worry about it… I mean, you've already failed on first impressions—"
"Shut up," I snapped irritably.
Rosie looked up at me, her eyes questioning, hurt. Before she said anything, I corrected the mistake. "Not you, Rosie."
She looked back down at her work. "I'm not used to you talking to Cat," she said.
"Neither am I," I replied. Instead of the grey Starcademy-issue trousers, I took out a pair of black slacks. That looked dressy enough without being overkill. Besides, this wasn't a date. Radu just wanted to get to know be better. "It's a lot easier with you guys around, though. I know you know her."
Rosie smiled, glancing up at me just briefly before setting her CompuPad aside. "You know… if you don't get out of here soon, you're gonna be late."
Taking a deep breath, I headed off to get dressed.
Why was I so nervous?
---
"Radu…?"
"…I'm… I'm here, Suzee."
My heart must have been going a hundred miles an hour.
The lights were all up in the room, just how it had been after dinner… A dinner which, according to Rosie, had included neither Radu or myself. No one had really suspected anything, she'd said. After all, sometimes we didn't all meet in the galley for dinner. Dinner was technically after hours… so we could eat wherever we wanted.
The dishes were all clean, everything was quiet. Radu stood next to the table, which had been folded up except for two palettes that were extended across from each other. He was still in his uniform, which was a relief. At least he hadn't thought to dress up for the occasion. He hadn't even gotten cleaned up.
"I thought… maybe you wouldn't come," he said to me.
I did my best to pass it off as nonsense, laughing, and waving a hand at him. "Why wouldn't I come?" I asked. Nervously, I combed my fingers through my hair, which I'd worn down. It fell into my eyes at the worst times.
"Well, you're… a little late, I guess."
"Five minutes, Radu," I said, offering him a smile. Still, he didn't meet my eyes. What if he was worried that I'd try to pitch into his mind again? I'd done it before, but he'd asked me to. The things I'd seen… The emotions… Fear and self-doubt mixed with an uncanny sense of right and wrong and courage… Had more than blocked out any thoughts that he may have had. I knew nothing about him other than what he told me… Maybe he was afraid I'd seen more. Maybe he was afraid I wanted to see more… To some extent, I did, but I would never invade his privacy like that.
"I… uh… I think that's hot chocolate," he continued, pointing to the two mugs on the table. Neither he nor I were familiar with chocolate before we came aboard the Christa. It was an earth food. Admittedly, both of us had gotten quite addicted to it, along with Rosie and Cat. I looked from the mugs, to him. Finally, Radu looked up at me, his blue eyes meeting mine. Was that relief in his eyes? Was he relieved to see that my eyes didn't change color?
I looked away.
"D… do you wanna sit down?" he asked. Nodding, I did so. So did he.
The silence that followed was perhaps the most uncomfortable silence ever.
"It's kinda weird to hear you speechless," he said, in an attempt at making conversation. Our eyes met again. His were curious, and a little nervous. They were considerably less worried than they'd been when we first met up in the galley. They were wonderful eyes, too… Deep, concerned… They knew so much. There was no mistake about it, I was attracted to him. But at the same time, as I told Cat before, I really didn't want to get in the way of him and Elmira.
Thankfully, Cat had volunteered to leave me alone for this 'date.' It was hard enough that Radu wanted to 'get to know me better' anyway. So I'd persuaded her to leave us alone… Of course, I'd tell her every detail later. Thinking about that, I smiled.
"What?" Radu asked.
Shaking my head, I looked down at my mug, pulling it closer. It was still steaming. "Nothing. I was just thinking…"
"Me, too," he confirmed.
There was that silence again. I had to say something.
"So… I guess you heard me talking to Catalina today," I said conversationally. He tilted his head, almost confused that I'd bring that up. I wanted to ask him how else he might have found out I liked him, though I stayed silent.
"Well, I hear you talking to Catalina a lot," he replied. He must have seen me blush, because he hurriedly added, "…I don't… actually listen to what you say. I just… hear you talking."
It was my turn to tilt my head, offering him a bit of a more confused smile. "…You don't listen?"
He smiled back. "I tune it out. I can't help but hear, but I concentrate on other things, you know? I… wouldn't want people eavesdropping on my conversations either."
He must have listened. It was too much of a coincidence that he'd written the note right after my conversation with Catalina earlier that day… I wasn't going to play that card yet, though. I found that even though I had this strong desire to call his bluff, I wanted to scare him away even less.
"What do you want to talk about?" I asked.
"I guess… we're here to get to know each other better," I replied, reaching the short distance across the table to set my hand on his. It happened before I even realized I was doing it, and both of us pulled away at the same time.
"Well, I thought you… you know." He looked toward the table. "I thought you knew about me. Since…"
I was right. He had been thinking about it.
"Radu, I was only in your mind for a minute. I felt some emotions. I got some snippets of thoughts when I was searching for the vision… But that was all. I saw that you were scared of us. I don't know why. There's nothing to be afraid of."
His expression brightened slightly, though he offered nothing else. It seemed like he was waiting for me to continue.
"…This would… work better if the conversation was two-way," I said.
He shifted uncomfortably. Looked away. "I don't know what do say," he admitted. Smiling, he shrugged a bit.
"Alright, I suppose I can start. What do you want to know? About me?" Setting my elbows on the table and folding my arms across it, I leaned across the table.
"Me? Well, I thought… I thought you'd have something to say. Something you wanted to talk about."
It was time to play that card. I pulled the note out, setting it on the table in front of me. I was surprised to see that he'd done the same thing, pulling a note out of his jacket pocket and setting it on the table next to mine. The name 'Radu' was written on his.
"I didn't write that," we said at the same time.
Before he could react, I grabbed his note and opened it. The contents were generally the same as mine, except it had been written in a different voice. "…It almost sounds like I wrote it, though," I mused… Especially since the part about 'getting to know each other better' which had been on Radu's letter to me had been changed to 'maybe you can get to know me better' on the one I'd supposedly written to him. I wasn't quite sure whether to be impressed or offended. Whomever wrote the letters had done research.
"The writing is the same," Radu noted.
"I don't recognize it, though," I added.
Chuckling, I set the note down on the table. "Alright, I feel better now," I admitted.
His brow furrowed, confused.
I laughed. "Someone on this ship is trying to set us up. Look, if you're uncomfortable with this, you can leave. I won't be offended." I arched my eyebrows, nodding pointedly. He relaxed a couple degrees, and the unsure smile turned into a genuine one. I wanted him to stay, I really, really wanted him to stay. Not that I was going to admit that.
"I don't want to leave," he said.
Inwardly, I cheered. Then, I of course ruined the moment by blurting out, "What about Elmira?"
There was that uncomfortable silence again.
Finally, he reached across the table, placing his hand on mine. I didn't pull away. And while he didn't particularly squeeze my hand very hard, I could feel that strength, even with the only slight pressure he exerted. "Elmira will always have a special place. She… she taught me something very important. And she said it was our destiny to be together again one day. She didn't say how. She didn't say when. And that certainly doesn't prevent me from getting to know you better, Suzee. Even if it's just as a friend."
Maybe… Maybe something more would come of it, I wondered.
I think both of us relaxed then. I felt the heat drain from my cheeks, and Radu's shoulders relaxed quite a bit. Friends. We were friends. I could live with that for now. Maybe we could even be close friends. Very close friends. But for now, we could just talk, and not have to worry about whether or not we liked each other, or why we felt we had to resort to writing notes. Maybe I'd have Catalina throw out that note I wrote to Colin…
"You know, I do know how to spell your name," Radu said. He produced a pen from his pocket, and crossed out the 'y,' writing 'E-E' above it. "I've heard Miss Davenport entering it into the ship's records. I wonder who wrote this."
Suddenly, it hit me.
"Rosie was twenty minutes late for class today!" I exclaimed.
Radu chuckled. "…So she was."