Once again, another chapter that I didn't reread or correct other than
Microsoft Word's spellcheck.
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CHAPTER FIVE
Last Day o' Teachin'
A few days after the dance, Kurama got a notice that Hiroshi was in the hospital. He'd broken his ankle when he tripped, then he just kept running until he passed out from internal bleeding and pain. Stupid boy.
Kurama didn't care much. When she heard about it, Shadow laughed. Hiei shrugged and said he deserved it for being an asshole. Life went on as normal.
Finally, it wound down to Kurama's last week of teaching. Deciding that he was sick of teaching, he gave the class half the week as free days to do whatever they wanted. This gave him, Hiei, and Shadow free time too. Hiei, bored out of his mind, got on one of the classroom computers and started absentmindedly surfing the internet (Wow, Hiei surfing the web. Never thought I'd see the day...).
Shadow and Kurama were playing a game of chess, if you can calling it that... More like 'Shadow was horribley losing a game of chess to Kurama.' Noo... wait. It was even more like 'Shadow was having the pitooey mauled out of her in chess since Kurama was her opponent. He was toying with her, because he could have beat her in two moves, but he decided to be evil and mess with her mind for a few minutes.'
The class was fairly quiet, talking amongst themselves, so it was easy to hear Hiei's startled yell from the back of the room. Everybody stared at him.
"What is it, Hiei?" Shadow asked. Hiei's mouth moved but no words came out. He looked furious and disgusted at the same time. Shadow walked back and looked at the screen. Her jaw dropped.
It seemed Hiei's luck was worse than she thought at times.
It seemed that Hiei had accidentally come across some disturbing (yaoi) fan fictions on some website somewhere. The entire class was staring at Hiei and Shadow now. Shadow quickly minimized the window.
"Nothing to look at here... Go back to whatever you were doing previous to this little interruption," she said. Kurama walked back to the computer and opened the fanfic window. His eye twitched as he read a few lines of the story. He looked disgusted.
"People have very... er... active... imaginations..." he muttered, trying to hide his disgust. Hiei and Shadow stared at him with looks of horror.
"How can you say that after reading what you just did? Active imaginations my foot!!! More like sick and twisted minds that will never be normal! They have no hopes of getting anywhere in life!" Hiei snapped. Eclipse looked curiously at the screen. After reading a few lines, she screamed and her jaw dropped.
"YOU'RE GAY?!" she shouted. The entire class spun around again and complete silence settled over the room as the students stared at Hiei and Kurama in horror. The book Eclipse had been reading burst into flames. She screamed and jumped back.
The class continued staring. Kurama and Hiei were fuming. Eclipse was on the verge of bursting into flames, courtesy of her own stupidity (and with a little help from Hiei). Shadow was reading the fan fiction on the screen. When Hiei noticed this, he screamed.
"YOU'RE ACTUALLY READING IT?! HOLY GOD SHADOW!!! YOU'RE SICK!!! YOU'RE REALLY, REALLY SICK!!! HOW COULD YOU READ SUCH DISGUSTINGNESS ABOUT ME WHEN YOU KNOW I'M STRAIGHT?!"
"How do I know?" Shadow asked.
Hiei collapsed, unconscious.
"Hiei?"
"Good going, Shadow. Knock him out. Nice. Great. You're so kind," Kurama said sarcastically. Shadow smiled evilly.
"Ooooh, you don't even WANT to know what just popped into my mind," Shadow said, laughing. It was her, 'Oh god, sick and perverted but funny,' laugh. Kurama's eye twitched.
"What? What sick images are coming to your mind now?!" he asked.
The class waited anxiously.
"Oh... Nothing," Shadow said, turning back to the computer screen.
"Yes I do want to know and would you STOP READING THAT?!" Kurama yelled. Shadow laughed. Kurama hit her in the back of the head. She laughed even more.
"WHAT DID YOU THINK?!"
"Okay, promise you won't kill me?"
"I don't make promises."
"Fine. I just thought that since Hiei's already unconscious, that just makes it all that much easier for you to---"
Kurama screamed, correctly assuming what she was about to say (I'm sure you can to, but if you can't... Use your [perverted] imagination. You'll probably be right.).
"SHADOW, YOU ARE HONESTLY THE MOST DISGUSTING PERSON I KNOW! I'M STRAIGHT! I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT!"
"How should I?"
"BECAUSE YOU SHOULD! Errrggghhh... Not gonna pass out... NOT gonna pass out... Ergh... Gonna pass out..." Kurama promptly collapsed onto the floor, unconscious. Shadow laughed shortly and returned to reading the story.
Scary. She's actually reading it. If Hiei and Kurama weren't unconscious from the shock of her accusing them of being gay in front of an entire classroom full of kids, they would have killed her and severly mangled her dead body.
And it would have been FUN. Fun fun fun.
One girl leaned over to Shadow. "So ~are~ they gay?"
"No. I just like making them pass out. It's funny," Shadow said, brushing off the question.
"How do you know they aren't?" somebody asked.
"Yeah, really! Did you have sex?" one boy yelled. Shadow was on him in a second.
"NO I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH THOSE STUPID BOYS THEY'RE A COUPLE OF LOSERS THAT'S WHAT AND I KNOW THEY AREN'T GAY BECAUSE HIEI LIVES ALONE IN MY HOUSE WITH ME DO YOU HONESTLY THINK A GAY MAN WOULD LIVE WITH A GIRL FOR A YEAR OR MORE? AND KU-- er... SHUUICHI HAS PROVED HE IS STRAIGHT ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS, THOUGH NONE OF THEM INVOLVED US HAVING SEX!"
Shadow screamed this all in one breath. By the end, she was so out of breath she collapsed onto the floor, panting like a fish out of water. The boy whom she had attacked and screamed at went limp and fell out of his seat, landing on the floor beside Shadow with a loud thud.
"I think you killed him," a girl muttered, poking the boy with her shoe.
"Oh well," Shadow panted.
"Listen to this!" a boy said. The class got quiet as he started reading out loud an excerpt from the fanfic on the screen. "'Hiei leaned against Kurama's bare chest...' Wait. Who is Kurama?"
"Nobody!" Shadow answered.
"Hm. It must be Shuuichi's nickname from Hiei. His codename for his lovah!" the boy said (lovah=lover, said with some sort of accent or something).
Shadow's eyes were squeezed closed like this: _
"Anyway, as I was saying... Everyone listening? You gotta hear this, it's very detailed and actually... quite disgusting if you think about it..." the boy said. He opened his mouth to start reading again, but Shadow tackled him, knocking him onto the floor to keep him from talking.
"SHUT YER MOUTH, YOUNGIN'!" she screamed, sounding like some dumb hick. She closed the fanfic window, just to be safe. "NOW Y'ALL NEED TO LISTEN UP! THESE TWO BOYS ARE NOT GAY. IF THEY WERE, I WOULDN'T BE HANGING AROUND THEM! NOW IF YOU DON'T MIND, GET TO WORK! DO YOUR HOMEWORK OR READ YOUR BOOKS, WHATEVER YOU WERE DOING BEFORE HIEI ACCIDENTALLY CAME ACROSS THAT FRIGHTENING WEBSITE!!!"
Grudgingly, the class turned around and eventually got back to whatever they had been doing before the little interruption, while Shadow carried Hiei and Kurama up to the front of the room. She put them on the floor (on opposite sides of the room) and sat down at the teacher's desk with a smile on her face.
It just so happened, about two seconds later, the principal came bursting into the room, slamming open the door and screaming something incoherent. Then he noticed Shadow at the teacher's desk and Hiei and Kurama unconscious on the floor.
"WHAT HAPPENED HERE?!" he bellowed. "WHY ARE THEY SLEEPING? WHAT HAPPENED? WHY ARE YOU THERE? WHAT'S GOING ON? WHY---"
Shadow, surprisingly, had the ability to scream loud enough to be heard over the voice of some guy twice her size.
"SHUT UP, YOU!!! STOP ASKING QUESTIONS AND I'LL GIVE YOU A PERFECTLY PASSABLE REASON!!!" Notice how she said 'perfectly passable' rather than 'good' or 'true.'
"Start talking, little girl," the principal ordered.
"They were mixing chemicals, and they accidentally inhaled some of them," Shadow said. She gave the class an evil glare that said very plainly, 'Don't argue.'
"Oh. Will there be any side effects?" the principal asked, suddenly worried.
Inside Shadow's head, several images were dancing around. The one that actually related to the present situation was something like this: The principal, in angry chibi form, standing there with the word, 'BAKA!!!' branded on his forehead. Then he suddenly turned into a donkey. The chibi Shadow, already dancing around him laughing, laughed even harder and promptly got run over by a bulldozer operated by chibi Hiei. Chibi Kurama stood a few feet away with buggy eyes, watching as chibi Hiei ran over and over the chibi Shadow with a bulldozer.
Shadow often had images like this. Most of them involved violence, insulting people, and abnormal things that popped into her mind, usually stringing together about four things going on around her into one big freaky image.
"Side effects? No... There shouldn't be any. They'll be fine when they wake up," she said cheerfully.
"Oh good. I don't think I could stand having our top student go braindead from inhaling chemicals... Good bye!"
The principal left.
As soon as the door was closed, Shadow burst out laughing.
"What a dunce," she muttered. She looked down at Kurama. "Hm... I wonder when they'll wake up... Maybe I should draw a moustache on him..." She looked up, realizing she'd been talking to herself, which isn't unusual in private... But this was in front of a classroom full of kids.
"Hi!" she said. She continued getting stares, so she just burst ouf laughing. Finally, the class went back to ignoring her. There was a groan from the corner. Shadow looked at Hiei.
"Hi!" she said cheerfully. He had one eye open, and with that eye he glared at her.
"Sicko," he muttered, standing up. She smiled innocently, a little halo appearing over her head.
"I love you too, Hiei," she said sarcastically. He snorted and walked out the door. "Where are YOU going?!"
"Outside," Hiei said dryly. He stopped and stared down the hall, then spun on his heel and walked back the way he had come, realizing that the way he had been heading had no doors to the outside, unless you counted the fire escape. Hiei never needed to use a fire escape. If there was a fire when he was around, it was probably him who started the thing in the first place.
He turned into a narrow stairway and darted up the stairs, ignoring Shadow's yell of, "HIEI, THAT LEADS TO THE ROOF, YOU KNOW!!!"
"Is he going to jump off the roof?" Eclipse asked, suddenly beside Shadow. Shadow jumped.
"DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE THAT!" she snapped. Eclipse smiled innocently.
"Well is he?" she asked.
"You've known Hiei for a month now. Do you really think he's stupid enough to jump off the roof of a school building?" Shadow asked.
"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!" a boy screamed suddenly, pointing at the window. Shadow ran across the room and nearly fell out the window to look. She got there just in time to see Hiei land easily in front of two boys on the sidewalk.
"Hiei?!" she heard one say. It sounded a lot like Yusuke.
"Shorty?! What the heck are you doing here, dufus?!"
She definitely recognized Kuwabara's dumb oaf voice. She leaned out the window.
"HIEI, IF YOU EVER JUMP OFF THE ROOF AGAIN, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!! I DON'T CARE IF YOU CAN DO SUICIDE DIVES OFF 3 FLOOR BUILDINGS AND SURVIVE, I DON'T CARE IF YOU CAN DO SUICIDE DIVES OFF ~30~ FLOOR BUILDINGS AND SURVIVE!!! IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO IN PUBLIC!!! PEOPLE IN WHITE COATS WILL COME AND TAKE YOU TO THE LOONY BIN BECAUSE THEY'LL THINK YOU'RE AN INSANE SUICIDAL LUNATIC, AND WHEN THEY FILE A REPORT ON YOU, THE GOVERNMENT WILL COME AND START EXPERIMENTING WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU SURVIVE 30-FLOOR SUICIDE DIVES OFF BUILDINGS!!! THEN YUSUKE OR ME OR KURAMA WOULD HAVE TO COME RESCUE YOU FROM THE GOVERNMENT!!! AND BLOW UP THE GOVERNMENT!!! AND HIDE ANY EVIDENCE THAT YOU EVER EXISTED, AND WIPE THE PEOPLES'S MINDS, AND MAKE THEM THINK THEY'RE 6-YEAR-OLD GIRLS PRACTICING BALLET!!! I'M SERIOUS!!!"
Hiei was completely unaffected by this. All he did was give her a blank look. Yusuke was on the ground laughing, tears streaming from his eyes. Kuwabara was too stupid to comprehend anything that was going on, so he stood there with a blank look of stupidity. Eclipse was surprised that Shadow could yell so loud about such things and was hoping all of Tokyo hadn't heard her.
Kurama was woken up by the screaming and came to look out the window with Shadow and Eclipse.
"What's going on?" he asked. He saw that something had obviously happened, since Yusuke was dying from laughter and Hiei and Kuwabara had the same blank look on their face (AH! SOMETHING ABOUT HIEI AND KUWABARA WAS THE SAME?! No... Hiei's look was on purpose. Kuwabara's look was because he's stupid and was confused).
"Hiei jumped off the roof," Shadow said.
"HIEI!!! What the heck are you doing going around surviving suicide dives off roofs in bright daylight in front of who-knows-how-many witnesses?!" Kurama asked.
"What am I doing ~surviving~ suicide dives?! Would it have been better if I'd done a suicide dive and DIED?!" Hiei snapped.
"Well, it ~is~ a suicide dive, and usually when somebody commits suicide, they die," Kurama pointed out. Hiei shrugged.
"Okay, fine. This time I'll just go ahead and die, if that's quite all right with you," Hiei said, but he was going to jump again no matter if it was quite all right or not.
"HIEI! NOT RIGHT NOW! In case you didn't notice, half the school is watching us," Shadow yelled, pointing. Several classes-worth of students were gathered around, watching.
"Oh. Okay. Stupid ningens," he muttered. He climbed a tree outside the window and went to sleep.
"Why is he sleeping in a tree?"
"How did he get up there so fast?"
"How did he survive the jump from the roof?"
"How did he land on his feet?"
"Unhurt?"
"Perfectly fine?"
"Who are those two kids down there?"
"Friends of his, probably."
"Duh, why else would he make a point of doing a suicide dive to land in front of them?"
All these thoughts were flying around the room. Obviously, the class had a new respect for Hiei.
"I can't believe he jumped off the roof! And survived! He should join some gymnastics thing! He could win the Olympics!"
"GAH! BAD IMAGES!" Shadow screamed, having heard that last comment. "Oh my GOD bad images; get them OUT!" She began to beat her head off the wall.
"SHADOW! Hello! That kills brain cells, duh!" Kurama yelled. She continued pounding her head into the wall like she hadn't heard him.
"No big loss there. She hasn't got any brain cells to lose," Eclipse muttered.
"True, but I do prefer she doesn't. She might damage the wall, if nothing else," Kurama replied, staring at Shadow. The girl finally stopped, swaying back and forth, and fell over, knocking about ten desks down on top of her in the process. When she didn't get back up, Kurama walked over and moved some of the desks off to see if she was okay.
"Shadow? Erg..." Kurama muttered. Shadow had swirly eyes, stars spinning over her head in the opposite direction of her eyes, and a dumb smile on her face.
"Is she o... Ha. Never mind," Eclipse said, seeing the brain damaged Shadow lying on the floor.
"Baka girl," Kurama muttered. The class was crowded around watch. Some of them laughed at Shadow.
"Twinkie twinkie wittle staw, how I wonde' what you waw," Shadow sang, way off-key and with a bit of a lisp.
"God, Shadow," Kurama muttered. He waved his hand over her face, sending the dancing stars flying in about every direction possible. "EARTH TO SHADOW! WAKE UP! NOW!"
No response.
"Um... Hiei died!"
No response.
"Eclipse died!"
Still no response.
"You died!"
You'd best get comfortable, this could take a while...
"Your dinner got fed to those damned weasels you keep upstairs, and now you're stuck eating the Bible salesman at the front door!"
Bam.
"WHAT?! I AIN'T EATIN' NO FREAKING BIBLE SALESMAN! WHAT DO YOU THINK I'VE GOT THOSE DAMNED WEASELS FOR?! YOU'D BETTER RESCUE MY ROAST BEEF FROM THEM OR YOU'RE GOING TO... Be... Sorry?" Shadow looked around at the class. They looked so surprised, Kurama could do nothing but laugh.
"Hi!" Shadow said, the same innocent 'Gee, I wonder why all these numbskulls are staring at me' tone in her voice as when she had said Hi after Kurama and Hiei passed out earlier.
"Riiiiiiight..." The class turned around and walked back to their seats like zombies, still in shock from the overall strangeness of that little situation there. Shadow had been in their classes every day for the past month, and they still weren't used to her stunning retardedness or record- breaking strangeness.
Suddenly, Yusuke came bursting through the door.
"Wait a second! What the heck is Shadow doing here? She doesn't go to school! Her and school is not a safe combination! And what was Hiei doing suicide dives off the school for? He doesn't go to school either!"
"Oh. I never told you about that? It's been a month... I was substitute teacher for a month. This is my last day," Kurama answered.
"YOU were a TEACHER? Figures. Genius fox boy... But that still doesn't explain about Shadow and Hiei."
"They were my assistants."
"ASSISTANT? ~HIEI~?" Yusuke looked surprised, then he burst out laughing. "You're kidding?!"
"Nope."
"That's great! I wish you would have told me about this earlier!"
"Right. Yusuke, I'll talk to you later. You're skipping school, remember? So take a hike."
"Oh. Right. Bye!" Yusuke darted across the room and jumped out the window onto the tree branch Hiei was sleeping on, nearly knocking the little fire demon off his perch.
"Watch what you're doing, you clumsy ningen!" Hiei yelled.
"Sorry!" Yusuke answered, already on the ground, running down the sidewalk.
Eventually, the day was over, and Kurama's month of teaching was finished.
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Should this be the last chapter? I have an idea for another chapter, but I'm afraid if I did that, there would be a lot more chapters, and this one already took me weeks upon weeks to write. Anywho, was this chapter any good, even? I kinda think it was just a desperate-to-write-something chapter, and it sucked, but if you're all okay with it, I guess that's all that matters.
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CHAPTER FIVE
Last Day o' Teachin'
A few days after the dance, Kurama got a notice that Hiroshi was in the hospital. He'd broken his ankle when he tripped, then he just kept running until he passed out from internal bleeding and pain. Stupid boy.
Kurama didn't care much. When she heard about it, Shadow laughed. Hiei shrugged and said he deserved it for being an asshole. Life went on as normal.
Finally, it wound down to Kurama's last week of teaching. Deciding that he was sick of teaching, he gave the class half the week as free days to do whatever they wanted. This gave him, Hiei, and Shadow free time too. Hiei, bored out of his mind, got on one of the classroom computers and started absentmindedly surfing the internet (Wow, Hiei surfing the web. Never thought I'd see the day...).
Shadow and Kurama were playing a game of chess, if you can calling it that... More like 'Shadow was horribley losing a game of chess to Kurama.' Noo... wait. It was even more like 'Shadow was having the pitooey mauled out of her in chess since Kurama was her opponent. He was toying with her, because he could have beat her in two moves, but he decided to be evil and mess with her mind for a few minutes.'
The class was fairly quiet, talking amongst themselves, so it was easy to hear Hiei's startled yell from the back of the room. Everybody stared at him.
"What is it, Hiei?" Shadow asked. Hiei's mouth moved but no words came out. He looked furious and disgusted at the same time. Shadow walked back and looked at the screen. Her jaw dropped.
It seemed Hiei's luck was worse than she thought at times.
It seemed that Hiei had accidentally come across some disturbing (yaoi) fan fictions on some website somewhere. The entire class was staring at Hiei and Shadow now. Shadow quickly minimized the window.
"Nothing to look at here... Go back to whatever you were doing previous to this little interruption," she said. Kurama walked back to the computer and opened the fanfic window. His eye twitched as he read a few lines of the story. He looked disgusted.
"People have very... er... active... imaginations..." he muttered, trying to hide his disgust. Hiei and Shadow stared at him with looks of horror.
"How can you say that after reading what you just did? Active imaginations my foot!!! More like sick and twisted minds that will never be normal! They have no hopes of getting anywhere in life!" Hiei snapped. Eclipse looked curiously at the screen. After reading a few lines, she screamed and her jaw dropped.
"YOU'RE GAY?!" she shouted. The entire class spun around again and complete silence settled over the room as the students stared at Hiei and Kurama in horror. The book Eclipse had been reading burst into flames. She screamed and jumped back.
The class continued staring. Kurama and Hiei were fuming. Eclipse was on the verge of bursting into flames, courtesy of her own stupidity (and with a little help from Hiei). Shadow was reading the fan fiction on the screen. When Hiei noticed this, he screamed.
"YOU'RE ACTUALLY READING IT?! HOLY GOD SHADOW!!! YOU'RE SICK!!! YOU'RE REALLY, REALLY SICK!!! HOW COULD YOU READ SUCH DISGUSTINGNESS ABOUT ME WHEN YOU KNOW I'M STRAIGHT?!"
"How do I know?" Shadow asked.
Hiei collapsed, unconscious.
"Hiei?"
"Good going, Shadow. Knock him out. Nice. Great. You're so kind," Kurama said sarcastically. Shadow smiled evilly.
"Ooooh, you don't even WANT to know what just popped into my mind," Shadow said, laughing. It was her, 'Oh god, sick and perverted but funny,' laugh. Kurama's eye twitched.
"What? What sick images are coming to your mind now?!" he asked.
The class waited anxiously.
"Oh... Nothing," Shadow said, turning back to the computer screen.
"Yes I do want to know and would you STOP READING THAT?!" Kurama yelled. Shadow laughed. Kurama hit her in the back of the head. She laughed even more.
"WHAT DID YOU THINK?!"
"Okay, promise you won't kill me?"
"I don't make promises."
"Fine. I just thought that since Hiei's already unconscious, that just makes it all that much easier for you to---"
Kurama screamed, correctly assuming what she was about to say (I'm sure you can to, but if you can't... Use your [perverted] imagination. You'll probably be right.).
"SHADOW, YOU ARE HONESTLY THE MOST DISGUSTING PERSON I KNOW! I'M STRAIGHT! I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT!"
"How should I?"
"BECAUSE YOU SHOULD! Errrggghhh... Not gonna pass out... NOT gonna pass out... Ergh... Gonna pass out..." Kurama promptly collapsed onto the floor, unconscious. Shadow laughed shortly and returned to reading the story.
Scary. She's actually reading it. If Hiei and Kurama weren't unconscious from the shock of her accusing them of being gay in front of an entire classroom full of kids, they would have killed her and severly mangled her dead body.
And it would have been FUN. Fun fun fun.
One girl leaned over to Shadow. "So ~are~ they gay?"
"No. I just like making them pass out. It's funny," Shadow said, brushing off the question.
"How do you know they aren't?" somebody asked.
"Yeah, really! Did you have sex?" one boy yelled. Shadow was on him in a second.
"NO I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH THOSE STUPID BOYS THEY'RE A COUPLE OF LOSERS THAT'S WHAT AND I KNOW THEY AREN'T GAY BECAUSE HIEI LIVES ALONE IN MY HOUSE WITH ME DO YOU HONESTLY THINK A GAY MAN WOULD LIVE WITH A GIRL FOR A YEAR OR MORE? AND KU-- er... SHUUICHI HAS PROVED HE IS STRAIGHT ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS, THOUGH NONE OF THEM INVOLVED US HAVING SEX!"
Shadow screamed this all in one breath. By the end, she was so out of breath she collapsed onto the floor, panting like a fish out of water. The boy whom she had attacked and screamed at went limp and fell out of his seat, landing on the floor beside Shadow with a loud thud.
"I think you killed him," a girl muttered, poking the boy with her shoe.
"Oh well," Shadow panted.
"Listen to this!" a boy said. The class got quiet as he started reading out loud an excerpt from the fanfic on the screen. "'Hiei leaned against Kurama's bare chest...' Wait. Who is Kurama?"
"Nobody!" Shadow answered.
"Hm. It must be Shuuichi's nickname from Hiei. His codename for his lovah!" the boy said (lovah=lover, said with some sort of accent or something).
Shadow's eyes were squeezed closed like this: _
"Anyway, as I was saying... Everyone listening? You gotta hear this, it's very detailed and actually... quite disgusting if you think about it..." the boy said. He opened his mouth to start reading again, but Shadow tackled him, knocking him onto the floor to keep him from talking.
"SHUT YER MOUTH, YOUNGIN'!" she screamed, sounding like some dumb hick. She closed the fanfic window, just to be safe. "NOW Y'ALL NEED TO LISTEN UP! THESE TWO BOYS ARE NOT GAY. IF THEY WERE, I WOULDN'T BE HANGING AROUND THEM! NOW IF YOU DON'T MIND, GET TO WORK! DO YOUR HOMEWORK OR READ YOUR BOOKS, WHATEVER YOU WERE DOING BEFORE HIEI ACCIDENTALLY CAME ACROSS THAT FRIGHTENING WEBSITE!!!"
Grudgingly, the class turned around and eventually got back to whatever they had been doing before the little interruption, while Shadow carried Hiei and Kurama up to the front of the room. She put them on the floor (on opposite sides of the room) and sat down at the teacher's desk with a smile on her face.
It just so happened, about two seconds later, the principal came bursting into the room, slamming open the door and screaming something incoherent. Then he noticed Shadow at the teacher's desk and Hiei and Kurama unconscious on the floor.
"WHAT HAPPENED HERE?!" he bellowed. "WHY ARE THEY SLEEPING? WHAT HAPPENED? WHY ARE YOU THERE? WHAT'S GOING ON? WHY---"
Shadow, surprisingly, had the ability to scream loud enough to be heard over the voice of some guy twice her size.
"SHUT UP, YOU!!! STOP ASKING QUESTIONS AND I'LL GIVE YOU A PERFECTLY PASSABLE REASON!!!" Notice how she said 'perfectly passable' rather than 'good' or 'true.'
"Start talking, little girl," the principal ordered.
"They were mixing chemicals, and they accidentally inhaled some of them," Shadow said. She gave the class an evil glare that said very plainly, 'Don't argue.'
"Oh. Will there be any side effects?" the principal asked, suddenly worried.
Inside Shadow's head, several images were dancing around. The one that actually related to the present situation was something like this: The principal, in angry chibi form, standing there with the word, 'BAKA!!!' branded on his forehead. Then he suddenly turned into a donkey. The chibi Shadow, already dancing around him laughing, laughed even harder and promptly got run over by a bulldozer operated by chibi Hiei. Chibi Kurama stood a few feet away with buggy eyes, watching as chibi Hiei ran over and over the chibi Shadow with a bulldozer.
Shadow often had images like this. Most of them involved violence, insulting people, and abnormal things that popped into her mind, usually stringing together about four things going on around her into one big freaky image.
"Side effects? No... There shouldn't be any. They'll be fine when they wake up," she said cheerfully.
"Oh good. I don't think I could stand having our top student go braindead from inhaling chemicals... Good bye!"
The principal left.
As soon as the door was closed, Shadow burst out laughing.
"What a dunce," she muttered. She looked down at Kurama. "Hm... I wonder when they'll wake up... Maybe I should draw a moustache on him..." She looked up, realizing she'd been talking to herself, which isn't unusual in private... But this was in front of a classroom full of kids.
"Hi!" she said. She continued getting stares, so she just burst ouf laughing. Finally, the class went back to ignoring her. There was a groan from the corner. Shadow looked at Hiei.
"Hi!" she said cheerfully. He had one eye open, and with that eye he glared at her.
"Sicko," he muttered, standing up. She smiled innocently, a little halo appearing over her head.
"I love you too, Hiei," she said sarcastically. He snorted and walked out the door. "Where are YOU going?!"
"Outside," Hiei said dryly. He stopped and stared down the hall, then spun on his heel and walked back the way he had come, realizing that the way he had been heading had no doors to the outside, unless you counted the fire escape. Hiei never needed to use a fire escape. If there was a fire when he was around, it was probably him who started the thing in the first place.
He turned into a narrow stairway and darted up the stairs, ignoring Shadow's yell of, "HIEI, THAT LEADS TO THE ROOF, YOU KNOW!!!"
"Is he going to jump off the roof?" Eclipse asked, suddenly beside Shadow. Shadow jumped.
"DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE THAT!" she snapped. Eclipse smiled innocently.
"Well is he?" she asked.
"You've known Hiei for a month now. Do you really think he's stupid enough to jump off the roof of a school building?" Shadow asked.
"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!" a boy screamed suddenly, pointing at the window. Shadow ran across the room and nearly fell out the window to look. She got there just in time to see Hiei land easily in front of two boys on the sidewalk.
"Hiei?!" she heard one say. It sounded a lot like Yusuke.
"Shorty?! What the heck are you doing here, dufus?!"
She definitely recognized Kuwabara's dumb oaf voice. She leaned out the window.
"HIEI, IF YOU EVER JUMP OFF THE ROOF AGAIN, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!! I DON'T CARE IF YOU CAN DO SUICIDE DIVES OFF 3 FLOOR BUILDINGS AND SURVIVE, I DON'T CARE IF YOU CAN DO SUICIDE DIVES OFF ~30~ FLOOR BUILDINGS AND SURVIVE!!! IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO IN PUBLIC!!! PEOPLE IN WHITE COATS WILL COME AND TAKE YOU TO THE LOONY BIN BECAUSE THEY'LL THINK YOU'RE AN INSANE SUICIDAL LUNATIC, AND WHEN THEY FILE A REPORT ON YOU, THE GOVERNMENT WILL COME AND START EXPERIMENTING WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU SURVIVE 30-FLOOR SUICIDE DIVES OFF BUILDINGS!!! THEN YUSUKE OR ME OR KURAMA WOULD HAVE TO COME RESCUE YOU FROM THE GOVERNMENT!!! AND BLOW UP THE GOVERNMENT!!! AND HIDE ANY EVIDENCE THAT YOU EVER EXISTED, AND WIPE THE PEOPLES'S MINDS, AND MAKE THEM THINK THEY'RE 6-YEAR-OLD GIRLS PRACTICING BALLET!!! I'M SERIOUS!!!"
Hiei was completely unaffected by this. All he did was give her a blank look. Yusuke was on the ground laughing, tears streaming from his eyes. Kuwabara was too stupid to comprehend anything that was going on, so he stood there with a blank look of stupidity. Eclipse was surprised that Shadow could yell so loud about such things and was hoping all of Tokyo hadn't heard her.
Kurama was woken up by the screaming and came to look out the window with Shadow and Eclipse.
"What's going on?" he asked. He saw that something had obviously happened, since Yusuke was dying from laughter and Hiei and Kuwabara had the same blank look on their face (AH! SOMETHING ABOUT HIEI AND KUWABARA WAS THE SAME?! No... Hiei's look was on purpose. Kuwabara's look was because he's stupid and was confused).
"Hiei jumped off the roof," Shadow said.
"HIEI!!! What the heck are you doing going around surviving suicide dives off roofs in bright daylight in front of who-knows-how-many witnesses?!" Kurama asked.
"What am I doing ~surviving~ suicide dives?! Would it have been better if I'd done a suicide dive and DIED?!" Hiei snapped.
"Well, it ~is~ a suicide dive, and usually when somebody commits suicide, they die," Kurama pointed out. Hiei shrugged.
"Okay, fine. This time I'll just go ahead and die, if that's quite all right with you," Hiei said, but he was going to jump again no matter if it was quite all right or not.
"HIEI! NOT RIGHT NOW! In case you didn't notice, half the school is watching us," Shadow yelled, pointing. Several classes-worth of students were gathered around, watching.
"Oh. Okay. Stupid ningens," he muttered. He climbed a tree outside the window and went to sleep.
"Why is he sleeping in a tree?"
"How did he get up there so fast?"
"How did he survive the jump from the roof?"
"How did he land on his feet?"
"Unhurt?"
"Perfectly fine?"
"Who are those two kids down there?"
"Friends of his, probably."
"Duh, why else would he make a point of doing a suicide dive to land in front of them?"
All these thoughts were flying around the room. Obviously, the class had a new respect for Hiei.
"I can't believe he jumped off the roof! And survived! He should join some gymnastics thing! He could win the Olympics!"
"GAH! BAD IMAGES!" Shadow screamed, having heard that last comment. "Oh my GOD bad images; get them OUT!" She began to beat her head off the wall.
"SHADOW! Hello! That kills brain cells, duh!" Kurama yelled. She continued pounding her head into the wall like she hadn't heard him.
"No big loss there. She hasn't got any brain cells to lose," Eclipse muttered.
"True, but I do prefer she doesn't. She might damage the wall, if nothing else," Kurama replied, staring at Shadow. The girl finally stopped, swaying back and forth, and fell over, knocking about ten desks down on top of her in the process. When she didn't get back up, Kurama walked over and moved some of the desks off to see if she was okay.
"Shadow? Erg..." Kurama muttered. Shadow had swirly eyes, stars spinning over her head in the opposite direction of her eyes, and a dumb smile on her face.
"Is she o... Ha. Never mind," Eclipse said, seeing the brain damaged Shadow lying on the floor.
"Baka girl," Kurama muttered. The class was crowded around watch. Some of them laughed at Shadow.
"Twinkie twinkie wittle staw, how I wonde' what you waw," Shadow sang, way off-key and with a bit of a lisp.
"God, Shadow," Kurama muttered. He waved his hand over her face, sending the dancing stars flying in about every direction possible. "EARTH TO SHADOW! WAKE UP! NOW!"
No response.
"Um... Hiei died!"
No response.
"Eclipse died!"
Still no response.
"You died!"
You'd best get comfortable, this could take a while...
"Your dinner got fed to those damned weasels you keep upstairs, and now you're stuck eating the Bible salesman at the front door!"
Bam.
"WHAT?! I AIN'T EATIN' NO FREAKING BIBLE SALESMAN! WHAT DO YOU THINK I'VE GOT THOSE DAMNED WEASELS FOR?! YOU'D BETTER RESCUE MY ROAST BEEF FROM THEM OR YOU'RE GOING TO... Be... Sorry?" Shadow looked around at the class. They looked so surprised, Kurama could do nothing but laugh.
"Hi!" Shadow said, the same innocent 'Gee, I wonder why all these numbskulls are staring at me' tone in her voice as when she had said Hi after Kurama and Hiei passed out earlier.
"Riiiiiiight..." The class turned around and walked back to their seats like zombies, still in shock from the overall strangeness of that little situation there. Shadow had been in their classes every day for the past month, and they still weren't used to her stunning retardedness or record- breaking strangeness.
Suddenly, Yusuke came bursting through the door.
"Wait a second! What the heck is Shadow doing here? She doesn't go to school! Her and school is not a safe combination! And what was Hiei doing suicide dives off the school for? He doesn't go to school either!"
"Oh. I never told you about that? It's been a month... I was substitute teacher for a month. This is my last day," Kurama answered.
"YOU were a TEACHER? Figures. Genius fox boy... But that still doesn't explain about Shadow and Hiei."
"They were my assistants."
"ASSISTANT? ~HIEI~?" Yusuke looked surprised, then he burst out laughing. "You're kidding?!"
"Nope."
"That's great! I wish you would have told me about this earlier!"
"Right. Yusuke, I'll talk to you later. You're skipping school, remember? So take a hike."
"Oh. Right. Bye!" Yusuke darted across the room and jumped out the window onto the tree branch Hiei was sleeping on, nearly knocking the little fire demon off his perch.
"Watch what you're doing, you clumsy ningen!" Hiei yelled.
"Sorry!" Yusuke answered, already on the ground, running down the sidewalk.
Eventually, the day was over, and Kurama's month of teaching was finished.
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Should this be the last chapter? I have an idea for another chapter, but I'm afraid if I did that, there would be a lot more chapters, and this one already took me weeks upon weeks to write. Anywho, was this chapter any good, even? I kinda think it was just a desperate-to-write-something chapter, and it sucked, but if you're all okay with it, I guess that's all that matters.