Title: Learning

Author: WolfPilot06

Category: One-shot, shonen ai, minor angst, kind of fluff, POV

Pairing: Tsuzuki + Hisoka

Notes: Idea and format derived from JC Sun's (") Learning fic. Enjoy.

The fic has now been edited for tense discrepancies and the like. I hope it's a tad bit more consistent now.

I am also fully annoyed by banning of such symbols as the equals sign, double hyphens, and asterisks. It's really, really irritating.

On a separate fic note, I'd like to let people who are anxiously awaiting the next chapter of Abandoned know that it is on a semi-permanent hold. I'm currently planning a complete rewrite of what already exists; I'll be changing the plotline and everything somewhat, and hope to finish writing all the chapters before posting any of it anywhere. I apologize for this, but I hope that in the end, it will produce a better Abandoned than that which exists today.

You learn a lot of things upon becoming a Shinigami.

You learn about onmyoujitsu and the proper way to write 'fuda. You learn that other writing negates the spell, and that your soon-to-be partner not only kicks ass at onmyoujitsu, but that he also commands twelve god-like Shikigami. You wonder what the hell they needed you for.

You learn that the office "lunchroom" consists of nothing but twelve tables laid out side by side in a badly lit room, the smell of miso strong enough that you can actually taste it when you open your mouth. You learn that only people who want to test their Shinigami healing skills actually dare to eat the food provided for them. You also learn the hard way that your coworkers like the coffee kept at just-above-scalding temperatures when you come upon a chunk of salt in your lunch and grab the nearest thing - your partner's mug - to wash away the taste.

Shinigami healing abilities aside, a burned tongue really, really sucks. So does having Tsuzuki laugh his head off at the expression on your face. You learn that smacking him across the shoulder or tossing him some sweets are the easiest ways to shut him up.

Of course, later you find that kissing him is the best way of all to get him to stop talking. It's not a guarantee for silence, though the first time you do it, he sits there and stares at you for a full ten minutes before he drags you off and -

You learn that copier machine number four has a nasty habit of spewing out sheet upon sheet of blank paper when you use it, and that it's impossible to stop it unless you kick it just so. It's impossible to get the paper back into the machine, though, and Tatsumi usually ends up yelling at whatever hapless person - usually your partner - forgot long enough to actually use it. You wonder, though, why he doesn't get it fixed. Then, you find out that the poor copier machine is actually a result of one of Watari's insane experiments and that it actually has a life and a mind of its own. You discover this when it affectionately nuzzles against your leg one day when you're trying to get a cup of decent tea and stand too close to it. The resulting shriek brings the entire office running to see what is wrong, and you find yourself embarrassed and meeting fellow officemates you didn't even know existed.

You learn that the Meifu really does mirror Chijou in a lot of ways. When it's spring in Chijou, it's winter in Meifu, and when it rains in Chijou, it's stunningly sunny in Meifu. You've also decided, though, that Meifu is far more beautiful than Chijou in every aspect. Everything seems perfect here, from the people to the weather, and you find that you don't mind the rain half as much as you thought you would.

Thunderstorms still scare you, though. You hate them, especially when they come at night. As terrifyingly beautiful as they are in Meifu, the rain and the lightning make you feel like you're going to drown. It's gotten better of late, though, because you aren't alone anymore. You find that Tsuzuki's arms are even better than thick walls when it comes to protection and security, and that curling up in front of the fire with a mug of hot chocolate cupped between your hands somehow makes the storm outside go away.

When you wake up in the middle of the night, terrified and shaking, though, no amount of hot chocolate can wash away the taste of bile and worse from your mouth. You can't count the number of times you stand under the stinging spray of a scalding hot shower, scrubbing yourself furiously in an attempt to wash away the phantom traces of Muraki's hands on your skin. Even though you know he and the fallen sakura blossoms are not real, you can't stop trembling until your skin is bright red and your eyes are puffy from crying. You learn how to hide your exhaustion with the help of lots of coffee, laden with cream and sugar, a habit you picked up from Tsuzuki. As much as you might wrinkle your nose at the taste, you wouldn't have it any other way; the caffeine kick is good, but the faint taste of Tsuzuki that permeates your heart with warmth every time you take a sip is even better.

You learn that Tsuzuki is truly a powerful man. Not only does he have a built-in radar that can sense every sweet thing within a ten mile radius, but he also seems to have a knack for finding all your ticklish spots and exploiting them. The grin that stretches across his face the first time he finds out you are ticklish is so ridiculous that you can't help but let him have his fun, though you still can't temper your violent reaction of kicking and shrieking with laughter. You get your revenge, too. Tsuzuki has the oddest ticklish spots, but if you barely even brush against them, the man will literally hurl himself away from you and, more often than not, land on the ground in an undignified, giggling heap. Once, you two have a tickle war - you can't quite remember who started it, but you suspect it was his fault - so violent that two desks are overturned in the battling of it. Tatsumi ends up fining you both and having you work overtime, though even that doesn't prove to be all that bad because it means you have more time to watch Tsuzuki.

Tsuzuki knows you watch him. You don't think he knows that you know that he knows you're watching him, though. It's complicated, and sometimes you want to giggle at the sheer ridiculousness of it all, but it's somehow fun. It's part of the routine you've gotten into, just like Tsuzuki's habit of arriving late and your response of yelling at him for it. It's ritualistic, and somehow, like a mini-catharsis. You learn to take the little breaks from monotony whenever you can, and the trivialness of your daily arguments makes everything seem so normal, even when it's a far cry from it. Sometimes, you wonder if the dazzle of immortal life will one day fade, but you take one look at Watari's ecstatic expression whenever he comes up with some new and crazed potion, or you listen to Tsuzuki's joyful cries when you leave a piece of cake on his desk, and all your doubts go away. You'll never get tired of this. The novelty of this idea astounds you, but you like it. It's a good kind of novelty.

It's safest to get coffee or tea early in the day, you discover. Watari never touches the office beverages until he's sure that Tatsumi-san's gotten his prerequisite three mugs of coffee. If you can arrive early enough to snag an entire pot of coffee before Tatsumi gets his third mug, you're home safe. Otherwise, you have to live with the fear that each sip might bring you one step closer to sprouting feathers or other unnecessary and not altogether desirable appendages. There's always that one memorable incident, though, when Watari counts wrong and Tatsumi ends up growing horns on his head and claws on the ends of his fingers. It is a hilarious sight to watch him chasing Watari through the office, the scientist begging for forgiveness while running and slamming doors in an attempt to slow the enraged secretary down, and Tatsumi bellowing threats that have you wondering how he knows so much about the anatomy of the human body. It isn't that much of a difference from the normal behavior in the office. Exploding buildings, coworkers randomly transforming into various and sundry things, and a growing caution of any food or drink lying about on the counters have really become so common that you wonder if the entirety of Meifu is insane. It keeps life from becoming boring, at least.

You find how painful it is to love your partner without ever knowing if he'll be able to love you back. When you wake in the middle of the night, not from your own nightmares, but from his terror, which you can feel from miles away, it's all you can do to keep from throwing on a robe, running to his house, and taking him into your arms to comfort him. Sometimes, you can't stop yourself. You find yourself crawling under the covers with him, cradling his head against your chest and whispering words of comfort you didn't know you knew. He wakes up and clings to you, sobbing, and you stay locked together, rocking back and forth, until the sun rises to chase away the shadows of memories past. Despite his agony, you love being with him - and sometimes, his hand will slip under your shirt, just a little, seeking the warmth of your skin, and you can't help but wonder if he realizes just how much power he holds over you.

Watari has a penchant for being eccentric, even when he doesn't need to be. Once, he decides that the office is getting too quiet and ends up drawing a bunch of cartoon characters that he brings to life. He then sits back and laughs that cackling, mad scientist chortle that you've heard him practicing as everyone else scurries around, trying to catch the errant little buggers. You conclude that the man either has no sense of self-preservation, or that he really does know exactly what the office needs, because his insane experiments don't stop no matter how many times Tatsumi yells at him or cuts his budget. No matter what emergencies arise from his ventures into the land of insanity, though, the entire office knows that they'd probably have gone insane themselves without his little distractions - insane in a big, bad, destructive sort of way. It's the sort of thing that everyone wants to avoid, and so Tatsumi-san adds back whatever he detracted from Watari's budget when he thinks nobody's watching. Of course, you know, but you'd never tell.

You learn how to be afraid for another person, and how it feels to have your entire world crumble around you. When you see Tsuzuki sitting in the midst of those flames, all you can think of is how much pain he must be in - you feel such a need to assuage his agony that you throw yourself into the fire without a second thought. All you ever want is to be with him, by his side, and if you can't have that -

In the weeks that follow, as you sit amongst the cherry trees and contemplate on life, absently rubbing at singed eyebrows with bandaged hands, you realize things. You realize that all the office's tiny efforts to help ease Tsuzuki's pain on days where, in the past, someone had died on one of his cases, or on those days when something terrible had happened in his life, are really backfiring. Instead of making Tsuzuki feel better, they're reminding him of his failures. Then, he wishes that he could just forget, and he feels guilty for wanting to forget. It's an endless cycle. You want to stop it. You just don't know how.

You think everything will be okay, though. You've gotten past the blaze, and, like you've told him before, things can only go up from here. You've hit the rock bottom and you can't go any further down.

If there's any one thing you've discovered, it's that you can hope. Nothing is impossible.

You've learned a lot since you became a Shinigami, but somehow, this is the lesson that's most important to you:

Follow your heart. Simple, a bit cliché, but it works.

The End
Comments and criticism most definitely appreciated.

Wolf