So they're letting me out tomorrow, that's great and I know I should be more cheerful, but there's that part of me that just always has to look at the bad side of thing…yeah, I know great habit! My dad came by to see my late last night and he said he would stay for another 2 weeks, and I should be happy, but I'm not. I still feel the need to push them away…push them all away, even Craig. Sometimes I think I'm just better off dying…

I've been such a horrible friend lately! I just found out from Paige that Ellie had been cutting for a while now and Terri was with an abusive boyfriend. How could I have missed all of this? Oh…I know why, I was too wrapped up in my own problems to notice. Am I that much of horrible person? I must sound like a crazy person; I need to just get out of here. I'm sick of staring at these same four walls, I'm sick of knowing that I'm suffering from a life threatening disease, and I'm sick of not knowing things! I wish I could just be normal—I swear I'll be a better person.

"Stop crying!" I scolded myself, this was my fault everything was my fault, if I didn't lie—no! I had to lie and maybe I still do…

"Your chariot awaits." I heard Craig's voice, which hinted an unusual fake English tone. I turned my head to see him standing by the door with a wheelchair in hand.

"Oh um…I'm sorry." I watched as his face fell, he knows I've been crying. I stayed silent, not really in the mood to speak, was this how he was going to react when I loose my hair…when I start to puke my brains out?

"Ash, are you okay?" He let go of the wheelchair and rushed over to the chair by my bed.

"It's not your fault." I whispered.

"What?" I quickly grew frustrated.

"It's not your fault, it's not anybody's fault but my own! Why can't any of you understand that?" Craig backed up; the look in Ashley's eyes scared him.

"You can't blame yourself for what's happening to you." I nodded and watched a smile form on his face.

"But I can for making it worse." I whispered.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing, nothing…so are you going to tell me what's the wheelchair for?" I asked trying to avoid the subject.

"Oh—um." I watched as he reached to grab the handle of the wheelchair, but it was to far and he fell.

"Craig?" I asked a little worriedly noticing he was on the floor for quite sometime.

"Y-yeah." He came back up his face red as a tomato.

"Are you okay?" I started to laugh I couldn't contain my seriousness.

"I'm okay." He nodded moving closer to the wheelchair as he grabbed the handle this time. I continued to laugh at his fall, I haven't laughed this hard…or laughed at all since I've been in this dreaded hospital bed.

"Well, its good to know me falling humors you."

"Laugh it up Ash." I stopped laughing when I saw the frown on his face, but I knew he was joking.

"Sorry." I tried to keep a straight face on.

"So…do the doctors know you're doing this?" I asked as he helped me to sit up.

"Nah…your parents don't even want me to see you so I stole this wheel chair from some old person and decided to break you out of here." I stared at him in shock.

"I'm joking." He slightly laughed.

"A very bad one at that." I joked along with him.

"Ha ha, Ash." He said sarcastically as he helped me into the wheelchair.

"Where to?"

"Anywhere that's not in this hospital!"

"So…how's the band?" I asked we were outside in the garden since it was the farthest we could go.

"We suck." I laughed at his expression.

"You don't suck."

"I don't suck, Spinner does."

"Way to be modest—and I'm sure Spinner isn't that bad."

"Have you heard him lately?"

"Uh…no, incase you haven't noticed I've been here, in the hospital." I watched as his face fell.

"I'm so-"

"Please don't say you're sorry," I pleaded, "I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me."

"Okay then—well…" He racked his brain for possible topics, "You know what we should do?"

I shook my head.

"We should go on a date." I let out a laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"We haven't been on a date in like a month."

"That's the point." He said slowly.

I smacked him lightly upside his head, "Hey!"

"Funny." I said sarcastically.

"Seriously, we should go on a date." I nodded.

"Okay, fine but when?"

"Next Saturday?"

"Nah," I shook my head, "Next weeks bad. I was planning on going to a Dashboard Confessional concert. You know, go for a groupie, hang out for a while—make out with Chris…" I joked, but he wasn't laughing.

I laughed, "I joking."

"Very funny, Ash." He said sarcastically.

"What's wrong Craig? Can't take a joke?" I badgered him.

"I can," He shifted, "I just don't like hearing about my girlfriend making out with another guy." He muttered.

My eyes lit up, "Are you jealous?"

"No!" He shook his head.

"Sure you aren't Manning."

"Manning?" He laughed, "So we're on last name basis now?"

"Yeah we are." I watched as a smirk appeared on his face. I was having such a good time with Craig; maybe I shouldn't have pushed him away in the first place.

"Okay then Kerwin."

I shook my head, "No—I'm still Ashley, I just get to call you Manning."

"Why?"

"Sick girl's orders." I said simply as the smirk disappeared from his face. Me being sick was a delicate topic, but what better way to get over it by making a joke?

"So," I cleared my throat, "Next Saturday right?"

"Yeah," He nodded, "Next Saturday." I watched as he glanced down at his watch.

"C'mon…we better get back." I frowned; I didn't want to go back I hated the hospital. I hated what was happening to me.

"Do we have to?" I practically whined.

"Yeah we do." He smiled sadly as he got up from the rock he was sitting on and began to wheel me back.

"Ashley where were you?" I heard my mother's scolding voice as Craig wheeled me back in the room.

I watched as her eyes averted from me to Craig, "You." She hissed. She started to dislike Craig right after the whole cancer incident—part of me thinks she never liked him. She even admitted that she liked Jimmy, better.

Before she could yell at him I interrupted her, "It's not his fault mom."

"Oh?" Her attention brought back to me.

"I just needed to get some air so Craig took me out outside for a bit…we just lost track of time out there, that's all." I lied…well part of it was true.

"Ash…I'm going to go." He whispered, he had to feel uncomfortable with my dad and my mom practically burning holes into him.

"Okay. Next Saturday?" I repeated it was really the only thing I really had to look forward to.

"Yeah," He nodded as he kissed my forehead. We both looked up to see my parents still staring.

"Bye." He said quickly.

"Bye." I whispered as he left the room.

"What's next Saturday?" My mother asked as soon as Craig left the room.

I shifted, "Craig and I are going a date." My mother shot me a shocked glare.

"That's very nice." My father said.

"Thanks dad." I said glaring at my mother.

"Why are you encouraging her?" My mother asked my father.

"Well I think its good she's looking forward to something." I stayed silent as they continued arguing, forgetting that I was even in the room. I sat back against the wheel chair and closed my eyes just putting all my energy into thinking about next Saturday. This was going to be a long couple of days.