Is This Real?

By: BluestAngelDust

I sit here, watching her. No, I'm not some crazed stalker. She doesn't know I'm watching her, nor does anyone else, for that matter. Well, maybe one of them knows.

"You thirsty, Minako?"

I don't have to look up to see the concern in those blue eyes so much like my own. A warm hand is placed on my shoulder and I turn to see a playful smile on the handsome face.

"Not really. Thanks, Haruka."

The taller woman smiles and shakes her head, sending sandy locks everywhere. The worried look doesn't last for long as her blue eyes begin to twinkle with mischief.

"You're not being very inconspicuous."

Despite the dark blush that appears on my cheeks, I glare at her. This caused the handsome woman to chuckle and walk back to her lover. I see Michiru turn to me and smile bright.

Okay, two people.

Back to the point. Whoever would've thought that I, Aino Minako, the flirt and secretly Sailor Venus, the Goddess of Beauty and Love would be gazing at her friend, utterly dazed? Who would ever think that I would be staring at my friend, unable to speak?

No one.

And I made sure of that.

For all my life, I've created an image of myself that was, to some degree, larger than life. They saw smile while I shed tears and they heard laughter while I screamed in agony. I was careful, building myself up to be someone so completely untouchable and someone to be loved and praised.

Well, that's the biggest lie in the world.

But in this world, it's kill or be killed. And there was no way that I would allow myself to be killed, whether as Aino Minako or Sailor Venus. I am supposed to be the best of the best on the battlefield, so how can I let that persona drop off the battlefield?

So, I painstakingly created this image of a beautiful and talented teenager whom everyone adored. They think I have no flaws and never make any mistakes. How wrong they are.

I make mistake after mistake. Get hurt time and time again. They'd never see that though. Not while I'm still alive.

And after a while, I started believing in the façade myself. Stupid, isn't it?

So, maybe that's why I immediately noticed her when I arrived in Japan. We were alike in so many ways. So many in fact that I hated her when I first met her.

She was everything I was, and more. She hides behind a carefully crafted image. One so good that even I was fooled by it. I believed that I could see right through her and her little game and see her essence. I thought like everyone else that she really wasn't anything special, that she was just a fool who thought she could get the better of everyone.

It didn't take me long to realize that she did. She did get the best of all of us. Especially me.

It angered me the most because I finally realized she was exactly like me. She played her role and her part so perfectly that I was left completely unprepared when the epiphany occurred.

I remember it perfectly. I was sitting in my room, playing my newest videogame when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a picture of all of us together. For some unknown reason, I put down my controller, causing the car I was driving to crash into a wall. But I didn't care. I ran over to the picture, grabbed it and stared at her.

She had her head on my shoulder, eyes half closed as she gazed like a lazy cat at the camera. The smile on her lips was barely there and yet it mocked my relentlessly.

I, Aino Minako, the leader of the senshi had been tricked by this girl. I had fallen completely into her trap and let her play me for a fool.

In pure rage, I hurled the picture at the wall, the glass of the frame shattering.

I had been fooled by her deceptive façade and bound under the spell of her seemingly unfound arrogance.

She had a reason to be arrogant. She had calculatingly crafted a web of lies that let me believe that I could see the real her. I felt special and superior since I thought I could see exactly who she was.

And I couldn't.

I sit up straighter and tilt my head slightly, letting my hair cascade over my shoulder like silk. That move usually had the entire male population under my spell. But no, she didn't even look in my direction.

What angered me was the fact that I still can't see the real her. For the past year, ever since I broke the spell, I've been staring at her, trying to figure out just exactly what she hid under those intense eyes. And I have yet to be able to.

And that both excites me and infuriates me.

I know that she keeps everyone away with her little game. I know that she hides behind everything.

What I can't figure out is why.

Why would she choose to hide? Why would she want to lock herself away from the world?

Even now, with everyone around, her friends, her family and those that love her, she still hides. They all think they know her, have her figured out perfectly. But they don't. And neither do I.

That's why I watch her.

~*~*~*~*~

She's watching me. I can feel it. I can feel those deceivingly bright blue eyes on my body, trying to unlock my secrets. And I know she's frustrated. I would be too if I were her.

Aino Minako has never not known something. Despite her act of just being a ditzy airhead, a stereotypical blonde, I see through it. Hell, I can see things in her that no one else can.

Aino Minako is a very smart and observant person. She tries to hide behind her bubbly attitude and wide grin but I know better. I should know better.

She's frustrated that she can't see through me. She's annoyed that despite her efforts, she still doesn't know what I'm hiding. And she's completely infuriated by the fact that I tricked her for so long.

I know the exact day that the blonde saw through my act.

It was a bright day in August and the senshi were having a picnic in the park. I was sitting under the tree, enjoying a nice sandwich when she appeared.

The first thing I noticed was that she wasn't as cheerful as usual.

Correction, she wasn't doing as good of a job at pretending to be cheerful as usual. That day, a few noticed something was off. Including me.

The usually bright cerulean orbs were dark, her brows knitted together ever so slightly when she looked at me. Her pink lips twitched, creating the first ever frown I've ever seen on her lips. She almost seemed to glare at me.

And then it was all gone faster than lightning. The jovial smile returned as she ran off to join in the game of tag someone had started.

My heart hammered in my chest though I remained outwardly calm. I knew she had realized I've been playing her for a fool. And I knew Aino Minako was not one to take it sitting down.

And that's about when she started watching me. I can feel it. I know she sees through my game.

But I'm not afraid. I have no reason to be.

Because no matter how hard she tries, I know she will never see me.

It's not because she can't. No, Aino Minako is observant enough to see the real me, eventually.

She doesn't want to.

Of course, she thinks she wants to. She thinks she want to see into my soul and read me like a book. To finally discover that little secret I keep inside.

That's what she thinks. But both Haruka and I know better. We know Minako wants me to stay untouchable. She wants to believe that she can never see the real me.

The magic would be gone.

So, she keeps herself inside her little world and pretends she can't learn my secret even if she tried.

~*~*~*~

Watching the two of them is like hell. Complete hell.

One of them pretends to be unable to escape from the world of darkness while the other waits patiently, waiting for the other to realize that she can grasp the secret and finally see.

Idiots, the both of them.

Minako is so busy trying to "see" into her that she doesn't realize she can. Her fears keep her trapped. She's afraid to find out the truth. She's afraid that her little fantasy would be destroyed. Not seeing what it's doing to the object of her desire.

It's crushing her.

I can see perfectly into her, better than Minako can. I can see right through her. I can see her essence, her secret, her heart.

And I wish I could make Minako do the same.

But I can't. I can only watch as these two play with each other, touching but never feeling each other. They talk and yet can never hear what lies beneath the other's words. They stare into each others eyes, one knowing exactly what the other is feeling yet never doing anything.

Because she's scared.

When it comes down to it, that's the only thing that Minako really can't see. She can't see the fact that her little web weaver is scared. Scared out of her beautiful little mind.

She wants someone to see her. That's why she builds the walls around herself and created this false image. She wants someone to be able to break the shield around herself that keeps everyone out but also keeps herself in. It's killing her being seen but never understood. She, just like Minako, built a false world around herself so real she herself believes it.

Come on, Minako. Snap out of your useless fantasy and destroy that blind fear.

Save her.

~*~*~*~

Watching her like this but not knowing what she hides is killing me. I feel my lungs constricting, my throat closing and the world spinning around me.

Am I afraid? Afraid because I can't see through someone?

Yes. I'm afraid.

I'm so afraid.

Because what if no one can see through me, just as I can't see through her? What if no one will ever look into my eyes and see the real me behind my projected image?

The thought itself forces me to close my eyes and bite my lip.

What if no one will ever know me enough to love me? Imagine that, the Goddess of Love never loved in return.

That is my biggest fear. My only fear.

Everyone deserves to be loved. Everyone deserves to wake up in the morning in the arms of someone that loves them and understands them perfectly. Anyone who doesn't have that is truly someone to be pitied.

I am someone to be truly pitied.

No one would ever pity me though. They think I have everything I can ever want. I have friends, endless admirers and a family. What would I ever need? When will I ever be lonely?

Friends can't keep you company on a rainy morning when all you want to do is snuggle in bed but have no one to cuddle with. Family can't take away the pain when you see the loving couples walking down the street, kissing and hugging. Admirers can never listen to your deepest secrets and comfort you when the hurt inside is threatening to tear you apart.

Only a lover can. Only a lover can kiss you and chase away all those demons that you hide away in the back of your mind. Only a lover can understand why you'd rather cuddle in bed rather than make love. Because they love you. Because they want you to be happy. Because they can see through you and understand who you really are.

That's why love is the most beautiful thing in the world. It can conquer all, and to be touched by it is to be touched by Heaven.

Minako has never been touched by Heaven. She's never been loved, though she's made love. And she's never been truly understood.

~*~*~*~*~

Her eyes grow dark, something that makes me frown, though inconspicuously. Nevertheless, I look around the room just to make sure no one sees. No one does.

No one ever does.

This image that I have made, this façade that I have crafted and this wall that I have carved protects me. It keeps everyone out.

But it locks me in.

It keeps me inside my own cold heart, with no one to hold me when I hurt and no one to wipe away my tears while I cry.

And it hurts. It hurts because I know none of my friends know what I hide. It hurts because when I need someone, there is no one. No one knows who I am. No one knows when I hurt. No one knows what makes me tick.

And that feeling is like hell.

My own personal hell. There is no one to protect me from my demons. There is no one to protect me from the only thing I fear:

Myself.

I'm scared of myself. I'm scared of the fact that I can't open up to anyone. I'm scared of the fact that I'm alone. Always alone. I live in a world that no one has ever seen because no one can ever get in.

And I only have myself to blame.

I've always been scared. So scared that I built walls around my heart. So scared that how I act, how I speak and even what I say is a lie. It protects me from the world and myself. It keeps people away so they can never step into my world.

And I am so alone.

I wish I wasn't alone. I wish I can just tell someone everything on my mind. I wish I can explain to them exactly what I'm scared of. I wish someone would just hold me and love me.

But no one does. No one can, though many try. And every time I turn someone away or force someone to leave I hate myself a little bit more. I scare myself a little bit more.

There is nothing to fear but fear itself.

I'm afraid people will see the real me and see how weak I really am. I'm scared that people will see how afraid I am of being alone. I'm afraid people will see that I'm afraid of myself. And I'm afraid of myself because I keep people out. Which brings it back to the fact that I'm afraid of people seeing how afraid I am.

It's all one big twisted chain of fear. And I'm stuck in the middle with no one to blame but myself.

Notice how many times in the past few minutes I've said "myself?" That's the root of the problem. And I can't get rid of it.

That's why I started to hope when I saw Minako realizing she was just part of my game. I hoped that she would be able to see through my and see my fear. I hoped that she would be able to save me from, what else, myself.

But she hasn't She hasn't been able to see what it is that I hide from. And I lose a little more hope every day. I can't hang on for much longer. I'm drowning in a sea of my own fear and I can't get out.

Minako. I beg you, see me.

~*~*~*~*~

Damn it. Every second that passes, I feel her slipping from me. I'm a little bit farther from the truth, a little more distant from her secret. And it angers me.

Because I know that's a complete lie. I've never been getting closer to the truth. I've always been so far away. I have never moved from where I was a year ago when I first found out.

And that fact angers me even more. It's not that she's getting better at hiding her secret. It's the fact that I'm not cutting it. I'm the one failing.

Without a word, I stand and walk out of the room. It was getting harder to breathe in that room. I can see her, sitting there, hiding herself from the world and I haven't been any closer to getting to her secret. I haven't been getting any closer to knowing her. Really knowing her.

And that doesn't only piss me off, it hurts.

I want to see the real her. I want to know who she is. I want to hug her and really be hugging her. Not someone she pretends to be.

God, I am such a failure.

I feel tears welling up in my eyes. And I don't care. Just this once, I don't care. I don't want to be the strong leader of the senshi, I don't want to be the ditzy blonde and I don't want to be the in control idol. I just want to be me. I just want to cry and hate myself and hate her.

I just want to hate her for making me want to know her. I just want to hate her because I don't know her. I just want to hate her because I can't see her. I want to hate her because I'm scared. I'm scared that no one will ever see me like they will never see her.

~*~*~*~

I don't look at Minako as she walks back in. She's been gone for over an hour. Everyone swarms around her, asking her if she's okay and where's she's been. It's obvious that she's been crying.

Minako ignores everyone and keeps walking. Towards me.

My heart hammers in my chest as she stops right in front of me. I don't look up from my book, pretending not to notice her.

Pretending with her has never gotten very far.

Without a word, she grabs my hand and pulls me to my feet, the book flying out of my hand. I can't help but gasp when she wraps her arms around me, pulling me to her.

I dare look up and am met by the most beautiful blue eyes ever. They twinkle. They really twinkle for once not with false cheer but real relief. I open my mouth to speak but am silenced when she kisses me.

It's like fire racing through me. Her arms around my waist tighten and I run my fingers through her golden mane. It's indescribable the way her lips press against mine and how her thumb rubs lazy circles on my hip.

Just as abruptly as she initiates the kiss, Minako pulls away, leaving me both breathless and yearning for more.

She smiles that dazzlingly smile at me and I know now exactly why men flock to her. But I get something they don't. Her smile is genuine, and I can see the realization in her eyes. My heart pounds.

"I see you, Rei."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I had an urge to write a Minako/Rei fic. And so, I stopped studying for three hours and wrote that. You can tell it only took six hours. I wanted it to be longer, but my first draft, the longer one, was erased after my stupid computer malfunctioned and the second, this one, wasn't really one I could expand on.

Well, review, please? It's bad, so trash it! Give me your honest opinion!

The title is inspired by "Is It Real?" by Lisa Hall. I love that song. It's on the Practical Magic soundtrack. Check it out.