TITLE: Shades of Light

GENRE: Drama/Angst

RATING: PG-13 for later chapters

TIMELINE: Jedi Apprentice

WARNINGS: Spoilers for JA books 1,2 and 5,6 – barely recognizable as I've completely twisted them to my own liking. Having a general idea of some JA characters would be good, but not necessary. This is an A/U - as in alternate universe, so if you are picky about canon, this is not the place to be. For my purposes, and preference, Qui-Gon's master in this fic will be Master Yoda.

DISCLAIMER: All recognizable characters belong to George Lucas, Jude Watson, and Dave Wolverton.

FEEDBACK: Insert Force suggestion. You will give this author feedback. :D

SUMMARY: Eight years after the council knighted his padawan against his wishes, Qui-Gon Jinn returns to the temple. He will come face to face with the mistakes of his past and finds possible redemption in his future.

Dedication: This one is for you CASCADIA. Thanks so much for all your help and encouragement on this fic and that other monster of mine :) Your advice is always sound and very honest. I've appreciated it more than you know. Thank you.

NOTE OF THANKS: To obiew and Arldetta. Both for very different reasons, and both you girls know why ;)

XIXI

Qui-Gon shouldered his worn travel pack as he disembarked from his early morning transport, the first rays of sunlight yet to make an appearance. He stopped at the bottom of the ramp, noticing the welcoming committee waiting near the entrance to the temple. He sighed. He was not ready for this, nor did he have any interest in being ready for this anytime soon. He knew why he'd been ordered back to the temple. Sure, it was under the guise of a well-earned respite, but if that were the case his request to take that respite on Alderaan would not have been denied.

No, he knew the real reason why Master Yoda had called him back to the temple. So what if it had been eight years since he'd returned for little more than a change of clothes and a hot meal. Thankfully, HE was never in temple at the same time. Thankfully, their paths had not crossed in that entire time. The little master had tried to keep him updated on HIS progress, but he would not hear of it. Eventually the attempted progress reports had stopped, much to his relief. That was just fine with him, he preferred it that way, and would prefer it to stay that way. He sensed however, that Master Yoda had other ideas.

"Hello, Master. Mace." Qui-Gon said to the two as he approached. "And to what do I owe this honor - - to be greeted by not one, but two council members?"

"Council members, all we are to you?" Yoda asked spryly. "Your master, I still am. Good friend to you, Mace has always been"

"That remains to be seen," Qui-Gon said brusquely.

"Humph, happy to be home you are not. Too bad, that is. Missed you, we have," Yoda said as he turned to lead them into the temple.

"It's been a long time,Qui," Mace said to Qui-Gon as he took the other man's hand in his, grasping his forearm with his free hand. "It's good to have you back." Qui-Gon returned the gesture out of politeness, nothing more. At one time he had considered this man his best friend, until he, along with the rest of the council, had betrayed him - - his own former master the ringleader in that betrayal. He did not forget such things, nor would he pretend that time and distance had softened that betrayal.

"Yes, well. I'm not exactly back of my own accord, now, am I?" Qui-Gon said coolly as they entered the temple corridors and headed towards the lifts. "I'll not play these games. I know what this is about, and I want no part of it. We've all made our positions clear, I stand by mine. Unless you've changed yours, then there's really nothing left to discuss."

"Stubborn, you have always been. Blinds you, it does. See nothing beyond it, you can," Yoda said sadly, and slightly exasperated. "Stand by our original decision we do, discuss it further we will not. Called home you have been, for too long you have been gone. Earned this respite you have. Need this respite, you do. Running across the galaxy, for far too long you have been. Enjoy it or not, up to you it is."

Qui-Gon took offense at the insinuation that he had been running from anything, least of all his former padawan, and was just about to say so when someone came flying around the corner and crashed directly into him. He barely lost his momentum, but the object that struck him had fared much worse. He looked to the young man sprawled on the floor before him, his irritation heavy - - and dissipating completely when he looked into wide changeable eyes. Possibly the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen, ranging in color from blue to green to gray all in a matter of seconds. But the beauty of those eyes in no way compared to the beauty of the force aura that surrounded the young man. Qui-Gon had always been strong in the living force, and never in his lifetime had he ever seen such a pure and untainted force signature. The boy practically glowed.

He was oblivious to the embarrassed and mumbled apologies the boy was offering as he helped him to his feet. "In a hurry, young one?" Qui-Gon asked, amused and slightly disconcerted with the change in his disposition. He did not notice that Mace was suddenly looking quite uncomfortable, or that Yoda was looking quite pleased.

A slight blush colored the young face as he spoke. "Yes, master. Forgive, me. I am running a bit late and was not paying attention" Qui-Gon noted that the young man was still quite charmingly embarrassed.

"Think nothing of it, padawan . . .?" Qui-Gon asked, noticing the boy's braid.

"Kenobi. Obi-Wan Kenobi." Obi-Wan said with a small smile, apparently relieved that he was not going to be taken to task on his run in with the master.

"Morning person, our Obi-Wan is not. Forgive him, you must," Yoda said to Qui-Gon, though he favored Obi-Wan with a smile. "Never known to rise this early are you. Special, this day is?"

"Yes, Master Yoda," Obi-Wan said with a radiant smile. "Master thinks I am ready to begin instruction in the Elements kata."

"Impressive," Qui-Gon said genuinely. The boy didn't look a day over his 17th cycle. "A very difficult kata. One that is usually reserved for senior padawan's."

"Mmmmm. Very impressive, our Obi-Wan is," Yoda said unabashedly, delighting in the new flush of color in the young man's face. "And very smart, his master is. Make an earlier riser of you yet he will, young one."

"Yes, well. Your master is undoubtedly waiting for you Obi-Wan." Mace tried to sound casual, and wasn't very convincing. Qui-Gon finally noticed that Mace seemed a bit unnerved. "You mustn't keep him waiting."

"Of course, I'm sorry to have delayed you, masters." Obi-Wan bowed apologetically, taking Mace's hint, and was about to depart when he heard his master's voice further down the corridor.

"What's this I see? It can't be my padawan. My padawan has never voluntarily risen before first light." Obi-Wan turned towards his master's voice, as did Master Yoda. Mace and Qui-Gon were obscured from site, hidden by the corner that Obi-Wan had so recently rounded.

Mace closed his eyes in dread as Qui-Gon froze. Master Yoda was serene as always, though his ears perked a bit. Obi-Wan was unaware, smiling broadly at his master's approach.

"Never have you given me such incentive, my master," Obi-Wan teased, unaware of the tension mounting behind him. Any response his master may have made was cut short as he rounded the corner and came face to face with Mace and Qui-Gon. Shock reverberated throughout the force, and on the faces of two of the Jedi. Obi-Wan was confused by the wild fluctuation of emotions he sensed from his master, before shields were quickly and thoroughly slammed into place.

The tableau held for seconds only, Qui-Gon breaking the silence. His voice was cold, bordering on contempt as he acknowledged the man in full Jedi attire before him. "Xanatos."

"That's MASTER Chiyari to you, Jinn." Xanatos spoke coldly as well. Obi -Wan's eyes widened in shock and understanding, at the mention of the other master's name.

He was caught off guard when Qui-Gon pierced him with a glacial gaze from previously warm eyes. "Yes, so it appears." Obi-Wan was taken aback by the loathing he heard in the other man's tone. "This was all very well arranged," Qui-Gon said disdainfully, looking at those around him before letting his eyes once again settle on Obi-Wan.

"You played your part quite well young one." Obi-Wan blinked in surprise, not knowing what to say.

"You," Xanatos said as he stepped in front of Obi-Wan, his voice low, and clearly challenging, "will not speak to my padawan in that tone. Nor will you accuse him of things that he had no knowledge of."

An uncomfortable silence stretched as the two men stood staring at each other. Finally, Xanatos spoke again. His ice blue gaze never leaving Qui- Gon's, though his voice softened noticeably.

"Obi-Wan, go on ahead to the salle. I'll be there directly."

A brief hesitation. "Master?" The uncertainty about leaving his master was evident.

Xanatos turned to him then, reassuring. "It's alright. I'll be right behind you."

Obi-Wan looked from his master to Qui-Gon and back again. He wasn't entirely convinced, but he would do as his master requested. Xanatos watched him as he moved on and reluctantly passed out of site, before turning his attention back to Qui-Gon.

"Your problem is with me, old man." His jaw clenching as he spoke. " Don't you ever speak to him like that again. As for who is responsible for this little set up - - I would think that would be fairly obvious." He glared at Yoda.

"Bound your paths were, to someday cross." Yoda said unperturbed.

"Fate had nothing to do with this little meeting," Xanatos said, letting some of his anger show, now that his padawan was no longer present. He looked to Qui-Gon who was still looking at him with something akin to disgust. "I want nothing to do with him." He said to Yoda, though he was still looking at Qui-Gon.

"The feeling is mutual," was Qui-Gon's icy response.

"That settles it then," Xanatos said resolutely, looking pleased and obviously preparing to leave. He took a step closer to Qui-Gon, unable to resist a final comment. "Stay out of my way."

He stalked off in the same direction his apprentice had gone, not looking back. Qui-Gon was silent for a moment before returning his attention to the two council members.

"It wasn't enough that you knight that abomination? How do you ever justify allowing him a padawan? Are you blind to the darkness he still carries?"

"Mellowed you, your time away has not," Yoda said sadly. "Darkness, it is not! If not so blinded by your stubbornness, you were, see it you would."

"I saw all I needed to see on Telos eight years ago," Qui-Gon said, fed up with the discussion. He turned to leave when Mace grabbed his arm.

"No, you didn't." Mace paused, and Qui-Gon saw a brief struggle on his old friends face. "You have no idea what that boy went through after you left him there." There seemed to be more the councilor wanted to say, but in the end he only said, "He passed his trials, Qui-Gon."

"How can you say that? He turned on me, Mace! He drew his saber against me. I saw the darkness within him. Force, I fought it." Qui-Gon was silent after that proclamation, reliving the memories from that fateful day. When he spoke again, his voice was but a whisper. "All those years. How could I not have seen it within him?"

"Darkness within, we all have. Stronger his was, than most. Sensed a struggle within him I did. Feared he would not return to us." Yoda said gravely. "Wrong, I was. So wrong. Thankful I am, that wrong I was. Happen often, that does not."

"It was a close call, no doubt. But when it mattered the most, he turned to the light. The young man that made his way back to the temple to throw himself on the mercy of the council was not the same arrogant young man that you knew. He deserves his place in the

order. He is a good knight, and a good friend" Mace finished, noticing the narrow look Qui-Gon gave him at his last words.

Qui-Gon was silent, considering all that had been said. He remained unconvinced. "You didn't see the look in his eyes when we fought." Qui-Gon said determinedly, almost to himself. " There is still darkness within him. I am sure of it." He looked to Mace, and then Yoda, choosing to use his former master's syntax to get his point across.

"Prove it, I will."

With a swirl of his cloak, Qui-Gon departed, leaving Master Yoda to sadly watch the retreating form.

"I fear we may have made things worse," Said Mace.

"Too soon it is, to tell," Yoda said sorrowfully. "More time, I wish they had."

XIXI

Xanatos slowed his steps the closer he got to the salle, stopping completely just outside the training room where his apprentice awaited. The run-in with

his former master had caught him completely off guard. He leaned forward, bracing himself with one arm as he bowed his head. Closing his eyes he struggled to find his center and calm his racing heart. He had known this day would come - - eventually. Knowing that had done little in the way of preparing him, however.

Random, chaotic thoughts of their last encounter immediately flashed through his mind. Qui-Gon, pulling his saber from his father's chest as the man crumpled lifelessly to the ground. The look of surprise and betrayal on his master's face as his own apprentice lashed out at him. His violet blade violently clashing with the emerald green of his master's. And of course, there was what happened after. . . . .

Shaking his head, in a vain effort to disperse the memories, Xanatos once again rose to his full height. Gentle waves of lustrous ebony loosely framed the strong, yet handsome face, the strands slipping free of the leather tie holding the shoulder length hair at bay. A fleeting look of vulnerability was the only evidence of the rising conflict within, making him appear much younger than his thirty-three years. Sensing the agitated presence of his apprentice on the other side of the door, he took a deep breath before entering the salle.

He entered casually, hoping to avoid any talk of the confrontation in the corridor and most especially Qui-Gon Jinn. The concerned look on his padawan's face told him that would not be happening.

"Master? Is everything alright?" Obi-Wan asked, his concern evident. "Are you alright?"

"Of course, padawan." His tone was steady, almost neutral. It would have convinced anyone. Obi-Wan, however, was not just anyone. His padawan knew him very well, and gave him a doubtful look.

He sighed. He'd never been able to keep anything from the boy, but he needed time to come to terms with his feelings before he could discuss them with anyone.

"Later. Okay." A firm but soft answer, promising that they would speak of it - - when he was ready.

Obi-Wan conceded with a nod, not pushing. If his master said they would speak of it later - - they would. Still, he was unsettled from the brief encounter with Master Jinn, surely his master must be as well. "We don't have to do this today, we could . . ." Obi-Wan started.

"Nonsense. You've been waiting all week for this."

Yes, he had. And he really wanted to continue, but not at his master's expense.

"Maybe we should meditate first?" he asked carefully, not wanting to presume that his master might need to focus himself for the upcoming kata.

Xanatos gave him a wry smile. Sometimes the kid was just too smart for his own good. "Not a bad idea." He said, deciding not to downplay the chaotic flux of emotions that Jinn had aroused. Master and apprentice settled to their knees on the padded floor, facing each other, the master giving the apprentice a quick wink before closing his eyes.

Immersed in his thoughts, Xanatos tried to calm the swirling sea of images and memories he had long ago buried. The serenity that meditation so often provided him lingered just out of his reach, his past taunting him in vivid detail like some gruesome holovid that he couldn't turn off.

It had been a long time since he'd had such trouble focusing. The run-in with his former master had affected him more than he wanted to admit - - even to himself. He tried again, this time almost succeeding, when an image of Qui-Gon rose unbidden in his mind. He was not used to seeing his master look at him with such loathing, such disgust. He hadn't examined his feelings then, in the corridor, but now he recognized the hurt easily. It cut him more deeply than he would have ever thought possible.

He quickly pushed the image away, angry with himself for letting Qui-Gon have any effect on him at all. He was about to try again when he felt a hand settle on his thigh. He opened his eyes only to find himself lost in the jeweled tone depths of his padawan's. That worried look was back, but to the boy's credit he said nothing. Xanatos sighed, his frustration mounting. He would not let that man get to him. Qui-Gon Jinn was nothing to him. He was about to rise, to sith with the meditation, when Obi-Wan spoke.

"I . . . could guide you." Softly spoken, not hesitantly, but with a definite air of the insecurity the boy had worked so hard to overcome.

He smiled reassuringly at the uncertain look on Obi-Wan's face. His padawan had come a long way from the shy, insecure little initiate he had stumbled across eight years ago. Yet every once in a while that uncertain little boy would peek out at him from beneath those chameleon eyes.

"I would appreciate that, padawan," he said solemnly.

They closed their eyes together, both reaching for the training bond that was so familiar and comforting. Steadfastly ignoring the torrent of memories and emotions that wanted to overwhelm him, Xanatos focused on his padawan. Obi- Wan. So full of light. So pure. So beautiful. He'd follow that bright presence anywhere. Trustingly, he let the boy lead him deeper and deeper, letting the chaotic thoughts and images fall away.

After a time he could manage on his own, but he found he quite enjoyed the soothing presence of his apprentice. They had not shared their meditations this way since their earliest days together. Memories of himself guiding a young Obi-Wan warmed him, and he let his reminiscence infuse the bond, eliciting an amused yet distracted acknowledgement from his padawan. Obi- Wan was very focused, taking the task at hand quite seriously.

Deciding he should do the same, the master once again focused on the bright presence before him. The boy had no idea what a beacon of light he was, how brightly he shined within the force. No idea how that light had drawn him like a moth to a flame.

Obi-Wan had been his saving grace, piercing the darkness that had once sought to consume him. Had he ever known what true love, devotion, or pride in something other than oneself was before his padawan came into his life? He thought not, but that mattered little. He knew now. Basking in that glorious light - - he let everything else go. All that mattered was right here with him. With Obi-Wan at his side he could face anything. Even Qui-Gon Jinn.

To Be Continued . . . .

A/N: Xanatos was given no last name in canon. Chiyari was given to him by Susan Anthony and she has given me permission to use it. Thanks Susan!