Faded
It was our first day. Buffy and I were off to a new school. Off to a new life; free of slaying. I'm Carry. Your not so average brown hair, brown eyed, five feet, six inches, average weight, sixteen year old girl. Well, Buffy was the slayer. I always followed her and so I kind of became a slayer too. Last Year, Buffy and I accidentally burned down the gym at our old school. We got booted.
Let me get back on track. So, our mother drops us off and the next thing I lay my eyes on is a cute guy on a skateboard. Unfortunately, his eyes were locked on my sister. I still kept my eyes on him. I accidentally bumped into a girl with long red hair. "I'm so sorry," I said. The girl dropped her books. I bent down to help her pick them up.
"Oh, don't worry. I'm Willow. I guess you're new," She said.
"Yup. My name is Carry. I just moved here with my sis. That's her." I pointed to Buffy. Willow simply nodded her head. All of a sudden, the guy I saw slipped on his skateboard and slid under the railing, almost crashing into me. I jumped back.
"Hi girls, hold on, who are you?" the guy said. I moved my mouth but nothing came out.
"Xander, this is Carry. Carry, this is my Best Bud, Xander"
"Thanks for the introduction Willow. Sorry about that. Just looking at the other new girl," he said putting his arms around Willow and I.
"Ah. Marveling at my sister. She always gets the guy attention," I said to Willow. Xander looked at me. "Buffy, that's her name. You see, our mom adopted me shortly after she was born."
"Oh, okay. So what's she like?"
"It's already happening," I said to Willow. We went to class. I didn't say much to any of them. Finally, lunch came. I was walking with Xander and Jesse when we noticed where Willow was sitting and low and behold; Buffy was with her.
"Hey sis," I said. I was surprised at first because my sister was known for being popular. Hanging with that type of crowd yet here she was, talking with my new found friends.
"Hey, who are your new friends?" Buffy asked as she looked from Xander to Jesse to me again. Xander took advantage of this moment.
"Can I have you?" Xander paused, laughing at himself before slapping himself in the head. "I mean can I help you?" Buffy laughed but ignored him.
"Carry, can I talk to you?"
"Yeah, sure." Buffy took my hand in hers as she dragged me away from the laughing -at-Xander party.
"Watcher," Buffy simply said.
"What?! No way!"
"Yea way! I went to the library and he pulled out the book!"
"No but, we're done with it! No more, we made a pact."
"Hey, you're missing all the fun of talking about meaningless things!" Xander had run up to the two girls who seemed to be in an argument.
"We can't we're done with it!" I said.
"Done with what?" Xander asked, confused as to what was happening.
"Well, they keep coming. I mean, they're here! And not to mention the dead guy in the locker."
"What dead guy?" Xander said.
"Two little wholes on the neck, all blood drained right!"
"What are you talking about?!" Xander screamed. Buffy and I just turned to him, only just noticing he had entered our conversation..
"Nothing. Forget about it Xander." I said calmly.
"Carry, what were you talking about?" He had a bewildered look on his face. Buffy gave me a stern look only to then run off. Xander and I stared at each other for a couple of seconds. "Well?"
"I'll tell you later. Let's go eat. I'm starving."
After School, I went to Willow's. Her house was really cool. We had been there for maybe two minutes before Xander came in all whacked out. "Vampires! You guys pretend to slay vampires!" he screamed.
"Will you shut up! Dammit. How did you find out?!" After explaining to Xander and Willow, Xander and I had to leave.
"So, is it hard? I mean, having to do what Buffy says?"
"No, not really. Why?"
"Just wondering. Hey, wanna come to the Bronze with me? I mean, it's a club. They play good music."
"Sure"
"Where do you live. I'll pick ya up"
"Here." We had just walked in front of my house.
"Cool. Hey. It's open now. Why don't you get changed now and we can walk down."
"Okay. Why don't you come in." We walked into my house. I started up the stairs and realized Xander wasn't following. "Come on. Don't worry. My room looks kinda like Willow's. Only with a lot of boxes.
"Ah. Okay," he said and started to fallow me.
"You can help me pick out what to wear," I said. I went into Buffy's room to see what she had pulled out. "Ah, she pulled out the icky black dress."
"Isn't this your room?"
"Nope."
"Oh."
"Come on. My room is over here." I said walking down the hall. Xander was close behind me. "Don't worry. There are no vampires here. They can't come in unless you invite them"
"I'm no worried. Who said I was worried?"
"So should I wear the blue halter or the polo shirt?"
"Halter"
"Okay. Turn around please."
"Yeah sure, I mean yeah, ah....." Xander said. I changed quickly.
"I'm done. How do I look?"
"Great, Wow, um beautiful, you look stunning." I smiled, blushing slightly.
"Okay. Come on." I pulled on my jacket and walked up to him. "Ready?"
"Oh, yeah. Let's go." He took my hand and we went downstairs. Right as we are about to leave, my mother walked out of the kitchen. She spotted Xander holding my hand. Xander stared at her, a mixture of shear terror and embarrassment.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"Out. This is Xander. Met him at school. We're going to go now." Xander and I turned to leave. We luckily made it out. Xander squeezed my hand tighter.
"That was close."
"Yeah. Sorry. Well, you won't have to worry about her a lot."
"Okay so do you like dancing?" Xander asked. By this time, he had put his arm around my shoulder.
"Yeah."
"Cool Well here it is." Xander led me into the cub. As we talked, I found I had more in common with him then I had expected. Each word that was said caused me to fall for him. The crush that had started earlier this morning had now grown into something greater. Something I hoped would turn into something beautiful. "Hey wanna dance?"
"Yeah." It was a slow song. I think he chose this song on purpose. He held me close. His body was warm and when I looked into his eyes, I felt safe.
"You know, you're really cool. After this, wanna go to my place? We could play Nintendo or talk."
"That would be nice."
"Cool." The song was almost over but I didn't want to let go. I guess he didn't either because his arms tightened. The song ended and we let go of each other. Xander took my hand and we walked to his house. He basically lived in the basement. "Want anything to drink? I got apple juice, I mean, I have wine and beer."
"Apple juice will be fine." I sat down on his bed. He handed me the juice and got out the Nintendo. We played Mario Cart. As we were racing, Xander put down his control and began to tickle my side. "Hey, stop. God, I'm ticklish! Stop! *laughing* Cheater!" I fell onto the bed, Xander still tickling me.
"Yeah well, you keep winning and bringing down my manliness!"
"What else can you do to gain you manliness?"
"By doing this." Xander kissed me. He then suddenly stopped. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have," he said.
"Xander it's ok."
"No, it isn't." He looked down.
"Xander, look at me. If I say it's ok, it's ok." This time I kissed him. he didn't pull away.
"Carry, I think I gotta crush on you." He kissed me again. After that he looked at me. He seemed to have a longing in his eyes. I fell asleep there. I remember waking up in his arms. I woke up with him starring at me. He hugged me like he never wanted to let go. "Good morning. What time is it?"
"10:30. It's okay. Don't worry, your mom will be fine."
"And how do you know this?"
"I have god talking skills."
"Okay, show me."
"Ms. Summers *kiss* Your daughter and I *kiss* lost track of time *kiss* and fell asleep while playing Nintendo."
"Are all those kisses in your speech?"
"No, I just like kissing you." Xander kissed me again. Then, there was a knock on the door.
"Do you two want something to eat?" said a voice.
"No mom we're fine." I buried my head in the pillow. "Don't do that. You should never hide your face. It's too beautiful to be hidden." He stoked my hair. "Hey, do you wanna catch a movie or go you wanna go home? Either way, I'm coming with you."
"Home first, then movie."
"Okay. Just as long as I can make out with you."
Xander took me home and helped me to get out of trouble with my mother. We went to a movie. Then we came back home. My sister was home though. She kept coming into my room. I got annoyed. Xander was very confused. I finally locked the door. "Now what shall we do?"
"You tell me Captain Harris."
"I like the sound of that. Captain Harris. But Lady Summers, I am but a humble servant."
"Ah, but you are my one and only and this is beginning to sound very weird." I pushed him down on the bed. "I know what you want and you know what I want. Now let's play."
"You're very sexy when you're aggressive."
Xander and I played some game, and watched TV and listened to music. We talked about our lives. I connected with him.
Months passed and the connection between us faded, but I still loved him. Unfortunately, his affection went to Buffy. Buffy's affections went to a vampire named Angel. Like Xander, I hated him. All Buffy would talk about was Angel and all Xander would talk about was Buffy. Willow got lucky and met Oz. I was left with no one and Giles couldn't really help me out. I began to realize that to Xander, all I'd be was Buffy's sister that he once liked. I knew I was nothing to him and that's all I'd be. Nothing more, nothing less.
"Hey Buff, wanna dance?"
"Maybe later Xand," Buffy said. She walked off. I soon noticed that she was with Angel.
"I don't get it. I give her every signal. I'd do anything for her and she doesn't notice. Carry, do you know what I mean? Do you understand?"
"Yeah, I actually do. But at least you two didn't have a fling, you fall in love with her and then she move to another person."
"That would really hurt."
"It does." I said. Xander looked at me funny. I just walked away, into the crowd, farther away from him. Then, it just got to hot in the club and I wanted to get out. I was outside when Spike decided to drop by.
"Well lookie here. One of the slayers."
"Go away Spike. I don't want to fight right now."
"Who said I wanted to fight? All I wanted was to talk."
"About what?"
"About you."
"Why?"
"Don't think I can't see. You're hooked on Xander and he's being stupid because he can't read what you're spelling out."
"You know me a little too well."
"You've got no one else to turn to so, I happen to be here." I looked down at my shoes. When I'm around Spike, I feel like something good and bad will happen. "Listen, get over him. He's never going to notice you again."
"But he did."
"Yes, he did, but that doesn't mean he's coming back. Move on with your life. You'll meet someone who will love you till the end of the earth."
"You're right. Thanks." I quickly gave him a hug and I started to walk home but he took my hand in his, and it felt like Xander holding my hand again.
"Let me walk you home," Spike said still holding my hand.
"Okay." Spike walked me home, his hand feeling warm. When we reached the porch of my house, he let go, and the light of hope that had begun to burn when he took hold of my hand blew out.
"Well, see you some time."
"Spike, do you want to come in?"
"No, I shouldn't. I don't need you sister bugging me."
"Okay. Good night." Then, I don't know how, but Spike and I kissed. It feels so nice that I didn't want to pull away. He wrapped his arms around me and I felt wanted, safe. I didn't want Spike to let go. To me, he didn't want to let go either. But it did end and he left. I went inside and got ready for bed. Just as I was falling asleep, I heard a knock on the window. It was Xander.
"What the hell were you thinking!?"
"What are you talking about?"
"First I see you talking to him, then you hug him, then you kiss him!"
"Who, what?"
"Spike, Spike! A vampire!"
"Hey, when do you care who I kiss?!"
"I've always cared! You're like a little sister to me!"
"Even when we were playing around in that bed, this year!"
"Carry, I didn't I..."
"Get out. Please."
"I... I'm not leaving."
"Fine then I will." I grabbed my jacket, then put on my sandals.
"Carry, you can't go out like that!"
"God, I don't care." I screamed, leaving Xander alone. I could find Spike, or I could just walk. I decided to walk. I soon ran into Angel. "What are you doing?" He asked.
"Why can't anyone just leave me alone!" Angel grabbed my wrist tightly. It hurt.
"Hey, Angel. Go away." said a voice from behind me. "Let go of her or I'll..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kill you." Angel snarled at the other vampire before her let go of my wrist, walking away into the night.
"Thanks."
"Hey, I'm here for you." That night, I spent with Spike. His place wasn't the best but it was comfortable. Spike was the perfect gentleman. I fell asleep quickly. I was shaken awake. It was Xander. I looked over. Spike was next to me fast asleep.
"God, go away. I want to sleep."
"No. I'm not leaving without you."
"Well, I'm not budging."
"Yes you are." Xander then picked me up and threw me over his shoulder.
"Spike! Help me!" Spike awoke in a startle.
"What's going on?"
"Spike! HELP!" Spike ran after Xander and I.
"Stop! You can't leave with her looking like that!"
"Your right." Xander put me down. "Here put this on." Xander then handed me a coat. When I didn't put it on, he put it on for me and then picked me back up. Spike jumped in front of Xander as if to stop him. Xander then punched Spike out cold. He then carried me home.
"Why did you do that?"
"Last night, I realized I was chasing the wrong girl."
"You can't carry me away and expect me to..."
"Oh, Shut up and kiss me dammit!" Xander grabbed me and pulled me close. He then kissed me. He didn't let go for what seems to be an eternity.
"Does this mean you're over Buffy?"
"Yeah. I was wondering what you and Spike were talking about."
"We were talking about you."
"Oh, really. I bet you said I was sexy, cute, caring and manly. We can't forget manly!"
"No. It was really Spike who did most of the talking and I agreed. He said you were stupid because you couldn't read what I was spelling out for you."
"Oh. I guess I was. Well then. I will just have to make up for all that lost time, now, but at my place, where we can be alone."
"And how are we going to get to your house because I'm not going to walk."
"Okay then." Xander picked me back up and threw me over his shoulder again. He walked us to his house.
"What's with you carrying me like this?"
"It shows off my manliness."
"Obsession with the manliness!" We made up. Having Xander in my arms felt better than I had remembered. He and I had another connection and I didn't want to let go of it. Never.
~~At School~~
"Now, from the information Buffy has gotten us, the harvest will be tonight but where?" Giles said.
"At the Bronze" Xander stated.
"Yeah, it's going to be very crowded. Buffy and I will get the supplies and meet you there."
"Then we can kick butt!" Willow said.
"No, you guys just get everyone out. Carry and I will deal with the vampires." After out discussion, I went to my locker and got my things. I went home, did my homework and got ready. Buffy left an hour earlier. I walked alone.
"So, I see you got your boy back." It was Spike.
"Hello Spike. Please don't. I gotta go."
"But do you love him, or do you just want him?"
"Is that a trick question?" All of a sudden, I heard someone running behind me.
"Carry, I saw you and I- Spike." It was Xander.
"So Xander, do you love her? Can you look into her eyes and tell her you love her?"
"Yes, of course I can!"
"The do it! Say her name too!"
"Okay, fine." Xander turned to me. "Buffy I love you"
"What, what did you call me?"
"Carry."
"No, you called her Buffy. You are still in love her sister!"
"Carry, I, I wasn't thinking."
"You shouldn't have to think. Let's go. We need to save the world. After this, I don't want to see you again." We ran to the Bronze. The fun had just begun. Jesse cornered me but Xander staked him. It was hard because every time I got into trouble, Xander was there to get me out. Buffy killed the evil vampire and the world was safe again. I walked outside. It was cold and my jacket was not adequate enough.
"You and Buffy saved the world, but it doesn't mean he won't stop. He will keep trying."
"If things couldn't get any worse. What do you want?"
"Do you always have to act like that?"
"Sorry Angel. Just mad."
"Why?"
"Xander."
"Oh, what happened this time?"
"Must I say? He still loves Buffy."
"Oh, must be hard."
"It is. It's nothing but pain and suffering."
"It'll get better in the end."
"I hope your right. So do you like my sis? And if so, you better not break her heart or I'll break yours!" Angel laughed at hearing me say this. It was then that I realized he wasn't like the rest of them. He was like Spike only cuter. I now knew why Buffy had fallen in love with him. Soon, we heard somebody screaming help. Angel and I took off in a sprint. It was sounded like it was coming from the park. There Angel and I saw girl being attacked by a vampire. "Will they ever give up?" With a stake in hand, I launched at the demon. Seeing my stake, it let go of the girl and ran away. "Angel, stay here. It's time for some butt kicking. Be back soon." I ran after the vampire. When I caught up with it, it was lying on the ground, not dead, but frightened then, I saw him. Spike was holding a stake in one hand. "Spike, I got this one."
"Okay, take a go." The vampire looked at me to Spike then me again. I smiled before plunging the stake into its heart. "So, are you okay?"
"Yup, killing that helped but I'm ok. I gotta go. That vampire was attacking a girl. I left her with Angel."
"May I accompany you?"
"Sure." We walked back and found Angel and the girl talking. "So, are you all right?" I asked her.
"I am now. Thanks, my name's Jessica."
"She's going to stay with me." Angel said. His arms were wrapped around her, keeping her close.
"Angel, are you sure this is a good idea? If Buffy find out, she'll, I don't wanna think about what she'll do."
"Carry, Buffy will get over it. I'm sorry. I just don't feel the same way as her."
"Whatever. Can we finish this convo later? Sun is almost up and I don't wanna fry!"
Everyone left but I stayed at the park. Soon, parents with their kids turned up. The sun was shinning. I watched the kids play with their moms and dads. I began to wonder if I would ever be able to play with my kids. Would I even have kids? I began to feel wet tears coming down my cheeks. I didn't want to think about that.
"Carry have you been here all night?" Giles. He was like a father to me. Someone I could depend on.
"Y-yes."
"Why are you crying. A slayer shouldn't cry. Here." Giles handed me a handkerchief. I wiped away my tears.
"Giles, will I ever have children? Will I be alive to?"
"I wish I could give you a positive answer but I can't. Since you are one of the slayers, there is a great chance that you might. Don't forget that you are saving many lives."
"Do you think anybody would love me?"
"Carry, you are one of the nicest girls I know. Boys would be crazy if they didn't."
"If only my father was more like you." I hugged Giles.
"Well, I gotta go find out more about the master." Giles left. I sat thinking of the future I wanted to have. Giles's helped me a little but I still hurt. No one could make me feel better except one person. And in that persons mind, I was a faded memory. I stayed in they park. Just sitting on the bench. It soon became dark. the stars were shinning brightly. I waited, hopping for shooting star.
"Hey there slayer." A voice said from behind me.
"Hey big bad." Spike sat down next to me.
"Have you been here all day?"
"Yup. Thinking. I talked to Giles. I also came to the conclusion that to Xander, I'm just a faded memory."
"Maybe to him." Spike ran his fingers through my hair. "But to me, you will never be a faded memory in my mind."
"Spike what are you saying? Are you saying what I think your saying?"
"Yes Carry, I'm in love with you." In that instant, we kissed. I realized that he was always the one. He could make me happy. Not Xander. I was being so stupid. William the bloody, Spike, big bad, whatever name was perfect to hear. I was in love with him and to him, I wasn't faded.
It was our first day. Buffy and I were off to a new school. Off to a new life; free of slaying. I'm Carry. Your not so average brown hair, brown eyed, five feet, six inches, average weight, sixteen year old girl. Well, Buffy was the slayer. I always followed her and so I kind of became a slayer too. Last Year, Buffy and I accidentally burned down the gym at our old school. We got booted.
Let me get back on track. So, our mother drops us off and the next thing I lay my eyes on is a cute guy on a skateboard. Unfortunately, his eyes were locked on my sister. I still kept my eyes on him. I accidentally bumped into a girl with long red hair. "I'm so sorry," I said. The girl dropped her books. I bent down to help her pick them up.
"Oh, don't worry. I'm Willow. I guess you're new," She said.
"Yup. My name is Carry. I just moved here with my sis. That's her." I pointed to Buffy. Willow simply nodded her head. All of a sudden, the guy I saw slipped on his skateboard and slid under the railing, almost crashing into me. I jumped back.
"Hi girls, hold on, who are you?" the guy said. I moved my mouth but nothing came out.
"Xander, this is Carry. Carry, this is my Best Bud, Xander"
"Thanks for the introduction Willow. Sorry about that. Just looking at the other new girl," he said putting his arms around Willow and I.
"Ah. Marveling at my sister. She always gets the guy attention," I said to Willow. Xander looked at me. "Buffy, that's her name. You see, our mom adopted me shortly after she was born."
"Oh, okay. So what's she like?"
"It's already happening," I said to Willow. We went to class. I didn't say much to any of them. Finally, lunch came. I was walking with Xander and Jesse when we noticed where Willow was sitting and low and behold; Buffy was with her.
"Hey sis," I said. I was surprised at first because my sister was known for being popular. Hanging with that type of crowd yet here she was, talking with my new found friends.
"Hey, who are your new friends?" Buffy asked as she looked from Xander to Jesse to me again. Xander took advantage of this moment.
"Can I have you?" Xander paused, laughing at himself before slapping himself in the head. "I mean can I help you?" Buffy laughed but ignored him.
"Carry, can I talk to you?"
"Yeah, sure." Buffy took my hand in hers as she dragged me away from the laughing -at-Xander party.
"Watcher," Buffy simply said.
"What?! No way!"
"Yea way! I went to the library and he pulled out the book!"
"No but, we're done with it! No more, we made a pact."
"Hey, you're missing all the fun of talking about meaningless things!" Xander had run up to the two girls who seemed to be in an argument.
"We can't we're done with it!" I said.
"Done with what?" Xander asked, confused as to what was happening.
"Well, they keep coming. I mean, they're here! And not to mention the dead guy in the locker."
"What dead guy?" Xander said.
"Two little wholes on the neck, all blood drained right!"
"What are you talking about?!" Xander screamed. Buffy and I just turned to him, only just noticing he had entered our conversation..
"Nothing. Forget about it Xander." I said calmly.
"Carry, what were you talking about?" He had a bewildered look on his face. Buffy gave me a stern look only to then run off. Xander and I stared at each other for a couple of seconds. "Well?"
"I'll tell you later. Let's go eat. I'm starving."
After School, I went to Willow's. Her house was really cool. We had been there for maybe two minutes before Xander came in all whacked out. "Vampires! You guys pretend to slay vampires!" he screamed.
"Will you shut up! Dammit. How did you find out?!" After explaining to Xander and Willow, Xander and I had to leave.
"So, is it hard? I mean, having to do what Buffy says?"
"No, not really. Why?"
"Just wondering. Hey, wanna come to the Bronze with me? I mean, it's a club. They play good music."
"Sure"
"Where do you live. I'll pick ya up"
"Here." We had just walked in front of my house.
"Cool. Hey. It's open now. Why don't you get changed now and we can walk down."
"Okay. Why don't you come in." We walked into my house. I started up the stairs and realized Xander wasn't following. "Come on. Don't worry. My room looks kinda like Willow's. Only with a lot of boxes.
"Ah. Okay," he said and started to fallow me.
"You can help me pick out what to wear," I said. I went into Buffy's room to see what she had pulled out. "Ah, she pulled out the icky black dress."
"Isn't this your room?"
"Nope."
"Oh."
"Come on. My room is over here." I said walking down the hall. Xander was close behind me. "Don't worry. There are no vampires here. They can't come in unless you invite them"
"I'm no worried. Who said I was worried?"
"So should I wear the blue halter or the polo shirt?"
"Halter"
"Okay. Turn around please."
"Yeah sure, I mean yeah, ah....." Xander said. I changed quickly.
"I'm done. How do I look?"
"Great, Wow, um beautiful, you look stunning." I smiled, blushing slightly.
"Okay. Come on." I pulled on my jacket and walked up to him. "Ready?"
"Oh, yeah. Let's go." He took my hand and we went downstairs. Right as we are about to leave, my mother walked out of the kitchen. She spotted Xander holding my hand. Xander stared at her, a mixture of shear terror and embarrassment.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"Out. This is Xander. Met him at school. We're going to go now." Xander and I turned to leave. We luckily made it out. Xander squeezed my hand tighter.
"That was close."
"Yeah. Sorry. Well, you won't have to worry about her a lot."
"Okay so do you like dancing?" Xander asked. By this time, he had put his arm around my shoulder.
"Yeah."
"Cool Well here it is." Xander led me into the cub. As we talked, I found I had more in common with him then I had expected. Each word that was said caused me to fall for him. The crush that had started earlier this morning had now grown into something greater. Something I hoped would turn into something beautiful. "Hey wanna dance?"
"Yeah." It was a slow song. I think he chose this song on purpose. He held me close. His body was warm and when I looked into his eyes, I felt safe.
"You know, you're really cool. After this, wanna go to my place? We could play Nintendo or talk."
"That would be nice."
"Cool." The song was almost over but I didn't want to let go. I guess he didn't either because his arms tightened. The song ended and we let go of each other. Xander took my hand and we walked to his house. He basically lived in the basement. "Want anything to drink? I got apple juice, I mean, I have wine and beer."
"Apple juice will be fine." I sat down on his bed. He handed me the juice and got out the Nintendo. We played Mario Cart. As we were racing, Xander put down his control and began to tickle my side. "Hey, stop. God, I'm ticklish! Stop! *laughing* Cheater!" I fell onto the bed, Xander still tickling me.
"Yeah well, you keep winning and bringing down my manliness!"
"What else can you do to gain you manliness?"
"By doing this." Xander kissed me. He then suddenly stopped. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have," he said.
"Xander it's ok."
"No, it isn't." He looked down.
"Xander, look at me. If I say it's ok, it's ok." This time I kissed him. he didn't pull away.
"Carry, I think I gotta crush on you." He kissed me again. After that he looked at me. He seemed to have a longing in his eyes. I fell asleep there. I remember waking up in his arms. I woke up with him starring at me. He hugged me like he never wanted to let go. "Good morning. What time is it?"
"10:30. It's okay. Don't worry, your mom will be fine."
"And how do you know this?"
"I have god talking skills."
"Okay, show me."
"Ms. Summers *kiss* Your daughter and I *kiss* lost track of time *kiss* and fell asleep while playing Nintendo."
"Are all those kisses in your speech?"
"No, I just like kissing you." Xander kissed me again. Then, there was a knock on the door.
"Do you two want something to eat?" said a voice.
"No mom we're fine." I buried my head in the pillow. "Don't do that. You should never hide your face. It's too beautiful to be hidden." He stoked my hair. "Hey, do you wanna catch a movie or go you wanna go home? Either way, I'm coming with you."
"Home first, then movie."
"Okay. Just as long as I can make out with you."
Xander took me home and helped me to get out of trouble with my mother. We went to a movie. Then we came back home. My sister was home though. She kept coming into my room. I got annoyed. Xander was very confused. I finally locked the door. "Now what shall we do?"
"You tell me Captain Harris."
"I like the sound of that. Captain Harris. But Lady Summers, I am but a humble servant."
"Ah, but you are my one and only and this is beginning to sound very weird." I pushed him down on the bed. "I know what you want and you know what I want. Now let's play."
"You're very sexy when you're aggressive."
Xander and I played some game, and watched TV and listened to music. We talked about our lives. I connected with him.
Months passed and the connection between us faded, but I still loved him. Unfortunately, his affection went to Buffy. Buffy's affections went to a vampire named Angel. Like Xander, I hated him. All Buffy would talk about was Angel and all Xander would talk about was Buffy. Willow got lucky and met Oz. I was left with no one and Giles couldn't really help me out. I began to realize that to Xander, all I'd be was Buffy's sister that he once liked. I knew I was nothing to him and that's all I'd be. Nothing more, nothing less.
"Hey Buff, wanna dance?"
"Maybe later Xand," Buffy said. She walked off. I soon noticed that she was with Angel.
"I don't get it. I give her every signal. I'd do anything for her and she doesn't notice. Carry, do you know what I mean? Do you understand?"
"Yeah, I actually do. But at least you two didn't have a fling, you fall in love with her and then she move to another person."
"That would really hurt."
"It does." I said. Xander looked at me funny. I just walked away, into the crowd, farther away from him. Then, it just got to hot in the club and I wanted to get out. I was outside when Spike decided to drop by.
"Well lookie here. One of the slayers."
"Go away Spike. I don't want to fight right now."
"Who said I wanted to fight? All I wanted was to talk."
"About what?"
"About you."
"Why?"
"Don't think I can't see. You're hooked on Xander and he's being stupid because he can't read what you're spelling out."
"You know me a little too well."
"You've got no one else to turn to so, I happen to be here." I looked down at my shoes. When I'm around Spike, I feel like something good and bad will happen. "Listen, get over him. He's never going to notice you again."
"But he did."
"Yes, he did, but that doesn't mean he's coming back. Move on with your life. You'll meet someone who will love you till the end of the earth."
"You're right. Thanks." I quickly gave him a hug and I started to walk home but he took my hand in his, and it felt like Xander holding my hand again.
"Let me walk you home," Spike said still holding my hand.
"Okay." Spike walked me home, his hand feeling warm. When we reached the porch of my house, he let go, and the light of hope that had begun to burn when he took hold of my hand blew out.
"Well, see you some time."
"Spike, do you want to come in?"
"No, I shouldn't. I don't need you sister bugging me."
"Okay. Good night." Then, I don't know how, but Spike and I kissed. It feels so nice that I didn't want to pull away. He wrapped his arms around me and I felt wanted, safe. I didn't want Spike to let go. To me, he didn't want to let go either. But it did end and he left. I went inside and got ready for bed. Just as I was falling asleep, I heard a knock on the window. It was Xander.
"What the hell were you thinking!?"
"What are you talking about?"
"First I see you talking to him, then you hug him, then you kiss him!"
"Who, what?"
"Spike, Spike! A vampire!"
"Hey, when do you care who I kiss?!"
"I've always cared! You're like a little sister to me!"
"Even when we were playing around in that bed, this year!"
"Carry, I didn't I..."
"Get out. Please."
"I... I'm not leaving."
"Fine then I will." I grabbed my jacket, then put on my sandals.
"Carry, you can't go out like that!"
"God, I don't care." I screamed, leaving Xander alone. I could find Spike, or I could just walk. I decided to walk. I soon ran into Angel. "What are you doing?" He asked.
"Why can't anyone just leave me alone!" Angel grabbed my wrist tightly. It hurt.
"Hey, Angel. Go away." said a voice from behind me. "Let go of her or I'll..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kill you." Angel snarled at the other vampire before her let go of my wrist, walking away into the night.
"Thanks."
"Hey, I'm here for you." That night, I spent with Spike. His place wasn't the best but it was comfortable. Spike was the perfect gentleman. I fell asleep quickly. I was shaken awake. It was Xander. I looked over. Spike was next to me fast asleep.
"God, go away. I want to sleep."
"No. I'm not leaving without you."
"Well, I'm not budging."
"Yes you are." Xander then picked me up and threw me over his shoulder.
"Spike! Help me!" Spike awoke in a startle.
"What's going on?"
"Spike! HELP!" Spike ran after Xander and I.
"Stop! You can't leave with her looking like that!"
"Your right." Xander put me down. "Here put this on." Xander then handed me a coat. When I didn't put it on, he put it on for me and then picked me back up. Spike jumped in front of Xander as if to stop him. Xander then punched Spike out cold. He then carried me home.
"Why did you do that?"
"Last night, I realized I was chasing the wrong girl."
"You can't carry me away and expect me to..."
"Oh, Shut up and kiss me dammit!" Xander grabbed me and pulled me close. He then kissed me. He didn't let go for what seems to be an eternity.
"Does this mean you're over Buffy?"
"Yeah. I was wondering what you and Spike were talking about."
"We were talking about you."
"Oh, really. I bet you said I was sexy, cute, caring and manly. We can't forget manly!"
"No. It was really Spike who did most of the talking and I agreed. He said you were stupid because you couldn't read what I was spelling out for you."
"Oh. I guess I was. Well then. I will just have to make up for all that lost time, now, but at my place, where we can be alone."
"And how are we going to get to your house because I'm not going to walk."
"Okay then." Xander picked me back up and threw me over his shoulder again. He walked us to his house.
"What's with you carrying me like this?"
"It shows off my manliness."
"Obsession with the manliness!" We made up. Having Xander in my arms felt better than I had remembered. He and I had another connection and I didn't want to let go of it. Never.
~~At School~~
"Now, from the information Buffy has gotten us, the harvest will be tonight but where?" Giles said.
"At the Bronze" Xander stated.
"Yeah, it's going to be very crowded. Buffy and I will get the supplies and meet you there."
"Then we can kick butt!" Willow said.
"No, you guys just get everyone out. Carry and I will deal with the vampires." After out discussion, I went to my locker and got my things. I went home, did my homework and got ready. Buffy left an hour earlier. I walked alone.
"So, I see you got your boy back." It was Spike.
"Hello Spike. Please don't. I gotta go."
"But do you love him, or do you just want him?"
"Is that a trick question?" All of a sudden, I heard someone running behind me.
"Carry, I saw you and I- Spike." It was Xander.
"So Xander, do you love her? Can you look into her eyes and tell her you love her?"
"Yes, of course I can!"
"The do it! Say her name too!"
"Okay, fine." Xander turned to me. "Buffy I love you"
"What, what did you call me?"
"Carry."
"No, you called her Buffy. You are still in love her sister!"
"Carry, I, I wasn't thinking."
"You shouldn't have to think. Let's go. We need to save the world. After this, I don't want to see you again." We ran to the Bronze. The fun had just begun. Jesse cornered me but Xander staked him. It was hard because every time I got into trouble, Xander was there to get me out. Buffy killed the evil vampire and the world was safe again. I walked outside. It was cold and my jacket was not adequate enough.
"You and Buffy saved the world, but it doesn't mean he won't stop. He will keep trying."
"If things couldn't get any worse. What do you want?"
"Do you always have to act like that?"
"Sorry Angel. Just mad."
"Why?"
"Xander."
"Oh, what happened this time?"
"Must I say? He still loves Buffy."
"Oh, must be hard."
"It is. It's nothing but pain and suffering."
"It'll get better in the end."
"I hope your right. So do you like my sis? And if so, you better not break her heart or I'll break yours!" Angel laughed at hearing me say this. It was then that I realized he wasn't like the rest of them. He was like Spike only cuter. I now knew why Buffy had fallen in love with him. Soon, we heard somebody screaming help. Angel and I took off in a sprint. It was sounded like it was coming from the park. There Angel and I saw girl being attacked by a vampire. "Will they ever give up?" With a stake in hand, I launched at the demon. Seeing my stake, it let go of the girl and ran away. "Angel, stay here. It's time for some butt kicking. Be back soon." I ran after the vampire. When I caught up with it, it was lying on the ground, not dead, but frightened then, I saw him. Spike was holding a stake in one hand. "Spike, I got this one."
"Okay, take a go." The vampire looked at me to Spike then me again. I smiled before plunging the stake into its heart. "So, are you okay?"
"Yup, killing that helped but I'm ok. I gotta go. That vampire was attacking a girl. I left her with Angel."
"May I accompany you?"
"Sure." We walked back and found Angel and the girl talking. "So, are you all right?" I asked her.
"I am now. Thanks, my name's Jessica."
"She's going to stay with me." Angel said. His arms were wrapped around her, keeping her close.
"Angel, are you sure this is a good idea? If Buffy find out, she'll, I don't wanna think about what she'll do."
"Carry, Buffy will get over it. I'm sorry. I just don't feel the same way as her."
"Whatever. Can we finish this convo later? Sun is almost up and I don't wanna fry!"
Everyone left but I stayed at the park. Soon, parents with their kids turned up. The sun was shinning. I watched the kids play with their moms and dads. I began to wonder if I would ever be able to play with my kids. Would I even have kids? I began to feel wet tears coming down my cheeks. I didn't want to think about that.
"Carry have you been here all night?" Giles. He was like a father to me. Someone I could depend on.
"Y-yes."
"Why are you crying. A slayer shouldn't cry. Here." Giles handed me a handkerchief. I wiped away my tears.
"Giles, will I ever have children? Will I be alive to?"
"I wish I could give you a positive answer but I can't. Since you are one of the slayers, there is a great chance that you might. Don't forget that you are saving many lives."
"Do you think anybody would love me?"
"Carry, you are one of the nicest girls I know. Boys would be crazy if they didn't."
"If only my father was more like you." I hugged Giles.
"Well, I gotta go find out more about the master." Giles left. I sat thinking of the future I wanted to have. Giles's helped me a little but I still hurt. No one could make me feel better except one person. And in that persons mind, I was a faded memory. I stayed in they park. Just sitting on the bench. It soon became dark. the stars were shinning brightly. I waited, hopping for shooting star.
"Hey there slayer." A voice said from behind me.
"Hey big bad." Spike sat down next to me.
"Have you been here all day?"
"Yup. Thinking. I talked to Giles. I also came to the conclusion that to Xander, I'm just a faded memory."
"Maybe to him." Spike ran his fingers through my hair. "But to me, you will never be a faded memory in my mind."
"Spike what are you saying? Are you saying what I think your saying?"
"Yes Carry, I'm in love with you." In that instant, we kissed. I realized that he was always the one. He could make me happy. Not Xander. I was being so stupid. William the bloody, Spike, big bad, whatever name was perfect to hear. I was in love with him and to him, I wasn't faded.