The Diary of Jean Grey-Summers: The Beginning

Standard disclaimers apply, I still wish I owned Wolverine...grr

Rated PG-13 for adult situations, language and the scary sight of Cyclops on an alcohol binge.

Authors Note: This is going to be a 3 part story, divided into...well..you'll see as soon as you read on. This is what I have completed from the first part. I'm working on the last little bit of Part 1, so it kind of cuts off at the end. Don't worry, it wont hang once it's done. I just wanted to put up what I have done and get some feedback. So please read and review.

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Jean sat on the floor of her and Scott's bathroom, holding the little stick in her hand. The blue line that had formed in the tiny window had confirmed her growing suspicions. She was pregnant. It had only been about a month, but a week past when her period was due she sensed something different. At first she wasn't sure how accurate those home pregnancy tests were, so when the others were occupied she went down to the lab and drew some blood. The test came back positive and Jean sat with her knees to her chest and cried. Storm was the first person Jean told, and only because she was the one who'd found her friend sitting on the floor crying.

"Jean, sweetie, what's wrong?" Storm asked, gathering Jean into her arms.

Jean rested her head on Storm's shoulder and continued to cry. "I'm pregnant," she finally managed to choke out.

"Oh honey that's wonderful!" She held Jean tighter, consoling her. "What did Scott say? How far along are you?"

She wiped her eyes and managed to get her breathing somewhat under control. "I haven't told him yet. I just found out, and I think I'm probably about a month along."

Storm couldn't help but let her excitement spill over. "We're going to have a baby in the mansion!" she squealed, hugging Jean again. "When are you going to tell him? He's going to be so excited."

Is he, Jean thought to herself? She and Scott both knew they wanted children someday, but they'd agreed that it would be best to wait until they had been married for awhile. Jean felt like she'd broken the agreement. She was afraid he'd be angry with her, and her physician side kept playing all the scenarios in her head of what could go wrong. She was scared out of her mind. "I'd like to wait to tell him, until I'm a little farther along...and I want to find the right way to tell him. I don't just want to blurt it out."

"I understand," Storm nodded.

"You won't tell anyone, right?" Jean questioned. "I don't want anyone to know right now."

"Of course not. It's your decision how and when to tell people. But I want you to know that I will always be here if you need to talk."

Jean nodded. "Thank you." She felt lucky to have Storm as a friend, and she was glad that at least one person knew her secret. Jean knew that Storm would be her confidant, even after she told Scott.

"Now, let's get you cleaned up and go to dinner before the others start to worry."

The two women stood up. Jean washed her face and tried to compose herself.

"I'm so happy for you, Jean," Storm wrapped an arm around her and gave her a slight squeeze.

"Thank you," Jean smiled back and they headed upstairs to dinner.

The First Trimester: Month 1

Dear Diary,

I've never been one for keeping diaries or journals, but I'm about to enter one of the most difficult, yet rewarding and exciting chapters of my life. I'd like to use this journal to keep track of my personal thoughts and experiences throughout the 9 months of my pregnancy. Some day I will pass this on to my son or daughter, so they can see what the months leading up to their birth were like. Right now I'm only a month pregnant, and I am pretty sure I know when the little one was conceived. Scott and I had taken a trip to the mountains for our anniversary...it was romantic, and isolated...

"Jean?" Scott spoke. "Can I open my eyes yet?"

"Not yet," Jean called back. "Keep them closed and I'll tell you when you can open them."

A few moments later Jean stood in the doorway to the bedroom of the cabin they were staying at. "You can open them now."

Scott opened his eyes and his mouth dropped. Jean was standing in front of him in one of the most seductive pieces of lingerie he'd ever seen her in, leaning provocatively against the doorframe. He rose up off the couch and crossed the room to her, wrapping his arms around her body. "You, Mrs. Summers...are a very naughty girl." He swatted her on the behind as he moved her into the bedroom.

"Ah!" Jean squealed at the playful swat. "I'm glad you like the outfit."

"I don't like it," a muffled reply came back as Scott smothered her neck in kisses. "I love it." He pushed her back onto the bed and she squealed again as his hands began to roam.

"Mmmm," she moaned, groping at his shirt. She pulled it over his head and swirled it around her finger before letting it fly across the room.

A shiver went down Scott's spine as she traced each of his ribs with her finger. He leaned in and kissed her hard on the mouth, pressing the warmth of his body against hers. She moaned beneath him and then fumbled with the button on his pants, before finally kicking them off with her feet. His boxer shorts went next, and eventually her lingerie ended up with the strewn about clothing. She pulled away and climbed under the sheets, motioning him to follow. He complied, taking her in his arms. Jean loved the way her husband smelled of Old Spice and shaving cream. How she wished he knew just how much his scent turned her on. And for all of the ribbing Scott took from Logan, he was a lot more muscular than he appeared.

Scott moaned as he pressed himself against his wife. She responded by arching her back and digging her nails into his shoulder blades. The rest of the night was spent in passionate love making sessions, napping curled up in each others arms, followed by more love making. Jean lay awake, watching her husband sleep. It was times like this she wished she could see his eyes. Unfortunately, Scott's mutation made that impossible. But it didn't matter to Jean. She loved her husband more than anything in the world.

That night was one of the most passionate, romantic nights of my life. I suppose we got caught up in the heat of the moment, because I didn't realize that over the course of our trip, I'd forgotten to take some of my pills. Not that it matters now. I suppose while I'm at it, I should confess that I'm frightened. I'm excited, don't get me wrong. But I know all of the things that can go wrong during a pregnancy, and that scares me to death. I think that's part of the reason I want to wait before I tell Scott or anyone else. The first trimester carries the highest rate of miscarrying, and I don't want to get everyone excited just to have to tell too many people bad news. So I haven't seen any changes in my body. I haven't gained any weight, no morning sickness, nothing like that. But I suppose it will come along soon. I'm glad to have Ororo to confide in. She found me crying in the lab and is the only one who knows about the pregnancy so far. I'd actually like her to be the godmother to my baby, if Scott agrees of course. Anyways, I suppose the others will be wanting breakfast. Until next time.

-Jean

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Jean was standing in front of the coffee pot, empty mug in hand. She supposed now she should lay off the caffeine and instead, opted for a glass of milk.

"Hey sweetie," Scott whispered in her ear as he came up behind her.

"Good morning dear," she kissed him on the cheek.

He took her mug and tipped it. "No coffee today?"

Jean merely shrugged. "I drink too much of it anyways. Keeps me up at night," she smiled.

Logan appeared in the kitchen and immediately began sniffing. What is that scent, he wondered? He knew that the women of the mansion often gave off different scents when they were "on their monthly" as he referred to it. He used that as a guide to know who to stay away from and when. This scent was different though, and he couldn't place what it was. He shrugged and grabbed a box of sugar cereal.

Jean's stomach turned. She knew Logan's heightened senses had probably picked up the fact that her body was undoubtedly putting off strange scents. "Good morning Logan," she smiled cordially.

"Morning Jean," Logan smirked. He eyed her, discovering the strange scent was coming from her direction.

She looked away, quickly grabbed a Poptart and headed out of the kitchen. Scott followed.

"Don't you want to have breakfast with me?"

Jean turned and smiled, "Well I'm not really hungry..and I have some work to do down in the lab."

Scott looked crestfallen. "Oh, ok..it's alright. Maybe we can go out to lunch."

"Maybe," she crossed the room and kissed him on the cheek before heading out of sight.

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"I think Logan suspects something," Jean said to Storm. "He was giving me odd looks and sniffing at me in the kitchen."

"He can probably smell the hormones your body is releasing," Storm replied. "But I doubt he knows how to decipher them." She giggled.

Jean laughed. "I hope so. It's just a little discerning to be sniffed at."

"So...do you feel any different?"

"Not really, not yet," Jean shook her head. "I mean..mentally I do. Kind of. I think some of it is my telepathy."

"You know you're very lucky," Storm sighed, looking down. "I mean you have Scott, and now you're going to have a baby..."

"Well what about you and Kurt? I mean you two have been dating for what, 6 months now?"

"He's such a sweetheart and I love him to death. But he's so shy sometimes," Storm confessed.

"Have you two..." Jean motioned with her eyes.

Storm's dark cheeks turned a faint shade of crimson and she looked down at her hands. "No...he's a good kisser though. It's just whenever we get intimate, he gets scared."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"How do you talk to a man about intimacy issues?"

Jean chuckled. "Well, I mean Kurt isn't exactly Logan. He's usually pretty easy to talk to."

"I suppose," Storm replied. "I just don't want to push him away."

"Ah," Jean said. "So there is something there?"

"I think so, yes. Something I'd like to explore a little more. I really do care about him."

Jean yawned, which garnered a smirk from her companion.

"It's starting," Storm said quietly.

"I think you're right," Jean yawned again. "Boy, I need a nap."

"By the way...have you decided who's going to deliver the baby?"

"I've got an appointment with Hank for next week. I'd like to have the baby at home."

"Do you think Scott will agree to that?" Storm questioned.

Jean shrugged. "Just something we have to discuss, I suppose. Hey do you mind if we talk later. I really need to go have a nap."

"Of course not honey," Storm smiled. "Have a good nap." she called, watching Jean walk out of the lab.

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"Jean," Scott whispered. "It's time for dinner." He gently shook his wife.

She responded with a slight murmur. "I'm not really hungry sweetie," she finally replied. All she wanted to do was sleep.

"Are you feeling ok?" Scott rested the back of his hand on her forehead. "You're not running a fever."

"I'm fine. I'm just tired," she smiled. "Go eat."

Scott wasn't really satisfied with his wife's answer, but he kissed her on the forehead and left her to rest.

"Where's Jean?" Logan asked, piling food on his plate as Scott came into the kitchen.

"She's taking a nap," was the only response he got.

He was quiet all through dinner while the others made idle chitchat. He watched Storm. She and Jean had been spending a lot of time together lately. Maybe she knew something he didn't. He decided to corner her after supper.

"Is something wrong with Jean?" he asked as he put some leftovers on a plate for his wife, in case she was hungry later.

"Not that I know of," Storm replied. "Why do you ask?"

"Well I mean you two have been spending a lot of time talking to each other lately, and she's been really quiet. I just figured if something was wrong, you'd tell me."

Storm patted Scott's shoulder. "I'm telling you, Jean's fine. It's just girl talk, and you shouldn't get yourself worked up over it." She smiled and departed, leaving Scott still wondering.

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Month 2

Dear Diary,

Well I had my first appointment with Hank this morning. I can't say these types of appointments are anymore pleasant than having an annual exam. But I'm glad that now I know everything with the baby looks good so far. He estimated I'm about 6 weeks along, and I'm starting to feel it. I've been so tired lately. All I want to do is sleep. I think the morning sickness is starting. Every time I smell food, it makes me sick to my stomach. I also think I better tell Scott soon. He's been getting suspicious, and I think I'm starting to worry him.

Jean dropped her pen as her stomach turned upside down. She made it to the bathroom just in time. Her hands gripped the toilet seat until her knuckles turned white, and when she was finished she fell backwards and leaned her head against the wall. A sudden knock on the door made her freeze.

"Jean?" Logan's voice penetrated through the door. He'd been walking by and caught the scent of someone being sick. He followed it to Scott and Jean's room. "Are you ok in there?"

Quickly, Jean gulped down a glass of water. "Um, yeah I'm fine."

Logan shrugged and turned to leave just as she emerged from the bathroom. He hesitated and then asked, "You sick or somethin? Maybe I should get Scott."

"No, no, I'm fine," she said quickly, smoothing out her hair.

"Since when is throwing up being fine?"

Jean forced a smile. "I must have eaten something that didn't agree with me is all."

Eyeing her, Logan shrugged again and headed out of the room. Jean settled back on her bed and picked up the pen again.

Well that was close. And Ugh, I hate throwing up. Hopefully the nausea won't last too long. I'll have to remember to get on the internet and read up. Anyways, I'm starting to feel tired again so it's probably time for a nap. Maybe by next time I write, I'll have something other than throwing up to talk about.

-Jean

Jean turned and put her diary and her pen back in the drawer on her bedside table. She rolled over and fell asleep listening to the distant voices of the children heading back and forth to class.

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Scott turned onto his side and snuggled up to his wife, planting tiny kisses on her neck. Jean sighed. She really wasn't in the mood.

"Scott..." she started, as his hands drifted up her shirt. It wasn't until his hand brushed across one of her breasts that she realized how tender they'd become. "I'm not in the mood," she snapped.

He quickly withdrew his hand and blinked, then pulled away and moved back to his own side of the bed. If Jean had been looking she would have seen the hurt on his face.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Jean, have I don't something to upset you?"

"No," she replied flatly, a hint of agitation in her voice. "I just want to go to sleep. I'm tired."

It seemed to Scott like Jean was always tired lately. He calculated it had been almost a month since they'd made love. She spent hours by herself, either napping or hiding in the bathroom. He turned away from her, wondering if he'd done something to upset her. She just hadn't been the same since they'd come back from the mountains.

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"My clothes are starting to get tight," Jean sighed. She and Scott had dinner reservations that night. Jean had decided that it was time to tell him, and she felt horrible for snapping at him. It wasn't his fault her body was changing, and she was satisfied the time was right. Her shape was beginning to change, and she wasn't sure how much longer she'd be able to hide it.

"Well why don't you try something loose and flowy," Storm suggested from where she was perched on Jean's bed.

Jean pulled out an ankle length black dress from the closet and held it up. "How about this one?"

"That's a nice dress," Storm nodded as Jean ducked into the bathroom.

She returned a moment later, turning as she did. "How does it look?"

Storm pressed her hands together. "You look beautiful." It was then that Storm also noticed the glow Jean seemed to be carrying around with her. There was something in her face that gave off a hint of her being pregnant. "Scott will love it."

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"So where are you two going tonight?" Professor Xavier asked, watching Scott attempt to put on a tie using the toaster.

"Les Italiano. That little Italian villa place downtown," Scott sighed.

"I sense something is troubling you..."

Scott turned to face his mentor. "She...I mean..well..I don't even know how to say it."

The Professor chuckled. "Trouble in paradise?"

"Not really trouble. I mean...all she does is sleep. She's been really reclusive and she snapped at me last night. We haven't..." he paused and looked down then continued quietly, "We haven't made love in almost a month..."

"I'm sure Jean has her reasons," Professor Xavier replied. The truth was, he knew what Jean's trouble was. He'd figured it out without the use of telepathy. After running a school for so many years and helping many young mutants, he'd become quite acquainted with the signs of pregnancy. But it was up to Jean to tell her husband in her own time, and her own way. Finally he couldn't stand watching Scott struggle with the tie anymore. He rolled over to him and knotted it expertly.

"Thanks Professor," Scott replied, pulling on his jacket.

"Now you two have a good time at dinner," he smiled, waving as Scott headed out of the kitchen.

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For most of the dinner, both Jean and Scott remained silent. They each ordered their favorite dish; linguini with shrimp sauce for Scott and manicotti with meatballs for Jean. The truth was, Jean wasn't feeling very hungry, but she forced herself to eat at least something. The silence continued, even after the waiter had refilled their water glasses for the fifth time.

"You're not eating," Scott finally spoke.

Jean popped a small bite in her mouth. "I'm not very hungry."

"Are you going to tell me what I did?"

"What do you mean what you did?"

"You've been avoiding me, you snapped at me, we haven't made love in a month. Did I do something to make you angry?"

She was just about to tell him when the nausea hit again. Quickly she removed herself from the table and darted through the crowds. Scott watched her go in bewilderment. Angrily he grabbed his wallet from his pocket and started pulling out bills. Jean stumbled back to the table and resumed her place. She looked horrible. Her face was blotchy, like she'd been crying, and her hair was mussed.

"Honey, are you ok?" Scott's mood changed. "Maybe we should go." He stood up from the table.

Jean grabbed his hand. "Scott, I'm pregnant," she blurted out.

Scott simply stood there, not saying a word. He was in shock.

"That's why I've been so tired, and moody. I've been having morning sickness, which is why I...I..." She burst into tears.

"Oh, Jean," he said softly, taking her into his arms. "I love you so much. I'm so sorry I thought you were angry at me. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I wasn't sure how you'd take the news, I mean it wasn't exactly planned," she replied through sniffles. "And I wanted to make sure, and I was scared."

"Jean, you are my wife. I love you, and nothing will ever change that. And I'm going to love our baby just as much as I love you," he reached out to touch her stomach. "Our baby."

Then it hit him. He was going to be a father. The shock kicked back in. Somehow he managed to pay the bill and walk to the car, supporting Jean around the waist. The drive back to the mansion was as silent as most of their meal had been. He parked the car in the garage and helped Jean inside.

"Are you coming?" she asked as she headed into the bedroom.

"Yeah..." Scott replied slowly. "I'll be in soon."

Jean closed the door, leaving him standing in the hall. Logan appeared from around the corner.

"How'd the date go?" he asked sardonically.

"Jean's pregnant," Scott replied.

This was most definitely not the response Logan expected. He clapped Scott on the shoulder with a big, "Way to go One-Eye."

Scott teetered. He was going to be a father. He was going to be responsible for a child.

Logan watched Scott for a few moments and then decided that maybe he could do with a beer or two. "Um, hey..come on, we'll go grab a drink?"

He didn't know why, but Scott found himself following Logan out to the garage. A short time later he found himself sitting in a bar, with the last person he'd ever expected to be sitting anywhere with.

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Logan shoved a beer in front of Scott, then took the cap off his own. Scott stared at the drink for a few moments.

"You know you're supposed to drink that, right?"

Scott looked up momentarily. "I don't drink."

"You look like you could use it," Logan replied.

He picked up the beer and took a swig. It tasted foul, but there was something about it that made him feel liberated. "I can't believe..she's pregnant."

"Well at least ya ain't shootin blanks," Logan replied, taking a swig of his own beer.

"Yeah but..I'm going to be a father."

"Isn't that generally how it works when you get a chick pregnant?"

Scott took another swallow of beer. "That tiny little organism growing inside my wife's body is half mine. I'm responsible for it..and I'm going to be responsible for it for the next 18 years of its life...and then some. That's a lot to take in."

"Well weren't you two plannin on havin some little ones someday anyways?" Logan asked.

"Well of course, but I never thought it'd be this soon," Scott downed his beer.

Logan bought them another round. "Well..I mean..you let the snake out of the cage and that's riskin gettin little baby snakes."

Scott turned to look at Logan. "What about you?"

He choked on his drink. "What about me?"

"You ever considered settling down and getting married and having a family?"

Logan got silent. "A long time ago I almost did."

This was a new one to Scott. "What happened?"

When Logan began to rub his fists, Scott knew.

"She was pregnant, we was gonna have a baby...but somethin happened and she lost it. She got real distraught and she took off...and I never saw her again." He called to the bartender and ordered them both a third round of drinks.

"Sorry," Scott replied.

Logan only shrugged. He was a little surprised that they were having this kind of conversation. Usually anytime they talked it was barbs at one another. He figured it must be the beer loosening Scott up.

"You'll be a good dad. Jus' don't get all anal retentive. Kids gotta have some fun."

Five beers later, Logan was feeling slightly buzzed and Scott was slurring like he'd had 18 beers instead of eight. He'd confessed to Logan that he was scared of something happening to Jean, or the baby, or both and that he was worried about "screwing the kid up." Logan decided when Scott started to have trouble sitting upright that they should head home. He grabbed the other man by the collar of his shirt and led him outside. Just in time, because Scott started throwing up, narrowly avoiding Logan's shoes. He waited until Scott was finished and then sort of pushed him into the front seat of the truck.

"I jus realized somethin," Scott's head rolled toward Logan. "Jean's gonna be reeeeeeally pished off.."

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"Scott?" Jean whispered, squinting in the dark as her husband stumbled into their bedroom. "Where have you been?" She sniffed the air. "Have you been drinking?"

Stumbling around in the dark, Scott slammed his toe into the corner of a dresser. He let loose with a string of curses fit to make a sailor blush, at least by his standards, since he never swore. "God damn piece of shit!" he slurred.

Jean turned the bedside light on. Scott winced and shielded his visor. "Oh man, turn that off."

"You stink," she said angrily, coming across the room. "Go and shower...and brush your teeth. Or you're not sleeping in this bed tonight."

Somehow he managed to stagger into the bathroom and climb into the shower. It was all he could do to not pass out. He finally finished, pulled on a shirt and a pair of shorts and climbed into bed.

"You didn't drive did you?" Jean asked, facing away from him.

"No, Logan did."

Jean rolled over. "You went out with Logan?"

Scott turned to face his wife. "I'm scared."

Sighing, Jean took her husband in her arms. "Of what?"

"Everything. I don't want anything to happen to you, or the baby. I'm afraid I wont be a good father."

"Oh baby, I'm scared too. But everything is going to be wonderful. This is a new part of our life together, and we're going to best the best parents we can be. Trust me."

Scott murmured and fell asleep in his wife's arms. She kissed his cheek and settled down, falling asleep as well.

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Month 3

Dear Diary,

Today Storm, Rogue, Jubilee and I all went shopping. Scott and I announced that we were pregnant after he'd recovered from his hang over, and everyone was thrilled. All the girls were excited about shopping for the baby. Today thought, it was just a fun girls day out. That and I have to start buying maternity clothes. I went from my normal weight to gaining 15 pounds in about a month and a half. I'm getting a little tiny bulge in my belly, but nothing really significant yet. It was fun to hang out with the girls. Scott's been driving me crazy since he found out, and it's only been a few weeks. Sometimes I feel like slapping him, or screaming at him. Usually that's when I've been feeling really nauseous. Sometimes I just want to jump all over him and maul him. We had another appointment with Hank. He says everything is looking good, and that when we come for our next visit, he's going to do an ultrasound. He put me on these vitamins that look like horse pills, and Scott dutifully makes sure I take one every day.

-Jean

"You went shopping today?" Scott asked, coming into the bedroom as Jean was putting away her new clothes.

"Yeah. The girls and I went out."

"Aren't you supposed to take it easy?"

Jean sighed. "Scott, I'm in my third month of pregnancy, I'm not broken. Exercise is good when you're pregnant, and plus..I needed to buy new clothes. I'm starting to not be able to fit in my pants."

"I worry," he sighed, nuzzling her face.

She hadn't noticed until now. "You're growing a beard!"

"I thought I'd try something...different," Scott shrugged.

"Well I think it's sexy," Jean smiled, leaning in for a kiss. She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning against him.

"Wait just a minute," Scott held up one finger as he backed into the bathroom.

Jean smiled and climbed under the blankets. She yawned, waiting for Scott to come back.

"I got these from--"Scott started as he reemerged with some scented candles. But Jean was fast asleep, curled up. He sighed and crawled into bed next to her. Giving her a quick peck on the cheek, he turned the lights off and after a long while, fell asleep.

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"What's it like?" Rogue asked, sitting next to Jean on the couch the next day. "Do ya feel different?"

Jean smiled. "Yeah, I do...a little. The baby's too small to be moving yet. But I feel connected to it. "

Jubilee chimed in, "You still getting morning sickness and all that crap?"

"Just some nausea. But I haven't thrown up in about a month."

"Is it true that your..*ahem* sex drive increases?" Jubilee asked.

Jean laughed. "Well I haven't gotten to that stage yet. I've been too tired."

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Scott was sitting at the kitchen table looking glum. Soon he was joined by Gambit, then Kurt *bamfed* in, and then Logan appeared.

"You be lookin mighty glum," Gambit pointed out.

Logan chided, "Still not gettin any?"

Gambit snickered behind his hands. Kurt just looked confused.

"Vast ist "getting any"?" he asked innocently.

"You're kidding right?" Logan responded.

"It mean Cyke not be gettin dee action from the wife," Gambit explained.

Kurt still looked confused.

"Alright guys," Scott warned.

"Getting zee action?"

Gambit rolled his eyes. "He not be gettin laid."

"Laid?" Kurt asked.

Scott slammed his mug on the table. "I'm not having sex!" he shouted and then walked out of the room.

"Ohhhhh," Kurt nodded, finally getting the gist.

To be continued...