Okay, this is only my second attempt at writing a fic for someone besides
me, and will probably end up being much crappier then I intended it to.
It's supposed to be cheerful and fluffy, but I'm not sure if it will turn
out that way. There also is a sad attempt at humor. Eventual pairings:
YY/YB, Y/R, S/J, M/M, H/O. Romance will come in later, if people like this.
And also, there will be some things based on religion also, namely the
Nativity and stuff. But don't worry, Kris Kringle will not be ignored!
Keeping that in mind, let's proceed.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Warnings: Yaoi, maybe Anzu bashing, kind of OOC Bakura, Britney Spears bashing.
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#
CHAPTER 1: Winter Wonderland
~!@#$%^&*~!@#$%^&*~!@#$%^&*
Yo. Bakura here. I just want you all to be crystal clear on something. That -winter- is the worst idea any of you mortals has ever come up with. Ever. I didn't even know it was -possible- for it to get this freaking cold!
I asked Ryou about it, and he said that it was cold because the Earth's axis, whatever in heck that is, is pointing -away- from Ra, er, the -sun-, and even though we're the closest to it at this time of year, it's still cold because Ra has decided to become a great ball of ice whose light is from the reflection off Stupider, or something like that.
I made that last part up, because I wasn't really listening. Too busy thinking about the Pharoah.
Yes, contrary to popular belief, I -do- think. And about things -other- than killing, lying, cheating, stealing, attacking, getting revenge, and how hot Yami is. And I can lie, too, what a deal!
I hate winter.
Did I mention that?
I think I did, but I'm telling you again -anyway-, because you have nothing else to do with your pitiful, irrelevant little lives then to sit here and listen to what I have to say!
You know, seeing as the world revolves around me and all.
So anyway, a few days ago, I made a great discovery. Along with winter comes -another- very unpleasant thing.
Snow!
It's cold and wet and soaks through my jeans when I have the unfortunate luck to fall it in! AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I FALL IN IT?! Because of the -NEXT- abominable thing that comes with winter! The STUPID! FRIGGING! -ICE- ! I -always- slip on it!
-And- I watched this scary movie with a singing snowman and an elf that wanted to be a dentist and a deer with allergies or something, and there was a real live abominable snowman on it!
Shadow Monsters!
And there was -another- movie with this guy that has a fire sword and this weird llama thing that walks on two legs and and this big fat slug who goes to Pizza Hut and this girl who has donuts on her head and this guy with a cool black helmet and a spaceship and stuff and THAT SHOW HAD AN ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN TOO! They -do- exist, people!
Ok, calm down, Bakura.
Inhale. . . exhale. . . inhale. . . exhale. . .
Sigh. The only comfort I get from all of this is that Ryou loves it. He's outside playing in the snow with everyone else right now. He says that he thinks winter is the best season of all because of the snow, and yet another interesting thing.
Christmas.
I still don't get what Christmas actually -is-, but from what Ryou said I'm guessing that you just wake up in the morning and get free stuff. After that, I decided I would put up with everything else. But I'm still waiting for that stupid morning to come already! Free loot sounds like the best idea these mortals have come up with so far.
Oh, Ryou also said something about spending time with the people you love, singing, the Nativity, and other meaningless (to me, anyway) stuff like that, but guess what? You're psychic, that's right! I wasn't listening, yet -again-! I should win a prize for having the shortest attention span the world has ever known!
Oh wait.
Joey already won that one. Or did Tristan beat him? I really don't care.
But I get the -highest- grades in school! . . . . . . Fs -do- stand for 'fantastic', right?
Ooo, scratch what I said before about my only comfort, the list just got longer! Yami has fallen in the snow and ruined his leather! AHAHAHAHA! That's what you get for being such a prick, you idiot! Oh, now he's sending it to the Shadow Realm! Hee hee hee, sorry Pharoah, I already tried that. All it does is multiply! HA! Now he's covered up to his bad hairdo! Take that, moron!
I'm not quite sure why snow can't go to the Shadow Realm. I suspect it's because the Shadow Realm was created in Egypt, and there -is- no horrid snow -there-.
But then, how did I manage to send the first microwave, refrigerator, and toilet to the Shadow Realm? They definitely didn't have any of -those- in Ancient Egypt.
Ah, well. It doesn't really matter. As stated before, my attention span is too short for further investigation.
It's long enough to watch Yami be buried alive 4 times over, though. Ra! You'd think the guy would take a hint! That's what you get for refusing to sleep with me! Hmph. Then again, it's not like I ever asked you to. Never got around to that little detail. . .
Ok, watching Yugi preach about the 'heart of the cards' while trying to desperately dig Yami out from under Mount Everest has just gotten boring. Yugi and the heart of the cards exist solely to annoy me, and Yami wouldn't have this problem if he had been smart, not even -touched- the white crap, and stayed inside. With -me-.
What shall I do now?
Oh, I know! I can tell you some more about 'Christmas'!
While I was still listening to Ryou (just as he was leading up to the 'give free junk to yours truly' part) he was also talking about this madman they call. . . SANTA CLAWS. They say he knows -everything-, lives on the North Pole, which is supposedly a barber shop (I'll never look at Yugi's barber Pierre the same way again. . . come to think of it, that corrupted barber is probably the one behind the kid's hair-don't!), and makes PRESENTS.
I didn't know what 'presents' were, so I asked Ryou. He looked at me like I had 3 heads, and then told me that's what you call a gift you give someone for free.
Now, what complete and utter -MORON- would give -anyone- -anything- for -free-?! It sure as heck isn't me! If -I- wanted something, you gave it to me or you died, and if I gave away something, I always got something 5 times better in return! Honestly, some people. . .
So anyway, this demon, Claws, is supposed to be James Bond in disguise or something. I can picture it now. . . 'The name's Claws. -Santa- Claws.'
And Ryou said this guy works in secret all year, and then unleashes his wrath in December! He possesses some moose-deer fusion type creatures and makes them fly around while he calls everyone a ho. And then he sneaks down your chimney and steals your food.
I said I could solve that by lighting a bonfire and sitting on the roof with a machine gun, but Ryou said that if I shot him I wouldn't get presents! Then I wanted to know what presents were, and the rest didn't matter anymore.
Now I'm bored again.
I wonder if they dug Yami up yet? Heh heh heh, dug him up. . . forget it. It's a deceased Egyptian spirit thing. Inside joke. Inside Yami's TOMB! Heh heh heh. . . stop looking at me like that! I told you to forget it, didn't I?! Ra!
Hmph.
What was I saying before?
Oh yeah.
I'm bored.
That -still- hasn't changed.
You people need to get with the program. When I'm bored, you entertain me, and all is right with the world.
What? Screw me?! I WILL FEED YOU TO AMMIT!
Fine then.
Who needs -you- anyway?!
-I- will just go outside and play in the snow.
Hmph. . . . . .
-After- I get on 3 more pairs of jeans, my thug hat, some heavy duty gloves, and all the coats I can find, that is.
@&@&@&@&@&@&@&@&@
"Hey Bakura, looks like you gained a few pounds!" Joey called to me as I stepped into the outside freezer.
"Yeah, what did you eat last night?" Tristan added.
"Huh? THESE ARE CALLED -COATS- YOU IMBECILE!" I yelled at them. The chihuahua (I'm still not sure what exactly that -is-, but Kaiba always calls him that, and Ryou says Taco Bell has one, and the stuff at Taco Bell smells weird, so therefore I think it must mean that someone stinks if you call them that. . . Oops, attention span time is up for this thought) snickers at me.
"Suuuure, Baku-Spears!"
Oh -no- he didn't.
-That- is crossing the line.
-No one- calls me nicknames of any sort, -especially- not nicknames related to slutty pop-idols!
. . .Well, maybe I would let Ryou live. And Yami. But Joey just signed his. . . igloo-coffin.
I call it an 'igloo-coffin' because I am about to try out one of the things Ryou taught me to do with snow. The wonderful art of making stinging grenades from Heaven. Aka snowball fights.
I narrowed my eyes and reached down.
"Ha ha ha! Joey's gonna get smashed like the roadkill he is!"
Ah, the great Seto Kaiba has decided to grace us with his presence.
Either that, or he was held at fork-point by Mokuba to come visit us peasants. I'm guessing the latter.
"Kaiba! Go away!" Joey growled.
Oh yeah, like anyone here can't see that blush. Moron.
Kaiba sneers. "And miss the show? Why would I do that?"
What? I'm now a TV channel?! I must remember to throw a few snowballs at him, too.
Joey visibly fills up with steam, and launches himself at Kaiba.
"WHY I OUGHTTA--" -SPLAT-!
Enter me.
$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$
~TBC~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Well, did anyone like it? If they did, would they be so kind as to tell me? I know it was really short, I just wanted to end it there. Okay, that's all. See you next chapter!
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Warnings: Yaoi, maybe Anzu bashing, kind of OOC Bakura, Britney Spears bashing.
#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#
CHAPTER 1: Winter Wonderland
~!@#$%^&*~!@#$%^&*~!@#$%^&*
Yo. Bakura here. I just want you all to be crystal clear on something. That -winter- is the worst idea any of you mortals has ever come up with. Ever. I didn't even know it was -possible- for it to get this freaking cold!
I asked Ryou about it, and he said that it was cold because the Earth's axis, whatever in heck that is, is pointing -away- from Ra, er, the -sun-, and even though we're the closest to it at this time of year, it's still cold because Ra has decided to become a great ball of ice whose light is from the reflection off Stupider, or something like that.
I made that last part up, because I wasn't really listening. Too busy thinking about the Pharoah.
Yes, contrary to popular belief, I -do- think. And about things -other- than killing, lying, cheating, stealing, attacking, getting revenge, and how hot Yami is. And I can lie, too, what a deal!
I hate winter.
Did I mention that?
I think I did, but I'm telling you again -anyway-, because you have nothing else to do with your pitiful, irrelevant little lives then to sit here and listen to what I have to say!
You know, seeing as the world revolves around me and all.
So anyway, a few days ago, I made a great discovery. Along with winter comes -another- very unpleasant thing.
Snow!
It's cold and wet and soaks through my jeans when I have the unfortunate luck to fall it in! AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I FALL IN IT?! Because of the -NEXT- abominable thing that comes with winter! The STUPID! FRIGGING! -ICE- ! I -always- slip on it!
-And- I watched this scary movie with a singing snowman and an elf that wanted to be a dentist and a deer with allergies or something, and there was a real live abominable snowman on it!
Shadow Monsters!
And there was -another- movie with this guy that has a fire sword and this weird llama thing that walks on two legs and and this big fat slug who goes to Pizza Hut and this girl who has donuts on her head and this guy with a cool black helmet and a spaceship and stuff and THAT SHOW HAD AN ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN TOO! They -do- exist, people!
Ok, calm down, Bakura.
Inhale. . . exhale. . . inhale. . . exhale. . .
Sigh. The only comfort I get from all of this is that Ryou loves it. He's outside playing in the snow with everyone else right now. He says that he thinks winter is the best season of all because of the snow, and yet another interesting thing.
Christmas.
I still don't get what Christmas actually -is-, but from what Ryou said I'm guessing that you just wake up in the morning and get free stuff. After that, I decided I would put up with everything else. But I'm still waiting for that stupid morning to come already! Free loot sounds like the best idea these mortals have come up with so far.
Oh, Ryou also said something about spending time with the people you love, singing, the Nativity, and other meaningless (to me, anyway) stuff like that, but guess what? You're psychic, that's right! I wasn't listening, yet -again-! I should win a prize for having the shortest attention span the world has ever known!
Oh wait.
Joey already won that one. Or did Tristan beat him? I really don't care.
But I get the -highest- grades in school! . . . . . . Fs -do- stand for 'fantastic', right?
Ooo, scratch what I said before about my only comfort, the list just got longer! Yami has fallen in the snow and ruined his leather! AHAHAHAHA! That's what you get for being such a prick, you idiot! Oh, now he's sending it to the Shadow Realm! Hee hee hee, sorry Pharoah, I already tried that. All it does is multiply! HA! Now he's covered up to his bad hairdo! Take that, moron!
I'm not quite sure why snow can't go to the Shadow Realm. I suspect it's because the Shadow Realm was created in Egypt, and there -is- no horrid snow -there-.
But then, how did I manage to send the first microwave, refrigerator, and toilet to the Shadow Realm? They definitely didn't have any of -those- in Ancient Egypt.
Ah, well. It doesn't really matter. As stated before, my attention span is too short for further investigation.
It's long enough to watch Yami be buried alive 4 times over, though. Ra! You'd think the guy would take a hint! That's what you get for refusing to sleep with me! Hmph. Then again, it's not like I ever asked you to. Never got around to that little detail. . .
Ok, watching Yugi preach about the 'heart of the cards' while trying to desperately dig Yami out from under Mount Everest has just gotten boring. Yugi and the heart of the cards exist solely to annoy me, and Yami wouldn't have this problem if he had been smart, not even -touched- the white crap, and stayed inside. With -me-.
What shall I do now?
Oh, I know! I can tell you some more about 'Christmas'!
While I was still listening to Ryou (just as he was leading up to the 'give free junk to yours truly' part) he was also talking about this madman they call. . . SANTA CLAWS. They say he knows -everything-, lives on the North Pole, which is supposedly a barber shop (I'll never look at Yugi's barber Pierre the same way again. . . come to think of it, that corrupted barber is probably the one behind the kid's hair-don't!), and makes PRESENTS.
I didn't know what 'presents' were, so I asked Ryou. He looked at me like I had 3 heads, and then told me that's what you call a gift you give someone for free.
Now, what complete and utter -MORON- would give -anyone- -anything- for -free-?! It sure as heck isn't me! If -I- wanted something, you gave it to me or you died, and if I gave away something, I always got something 5 times better in return! Honestly, some people. . .
So anyway, this demon, Claws, is supposed to be James Bond in disguise or something. I can picture it now. . . 'The name's Claws. -Santa- Claws.'
And Ryou said this guy works in secret all year, and then unleashes his wrath in December! He possesses some moose-deer fusion type creatures and makes them fly around while he calls everyone a ho. And then he sneaks down your chimney and steals your food.
I said I could solve that by lighting a bonfire and sitting on the roof with a machine gun, but Ryou said that if I shot him I wouldn't get presents! Then I wanted to know what presents were, and the rest didn't matter anymore.
Now I'm bored again.
I wonder if they dug Yami up yet? Heh heh heh, dug him up. . . forget it. It's a deceased Egyptian spirit thing. Inside joke. Inside Yami's TOMB! Heh heh heh. . . stop looking at me like that! I told you to forget it, didn't I?! Ra!
Hmph.
What was I saying before?
Oh yeah.
I'm bored.
That -still- hasn't changed.
You people need to get with the program. When I'm bored, you entertain me, and all is right with the world.
What? Screw me?! I WILL FEED YOU TO AMMIT!
Fine then.
Who needs -you- anyway?!
-I- will just go outside and play in the snow.
Hmph. . . . . .
-After- I get on 3 more pairs of jeans, my thug hat, some heavy duty gloves, and all the coats I can find, that is.
@&@&@&@&@&@&@&@&@
"Hey Bakura, looks like you gained a few pounds!" Joey called to me as I stepped into the outside freezer.
"Yeah, what did you eat last night?" Tristan added.
"Huh? THESE ARE CALLED -COATS- YOU IMBECILE!" I yelled at them. The chihuahua (I'm still not sure what exactly that -is-, but Kaiba always calls him that, and Ryou says Taco Bell has one, and the stuff at Taco Bell smells weird, so therefore I think it must mean that someone stinks if you call them that. . . Oops, attention span time is up for this thought) snickers at me.
"Suuuure, Baku-Spears!"
Oh -no- he didn't.
-That- is crossing the line.
-No one- calls me nicknames of any sort, -especially- not nicknames related to slutty pop-idols!
. . .Well, maybe I would let Ryou live. And Yami. But Joey just signed his. . . igloo-coffin.
I call it an 'igloo-coffin' because I am about to try out one of the things Ryou taught me to do with snow. The wonderful art of making stinging grenades from Heaven. Aka snowball fights.
I narrowed my eyes and reached down.
"Ha ha ha! Joey's gonna get smashed like the roadkill he is!"
Ah, the great Seto Kaiba has decided to grace us with his presence.
Either that, or he was held at fork-point by Mokuba to come visit us peasants. I'm guessing the latter.
"Kaiba! Go away!" Joey growled.
Oh yeah, like anyone here can't see that blush. Moron.
Kaiba sneers. "And miss the show? Why would I do that?"
What? I'm now a TV channel?! I must remember to throw a few snowballs at him, too.
Joey visibly fills up with steam, and launches himself at Kaiba.
"WHY I OUGHTTA--" -SPLAT-!
Enter me.
$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$
~TBC~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Well, did anyone like it? If they did, would they be so kind as to tell me? I know it was really short, I just wanted to end it there. Okay, that's all. See you next chapter!