It would have been easier if Allen had yelled at her for being with Van. There would have been no reason for him to be angry, logically, which would make it so much... simpler. But Allen wasn't some temperamental asshole, driven mad with jealousy. The girlfriend had needed to help a friend. The nice, understanding boyfriend forgave her. He just nodded, when Hitomi had explained Van's sudden personal problem. Allen didn't even press on what the problem had been, only reminded her that she could have called him. But the look in his eyes was what made sure that it wasn't a clean getaway. It was an expression that was hard to identify, and thus hard to confront. Just worry, and feigned ease filled those blue eyes of his. Served with a heavy side of guilt trip. She had seen that face before, whenever she had interactions with other men. Sometimes, even other people. But she had tried asking him about it before, if he was okay, and he always said he was.

A few weeks passed after breakfast with Van. Maybe two. To Hitomi, it felt like a year. Understandable, if you stared at someone's online instant messaging id for hours during the night and never actually talked to them. Sometimes, on brave nights, she'd type a hey, but delete it before pressing "enter." She'd try to type a wittier line, or mention some news, or try to think of a favour she just HAD to ask him. But the text seemed so weak and stupid against the glaring screen, and deleting all the words, all the words unsaid, she'd keep waiting and staring.

Dilandau had forwarded her the pictures from the Christmas party. The one that was ages ago. She didn't study herself, though. Not even Van. She looked over at Sasha, instead. Perfect eyebrows. Good face structure, well groomed, excellent posture, gracious smile. Looking down at her own fingernails, Hitomi sighed at her square filed nails, painted with Diamond Hard clear nail polish. Diamond Hard, indeed. Her thumbnail was already breaking. And on top of that, her hair was very dirty. But her bathroom was dirty, and she'd rather be dirty herself than to shower in a grungy bathroom.

That's just the kind of girl Hitomi was. Strange. And usually late. She liked to eat odd things in the morning, things that were usually meant for dinner, but she had the best intentions usually, and looked beautiful standing in the rain. Maybe it was her eyes.

Tapping her fingertips on her keyboard, but not pressing down, she contemplated googling Sasha's name when she heard a sickening creak. The front door. The lights in her apartment were dim, and she felt her hands go cold. Not moving a muscle, her ears pricked as heavy footsteps violated her private space. Most people might have run out to see who it was. Or would have gone for the closest phone, or hid. But Hitomi, as shy as she could be sometimes, remained still like an animal hoping to blend in with her surroundings. Slowly sliding out of her chair, she didn't know where she was going, but she didn't want to be sitting down for whoever was there.

"Hello?" The word unintentionally came out as a bark from dry lips, and as footsteps sounded in the very room she was in half a second later, she screamed and grabbed for something-- crap, only air. "Hitomi?" The same barking voice. "Hitomi?!"

Van. It was VAN. That idiot!!!!

"You--" she trailed off before grabbing for her chair. "You scared the shit out of me!"

"I'm sorry," he said, reaching for her immediately. She looked like she might start crying. And he felt so sorry for scaring her. For hurting her. Normally, with someone else, he'd demand why they were so abnormal and jumpy. But he knew. Ever since he had dumped her, Hitomi wasn't as resilient like she normally was. She was fragile now. He never addressed it, but he knew it deep down. Maybe deep deep down he knew she was hung up on him, even though she wouldn't admit it to herself. What else did Van know, even deeper? Well, that part was just blocked out completely.

The clock ticked loudly to mark the hour, far away in the kitchen. The cool air grew a little warmer, and both Van and Hitomi's eyes seemed out of focus. Her house smelled like gardenias. And although it didn't feel very safe to Hitomi, it felt safe to Van. Isolated, away from the cut throat world out there. Even kings needed a break, and this raven haired royal was finding sanctuary from the world he ruled over. Mastered. Embodied. Suddenly, without making actual eye contact, but still looking at her, Van Fanel kissed Hitomi Kanzaki on the mouth.

Her unfocused eyes drifted shut. And for a few more unfocused hours with their unfocused eyes, they went to Hitomi's modest bed and took their time.

The mistakes bound to come shrieked at their toes, and for a moment, Hitomi thought about how much this would... weaken her position. Hurt her pride. Sad girl hung up over boy for ages, and ends up with him again. Chances of being hurt again, high. But the way his face looked, even with his eyes shut, the way he handled her and kissed her... it was almost apologetic. Very serious. Slow... and...

Cathartic.