A/N: All right! Super special edition! Yeah! Don't know where the idea to write this came from. I just really wanted to write a silly lil Parappa story and the bathroom stage is just screamin' "fanfic" at me…..um….well….oh whatever you get the idea!
Disclaimer: I do not own Parappa the Rapper nor any of the characters there in. I neither own Target, the Matrix, Teen Age Mutant Ninja Turtles, Monty Python, or any of that stuff. I don't see why we need to write this feces before every flippin' story. A half-way reasonable person knows this already! What's wrong with you sue-happy people anyway?! ARG!
Full Tank: The Extended Special Edition
The moment was perfect. That is, of course, the only way to describe the setting in which a guy and girl are alone together, watching as the sun slowly sank beyond the horizon and the dark of night slowly consumed the sky from the east. The moment in which a boy who secretly loved a girl finally had the chance to be beside her, watching the harmonious and beautiful death of the day as a warm breeze blanketed the two of them. The harsh reality of it all is that nothing is perfect, or at least not for very long.
And our dear Parappa had already discovered that to be true.
No, no! Not now! I have to go to the bathroom!
Sunny remained oblivious to the torment that had suddenly overtaken Parappa's digestive organs. Though some may consider it rather cruel to go through such suffering while one's companion remained unknowledgeable of it, the young pup was certainly thankful for it. Some how it didn't sit well with him to have her know that the food he had prepared, ("Following each and every step Cheap Cheap had set flawlessly!" he thought bitterly later) had given him an awful stomach ache and his intestines burning with the need to get the you-know-what out of his body. Fortunately, she never did find out about his plight. In fact, if Parappa had not been hallucinating about flying toilets he would've sworn that the young flower was….blushing.
"Are you going to drive me home?" she said, batting her eye-lashes in that way that would normally send him to putty. "Ah…uh…of course!" he stuttered, fearing that with each word he let go he would loosen his entrails.
After the head-on collision with the semi-truck, Parappa had made it appoint to drive sensibly. However there was something about churning internal organs that made one's foot rather heavy. As his car ripped up the road, the pup clicked on the radio in hopes of filling the atmosphere with a tune that would hopefully sooth his agonized digestive organs and perhaps keep his mind off his present situation.
"I wanna let you know, of my desire….
Let it, let it go..
I'm almost on fire.."
Or perhaps not…
With the intent of changing the station, Parappa's eyes glanced at a rather unsettling feature on his dashboard. The car's gas meter to be precise. Uh, my car tank is empty, but mine is full. I mean I'm full of gas and not the car! Wha? I mean the car needs gas but I don't! Parappa narrowed his eyes at the new ordeal as sweat trickled down his forehead. Anyway we need to find a gas station right now!
Luck seemed to be with him that day as the tall sign for "Hot Gas" came into view. With ease, despite the speed he was going, he pulled up to a gas tank in a way that suggested his car had sensed his distress. He rushed out, easily following the signs that pointed to the rest area as he began to turn vaguely green and pale. He was, however, stopped in his tracks by the last thing his tortured body wanted to confront at that moment.
Restroom: Out of Order
"Out of order?" he mumbled, a soft whimper creeping up his throat. The clerk who had just finished taping off the area – and who apparently had super sonic hearing - turned at Parappa's soft cry and sighed. "Yeah, I couldn't believe it. Some onion, moose, frog, and chicken came by not too long ago and they really stank this place up." The clerk sighed once again, harboring nothing but sympathy towards the ill-looking pup as he cringed uncomfortably at the news. "You know, there's a theater just down the road. Maybe they'll let you use their restrooms."
The pup perked up at that. "Ya think?" Clerk shrugged in response, his best answer what with not knowing the theater policies and such. "Worth a shot, ne?" The dog nodded in response. "G..guess you're right. Thanks." Without another word, Parappa shot off running at the highest speed he could muster considering the circumstances. The clerk sighed and shook his head in response as he walked back towards the store entrance. "Hope he makes it."
-----
Parappa had made it to the theater in record time, side stepping the crowded lines with such a grace that belied his lack of mobility. He pushed past the glass doors with his pace uninterrupted until he reached the narrow entrance through the velvet roped walls that blocked movie goers from the vast goods of the building. The ticket taker booth, that is.
Manning the ticket booth that day was a rather large looking teen, perhaps a few years older than Parappa, wearing a tired and mildly disgruntled look upon his stubbly face. The pup gulped slightly, not liking his odds against this particular guard. "Ticket please," the teen grunted with a mannerism that would suggest a drill instructor. "A..actually, I'm not here to see a movie. Do you think I could please use your restroom?" Parappa had just barely been able to get the words out through his gritted teeth. The ill feeling continued to grow by the second and the ticket taker was giving him a rather nasty feeling.
The nasty feeling only grew stronger as the teen spread a menacing grin over his face. Placing his hands behind his back, he smiled and leaned in stopping short a few mere inches from the dog's face. He took in a deep breath and glared down at Parappa before slowing releasing a prolonged, "Nooooo." The pup chuckled lightly in response, taking a few steps back to regain his space. "Uh, I don't think you quite understand. This is an emergency!"
"No, I don't think you understand, mutt!" The teen replied curtly. "I am so sick and tired of you theater hoppers! You wanna get in here, you better turn your pathetic tail around a buy a ticket!" That said, the ticket taker crossed his arms over his chest and stared down at the puppy in a malevolent way, almost daring him to try and get by.
In response, Parappa allowed his self control to be compromised for a moment as he voiced his annoyance at the situation. "Like I should have to pay your outrageous admission fee just to satisfy a biological need when all the movies you guys have suck!" he spat, a feral growl deep in his throat. "Go screw yourself off a cliff, buddy!" That said and done, he turned on heel and stormed out of the theater, forgetting about his ill feeling and discomfort. The teen just sighed and shook his head in response. "The crap you take for just doin' your job."
-----
The discomfort was not forgotten for long, however, and once again Parappa was rushing down the street, searching frantically for any remote sign of relief. "There's one!" Parappa said as his eyes sighted a Target just down the road. His pace picked up as the sweat ran down his face in huge drops. The automatic doors slid open and a burst of cool air hit his sweat soaked face upon entry, sending a slight shudder down his body. "Bathrooms, bathrooms," he muttered as he searched left and right to no avail. That's strange, I thought they always had bathrooms in the front of the store.
"Hey, excuse me." Parappa said upon spying a store employee. "Where are your bathrooms?" The employee flicked his thumb in the direction of the store's center, a place where one would suspect the fitting rooms to be. "Back of the store, to the right."
"Thanks!" he replied, jetting off as quickly as possible once again forced to weave through a large number of people. Yet what our plucky little dog hero didn't know was the danger what awaited him.
-----
"Blue light sale! Blue light sale!"
Eager shoppers swarmed the booth, each hoping to get a hold of the elusive item that was currently being featured. Border Terrier fur coats. Yes, border terrier fur coats were warm, soft, and water proof as well as a perfect gift for any occasion. A hot item to boot, many disappointed shoppers found out the hard way, when the coats were quickly snatched leaving several folks empty handed. There was a collective sigh amongst those that had missed out on the sale as the display was being taken down. That is, until, a certain rapping dog had entered the isle.
-----
Parappa was heading at a steady pace towards the back, his mind set of relieving himself of the increasing discomfort, when he heard it. "Hey! There's one! It's a border terrier!" The dog perked up, seeing a large crowd of shoppers staring at him with an almost frightening interest. "Yes! It is! A border terrier!" Parappa arched his eye brow a bit in confusion as the shoppers slowly began to make their way towards him and he failed to suppress the growing dread climbing up his spine.
"His fur looks so soft!" one of them cooed, causing the others to sigh in unison.
"Yes, and clean," another chimed in.
"And water proof,"
Uh oh, I don't like where this is heading! The dog gulped as he slowing backed away from the advancing crowd, each holding a blood thirsty look in their eyes. "Get him!" one of them shouted, immediately causing the crowd to rush towards the lone pup. He didn't even have time to scream before his quick feet sprung into action, carrying him away from the advancing gang of bloody thirsty shoppers gone mad.
He rushed back towards the front of the store, his potential top speed suffering greatly do to the full tank he was carrying. However, the lines and compact herd of people that had caused him such inconvenience upon entering the store proved to be helpful to him as he once again weaved through the crowd. The mad shoppers had a bit more trouble maneuvering through the ocean of bodies, which slowed them enough to almost make up for his lack of speed, but he did not loose them and the chase resumed to outside the store.
Fortunately, by this time Parappa had managed to find a decent hiding place and thus left the mad shoppers confused upon exiting the building. "Crap! Where'd he go?" Parappa, who had ducked into a nearby alley, shrunk behind a large trash bin and hoped the shadows would hide his position. "Split up! He can't have gone far! You two, check the beverage outlet and someone cover that alley!"
Crap!
"Excuse me?"
Parappa looked up, slightly startled at the voice that seemingly appeared out of nowhere. Through the darkness he could make out the image of a young woman, in normal day attire sporting a pair of glasses and long brown hair covering her shoulders. At her side, she carried a kitchen sized house hold garbage can and her intentions in the alley became apparent. "I take that it's you they're after?" she asked, though more as a statement than anything else. Parappa could do nothing but nod as she walked past him and lifted the lid on the garbage bin he currently had his back pressed against.
"Hey lady," came a familiar sounding sadistic voice and the dog froze, hoping that the woman would not rat him out. "You seen a border terrier pass by here?"
"Nope," she replied, lifting the trash can to empty its contents into the bin. "Nobody here but us chickens."
As the retreating footsteps of the crazed shopper could be heard, Parappa slowly released a breath of relief. The woman couldn't help but chuckle as she took her now-empty trash can and knelt beside the pup. "Hey, are you all right?" She asked when noticing his pale and sweat soaked complexion. "You look kinda sick."
"Ah…yeah.." the dog sweatdropped in response. "I just really need to go to the bathroom." She smiled warmly in response and offered him a hand. He took it, favoring not to put too much pressure on his low torso and allowed her to pull him to his feet. "I live just up there," the woman responded, pointing to the building right behind her. "If you want, you may use my bathroom."
"R..really?" The dog replied overly joyed at the mere thought of relieving himself. Unconsciously, his hands clenched tightly around her's and a steady stream of gratified tears ran down his cheeks. "Thank you!" She could do nothing but laugh in response as she turned towards the building, instructing the pup to follow her. "Right this way."
----
The moment the two entered the young woman's apartment, a strange feeling overcame Parappa. Something was….wrong. Everything looked normal, the living room was neat and nicely furnished, the place was clean, and there was nothing one wouldn't expect from one's apartment in view. However….
"It's right down the hall." The woman said, bringing him out of his train of thought. Shaking his head slightly, Parappa returned to reality and felt vaguely sheepish at allowing himself to space out. "Oh, uh, thank you." He replied, stepping towards the hall she had indicated. Awaiting him at the end of the hall he discovered two doors, each parallel to each other and identical to boot. He turned, intent on asking the woman which was the one for the bathroom, only to discover that she was no where to be seen. At the sound of a fridge door opening he realized she had probably just stepped into the kitchen. It was, after all, dinner time for most Rodney Town residents. Considering it rude to shout down the hall of an apartment, he decided to try his luck and took a guess at which door lead to the restroom. Unfortunately – or fortunately – he picked the wrong one.
-----
Upon flicking on the light, Parappa immediately realized that the mild sense of dread churning through his body was valid. Before him there was a rather disturbing display of jars lined up flawlessly on several shelves that stretched from one end of the room to the other. Within each jar there was a sickening green type liquid and floating within that liquid was a brain. To add to the horror each jar was labeled with the name of the animal that brain had once belonged too. Parappa shuddered at the display, unable to take his eyes off the jars. Recalling the dissection labs from biology class, the brains looked too real to be fake and the familiar embalming aroma that his sensitive dog nose picked up also confirmed the authenticity of what he was seeing.
This was all quite freaky in itself, but what he saw next fueled his dread to another level. For there was one jar that was empty sitting snuggly between the frog's and camel's brain, a jar that was labeled "dog".
"I see you've noticed my collection."
Parappa froze, suddenly aware of the presence behind him. Slowly he turned, finding himself under the woman's icy gaze. She grinned menacingly back at the pup, causing him to break free from his frozen state and take a few steps back. "Dog brains are so popular among the black market. It's almost impossible to keep them in stock." Parappa gulped as he continued to step back and watched as she took a bloodied chainsaw that was hanging on the wall.
"Just hold still and I promise to make this as quick and painless as possible." She spoke through her evil grin as she ripped the chainsaw cord. The loud buzzing sound that cut through the air caused his fur to stand on end, but he refused to let the oncoming panic attack cloud his judgment. It was true that the crazed woman stood blocking the exit and that the room was rather small, however if he could put enough space between the two of them to force her to move, he just may be able to slip past her.
With that being the only plan he could formulate under the circumstances, he back peddled quickly until his back came in contact with the shelves that covered the walls. Though the distance was not that great, it was enough to keep him out of the chainsaw's range. "Oh come on now. Don't make me chase you!" the woman sighed in response, her voice barely audible over the saw's roar. Now the rest was up to quick reflexes.
Calm, calm, pretend you're in kenpo karate class.
The woman rushed forward and Parappa forced himself not to look at the imminent chainsaw she wielded. Instead he focused his attention on her movements and tried to guess just how she would attack him. It was logical that she would go for his head, what with it being his brain she desired. However in doing so she risked damaging the organ and thusly the most likely place she would strike was his neck, severing his head from the rest of him and leaving his brain intact.
She noticed her raising the chainsaw to her right, her wrists turned in such a degree that would leave the saw perpendicular to his spine upon reaching contact with his body. She was aiming for his neck all right, now he just hoped his quick reflexes would be quick enough to evade the weapon.
The intense training he had endured in Chop Chop's Fruits Dojo had paid off in that instant. With ease he ducked under the incoming hit and sprinted forward, making sure to sweep one of the psycho lady's feet while he was at it. Not expecting the sudden movement, the woman pitched forward and was forced to grab the shelves to keep herself from falling and impaling herself on the rotating saw blades. By the time she had regained her composure Parappa was out of her apartment and running like a bat outta hell down the stairs. Whether or not she had given up chasing him, he never knew for the only concern on his mind (other than relieving his tormented organs) was putting as much distance from him and the psycho lady as possible. So he continued to run, and he ran rather recklessly at that.
He never even saw Joe Chin's Super Stretch Limo 900 coming.
-----
"Yes, yes, of course." Joe Chin said with his mobile phone plastered to the side of his head as his new car screeched down the road at speeds that were none too good for anyone's health. "Uh, Joe," Katy Kat said from her passenger side seat. After the party Joe had spotted her walking home and offered her a ride. She accepted, only under the condition that her shoes were creating agonizing blisters on her ankles, though now she was starting to doubt Joe's driving abilities. "I think you should slow down a bit and maybe pay more attention to the road."
"Nonsense!" he replied in his usual, loud and confident voice. "This car has the power and strength of twenty locomotives! It's practically indestructible!"
"Yes," Katy replied, recalling when he had floored with his car in reverse, straight into the Phat Donuts shop. His car had not a dent in it, but the place was totaled. "and what if we hit someone?"
"No need to worry about that!" He replied. "This car stops on a dime and maneuvers like a dream. There's no possible way that…"
THUD
"Hm…why would they put a speed bump up in the middle of the road?"
For a few seconds Katy was rendered speechless, her mouth agape and eyes wide as saucers. She turned in her seat to catch a glimpse of what was happening behind them. "Joe!" she stammered as she watched several people crowd around what appeared to be a person lying in the middle of the road, and a vaguely familiar person at that. "I think you just hit someone!"
"Impossible!" Joe replied, his voice never changing. "Why I have the sharpest reflexes of anyone on this side of the coast! Aside from that I am one of the most skilled drivers known to Red Cross. Did I ever tell you about the time I….."
Oh nooooo! Katy groaned inwardly as Joe began sputtering about his adventure rushing a blood supply to a hospital of ailing children during monsoon season. Her annoyed expression changed to that of motion induced nausea as Joe took a tight turn, causing the car to run on two wheels. To add to her ill feeling, she was deeply concerned towards the person Joe had hit. As she grabbed onto her seat – hoping that she'd be lucky enough to see another day – she silently prayed for the unfortunate person's well being. I'm almost certain I've seen that person before. I hope he's okay.
-----
Parappa slowly opened his eyes. Recalling the previous events, he was uncertain of what to expect upon rejoining the waking world. In fact he hadn't really expected anything. However if he had, it most certainly wouldn't be what he found.
Nothing.
That's how he had described the strange place upon first glimpsing it, however upon looking back he realized that statement to be untrue. Below him there was a cold and solid floor, supporting his body and keeping it from whatever fate would've befallen him had it not been there. Now a floor was definitely something, but the rest of the "place" seemed little more than an endless stretch of white.
He sat up and instantly noticed the ease he had preformed the simply task. Normally it wasn't a big deal, but he could faintly remember being hit by a car (and a strangely familiar one at that) before finding himself here. Under such circumstances sitting up would be difficult or at the very least, rather painful. He felt no such pain, in fact, he didn't really feel anything. Even the horrid sickness of a full tank that plagued his body was a memory.
"Did I die or something?" He spoke out loud, truly not expecting anything in response. He slowly got to his feet and habitually dusted his pants free of dirt that did not exist. "And if I did, is this supposed to be Heaven or Hell?" He rubbed the back of his neck as he looked around, slightly surprised at how calm he was. If he was in fact dead, he wondered if others who had crossed the threshold accepted their fates with such a relaxed demeanor. Or perhaps when one died he or she lost the capacity to become panicked or alarmed.
"Hello, Mr. Anderson."
Startled, the dog spun around. Normally his exceptional hearing would've picked up the sound of footstep, but somehow the man standing behind him had managed to sneak up on him without making a sound. Uncertain of what to make of the gentleman sporting a pair of black sunglasses and a black suit that suggested security agent, he spoke, "Who are you and what do you want?"
"You may call me Smith," the man muttered, his voice relaxed in an almost soothing manner had it not possessed such an ominous tone. Behind this "Smith" character another man wearing an identical uniform appeared out of nowhere, seemingly fusing together in the everlasting void like someone stepping through a heavy fog. He walked up to Smith with a quick but steady pace holding some sort of folder in his hands. Smith held his right hand out, expecting and waiting for the folder to be delivered to him. "And don't worry, you'll get to know me a lot better."
The man handed the folder to Smith and waited calmly and quietly by his side as Smith opened the folder and began a gentle skim of the pages. "Let's see. Mr. Anderson, Mr. Anderson." He spoke as he flipped through various pages, pausing only once in a while to run his finger over the text. "It seems you've been living a double life here," Smith raised his head, locking his eyes with that of the dog. "Mr. Anderson."
Parappa was thoroughly confused. "What are you talking about? And my last name's not Anderson, it's…"
"One life has you as an ordinary adolescent, rather well behaved and kind, working at a respected taco chain, and you helped the class nerd carry his books to his locker." Parappa could only arch an eyebrow in response as a slight tingle worked its way up his spine at Smith's tone. Is this supposed to be the place of Judgment or something? "Look, I'm not sure what's going on here, but all I wanted was to use the bathroom. Just one bathroom, any bathroom, not too much to ask, is it?"
"There is no bathroom." The whispered hush snaked through the air and the pup glanced around a bit trying to find the source of the voice. Though he never truly knew for sure, he thought for a moment he had caught glimpse of a pale bald child before he dissolved into the background.
"As for the other, it appears you stole your own father's car only to leave it in such a misshapen state one would be unable to recognize it. One of these lives has a future, the other does not."
"Wha?" Parappa blinked several times in response, his eyes considerably larger than before. "What are you talking about? I replaced the car!"
"Tell me something Mr. Anderson." Smith continued, the strong emphasis in his voice causing the pup to cringe slightly. "What good is a car if you can't talk?"
…..
…..
…..
…..
…..
…..
"Huh?"
"Never mind! Grab him!"
Instantly two pairs of hands grasp the pup's arms tightly and pulled him from the ground, just high enough to keep his feet from making contact with the floor. He had struggled, if only for a second, despite well knowing that any escape efforts on his part were futile. Smith stepped forward slowly, reaching for something in shirt pocket. By that time Parappa had ended his struggle against the agents and could only watch as Smith pulled from his overcoat a strange looking light bulb of some sort. Before his eyes the device entered some kind of metamorphosis, transforming into a small robotic scorpion like creature. Even as Smith reached for his floppy left ear, Parappa did not resume his struggle to escape. However he could not suppress the shudder that raked his body when Smith held the creature near his ear, causing it to flash a rather nasty set of needle like claws.
A tiny whimper escaped him as he felt the needles drilling to his ear canal. However the moment did not last long as almost instantly afterward Parappa was tossed from whatever reality that may have been and back into the void of darkness.
-----
"It really is a shame he was killed like that. He was kind of a cute lil fella."
"Yeah, well, he's dead now. What can ya do?"
Reaching through the dark fog that kept him from the conscious plane, Parappa hazily felt his limp body being carried by two unknown figures. Through the void their voices carried to him like a gentle breeze and he sought to respond, but found himself unable to do so.
"Are you sure this is the right thing to do?"
"Well, would you prefer we hand his body over to those crazed Target shoppers?"
"I guess you've got a point."
They stopped.
"Here we go. May your spirit rest in peace, my friend."
The next thing he became aware of was his body greeting the ground in such a rough manner that what little air he had in him was forced from his lungs. Normally, he would've replied to such a thing with an audible "oof!" though at the moment his vocal ability was disabled. He listened for a moment as the foot steps that brought him to this unknown location walked away, growing ever more silent with each step they took.
For a moment he just laid there, willing his senses to return to him. They returned without his coaching and Parappa was almost regretting they had. He was sore just about everywhere and the burning pain in his lower intestines struck him again with a vengeance. However it was the strong smell that brought the dog jetting into a sitting position. Instantly his eyes began to water at the potent aroma that penetrated his nose, causing his lungs to gasp for a decent breath of air. After clearing his eyes of the tears, the young dog was able to see just what was causing him such discomfort. He had been dropped off in the middle of the city dump.
Oh man! Parappa clutched his nose tightly, once again overwhelmed by his full tank in addition to the massive stink that surrounded him. Ah forget it! I'm gonna do it! Parappa had resolved to do his business right then and there. After all, it was the city dump. There would not be another person around to witness the act and the place already stunk to the highest of heavens. In addition to that logic his insides were churning and pulsating with the worst kind of pain. Surely there was nothing wrong with heeding nature's call in such a place.
Baring that logic in mind, Parappa sought out a decently sheltered place on the off chance that someone may happen by. He was not picky though and quickly chose a spot at the bottom of a rather tall garbage hill. Reaching the place, he allowed a pre-mature sigh of relief as he turned his back to the hill and began to unbutton his pants. "You there! I know what you're doing!"
Parappa could not suppress the small startled cry that came forth at the sound of the voice. He looked around, a deep shade of red adding color to his other wise sickly pale face at the thought of someone catching him about to do his business. The voice had echoed through the land fill, bouncing off of various trash heaps and making it rather difficult for one to determine where the voice had come from. However the source of the sound made itself apparent as a rather strange looking man stepped forth from the shadows and into plain view.
Never before had the young dog seen such a man. He was a rather buff man sporting nothing but what appeared to be a green spandex body suit. Around his arms, neck and legs there were several worn orange bandages resembling the likes of a mummy. For a moment he was slightly fearful, wondering if this man was completely nuts. Yet the way he carried himself as he walked suggested otherwise. Dare he say, he almost had a sophisticated aura around him.
"I will thank you not to defecate on our home."
Parappa blinked in response, surprised at the man's way of speech. That, too, belied his appearance and he suspected there was and underlining of intelligence beneath his skull. However that didn't mean that the guy wasn't totally wacko. After all, surely no sane man would dress himself as such and who exactly is 'we'? The only two around were him and the man and Parappa was fairly positive that he did not live at the city dump. Though perhaps there were reasonable explanations behind his mannerism, but first things first.
"And who might you be?" Parappa said, paying very close attention to his tone. This was, as crazy as it sounded, the man's home and he did not want to sound too forceful or intrusive especially after the man had displayed such ways of communicating. "You may call me the Rat King. My minions and I take habitat in this place, knowing well it would drive away most people."
"Oh, um, I see." Parappa said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "Wait a minute. Aren't you supposed to live in the sewers?"
"Well…uh…..silence!"
"Cowabunga!" Came an unknown voice, causing the Rat King to curse.
"Alas! Foiled again!"
Four green blurs jumped up from the piled trash and surrounded the Rat King as best they could. Upon closer examination, Parappa discovered each to be wielding a weapon seemingly unique to them. Not only that, but they all appeared to be turtles wearing different colored bandanas. Now I've seen everything.
"Dude! Did somebody say pizza!?" Blarred the yellow wearing turtle, brandishing a rather nasty set of nunchaku. Everyone sweatdropped at the comment, though the turtle seemed to be oblivious to their reaction. The Rat King broke the awkward silence by shaking his fist menacingly in the air and swearing loudly again.
"Curse you ninja turtles! RAR!"
As the battle ensued, Parappa slowly crept away from the carnage. He left completely clueless as to the strange turn of events, but he wasn't quite sure he wanted to find out just what was going on. Even if the pull of curiosity had gotten him to stay, his tortured body wouldn't have allowed that to happen for long. His biological needs came first and he figured that whatever bad karma he had that was prolonging his relief had just about run out. He had to go and he had to go now.
-----
Luck finally seemed to be running with the pup when after he had gotten quite a few good yards from the junk yard. For there, standing proudly and unoccupied, stood a tall port potty. Oh man! Can it really be true?! Never before had such a common accommodation seemed so rare and beautiful. Tears of joy flushed down his cheeks in thick waterfalls as he raced towards the lone sanctuary. Relief was finally within his grasp and Parappa promised himself he'd never take such luxuries for granted again.
Unfortunately, his bad karma was not done with him yet. Just before he reached for the door handle a squirrelly looking character appeared out of thin air, thrusting his palm into the pup's chest to prevent his passage. Parappa stumbled back a few feet from the force and shock of the blow and looked up to see what had caused his abrupt stop.
The man(?) standing before the potty was quite short in stature and wore rather baggy looking clothes, his blue hair was quite a mess as it stuck out in all directions and his eyes resembled that of a crack addict. He stood there, jittering about in his place as he glared at the dog with his large and mildly frightening eyes. "If you seek passage, then answer me these questions three!" He spoke in a screechy voice allowing his crooked teeth to show. "What is your name?"
Parappa inwardly groaned, hoping that this would be the last trial he would have to face. He could not find it in him to search for another commode as he was rather exhausted and he knew he could not hold out for much longer anyway. Best to appease the weirdo and hope that he would let him through. "Parappa."
"What is your quest?"
"To find a bathroom."
"What is your favorite color?"
"Eh…I'm a dog."
"Yes I can see that. What is your favorite color?"
Parappa arched his eyebrow in response as he twisted his mouth into a light frown. "But…I'm a DOG."
The squirrelly man slapped his forehead as one would do when dealing with an idiot. "Yes, we've already established that! What is your freakin' favorite color already?"
Now it was Parappa's turn to get frustrated. "No you don't understand!" He said, tapping his temples with his fingers. "I'm a dog! I'm color blind!"
The stranger blinked several times in response, his face dropping to an expression of surprise and bewilderment. "You're…color blind?"
"Yes!" Parappa snapped in response, the agony of a full tank causing his patience to be lost. To add emphasis to the statement pointed to both his eyes as a snarl formed over his mouth. "Color blind!"
The man twitched in response. "Color blind…" he murmured as he twitched again, this time a bit more violently. "Can't have favorite color.." his body began shaking uncontrollably. "HE'S COLOR BLIND! WAAAA!!"
POOF!
Parappa's jaw dropped considerably wide as the man exploded right before his shocked eyes, leaving nothing more than a rising column of dust. "Woah….d..didn't mean to kill him!" Parappa shook his head slightly as if to clear it of the shock and glanced around a bit to reassure himself that he was alone. "Oh well," he shrugged reaching for the door handle. Nothing he could do about it now and it wasn't his fault the guy wanted to play bathroom gatekeeper.
"Hold it!" Though the voice was demanding and loud, Parappa didn't so much as jump when the sound cut through the silence. Even when a gnarled hand reached out and clamped onto his floppy left ear he wasn't so much startled as he was surprised to see the squirrelly man standing beside him. "The agents have bugged you." He said, reaching into the pup's ear canal. Parappa let out only a small, barely audible, yelp of pain when the man withdrew a slimy scorpion like robot from his ear. His sickly green face grew paler at the sight. "Th..that thing's REAL!?"
"Ah, don't worry about it." The man said, tossing the robot into a nearby mud puddle. "You have passed. You may partake of your desires and take with you the lessons you have…"
SLAM!!
"Well, that was just rude."
-----
"Sunny!"
Sunny stirred only slightly from her light doze. Parappa gulped silently, unsure whether she was asleep or extremely bored. "S…sorry to keep you waiting. I'll drive you home now." She cracked her eye open to confirm that the voice she had heard was none other than Parappa's and allowed it to drift shut again. "What took you so long?" she mumbled sleepily.
He sweatdropped, certainly not wanting to tell her about his little adventure. "Well, ya see.." he stalled hoping his mind could conjure up a good story. "The clerk inside was giving me a hard time about my gas payment and stuff."
"Really?" she mumbled, burring her face into her folded arms. "Did you kick his butt?" she said with a thick sort of girly dreaminess flowing through her words. Parappa was quick to pick up on that. "Y..yeah! I kicked his butt! I kicked his butt good! The jerk,"
Sunny giggled tiredly in response as Parappa started the car. He smirked in spite of himself and allowed his male pride to swell in his chest. What with his tank now comfortably empty he was able to notice the difference in mannerisms she held towards him. He had not known just what had set this behavior off but he allowed himself to relish in it regardless. Could it be? He allowed himself to wonder if only for a second. The more reasonable part of his brain pulled him out of the thought and he was certainly not looking for disappointment.
It makes no sense. It warned him. Despite the rational he didn't want to entirely give up on his wishful thinking. Maybe she liked the cake I made. He offered as a rebuttal. I suppose I may have to thank Cheap Cheap later for the recipe, even though it did nearly kill me. He was brought from his train of thought at the sound of Sunny moaning slightly, squirming in her seat and clutching her stomach. "Parappa, could you step on it a bit please? I really need to go to the bathroom."
On second thought, Parappa thought, a small vein appearing on his forehead. I could sue her for trying to poison people.
But all ended well in Rodney Town. Parappa got Sunny home in record time so that she didn't have to go anywhere near the prolonged suffering he did. After all, he wouldn't want that for his sweetie pie, now would he? Joe Chin, despite his reckless driving, got Katy Kat home in one piece. The crazed shoppers decided that material processions weren't everything and hand-in-hand they skipped along happily down the yellow brick road. The crazed black market woman decided she didn't like mutilating little animals anymore and decided to become a pop star diva. The disgruntled ticket taker found love that evening and quit his job, only to be dumped a week later and he reluctantly applied at Chunky Burger.
The squirrelly guy and the Rat King decided to join forces and defeated the TMNT in an on-line round of Gunbound and as for Agent Smith…well…he can turn people into himself. That's pretty cool if you ask me.
The End…..or should it?
Well, it'd probably be for the best.
Okay, that's it! That was my pitiful attempt at humor. Sorry, I'm more of a drama type person. Can't write good humor and forget about action scenes! Bleh! Well, maybe a miracle happened and I did manage to write something humorous enough to make you chuckle. Even if you didn't I hope you enjoyed the craziness none the less. Please read more of my fanfiction and don't forget to review!