Day one:
Daddy gave me this diary. Also gave me a sword. Told me to start practicing pronto, but I don't feel like it. Like writing in diary much better. I will prove to him that the pen is mightier than the sword!
Day Three:
Have been chopping servants' heads off all day when they did not do as I want. Changed my mind, the sword is mightier than the pen after all.
Day Four:
Inu-yasha annoying the shit out of me. "Sesshoumaru, I wanna play" "Sesshoumaru, give me a piggyback ride" "Sesshoumaru, turn into a giant dog for me"
The brat just doesn't appreciate the great deal of work that goes into becoming a dog. I can console myself with the fact that he will never have more than those stupid ears of his, ha ha!
Day Five:
Daddy gave me a toad today. Apparently it will be my servant and stay with me for ever and ever and ever. Can't say I'm terribly excited about it.
Daddy told me it was very old and wise. I told Daddy I did not care how old and wise it was as it still looked like a sack of knobbly potatoes painted green.
I don't think the toad likes me very much.
Day Six:
I just can't stand Daddy's new mate because:
1. She's human
2. She makes me wear woolly stockings whenever I go out to Kill and Destroy because she says otherwise I will get a cold and have to stay home. Begone, foul woman! I am a demon and I do not get colds.
Day Eight:
Home with a cold.
Day Nine:
Found out about Daddy's will today. Inu-yasha will get a sword which can cut through anything. I will get a sword that can heal anything. Am feeling pissed off. Tried to plot dreadful revenge but it was hard with Bloody Annoying Little Squirt No: 1 jumping around me shouting "I get the better sword! I get the better sword!"
Day Ten:
Killed and Destroyed quite successfully today.
Day Eleven:
And today.
Day Twelve:
And today.
Day Thirteen:
This is boring. I don't want to write in my diary anymore.
…Many many years later…
Day One, again:
Found my old diary today. Actually, Jaken found it for me and traded it for ugly old staff of heads. Was quite happy to let him have staff, as it is very tasteless. He has been playing with it ever since, making the girl scream and the old man say "I am a parrot". Starting to give me a headache.
Day Two:
Ho, ho, still looking for Daddy's grave. Have looked through half the country and can still not find it. The only clue I have is a riddle: "A place one can see, yet cannot be seen… A place it's own guardian can never look upon."
Curse Daddy and his fondness for riddles. I've still not worked out the one about why the chicken crossed the road.
Day Four:
Found out that Inu-yasha is still alive today. Thought he was killed fifty years ago by jealous girlfriend, but was apparently wrong. Was pleased to hear this piece of good news, as he owes me money.
Day Six:
Inu-yasha has found new girlfriend! Human, again. Bet she makes him wear woolly stockings too.
Day Seven:
Found grave, but got my arm chopped off by Inu-yasha. Little brother getting most annoying. He claimed he was angry at me for trying to kill his girlfriend, but I know it was just a cheap trick to avoid having to pay me back.
Want to kill Inu-yasha's girlfriend. Am terribly jealous of her skirt.
Oh, and Inu-yasha finally got his stupid sword. With the help of his girlfriend (another reason to hate her guts). It's not fair, I want that sword. Think I will sulk for a few days.
Day Thirty-nine:
Attached new arm, a human one this time. Guy called Naraku sold it to me, along with free Shikon shard attachment. Said it will help me to penetrate the Tetsusaiga's shield and make me able to wield it, thus making me the strongest and most powerful demon in the world.
Whatever. Arm is ugly anyway. Had to accept it because the body parts store is short on arms right now, but my own nails are much prettier. Which reminds me, have to make new appointment with manicurist.
Day Forty:
Human arm experiment no success. That bastard Naraku sold me a cheap arm. Not only did I fail to take Tetsusaiga from Inu-yasha, but the arm also tried to eat me. Note to self: never strike up deals with mysterious men in baboon pelts.
On the other hand, came up with a few snappy/dramatic comments, so on the whole not a bad day.
Day Sixty-seven:
Sent Jaken along to Toto-sai today, to check up on sword. It's boring without him. I have no one to shout at. Am thinking about going to the nearest village for a bit of Bloody Massacre since it is a while since I last did that. Should really revise the moves a little.
Day Sixty-eight:
Jaken returned and told me that Toto-sai had fled. Am forsaking the Bloody Massacre idea to go after him and claim a Dark and Sinister Revenge instead.
Day Sixty-nine:
Toto-sai hiding behind Inu-yasha. Inu-yasha taking this as an opportunity to do fancy moves with his sword and show off before his girlfriend. Pisses me off – that's my sword to show off with, not his! Can do much fancier moves myself anyway.
Toto-sai talked a lot about Tenseiga. Stupid sword of no use. Tried cutting Jaken in half today but he survived. Damn.
Unfortunately Toto-sai is biased and fights on the same side as Inu-yasha. That's two against one, no fair. Will console myself with a Bloody Massacre tonight.
Day Seventy:
Whole new range of arms just in at the body parts store! Chose a dragon arm because it was sparkly. Also, had a very nice Bloody Massacre last night. Good to know I haven't lost it.
Will go and force Toto-sai make me a new sword.
Day Seventy-one:
Was going to make Toto-sai finish the sword for me, but got held up bickering with Inu-yasha, again. He said mean things about my new arm. Also said the colour didn't match my eyes. Got so upset I decided to kill him, but unfortunately he killed me first.
Well, almost killed me.
Day Seventy-two:
My throat hurts.
Day Seventy-three:
My leg hurts.
Day Seventy-four:
My arm hurts.
Day Seventy-five:
Everything about me hurts! *whine*
Day Seventy-six:
Little human girl came and tried to save my life. Overturned a can of water over my head, although I am not sure how she thought that would help. In addition to cuts and bruises I am now soaking.
Stupid humans.
Day Seventy-seven:
Little stupid human girl gave me food, which I could not eat. Ticks me off.
Day Seventy-eight:
Little human girl gave me food again, although I told her last time I can not eat it. Humans quite unbelievably stupid. She had also gone and gotten herself beaten up. Girl is also mute. In other words, the girl is about as useful as Jaken.
That is, useless.
Later same day: Girl killed by wolves. For some unexplainable reason I then saved her life with my sword. Have now got two useless servants and a useless sword.
Am starting to feel quite stupid myself.