A Violinist of Hameln fanfic
By Ashley Auld
Part 2
He watched her crying in the faint blue light
of the window. Tears sparkled down her cheeks and she wiped them
away with clenched fists, sobbing uncontrollably. He'd never imagined or
been prepared for something like this. It was completely unexpected.
Since he'd learned of his true character, even the prospect of her loving
him had completely flown from his mind. And all this time he'd believed
she was simply repulsed by that deformed misshapen Demon form. That
she traveled with him for no more need than to regain her cross then return
to her country.
" And all those times that she's shrunk
away from my hand? All those times are because… she doesn't understand
me? Is that really all it is?" He thought. He bent down
closer to her and slid the hand off her shoulder to cup her cheek.
" Flute." He whispered her name softly. She opened her eyes partly
to look at him. He slowly sat down on the bed, sideways, so he could
still look at her.
" Being with me has been so tough on you…
Gomen…"
She shook her head and opened her mouth to
protest but he stopped her from speaking with one finger.
" I know it as well as you. It's been
hard for you."
Flute closed her eyes and nodded a little,
she wiped away some more tears, trying her best to contain her sobs.
Hamel sighed.
" For as long as I can remember, you've been
there in my life. From the time that I arrived in Staccato to right
now… But…" He looked over to the window and grimaced, summoning up those
painful memories that he'd kept so long concealed in his subconscious.
" But… I started to remember before then…"
" Eh?"
" I remember glimpses of my childhood, with
my mother. All the memories of her are soft and kind, and comforting.
However…"
" Eh?"
" They were mingled with the worst nightmares…
I think I became lost in those nightmares. Maybe I still am… but
I understand them better than before."
He glanced at Flute; she was watching him
with wide, trembling eyes.
" They have to do with my true character.
My mother told me when I was a child… and I carry those words in my mind
always… ' There are two ways for you.'"
" Two ways… yes-- I remember…"
" My ways… I had to accept my demon side in
order to become more human."
" NO!" Flute cried again. Hamel stopped and
stared at her in shock.
" Flute…"
" No… " She repeated, and then shook her head.
" When I see you transform to a demon… I get scared! I can't help
it. I feel like I'm not looking at the real Hamel!"
" Flute-- Listen to me…"
" No…" She shook her head and put her hands
to her ears. " I want the old Hamel back!"
" Flute!"
" THE OLD HAMEL!"
" Flute! Stop it!"
" WHY did this have to happen!?! WHY!?!"
" FLUTE!" With no other alternative to make
her listen, Hamel grabbed both her wrists and brought her towards him,
he wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace. Flute sat rigid
in his hold.
" L-Let go of me!" She started to struggle;
he only hugged her tighter.
" No."
" LET GO!"
" It's me! Flute-- It's still me! I don't
blame you if you're scared. I understand that. But even if my appearance
changes I still have the same soul! I'm still the same Hamel!"
Her body relaxed as she gave up the struggle
to free herself, as soon as she did, Hamel loosened his grip and brought
his hands to his sides, but she didn't move from him. He took a deep breath.
" The monster at Ansem… and the one that killed Shrinx… that wasn't me."
" I…" She trembled slightly, and slowly lifted
her head to meet his gaze. " I… think…"
Hamel's heart beat fast in his chest.
Seldom did he ever care about what others thought of him… but Flute was
different. He realized that he cared for her far more than he'd originally
thought. She was so special to him. He wanted to tell her that.
" I think… I understand what you mean." She
finally finished her sentence after several attempts. " Hamel… gomen-nasai…"
It was like a huge weight suddenly lifted
from his shoulders; he sighed in relief and shook his head with a half
smile. " Flute… I promise that, no matter what happens, whether demon or
no-- I will ALWAYS be the Hamel that you know, I won't allow the monster
from Ansem to ever come back. Even if I don't look the same on the
outside."
She nodded silently, then did her best attempt
at a smile. " I believe you."
He was so relieved. He couldn't put into words
how scared she'd made him before. The very idea of Flute being apart
from him, scared of him… it put such a pain in his heart that he couldn't
even describe. What was it?
He suddenly became even more conscious of
her presence near him. The way that her nightgown rustled as she
moved, and how it set off her figure. The way she was nervously biting
her lips and pushing loose strands of hair out of her face and behind her
shoulders. She was beautiful.
It struck him suddenly, the question she'd
asked him earlier… "What do you feel? What do you want?"
What did he feel when he looked at her? Hamel
couldn't come to a conclusion. He just watched her as they sat in
an awkward silence. His eyes scanning every single visible part of
her body, and always landing back to her eyes. They were filled with
expression and beauty. They looked at him with so much compassion.
Her tears had finally stopped, but the silvery streaks of their path still
trailed down her cheeks. As if his hand had a mind of its own, he
brought it up and wiped a thumb down one shimmering line, and then another.
How did he feel about her? There
was a need there; a need to hold her, and be sure she's always safe… there
was a need to protect her. But was that love?
" Flute…" He lifted his other hand up and
set it on her shoulders. " Flute… I don't think that I've been
listening to myself lately. I think I know what's best for me but
in truth I don't know anything."
" You always seem so sure of yourself." Flute
said softly.
Hamel shook his head. " I've always
been confused. My whole life I've been confused. My past, my
present, my future… Maybe that's why I don't like to say what I think,
cause half of the time I don't know what I'm feeling. Or what I should
feel." The words were pouring out of his mouth now at a rate he couldn't
control. He didn't even know what he was saying until after he'd
already said it. " I've never had anyone to show me…"
" It doesn't have to be like that!" She shook
her head. " You have people that love you, that will show you if
you only ask them too! Just ask! Don't be afraid too…"
"…People that love me?" He was silent
for a long while. He thought of his childhood friend, Raiel-- pointing
a sword at him… calling him a monster; a murderer… Raiel couldn't forgive…
" Yes! Raiel-san and Trom too! Even Clari-san though
he always acts so cool."
"… yeah… " He watched her intently. She stared
back with a bright determination in her eyes. A determination to
help him. She cared that deeply about him? And even after everything
that had happened to him, everything that he'd done… all his brooding and
his mood swings… she still looked at him with that same compassion.
She still said she loved him. She didn't know about Raiel, she didn't
know that Raiel hated his guts now. She didn't know that saying his
name was like twisting a knife into an open wound. But she always meant
well. He'd make Raiel understand someday, just like he made Flute understand
tonight. She had faith in him.
Faith? Love? All these emotions that he'd taken
for granted before were suddenly revealed. Like unlocking a sacred
treasure that had been buried for years and years… as long as he could
remember. Flute's cheerful disposition… her optimistic view, her
energy… he craved these suddenly. They were aspects of her that had
always drawn his eye. She was like the door to a dreamland where
his pain and his suffering didn't exist.
"Hamel…" Flute tilted her head, a little embarrassed.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
He realized suddenly that he was blushing, and that through all of
those thoughts, he'd been staring straight at her lips. They were
full and red from her constant biting down on them in frustration.
He was being drawn to those lips.
He wanted them.
" So…" he hastily recalled her last speech
to him. Even more conscious of the heat rising in his cheeks as he
couldn't take his eyes off her lips. " If I need someone too show
me, then--"
Flute nodded enthusiastically, still so much compassion in her
wide brown eyes." Just ask…" She whispered, trailing off to silence.
" Okay." He said softly, inching himself closer
to her. "Flute… You know how I said I was human, except I just had to accept
my Demon blood?"
She nodded.
" Well, I think I've just found the root of my humanity…"
" You do?" She consciously becoming aware
of his face inching ever closer to hers but continued to sit perfectly
still. He had a strange kind of nervous tension in his air this time around
though. It was not the frustration that had scared her earlier.
" Yes. But… I want you to help show
me."
" Of course!" She smiled enthusiastically.
" What can I… do…" Flute trailed off as he continued inching closer
to her. He gripped her shoulders tighter as he leaned towards her
lips. She sat, a look of confusion crossed her face as if trying
to make sense of that brief, fascinating moment between two people who
were just about to kiss. She didn't have much time to ponder however, because
Hamel closed his eyes and touched his lips to hers in a tender kiss.
He had never kissed anyone before. The feeling was wonderful. The
sweet fragrance of her hair filled his nostrils. She smelled like
a spring day right after a small rain shower. Fresh and full of life…
He slid his hands down from her shoulders, and brought them around the
small of her back. Flute followed his lead, bringing her own hands
up around his torso; she leaned into him, deepening their kiss.
Everything about her was right. He kissed
her over and over again, each time with more tenderness. Flute responded
to him with tiny sighs of protest each time their lips parted. She
wrapped her arms about him tighter. Never in his life had he felt
more human… to experience such an emotion as love. Intense love.
He needed to hold her, tightly. Protect her, not for the sake of
his duty to the Queen, but because he loved her. He really did love
her.
He didn't know how long it had been.
But he was conscious of the rain letting up. The tapping of the drops
against the roof were barely audible now. Finally, he parted
lips with her again, and drew away a little to get a look at her face.
Flute returned his intense gaze with wide, innocent eyes; they sparkled
with her unconditional love.
Hamel smiled slightly as he loosened one hand
around her waist to bring it up to cup her cheek gently. " Thank
you." He whispered.
She closed her eyes and relaxed into him,
burying her head in the white wrap about his shoulders. Hamel hugged
her back, bringing his head down to once again enjoy the scent of her hair.
" Hamel…" Flute's voice was muffled, she didn't
bother to take her face out of his shirt. Hamel closed his eyes.
" Yes?"
" …Why did you kiss me?"
He didn't respond for almost a minute, he
just continued to hold her. Finally, he brought his head up, and
stroked the back of her head with his hand, letting the fingers entwine
in the long strands of hair.
"You said…" He began slowly. "That you
wanted me to tell you what I think? Feel? And what I want?"
" Yes…"
" For the first time in my life, I think I
know what I feel… Flute… "
She brought her head up sharply at that point,
looking into his face. Hamel brought the hand entwined in her hair
around and kissed the silky strands. He returned her gaze intensely.
" You are what I want." He whispered through
his fingers, and let the handful of hair drop.
Flute's eyes quivered now, she looked like she was about to cry
again. She buried her face in his shirt, hugging him with more fierceness
than before. " Really?"
" Really."
" I'm… so happy. I--"
Her shoulders were shaking now, and he knew
she was crying again. His face relaxed and he set his chin on top
of her head, returning his arms to the small of her back. He held
her tightly, rocking her back and forth like a precious doll.
" You don't need to cry… shh…" His voice was soft
and calm. And after a little while her shaking ceased. They
both sat in silence holding each other.
He didn't know how much more time had passed.
The rain had completely stopped. Hamel glanced over his shoulder
as the clouds moved away from the moon. Its light crept into their
small bedroom, shining down on his own empty bed through the windowpane.
" Flute…" Hamel whispered.
There was no response.
Gently, he loosened his grip enough to take a peek
at her face. She was fast asleep.
He smiled and gently laid her down on the bed. He had to
coax her hands to open, as they were both clenched in the folds of his
shirt. After this was accomplished, he pulled the covers over her
again, tucking her in. Flute didn't awaken. Hamel ran a hand along
her cheek, pushing some stray locks of hair away from her face and behind
her ear, then leaned over and whispered. "Oyasumi."
" She is proof of my humanity…" he
thought as he looked down at her peaceful sleeping face. " A form
of beauty that I never knew existed until now. Only she can generate
it…this love… Only she can show me. Only Flute."
" …She can show me from now on."
- The End-
