Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.  Just this story.

Author notes:  I have written this fic in 2001.  If you're wondering why it took so long to post this here at FFnet, well…I haven't discovered it yet.  So there.  I hope you'll like it. I am a proud supporter of the Bulma X Vegeta couple.  Enjoy!

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WHEN YOU'RE GONE

As I opened my eyes this morning, I could not help but smile.  Our room was a testament to what transpired last night.  Clothes thrown on the floor. 

Hey!  So there are my blue silk pajamas!

It was thrown to the near sofa.  I dragged myself to the edge of the bed to pick up a thrown pillow.  Gosh!  I could not help but smile at myself.  I wish all morning were like these!  I turned to look for my conspirator.  He wasn't beside me.  I rubbed my eyes to adjust to the sunlight that was now all over the room from the open window.

There he was.  As usual in all his superior stance.  Like he won or something.  Like he had it all figured out.  Hmmm…..he's unusually quiet today.  He would normally bark to get me off the bed this time but this was different.  I wonder.

I pulled the rest of the blanket to cover myself as I approached him.  Even with the sun shining like this, it's still cold.  He did not budge.  His gaze still fixed outside of the window.  I spread the blanket beneath me like a cape and embraced him from behind.  Now both of us are in the blanket.  He was just wearing his boxers and the feel of those taut hard muscles is making me weak again.  I leaned my cheek close to his back as if to hear him breath.  His breath was calm.  He is so warm.  I tightened my arms around him.

He did not turn around though.  He just remained there still looking outside.  Baka!  What is it now?  But the feel of his body next to mine made my hands explore his chest.  I was still leaning closer to him.  I closed my eyes and inhaled his scent.  Delicious.  I pressed my face closer to his back.

"I love you."

It was all I could say.  I have been saying it ever since, I think.  I know I cannot stop no matter how matter how many times I would coax him to say it in return which he never did…..but I love him still.  I will always love this man.  Che!  He is just too proud to admit he loves me anyway. Hehehe….

Just as I was busy reminiscing all the "action" we had last night as I held him closer, I suddenly felt two strong hands reach for my shoulders.  My eyes fluttered open to find him face to face.  I could not help but smile.  Despite the ever-present frown and the notorious smirk, he was still handsome.  I think it's the eyes.  So black and deep.  So piercing.  The same eyes that made his opponents cringe.  The same eyes that beheld me for the very first time.  I will never ever forget that day…..

He held me by the shoulders tightly.  There was something forceful about it.  He nearly shook me.  He pressed his eyes and inhaled deeply.  For a while, my heart was racing as to what words would form from those lips….will he say what I have been dying to hear him say?  Is this the moment?  Is this why he is so unusually quiet this day?  Will he finally let go of all that stinking pride and just…..

"FOR THE LAST TIME, WOMAN! WILL YOU QUIT SAYING THAT?  IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!!!!"

In usual circumstances, there is nothing to be surprised about the tone he used.  I have been hearing this for such a long time.  But why do I suddenly feel my knees buckle?  I thought they would not be able to support me.  I stared blankly at his face.  I tried to form words that would normally lash back at him but my mind was in shock.  Why do I feel so strange?  Why do I feel as if……he really meant it?  My fingers reached for the blanket.  It felt so much colder now.  So cold.  Why?

"DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO SAY THAT ALL THE TIME?  EVERYTIME I TOUCH YOU…..YOU SAY IT!  JUST QUIT IT OKAY?  WHAT ARE YOU THINKING, WOMAN????"

With those words, he stalked off the room leaving me in the room.  As soon as the door slammed only did I realize I was shaking so badly that my knees finally gave away.  I pulled the blanket closer and stared at the floor.  What did I do now?  Why do I always assume wrong?  Why do I suddenly feel so stupid?  I thought after all this time……maybe……just maybe he could find it in his heart to feel…..something…..anything.  But I was so dead wrong.  So wrong.  So stupid to believe that……

Funny.  I still care so much.

For how long I remained slumped on the floor, I do not know.  Surprisingly, the sentimental side of me did not surface.  Tears would not flow.  I just kept staring at the damn floor.  Frowning.  I guess, I was still trying so hard to analyze the situation at hand but really, there is nothing to do.  I don't know what to think anymore. 

I stood up and put on my thrown silk robe.  I fixed the bed, picked up all the other clothing on the floor…..mostly his and hauled them to the laundry basket in the large bathroom.  I took a quick warm shower, changed into fresh clothes and proceeded to the kitchen to make some breakfast.  He was nowhere in site.  I was planning to make a super big breakfast for him before his training exercise at the gravity room, the works as they say.  But I guess at this particular time, I somehow lost the urge.  Too lazy to even make a cup of coffee.  I gulped the leftover milk from the box and peeled myself an apple.  I wanted to have a perfect peel.  But as the knife nearly reached the core, a long peel fell on the floor.

Life is not perfect after all.  The apple peel was a testament to that.

10:00 AM still not a sight of him around the house.  Not that I was looking for him or anything like that.  Knowing him too well, he could even disappear for days.  I have to make myself busy.  I have finished fixing up the house and I am replanting the last of the ten tomato shrubs at the greenhouse. 

By 11:30 AM, I am lazily soaking myself in the bubbly hot tub with a tall glass of ice-cold green tea.

By 1:00 PM, hunger started to creep in and only then did I really decide to cook something this time.  I made a good-for-two serving of chicken curry and java rice.  I made myself a small vegetable salad and have squeezed out the last of the Hollandaise sauce.

Still no sign of him.

I cleaned up later.  I thought about checking my computer for any appointments I have for the week.  I can work on that biomechanical research for my father tonight.  I took about five books from the library and laid them beside the computer.  Hmmm…..I forgot the apple!  I browsed my calendar and……

OH NO! The conference on robotics this coming Friday!  Oh Lord, I almost forgot!  I know Daddy had already reserved the ticket for me last week.  Okay…..okay…..breath Bulma…..you can do this…..it's only Wednesday today.  No need to panic.  You'll be gone for only a month and everything will be fine.  It's not like you're the speaker or anything.  It's just a conference.  Free food.  Free accommodations.  Free trips.  Free talk.  New people and of course, as an added incentive, you'll be able to improve any more alterations or improvements on the latest robotic model you're working on, ne?

A total of five hours have past and it's getting dark outside.  I stretched lazily and yawned like a cat.  All this net surfing can be really taxing at times.  Oh why did I not just major in home economics?  I am such a good cook, huh!  Everybody says so!  I mean, if they didn't then why do they usually plan their pig outs here in my place, hmm….?

Oh well, no point in regretting here.  This is my life.  I have been exposed to technology since-who-knows-when.  Since I was born?  I shook my head.  Whatever!  Besides, if it wasn't for this kind of life, I might have never met very, very interesting people like Goku, Chichi, Gohan, Picollo or Yamcha or…..or…..NO! I said STOP IT!  SHUT UP, I SAY!  I was practically screaming now.

What the hell?  Wasn't I supposed to be all right by now?  I mean, it's just like one of his regular mood swings, right?  RIGHT?  They have happened before.  He would say something really annoying and I would scoff back at him.  Then he would be found training like an idiot in the gravity room while I isolate myself in the study room and work on my projects and then he would invade the kitchen and we end up eating together……then he would say something really annoying again and re-live our previous argument that would take us all the way from the dining room and continued at the living room…….and then…..and then we…….we……..

SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP, BULMA!  THIS IS REAL!!!!!!

9:30 PM and I have lost whatever appetite I might have left.  I splashed water on my face and stared at the mirror.  I was red with anger.  ANOU BAKA!!!!  What does he think of himself anyway?  Like he can stomp away from here and evade the issue at hand?  It's always like this!  I am so sick and tired!  I've had it!  You hear me, you baka!  Wherever you are, I SAID I'VE HAD IT! I'VE HAD IT!!!

I was huffing and puffing around the house.  I am getting really, really restless now.  Where the hell is he?  I cannot take it anymore.  This is not going to happen again and again and him getting away with it.  No way!  Gravity room, maybe he's there working his sorry ass again.  Well, you know what, I am really going to kick his ass for good!  I was screaming his name all over the place.  Where the hell is he?

He was not in the gravity room.  Kitchen?  Garden?  Garage?  Bathroom?  Bedroom?  This is so not good!  OKAY.  FINE.  You think you're the only one who knows how to walk out on this, well………EXCUUUUUUUSE ME!  I can do better!  I went back to the bedroom and began pulling off the drawers.  Where the hell are my keys?  Well, he can't take the car.  He can fly for all I care!  Where the hell are my…….?

A small pink envelope dropped from one of the clutter that I was pulling off from the drawers.  What the hell?  It had a small heart-shaped sticker that enclosed the envelope.  I easily opened it since it didn't look that new anymore.  It was an old blue birthday wrapper with little panda bears.  It was neatly folding something else inside.  What is this?

I unfolded the wrapper and inside revealed two photographs.  It was an old one taken at the beach on my birthday last year.  It was a picture of pure bliss.  There I stood with my aqua blue swimsuit.  There's daddy.  Yamcha.  Goku.  Gohan on his shoulders.  Kririn flashing a V-sign….and him.  In his usual smirk but his eyes seemed to be smiling. 

The other photograph was also taken on the same day only this was more candid.  It was actually a stolen shot taken by that pervert Oolong.  I remember that day clearly.  Vegeta  even threatened to break the camera to pieces.  I do not know whether he was embarrassed or plain pissed.  We were talking about Gohan that time.  I was seated on his lap.  I had my hand rested at his nape.  I must have been touching his hair or something.  He was listening intently but wasn't looking at me.  His other hand rested on my thigh.  There was something with the way he touched, like being possessive and all.  My other hand was touching that arm.

I felt hot tears streaming down my face.  They just would not stop.  I saw my hands shaking as I held the photograph.  Everything seemed to be blurry now.  I could not see anything clearly.  I crouched at the end of the bed and just cried.  For how long I remained in that position, I do not know.  All I know is that I could only feel hurt and longing.  Where is he?  Why won't he just face me?  Why won't he just make it as plain as possible?  Not talk to me in riddles, which I hate to solve?  Why won't he just tell to my face that…..he just hates me?  That all he ever wanted from me is what I could give and GIVE I DID!  I GAVE IT ALL!  I trusted him implicitly.  Without a doubt in my mind.  With all the hope I could muster that one of these days, he will realize how much he means to me and maybe how much I meant to him too.

This is stupid!  Well, if this is what you like then I'm giving it too!  You cannot treat me like this!  I refuse to be treated like this, you selfish bastard! 

I threw away the pictures.  I grabbed the alarm clock and threw it to the wall.

"BASTARD!!!!! IF YOU SO DAMN HATE ME SO MUCH! WELL, GUESS WHAT? I HATE YOU TOO, DAMN YOU!  DO YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME? COME AND GET ME THEN BECAUSE IT'S ALL OVER BETWEEN YOU AND ME!  YOU HEAR ME?  OVER!!!!!!"

I have never been so pissed like this in my life.  Daddy used to say that when I was a little girl, I was too patient for my own good.  It made him worry sometimes that I would tolerate others.  Well, Daddy, I just did!  I cannot believe I actually had it in me.  Vegeta has turned me into a monster.  A monster, Daddy!  Well, if he could only see me now.  He shows up at that door, I swear I am going to break his legs if I have to!  I don't care if I get hurt in the process, I am going to put up a real fight!

12:45 AM.  Thursday.

I really hate cigarettes.  But I'm beginning to understand why do people say that they smoke to stop the bullshit in their lives.  This is crazy.  I'm on my second stick now.  I haven't eaten anything yet.  I have already consumed about three cups of coffee.  Dammit!  Now I can't sleep. 

I need a plan.  I can't stand being in this stupid place.  I could call Daddy but I don't want him to know what happened to me.  He can be really sensitive about such things.  Strike that!  Goku's place.  Oh, Chichi will be in a fit.  Not there!  Yamcha's place?  I mean, we had a past…..maybe if I hanged around his place for awhile, maybe it will help me think clearly.  I smoked again.  Sipped my fourth cup of coffee.  I shook my head.  No, that would be bad.  I might get all this vulnerable and icky and all and then something might happen which I will wake up not very happy about.  No! I can do this myself.  I need to be alone.

I checked my calendar.  Yosh!  I'll be off to that conference on Friday morning.  This is so great!  I hurried back to the room and started packing.  Two luggages full.  Well, I can always buy new clothes there.  Checked my passport.  Plane ticket.  Car keys.  My backpack.  Personal items.  I wanted to make a clean exit.  I even fixed the whole house again.  I checked the fridge, it still had enough food.  Well, if he finishes everything here all at once, that's his problem!  I slammed the door of the fridge.  I'll be off for a very long time; I might as well do this.  Besides, I can't sleep anymore.  I arranged my portfolio and laid it neatly on the desk.  Packed my laptop computer.  Yes!  This is real good now.  I'll be better by tomorrow.

6:30 AM.  Friday.

All this fixing definitely took a toll on me because I was looking like a raccoon from lack of sleep.  I dragged myself out of bed.  Took a warm shower.  Confirmed the airline company of my flight.  I even called Daddy who was really happy for me and said he would just call me from Tokyo when I arrive New York.  Okay.  I even yucked it up with my friends on the phone.  I was so hyper this day.  I was beaming.  Things will be different from now on.  I just want to be all right.  I am not going to bring this emotional crap with me to the conference or anywhere else.

9:30 AM  I was all ready to go.  The cab was waiting for me outside.  I've shut down the power supply in the house.  Locked the doors and windows.  Sayonara!  Who knows we might meet again.  But when we do, things will be different.  You will discover a new me!  I was still smiling as I walked down the porch. 

Okay, so I was just saying goodbye to the house.  The cab driver didn't seem to notice.  Good!