Chapter Sixty-Two: Lily and Snape

"Have you decided what you're going to do with your parents' place?" Sirius asked as the sun settled into dusk.

With two weeks until N.E.W.T.s the four had been spending nearly every waking hour in the Common Room, reviewing spells and charms. The library had become too quiet and intense, but the Gryffindor Common Room was becoming a danger zone. Spells continuously bounced off the walls around them; everyone seemed to be realizing how severely underprepared they were for these exams. Remus had remained silent the entire night, his head buried into his Defense book, while Sirius kept pestering them with off-topic conversations. His parents were one particular subject that James did not appreciate discussing.

"No," he mumbled, "do you think they'll care about dates on the written part of the exam? Are they really going to stop me from being a Auror if I don't know what year Nicolas Flamel was born?"

"Tell me you're not starting to worry too," Sirius said, "in the past few weeks every time I talk to someone they jump down my throat, asking me about which village battles were fought in and who taught which subject in 1589. Does any of that really matter? It sounds like we're going to be pulled into this war whether we're officially a part of the Ministry or not."

"Can we stop talking about war?" Remus said, speaking up for the first time.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"If living in denial will help you pass the N.E.W.T.s, why not?" He said. "But stop pretending like we don't have this. Even McGonnagall will admit that we're the cleverest students to graduate in years."

"We haven't graduated yet," James pointed out.

"We only have a few months left in the castle, I can't believe you're wasting it studying."

"Yeah, but you might be here an extra year if you don't start studying," James said, "come on, even you don't know what year Nicolas Flamel was born."

"1327," Sirius replied. Remus and Peter looked up from their books; Sirius just shrugged. "I have excellent memory."

Shaking his head, James turned back to his book and laughed when he noticed "1327" was written in large, bold, ink next to Flamel's name.

"Admit it, Potter, you're using studying as a distraction from-"

At that moment a whirl of red hair floated past him, and James looked up just in time to see Lily storming towards the girls' dormitory. One hand was clutching her book bag, the other wiping madly at the tears falling down her cheeks.

"Lily!" James said, running after her.

He grabbed her hand, catching her just before she could disappear up the staircase. When she refused to turn towards him James studied her for an explanation and noticed a letter crumbled up in her fist.

"Stop-" Lily began when he tried to take the letter from her.

He didn't.

Dear Lily,

I'm sure you have started to hear of the attacks that have begun in our own world. These are not spontaneous riots, as the Ministry would like for you to believe, but planned executions. Our world is dividing, splitting apart, and I know that while you're secured inside the Hogwarts walls it may not seem like it, but very soon you will have to choose sides. The world is not as black and white as you may think. I truly am sorry for some of the things I have said to you, and I hope we can talk when we get back to Hogwarts.

Sincerely,

Serverus

"What is this?" James demanded, shaking the letter in her face.

Lily just continued to shake her head, as though she were in a state of shock.

"Where is he?" He said; he wondered if Lily would actually have this conversation with Snape without him.

When she looked into his eyes, he got the sickening feeling that he had seriously misunderstood Lily's connection with Snape. He darted towards the Common Room entrance, and was racing towards the Slytherin Common Room with Sirius by his side before Lily could stop him.

"What did the letter say?" Sirius said.

"Has Lily ever said anything to you about Snape?" James asked.

"Snape? Snivellous? Pathetic, greesy haired-"

"Yes, Snape! The one and only."

"Why would Lily and Snape be connected?"

"That's what I'm going to figure out," James replied.

He came to a stop as they reached the first floor. The floor was empty save a lone Slytherin, clinging to the walls as he limped down the corridor. A bandage wrapped around his wrist confirmed a recent trip to the Hospital Wing, and his weak state explained part of Lily's tears. She visited him in the Hospital Wing. Clenching his fist, his heart began beating quickly in anger at the very idea.

"Snape!" James shouted. Snape immediately straightened up; in the shadows James saw his eyes narrow, the smallest of smiles appearing.

"Potter," Snape nodded. He looked as pathetic as ever: hair too long, skin too pale, and a scar tracing down his face.

"That scar looks good on you, Snape," James said, "how about another to match?"

He raised his wand, as did Snape. Beside him, Sirius had his wand raised as well, no questions asked.

"You've got it all figured out, don't you, Potter?" Snape shot. "Running around with Evans, preparing to be an Auror. James Potter, ready to save the world. You know nothing about this world, Potter. You don't know what's coming for you."

Snape's words meant nothing to him- except for the thought that for whatever reason, Snape was trying to get Lily caught up in this.

"I don't know what you're getting at, Snape, but I swear you better stay away from her or-"

"Or what? You'll turn my hair blue? Hex me so that I cluck like a chicken? Grow up, Potter. You might have gotten away with humiliating me all through school, but Hogwarts is nothing. All of this will mean nothing. You're stuck on the wrong side, you'll see. Then you'll get what you deserve."

James smirked.

"So I have humiliated you, then?" He replied.

Snape's eyes boiled with anger, and James prepared himself with a defensive spell for Snape's "Expelliarmus!".

"Everte Statum!" James exclaimed, sending Snape flying back into the wall. He laughed; Sirius' laughs echoed. "Is that all you've got, Snape? Is that the most you've learned from your Dark Lord?"

But Snape had recovered more quickly than James had prepared for, and once more Snape had his wand pointed at him. James hardly heard the curse before it hit him, knocking the breath out of him.

"Sectumsempra!"

The corridor fell silent. James flew backwards; the feeling of his body sliding across the floor left him feeling dizzy. He could faintly hear Sirius shouting at Snape, pummeling him with spells. Quickly his vision was turned to a fading mesh of Sirius' angry shouts and- Lily. Lily, appearing like an angel, somehow already at his side. Breathing heavily now, he tried to cling onto consciousness as Lily, wearing a determined, brave, face, began muttering a healing charm. But just as the pain began to fade he realized so did her face; she hadn't healed him, he was falling into darkness.

(space)

When he woke it was daylight, though James remembered it being nightfall. He was in the Hospital Wing, with only a foggy recollection of how he got here. He remembered studying in the Common Room, briefly seeing Lily, and going after Snape. But why?

"James!" Lily was by his side at once as his eyes flickered opened, giving him an overwhelming sense of dejavu. "It's morning, you're okay. Snape gave me the healing charm, and I think I did okay. Well, I was proud until Madame Pomfrey informed me that your arm had been mended facing the wrong direction. I guess I have still have more preparing to do for the N.E.W.T.s than I thought."

He wasn't sure how to take all of this in, until he realized a heavy, numb, feeling in his right arm, where a cast was now in place.

"That's just temporary," Lily said, "oh, you should have seen the state of her when I brought you here. Completely in shock! Said she'd never seen anything like it. They're talking of expelling Snape, McGonagall's demanding a hearing and everything. It's awful..."

As James examined Lily's healing work, he silently agreed with her that she still needed practice. He seemed to be in good enough shape, but he could easily still see scars through the torn fabric of his robes.

"You don't remember anything, do you?" Lily said after he never replied.

Shaking his head, James sighed and closed his eyes. The memory came back to him in a series of shouts and threats, including some spell he didn't recognize.

"This is all my fault," Lily said, her eyes flooded with guilt, "I'm so sorry, I should have explained."

"Why would Lily and Snape be connected?"

Then all of his memories clicked back into place. The letter. The arguing. The fights. And still none of it made any more sense than it did when he confronted Snape.

"Sorry," he said, "I'm still trying to understand. Please tell me you and Snape aren't...mates?"

He expected a laugh, an amused grin, a slap on the shoulder because that was the most ridiculous idea in the world. Instead Lily looked horrified.

"Oh no-"

"James-"

"I think I might be sick-"

"You don't understand-"

"Just please tell me you haven't snogged him."

"That's disgusting, James!" Lily exclaimed, turning away from him. Arms crossed and bitter, she glared at the raising sun through the window as he waited for her to explain. "Snape and I...we sort of grew up together."

"Grew up together?"

When he looked over at Lily she appeared to be a new person, surrounded by some dark secret he could have never imagined. And here had thought that they had grown up together, though through most of that time she resented him.

Sighing, Lily threw her arms up in defeat and turned away from the window. He moved over, allowing her to sit in the bed next to him. As they awkwardly avoiding each others' eyes Lily stared at her hands, summoning the courage to admit her story. Finally she began:

"He grew up in the village next to mine. He was always a bit weird, even when he was really young. But in a charming way. You now how Petunia is; growing up with her could be difficult at times, and it seemed to be impossible for me to make friends outside my family. When I met Serverus I knew there was something different about him. Something weird, but something completely new and unique. He was the one who first made me realize I was a witch. He was the one that taught me about Hogwarts, about the Wizarding world. He showed me amazing spells and tricks that he had learned even as a kid. When we were both accepted into Hogwarts we were so excited, but then he was sorted into Slytherin and I into Gryffindor, and we just slowly began to break apart."

"You were realizing the truth about him," James said.

He failed to cover his own bitterness, failing to imagine a young Lily being friends with a young Snape. Playing outside, probably for hours until after nightfall. Chatting about their own secrets. Lily learning everything she knew now about being a witch from Snape.

"I was trying to fit in!" Lily snapped. "Which is hard to do when you're best friends with a Slytherin! You don't know him like I do, James! Yes, he's different now and he's changed, for the worst. But he was so different as a child. He didn't have that great of a childhood, and I was frustrated with my own family. It was like he was the only person who understood."

"He was being a creep."

"He genuinely wanted to remain friends when we started school!" Lily said. "Which is saying a lot for a Slytherin. But the people in that house, the people he was forced to be around and live with, he never had a chance. The stories they told him and the things they taught him- it changed him. He believed all of it, no matter how hard I tried to convince him otherwise. And it certainly didn't help having you around tormenting him."

Rolling his eyes, James was having a hard time believing any of this. He couldn't in a million years imagine Snape being a sweet, innocent boy. He didn't want to.

"He attacked me, Lily!" James pointed out. "Madame Pomfrey probably didn't recognize that spell because it's probably Dark Magic! He probably learned it from his Death Eater mates!"

Lily was in tears now, and though it was a sight he hated seeing, he still couldn't help the resentment he felt towards her at the moment. This was all too unreal. Was she still actually sticking up for Snape?"

"I hate who he has become!" Lily exclaimed, nearly screaming. "He's been trying to recruit me to 'his side', telling me that I'll be safer. The stories he tells me, they're terrifying! But he just wants to protect himself, and in his mind that means aligning with the enemy."

"The war," James smirked, "Lily, listen to yourself! You can't honestly be defending Snape!"

"I'm not defending him!" Tears were now streaming down her face, and guilt was beginning to eat at him. "I'm terrified for him. I can't convince him to change his ways. I know I have to let him go, and really I did a long time ago. He could never defend me in public, never admit how much he liked me. It hasn't been the same between us in years, but I still hate what he's doing. What you should know is that he meant what he said in that letter. He honestly wants to protect me. But with the war that's coming, every day I feel more and more like I'm the only person who I can trust."

It pained him to hear her say that, so much that he was willing to forgive every ridiculous thing she had just said.

"And me," he said quietly, "you can trust me too." He looked into her eyes, pleading to be forgiven even though he wasn't sure what he did wrong. "I'm sorry."

Shaking her head, she threw him a look of sympathy; an apology.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," she said. "Snape has chosen his side, and I've chosen mine. He's more prepared for this war than any of us could hope to be. You have no idea how capable he really is, and I don't say that in admiration or fear. I'm sorry he attacked you."

"We'll just tell everyone I fell down a flight of stairs."

The two laughed, and for the first time that morning he felt a slight taste of normality. Placing his arm around Lily's shoulder, he held her close as she traced the edges of his cast with a finger.

"Sorry I'm such a rubbish healer," she said, "but another day or two with Madame Pomfrey and you'll be good as new."

"Day or two?" James exclaimed. "No one in the world is capable of keeping me here for a full day or two!"

She stared at him, her eyes a cold and daunting warning.

"Except you," he quickly. He kissed her, and she finally seemed more comfortable to be around him. "Thank you, by the way. For saving me."

"You owe me one," she replied, "actually...I've seen you try to heal before. Considering I've kept this secret from you, can we just call it even instead?"

Laughing, James nodded.

"But if he comes anywhere near you he'll regret it. He's chosen his side, and we've chosen ours. We've got to be careful of who are friends are. You're right, you never know who you can trust."