Arachnophobia - Part One
Spiders! Get 'em off!
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
"So, tell me again why we're going to a village in the middle of nowhere?" Iolaus asked for easily the seventh time.
The compact hunter's endless supply of energy was beginning to irk the demigod just a bit. Iolaus hadn't stopped talking for over an hour. Ever since the two entered the forest, Iolaus had been talking, singing, or at one point, even climbing a tree. Obviously, the blond man had gotten hungry, as the tree had fruit on it. They had just eaten a huge meal before leaving Hercules' mother's house. He couldn't see how the hunter could be hungry again already.
"Must you keep asking?" Hercules asked exasperatedly.
"Yes."
"Okay, first, you were eating my mother out of house and home—"
"Well I can't help it if you didn't inherit Alcamene's culinary skills," Iolaus cut in.
"Second, you can't sit still. I figured you'd be rearing to get out of Corinth for a while," the demigod continued as though he wasn't interrupted.
"I think I can say that's not the reason we're going. You know that I could spend DAYS with your mother and her perfect cooking," the hunter sighed, rubbing his stomach contently. "Anyway, I wanna know what we're up against.
Hercules thought for a moment, trying to remember exactly what the messenger boy had said. "There's a gang of robbers terrorizing the villagers and the magistrate is harassing them as well. And there was something about a giant spider-thing."
The demigod stopped when he saw Iolaus pale noticeably at the words, 'giant spider-thing'.
"Iolaus, are you okay?" he asked.
The shorter man stumbled a bit as he looked up.
"Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?" he said, a little to quickly.
Hercules stepped over a tree branch. "You just went sorta pale when I said 'spider,' that's all."
"I don't like spiders," Iolaus muttered, shifting his sword to the other shoulder.
"Why?"
Iolaus shrugged, "Bad childhood experience?" he offered.
"So, the legendary Golden Hunter is afraid of spiders?" the demigod teased.
The hunter's eyes narrowed. Even if Hercules was joking, it still bothered him when his weaknesses were made fun of.
"So?" Iolaus challenged, "at least I'm afraid of a living, breathing creature. You're afraid of FOG!"
"Well, yeah. You would be too if a giant three-headed dog attacked you outta nowhere," the demigod threw his hands up in mock defense.
Iolaus stared at his friend in disbelief.
"Uh, if you remember correctly," the shorter man pointed to his own head for emphasis, "I was there too. I'm the one that got us outta that mess."
That was true. While Hercules was completely helpless and lost, Iolaus had been able to tell him exactly where they were and where the dog was.
"Get it off me," his friend's voice had suddenly changed from teasing and argumentative to nervous and slightly scared. He stopped walking as well.
"Get what off?"
"There is something on my back. I felt it land, so get it off." Iolaus murmured through clenched teeth.
Hercules checked his back and sure enough, there was a large red and black spider perched in the middle of the old patched-up vest. He brushed the creature off and immediately Iolaus shed the clothing and started shaking it violently.
"Relax, it's gone."
"I know, but the feeling isn't," the short blonde replied.
Hercules watched his partner brush his shoulder off unconsciously before putting the vest back on.
They walked on. After a while, Iolaus decided that the forest was too quiet for his liking. He knew just what to do.
"Back off, I'll take you on!!" he burst into song, causing his companion to jump in surprise. "Headstrong to take on anyone! I know that you are wrong and this is NOT where you belong!"
Hercules sighed, rubbing his temples. He hoped the song would end soon.
"Aww, what's the matter, Herc? Don't like my singing?" Iolaus grinned.
"What was that song you mangled anyway?" Hercules asked.
"I dunno. I just made it up. It could be big someday."
"Yeah, that's what you said about the wave riding thing."
"All right, wise guy. You didn't like that song?"
Hercules shook his head no.
"Then try this," Iolaus cleared his throat and started a new ballad.
"I've got a lov-e-l-y bunch of coconuts, deedle dee dee. There they are a- standin' in a row! Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head. 'Give 'em a twist and a flip of the wrist!' that's what the showman said!" Iolaus continued in a slightly off-key voice.
Hmm. Catchy tune, not that the demigod would ever admit that after complaining about his friend's voice. He wished something would come along to distract his partner.
"Hey, Herc?" the hunter said. "Guess what."
"What?"
Iolaus looked around before answering.
"Now, I don't want you to be scared or anything," he said theatrically, "but we're being followed."
It was how he said it that made Hercules laugh. He said it so..... dramatically.
"Maybe your singing is keeping them at bay?" the demigod suggested.
Iolaus grinned. Instantly Hercules realized what he said wrong.
"Found a peanut, found a peanut, found a peanut just now! Found a peanut, found a peanut, found a peanut just now!" Iolaus belted out. "Cracked it open, cracked it open, cracked it open just now! Cracked it open, cracked it open, cracked it open just now! It was rotten, it was rotten, it was rotten just now! It was rotten, it was rotten, it was rotten just now! Ate it anyw—"*
"Iolaus?" the demigod interrupted.
"Yeah, yeah. I know: enjoy the scenery while we can, right?"
"Right," the taller man agreed. "Besides, that song would fit well in Hades anyway."
"No, not that one. This one: This is the song that never ends! It just goes on and on, my friend! Some people started singing it, not knowin' what it was! And they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends! It just goes on and on, my friend! Some people started singing it, not knowin' what it was! And they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends! It just goes on and on, my friend! Some people started singing it, not knowin' what it was! And they'll continue singing it forever just because—"
"Okay! I get the picture!" said Hercules. "Remind me to let you sing the next time something attacks us. You can give it a monster headache and annoy it until it goes away."
"Sure, master chef, and if that doesn't work, you can always give it a stomach ache with your horrible cooking."
"Hey!" But just as Hercules was about to shoot something back at his friend, they suddenly found themselves surrounded.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* NEXT CHAPTER: The Bandits
AUTHOR'S NOTE: *If anyone wants to hear the whole peanut song, just email me and I'll send it back to you. That way you all can annoy the hell outta your friends.
ANOTHER THING: I'm going to try to update once a week! (I hope I can do that!) Anyway! Enjoy the story!
TTFN—Ta Ta For Now!!
Jillian
"So, tell me again why we're going to a village in the middle of nowhere?" Iolaus asked for easily the seventh time.
The compact hunter's endless supply of energy was beginning to irk the demigod just a bit. Iolaus hadn't stopped talking for over an hour. Ever since the two entered the forest, Iolaus had been talking, singing, or at one point, even climbing a tree. Obviously, the blond man had gotten hungry, as the tree had fruit on it. They had just eaten a huge meal before leaving Hercules' mother's house. He couldn't see how the hunter could be hungry again already.
"Must you keep asking?" Hercules asked exasperatedly.
"Yes."
"Okay, first, you were eating my mother out of house and home—"
"Well I can't help it if you didn't inherit Alcamene's culinary skills," Iolaus cut in.
"Second, you can't sit still. I figured you'd be rearing to get out of Corinth for a while," the demigod continued as though he wasn't interrupted.
"I think I can say that's not the reason we're going. You know that I could spend DAYS with your mother and her perfect cooking," the hunter sighed, rubbing his stomach contently. "Anyway, I wanna know what we're up against.
Hercules thought for a moment, trying to remember exactly what the messenger boy had said. "There's a gang of robbers terrorizing the villagers and the magistrate is harassing them as well. And there was something about a giant spider-thing."
The demigod stopped when he saw Iolaus pale noticeably at the words, 'giant spider-thing'.
"Iolaus, are you okay?" he asked.
The shorter man stumbled a bit as he looked up.
"Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?" he said, a little to quickly.
Hercules stepped over a tree branch. "You just went sorta pale when I said 'spider,' that's all."
"I don't like spiders," Iolaus muttered, shifting his sword to the other shoulder.
"Why?"
Iolaus shrugged, "Bad childhood experience?" he offered.
"So, the legendary Golden Hunter is afraid of spiders?" the demigod teased.
The hunter's eyes narrowed. Even if Hercules was joking, it still bothered him when his weaknesses were made fun of.
"So?" Iolaus challenged, "at least I'm afraid of a living, breathing creature. You're afraid of FOG!"
"Well, yeah. You would be too if a giant three-headed dog attacked you outta nowhere," the demigod threw his hands up in mock defense.
Iolaus stared at his friend in disbelief.
"Uh, if you remember correctly," the shorter man pointed to his own head for emphasis, "I was there too. I'm the one that got us outta that mess."
That was true. While Hercules was completely helpless and lost, Iolaus had been able to tell him exactly where they were and where the dog was.
"Get it off me," his friend's voice had suddenly changed from teasing and argumentative to nervous and slightly scared. He stopped walking as well.
"Get what off?"
"There is something on my back. I felt it land, so get it off." Iolaus murmured through clenched teeth.
Hercules checked his back and sure enough, there was a large red and black spider perched in the middle of the old patched-up vest. He brushed the creature off and immediately Iolaus shed the clothing and started shaking it violently.
"Relax, it's gone."
"I know, but the feeling isn't," the short blonde replied.
Hercules watched his partner brush his shoulder off unconsciously before putting the vest back on.
They walked on. After a while, Iolaus decided that the forest was too quiet for his liking. He knew just what to do.
"Back off, I'll take you on!!" he burst into song, causing his companion to jump in surprise. "Headstrong to take on anyone! I know that you are wrong and this is NOT where you belong!"
Hercules sighed, rubbing his temples. He hoped the song would end soon.
"Aww, what's the matter, Herc? Don't like my singing?" Iolaus grinned.
"What was that song you mangled anyway?" Hercules asked.
"I dunno. I just made it up. It could be big someday."
"Yeah, that's what you said about the wave riding thing."
"All right, wise guy. You didn't like that song?"
Hercules shook his head no.
"Then try this," Iolaus cleared his throat and started a new ballad.
"I've got a lov-e-l-y bunch of coconuts, deedle dee dee. There they are a- standin' in a row! Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head. 'Give 'em a twist and a flip of the wrist!' that's what the showman said!" Iolaus continued in a slightly off-key voice.
Hmm. Catchy tune, not that the demigod would ever admit that after complaining about his friend's voice. He wished something would come along to distract his partner.
"Hey, Herc?" the hunter said. "Guess what."
"What?"
Iolaus looked around before answering.
"Now, I don't want you to be scared or anything," he said theatrically, "but we're being followed."
It was how he said it that made Hercules laugh. He said it so..... dramatically.
"Maybe your singing is keeping them at bay?" the demigod suggested.
Iolaus grinned. Instantly Hercules realized what he said wrong.
"Found a peanut, found a peanut, found a peanut just now! Found a peanut, found a peanut, found a peanut just now!" Iolaus belted out. "Cracked it open, cracked it open, cracked it open just now! Cracked it open, cracked it open, cracked it open just now! It was rotten, it was rotten, it was rotten just now! It was rotten, it was rotten, it was rotten just now! Ate it anyw—"*
"Iolaus?" the demigod interrupted.
"Yeah, yeah. I know: enjoy the scenery while we can, right?"
"Right," the taller man agreed. "Besides, that song would fit well in Hades anyway."
"No, not that one. This one: This is the song that never ends! It just goes on and on, my friend! Some people started singing it, not knowin' what it was! And they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends! It just goes on and on, my friend! Some people started singing it, not knowin' what it was! And they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends! It just goes on and on, my friend! Some people started singing it, not knowin' what it was! And they'll continue singing it forever just because—"
"Okay! I get the picture!" said Hercules. "Remind me to let you sing the next time something attacks us. You can give it a monster headache and annoy it until it goes away."
"Sure, master chef, and if that doesn't work, you can always give it a stomach ache with your horrible cooking."
"Hey!" But just as Hercules was about to shoot something back at his friend, they suddenly found themselves surrounded.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* NEXT CHAPTER: The Bandits
AUTHOR'S NOTE: *If anyone wants to hear the whole peanut song, just email me and I'll send it back to you. That way you all can annoy the hell outta your friends.
ANOTHER THING: I'm going to try to update once a week! (I hope I can do that!) Anyway! Enjoy the story!
TTFN—Ta Ta For Now!!
Jillian